Chapter 7: Uncertainty
Happy works through her fears and tries to make difficult decisions; Toby and Happy have a health scare and they get news about their baby.
Happy rolled over, stealing a glance at the clock. She sighed. She had been laying in bed for over an hour trying to get to sleep. Her mind was whirling, keeping her awake. It had been a week since she and Toby had kissed. A small smile grew on her face as she touched her lips, thinking of his mouth on hers. That week had been filled with impromptu make out sessions and wandering hands; Happy felt like a teenager all over again. They would watch a movie, but within five minutes, be completely distracted by each other or they would be saying goodnight and one kiss would lead to a second which would lead to them falling on the couch, hands exploring. At work, Toby would come over to her workspace with that look in his eyes and Happy would drop whatever she was working on, letting him drag her to some hidden place in the garage with a grin on her lips. Once they were out of sight, they would come together with a smashing of lips and a flurry of hands, soft groans filling the space around them. Some time later, they would go back to their work, clothes a little rumpled, hair messy, sometimes a few new bruises on their skin, and a large grin on their faces.
But Happy never let it go any farther than kissing. Sure, she'd let Toby slide his hands under her shirt or unbutton the front of her pants, but the second he made a move to take off the offending clothing, she pulled back, scared to go any further. Toby never said anything, but she could tell from the look in his eyes that he was confused, wondering if it was something he had done. And it wasn't, at least not directly.
She was still plagued with worry that Toby would never love her the way he used to, the way she loved him. And part of her, although she knew it was illogical because she would be devastated if he left again, thought that if she held off, didn't let herself connect with him again in the way she most wanted to, then it wouldn't hurt so bad when he left. She tried to tell herself that Toby wasn't going to leave, that he would one day love her like he once had, but it didn't stop the doubts from creeping back in. She couldn't let herself get even more attached until she knew it was safe, that he wouldn't leave her again, like he had when he got hurt.
Happy sighed and played with the ring she still wore on her finger. She knew she wasn't being fair to Toby. He didn't deserve to be treated like this. He didn't go out and purposefully leave her, he was still here, even if he wasn't the same. She knew some circumstances were out of their control, but because of that, she would try to control what she could. Hence why she wouldn't go further with Toby until she could get over the fear of thinking he would someday leave her or never love her.
She looked at her hand, more specifically the ring. She didn't know why she still wore it. They couldn't be engaged anymore, even if they were coming back to one another. Maybe that was part of the problem; she still held out hope that everything would go back to how it was. That's what that ring symbolized - a promise that he would always love her for the rest of his life. Happy sat up suddenly, she had a thought. Maybe if she took off the ring, didn't see the constant reminder of what she used to have, she wouldn't compare what they had now to what they used to have; start new, start fresh. She laid back down, that thought made her sick to her stomach. A sharp laugh broke through the silence of the room. She was being ridiculous, it was just a ring, she could take it off, so what if it was a symbol of the only time she let herself truly believe in a person, believe that something other than a tool wouldn't let her down, let herself be truly happy for once. It had to be done, it was just a piece of metal. She did harder things with metal everyday. She could do this.
Sitting up again, Happy reached for the ring. She began sliding off her finger, but had to stop halfway. Tears filled her eyes, as her hands started trembling. Biting her lip, she cursed at herself. She had to do this. What was the point of this ring if it didn't mean anything anymore? They weren't engaged, they weren't getting married. She thought she had accepted that. With a deep breath, she pulled the ring completely off and set it down on the bedside table. Her hand felt bare, empty, like she had when Toby said he couldn't remember her. She glanced down at her shaking hand and panic filled her; she couldn't breath, she couldn't see straight, she felt like she was drowning, a few tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes. Without looking, her hand shot out and she grabbed the ring, sliding it back on her finger. She immediately calmed down. Flopping back down on the bed, she cursed herself again. She was so weak, she couldn't even keep the ring off for a minute, how was she supposed to do that permanently?
Playing with the ring, she felt herself start to drift off to sleep. Realization came over her, she wasn't ready yet, as much as she hated to admit it. There would be a day when she could take it off and let everything fall into place after that, but that day was not then. Toby never said anything about it, so she assumed it didn't bother him. So for now, it would stay. She would just have to find another way to work out her fears.
Just as she was falling asleep, a scream filled the apartment. Happy shot up from bed, not sure what was going on. She cautiously opened her door, then heard what sounded like a cry coming from Toby's room. Quickly making her way to his room, she threw the door open and saw Toby trashing on the bed, yelling out.
"No, don't go. No, stop!"
He was having bad dream. Happy's heart broke for him. She had never seen him like this. He never had bad dreams; normally it was her that needed comforting after a bad dream. She walked over to the side of the bed, careful of his sudden, jerky movement. She reached out and shook his shoulder
"Toby. Hey, Tobes," she whispered gently. He didn't wake, so she rose her voice, "Toby, baby, wake up."
"Stop it! No, don't!" he continued to mumble.
Happy ran her hand down his face, "Doc, you have to wake up. It's just a dream."
Toby's eyes flew open in panic, breathing heavily. He locked his gaze on Happy, then reached out, pulling her to him forcefully. He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her stomach.
"Thank god, you're here, Hap," he whispered haggardly, hugging her tight.
Happy rested her hands on his head, letting her fingers run through his hair, "Shh, Toby. You're fine. It was just a dream." She didn't know what to do or what to say, but she knew that he needed her at that moment, so she stood there, letting him hang on to her.
He squeezed her tighter, "Happy. It was bad. My mom-you-" he tried to choke out, but started shaking instead.
Happy tried to step back, he was holding her tightly. His head flew up, eyes wide.
"No," he cried out, "Don't leave me, Hap. Please stay."
She smiled gently at him, "I'm not, don't worry. She climbed over him onto the bed, sitting against the headboard, "I'll stay here at long as you need me to."
Toby rolled over, wrapping his arms around her waist, curling into her side. He laid his head on her lap. Happy held him, running her hands across his back and head, giving him time to calm down. Slowly, his breath started evening out and his shaking subsided, but his grip remained firm, not letting her go.
"Want to tell me what happened?" Happy asked cautiously.
Toby stiffened, but slowly relaxed. He started drawing patterns on her bare legs, "I dreamed of my mom."
She tangled her fingers in his hair, "And that's a bad thing?"
Toby shook his head, "Normally no, but this was different." He stopped, collecting his thoughts, trying to push back the panic threatening to come back out. A few minutes later, with Happy patiently waiting, Toby told her about the dream.
"You'll probably think it's stupid," he began.
Happy shook her head, "Never, Doc. Don't think like that." She leaned down to kiss his head.
"I was sitting on the floor, probably about 5 years old, playing with my mom," he said quietly, letting the memory of the dream wash over him. "I was so happy, we were having such a great time. But then, without a word, she got up and started walking away." He shuddered, "I called after her, but she wasn't listening. My dad came out of nowhere and started yelling at me. Telling me she was never coming back and it was all my fault; she didn't love us enough to come back."
"Oh, Doc, you have to know that's not true," Happy said quietly.
Toby ignored her and continued, "I finally got her to stop. I got up to run to her as she turned around, but when she faced me, she wasn't my mom, she was you. You didn't say anything, but just stared at me. Just as silently, you turned back around and walked away. I tried to call out to you, over my dad's screams, but you didn't come back."
"Toby, I'm here," she reassured him, "I'm not walking away. I would never do that to you."
Toby shifted to look up at her; she could tell he was going to push it aside, ignore it, "I know that, it was just a dream. It's fine. I don't even know why I was screaming like I was."
Happy knew he was just pretending he was fine, that the dream didn't affect him. But she didn't say anything. He would talk when he was ready, so she'd wait for him. She knew he'd talk eventually.
Toby started chuckling to himself. Happy looked down at him, wondering what was so funny, especially after what had just happened.
"You know you're not wearing pants?"
Happy blushed and looked down at the oversized shirt she was wearing, "No, I sort of forgot."
Toby sat up and looked her up and down, "You look hot." He shrugged, "But then again, I always think you look great, especially when you wear my clothes."
She avoided his gaze, but when she felt Toby shift closer, she looked up, a shy smile on her face.
"You have to know how gorgeous you are. Didn't I ever tell you?" Toby looked surprised.
Her smile grew, "Yeah, you did, but you're biased."
He leaned in to kiss her gently, "I don't care, it's the truth." He cupped her face and kissed her again, "You better get used to hearing it."
Happy yawned loudly, "I should get to bed, if you're okay, I mean."
Toby was silent as he watched his hand trace patterns on her leg. He cleared his throat, "You, uh, you could sleep in here," he swallowed hard, "with me." He looked up, gazing into her eyes, a vulnerable look on his face, "I just really want you close right now. I want to hold you, if that's alright with you. After that dream, I-"
Happy interrupted him with a kiss, "I'll stay." She knew, even though he tried to hide it, that his mind was still thinking about his dream.
His face broke out in a grin, "Really?"
She nodded and scooted down under the covers. As she laid down, she let out a moan, "God, I forgot how comfortable this bed was. I'm going to get the best night's sleep I've had since I moved to the other room."
Toby looked over at her concern on her face, "Is the bed uncomfortable in there?"
Happy shut her eyes in comfort and nodded, "The floor is more comfortable."
"Why didn't you tell me, Hap? I could've switched you beds. You shouldn't have had to deal with that."
Happy opened one eye and stared at him, "It's fine, I'm fine." She yawned again, "But I'm tired and you're keeping me up, so shh. Goodnight."
Toby laughed out loud, leaning over to kiss Happy one last time, he couldn't help himself. He slid in next to her, as she shifted to her side, eyes already closed. He wrapped his arm around her stomach, pulling her back flush with his front. He smiled when he heard her small sigh and she placed her hand on top of his.
"Thanks for everything, Hap," he whispered into her ear.
"Anytime," she mumbled sleepily.
"'Night, sweetheart."
The next morning, Happy rolled over to her back and was immediately met with the warmth of Toby's body at her side. A small smile grew on her face. She had missed this, having his arms wrapped around her at night, his shallow breaths lulling her to sleep, the warmth from him blanketing her, making her feel safe and loved; just the feeling of him next to her, close to her. Before him, she could never share a bed, she never trusted anyone enough, loved them enough, to do that. But he had changed that.
She opened her eyes and was met with his warm gaze looking down at her. He was on his side, propped up on his elbow. She smiled up at him, watching his smile light up his face.
"Hi," she whispered.
"Morning," he murmured back, reaching out with his free hand to run it over her stomach.
Every time he did that, Happy fell in love with him a little more. He was so gentle and loving, caressing the spot where their baby grew. It was obvious that he loved this baby. She placed her hand over his, needing to share this moment with him. He shifted his gaze from her stomach to her face, locking eyes with her. Happy reached up with her free hand to cup his cheek. Then sliding her hand to the back of his heard, she pulled him down to her lips. It was a desperate, needy kiss.
With a moan, Toby shifted, placing one of his legs between hers, pulling her closer to his body. He ran his hand down her body to her thigh and slowly started running it back up, pushing her shirt up to her ribs. Happy breathed his name, her eyes closing, body arching into him. He moved his lips down to her neck, softly kissing her there. His hand slid down to her hip and started rubbing circles on her bare skin with his thumb, sending shivers through Happy. Slowly, he moved down, placing kisses across her stomach, murmuring a hello to her bump. Happy let out a loud moan as Toby ran his hand down to her thigh. Shifting again, he placed light kisses on her thighs, fingers teasing the waistband of her panties. Happy threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling at his head, bringing him back up to kiss him deeply. His hands caressed up her sides to her face, cupping her head gently. Moving her hands to his chest, she slowed the kiss.
"Wait?" she gasped, pushing him back slightly.
"What?" he asked breathlessly, confused and wanting to continue.
Happy reached up and ran a hand down his face, "I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"
Toby rolled off her and sat up against headboard. "So far this morning has been the best one I've had since I got hurt," he said saucily, waggling his eyebrows.
Happy rolled her eyes and scooted up to sit against headboard too, "You know what I'm talking about Doc."
Toby's smile dropped and he sighed heavily, "Yeah, I know. I think I'm okay. I'm pretty sure my subconscious was trying to talk to me last night."
Happy gave him a questioning look, so he continued.
"I've never had people stick around in my life and my subconscious was trying to remind me of that last night, I think. Things have been going so well for us and I guess I'm waiting for something to go wrong."
Happy looked concerned, "Why are you dreaming now? In all the time we've been together, you've never had a dream like that. You've had bad dreams, but never one that's made you act like you did last night."
Toby thought about this for a second, "I think it's because the only memories I have are of my childhood. So I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Whereas before, so much time had passed that it wasn't always on my mind. I had other, better memories to replace it." He smiled and took her hand, "You being here with me makes me think I'll be fine though."
She scooted over, curling up on his chest, "I'm not leaving unless you tell me to, Toby."
Toby leaned down and kissed the top of her head, running his hand through her hair and down her back, "Yeah, I know that. And the same goes for me, Hap. I'm sticking around. You and the baby aren't getting rid of me."
Happy didn't respond. Instead, she just buried her face further into his chest, hoping that was the truth. But once again, she couldn't help but worry that Toby would realize he could do so much better than her and leave, just like everyone else she had ever loved had done in her life. It was the same worry that had bothered her ever since they had started growing closer again.
They laid there silently for a few minutes - Happy not wanting to talk, too busy worrying, and Toby just content to hold her. She felt his hand on her back, gently tracing patterns. It sent shivers up and down her spine. His other hand started working its way towards her stomach, brushing her arm and ribs. Happy knew what he was doing. He wanted to get back to what she had stopped earlier. But she was still bothered by her thoughts, so before he could get carried away and distract her, she sighed and sat up, hair falling in her face. He pushed the hair out of the way, then cupping the back of her head, he pulled her to him, kissing her gently. Before he could deepen it, though, Happy pulled back and got off the bed.
"We have to get ready for work," she said as an explanation to Toby's pout. "Get a shower while I make breakfast." Her hand flew to her mouth, "On second thought," she muttered running to the bathroom.
Toby walked into the bathroom after her. He rubbed her back sympathetically, "I thought you weren't getting sick anymore."
Happy glared up at him and flushed the toilet, "I'm not getting sick everyday anymore. The doctor said I could still get nauseous up until week 20. But I'm hoping it'll stop before then. I can't take another four weeks of this." She leaned up against the sink, waiting to see if she would get sick again.
Toby leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "You get cleaned up and I'll go make breakfast. I know you, you'll be starving by the time you're ready."
Happy laughed, "I would argue, but it's true. This kid of yours needs a lot to eat."
He smiled down at her, "This baby takes after you then, babe," he joked, "You're the one who loves to eat."
Happy shoved him playfully, "Just go."
He smirked and kissed her head again, "Anything for you, sweet cheeks."
Happy groaned, "Oh my god, you still use those cheesy nicknames. I thought I had finally escaped that." She pretended she hated them, but secretly, it made her so happy to hear him call her by a nickname. It was almost like before...almost.
Toby grinned at her, "You love them, bunny."
"Whatever," she said, while rolling her eyes, "Now go."
"Yes dear."
Happy threw a towel at his laughing, retreating figure. She grinned, this was how they had always been. She was glad they were getting back there. The fear she felt earlier was pushed down, almost out of mind.
Another week had passed and they were continuing to grow closer. Toby had convinced Happy to sleep with him every night since he had the dream. The first couple nights, Happy protested, but he could see the longing in her eyes before she finally agreed. The rest of the time, she just agreed happily. Now, he didn't even have to ask her. He just had to grab her hand and they'd walk to the bedroom together. More of her things started popping up around the room and master bath too. That brought a smile to Toby's face whenever he saw it.
At night, they would get ready for bed together like they'd been doing it for years, passing the toothpaste without a question or handing over a towel, all while sharing smiles and laughs. Then they would settle in bed either with a book or a laptop or watching tv. But it never failed, after ten minutes and looks from the corners of their eyes and a brush of fingers on an arm, they abandoned whatever they were doing and found themselves on top of one another, pressed together, sharing slow, lazy kisses. But before they completely lost themselves in one another, Happy would pull back, saying she was tired. Toby never complained. Instead, he smiled and either curled around her back or pulled her onto his chest, happy to simply be holding her. And every morning, Happy would wake before Toby and get out of bed, or they'd wake at the same time, Toby would pull her close and she'd give him a kiss, but then untangle herself from him and leave the bed. Toby knew it was because she didn't want to carried away like they had the first morning, but he didn't know why.
Toby sighed heavily as he thought of that morning in particular. He had woken before Happy for once and was laying there, watching her sleep in his arms. It was perfect, everything he had ever wanted. She woke and rolled over, stretching while giving him a sleepy smile. Her hand went up to his face and she leaned up to kiss him gently. Before he had known it, he was on his back and she was straddling him, kissing his neck and chest. He moaned and ran his hands down her back. But the second they grazed her butt, Happy stiffened. She placed one more kiss on his lips, then climbed off, whispering a good morning. Toby wanted to yell in frustration. Why wouldn't she just talk to him?
A little groan by his ear had him dragging his thoughts away from that morning. He looked down and smiled, Happy was asleep on his shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waist. He had his arm around her shoulders protectively. They were in the van on their way back from a case, where they had been out in the desert for over 9 hours, tracking via sound waves, a group of drug runners coming up from Mexico. Toby had tried to convince Happy to stay behind at the garage, given her situation, but Happy, once again, ignored him.
"Toby," Happy whispered groggily, "I don't feel well."
Toby pushed her up so he could look at her, "What's wrong?"
She blinked slowly before responding, "I just feel like I'm going to get sick. And my head's in a cloud."
"Did you drink water out there?"
Happy rolled her eyes. "Of course I did, numbnuts, I'm not stupid," she said harshly.
"Put the claws away Happy, I'm just checking. It's easy to get dehydrated," he lowered his voice and looked around, making sure no one was paying attention, "especially now."
Happy laid her head back down, closing her eyes, and grumbled, "Well I did, a lot."
"Okay, maybe you're tired or getting sick," he said running his hand down her arm, "Just take it easy. And if something feels wrong, tell me immediately."
She nodded in agreement and promptly fell back asleep. It worried Toby when Happy acted like this. If it were up to him, he would keep Happy, and the baby, when it was born, tucked away from the rest of the world where they couldn't get hurt or sick. But Happy would never let him do that, she was too independent.
Awhile later, they arrived at the garage. Toby gently shook Happy to wake her up.
"Hey, Hap. Baby, we're back. It's time to wake up," he kissed her forehead.
Happy opened her eyes and looked around the van and saw the garage outside, "Why are we here? I thought we had a case."
Toby furrowed his brow, "We just finished the case, Hap."
"Oh, right," Happy said through a yawn, "Sorry. I'm still tired and not thinking too clearly."
"Do you want to go home?" Toby asked, brushing the hair off her face.
She shook her head, "No, I'm okay."
Toby sighed, wishing she wouldn't be so stubborn, but got out of the van anyway. He turned around to help Happy, but as she stepped out, she lost her balance and fell into Toby, who caught her easily.
"Happy, I'm worried. This isn't normal. Let me check you out at least, since I know you won't go to the hospital. You have a headache, you're tired and confused, not to mention more irritable than normal, and you're dizzy. Those are all signs of dehydration."
Happy glared at him. "I'm fine, Doc," she said sharply, "Like I said, I'm tired. The case and the baby have just drained my energy. And I didn't get much sleep last night. So just back off and leave me alone." She pushed past him, heading for the garage.
Toby didn't call after her or try to stop her. He knew it was a losing battle. He sighed and made his way inside. At least there he could keep an eye on her, even if she didn't want it. He looked for Happy when he walked in, but she was already in her workspace. So he went to his space and started looking through his medical journals, just on the off chance something was seriously wrong with Happy.
Suddenly, a loud clatter rang throughout the garage, like Happy had dropped a tool, which Toby found strange. Happy treated her tools like they were her babies. He furrowed his brow.
"Toby!" a loud, sharp yell came from her workspace.
Toby immediately dropped the book in his hands and ran over to where he knew she was. The sight that met his eyes made his heart drop; Happy was buckled over at the waist, one hand pressed against her stomach, the other on the desk beside her keeping her upright.
"What's wrong, baby?" Toby asked, panic in his voice, rushing over to her side.
Happy shook her head and bit her lip, tears forming in her eyes. "I don't know," she whispered. Toby could tell she was scared. "It just hurts, like a sharp knife in my stomach. It's like a really bad cramp." She tried to take a deep breath to steady herself, but that just made her wince more.
"When did this start?" he asked, running his hands over her stomach, hoping something would give him a clue as to what was happening.
"I don't know. I felt weird in the car, but I thought I was just tired. The pain started right before I called for you."
"Cabe," Toby shouted through the garage, "I need you to take us to the ER, stat."
Cabe came rushing towards them, "Of course," he said, pulling out his keys, "What's going on?"
Toby started leading Happy forward, but she bent in pain, "Something's wrong with Happy. We need to get her checked out and fast."
At hearing this, Walter came sauntering over, as did Sly and Paige. When Walter saw Happy bent over, he spoke up, "It's probably just menstrual cramps," he shrugged, "Many females get them. Sometimes the pain is so severe that women can't move."
"It's not that," Happy said through gritted teeth, annoyed that Walter was slowing them down.
Toby rubbed her back. They both were scared to death, but they had to stay calm.
"Well how can we be sure? Paige is on her cycle right now and women in close proximity to each other sync up."
Paige looked mortified as she hit Walter's arm.
Happy was growing angry, she needed to get to the hospital, but Walter was getting in the way. "I know it's not that," she snarked, "Now let's go, Doc."
Toby wrapped his arm around her back, supporting her, gesturing to Cabe to get moving.
But Walter had to be right, "But Happy, do you really need to go? Are you sure it's nothing like cramps?"
"Pretty damn sure, O'Brien."
"But how?"
Happy glared at him, "Because I'm pregnant you idiot!" she yelled, "Now something's wrong and I have to get to the hospital."
At her announcement, Paige broke into a huge grin, whispering a "finally", and hugged Sly, who looked excited himself. Walter stood there, shocked by what he had just learned. And Cabe started running to the door, understanding the urgency now. Toby was helping Happy walk, but it was taking too long, so he placed an arm under her legs and lifted her. He knew she was in pain when she didn't even argue. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder, hiding the tears starting to leak out from the corner of her eyes. She let out a little whimper as he placed her in the car, which broke Toby's heart. He didn't know what they would do if something serious was wrong. He swallowed hard, choosing to believe she, and the baby, would be okay.
Cabe broke every law driving them to the hospital, making it in record time. Toby rushed Happy inside, where they carted her off for tests, not allowing Toby to go with her. It had been an hour since then and no one had given him an update. He was pacing around the waiting room, trying to stay calm; praying they would tell him what was going on before he started yelling. Cabe had stayed with him, asking him a few questions about the baby, but that just made Toby more anxious. He sank into a seat, placing his head in his shaking hands.
"Family of Quinn," a nurse announced finally.
Toby shot up out of the seat, running over to her, "That's me."
"Name?"
"Toby Curtis, Happy, she's my, uh, she's my fiancée."
The nurse nodded, "Follow me please. She's in room 115."
Toby wanted to demand answers, but he was scared of what they were. So he followed her quietly. When they reached Happy's room, Toby pushed past the nurse and ran to her bedside, taking her hand in his. She opened her eyes from where she was snoozing and gave him a small smile. Toby leaned down to kiss her forehead, then took a seat. He didn't even acknowledge the nurse when she told them the doctor would be there soon.
"How's the baby?" he asked quietly, placing a hand on her stomach.
Happy smiled, "The baby's fine."
Toby sighed as relief rushed through him, "Oh thank god. And you? Are you fine?"
She nodded, "Dehydration, like you said earlier. They've hooked me up to a saline IV to pump fluids back into my body. I guess it's fairly common for pregnant women to get dehydrated more easily." She blinked back tears and tightened her grip on his hand, "I feel like an idiot, Doc. I could've prevented this. What if something had happen to the baby? I never would've forgiven myself."
Toby reached up and brushed the tears off her cheeks, "But nothing did happen, babe. Everything's going to be fine."
All of a sudden, sobs shook Happy's shoulders, "I shouldn't have taken the chance. I shouldn't have been so stupid and stubborn," she struggled to get out.
Toby couldn't have her beating herself up over this. There was plenty both of them could have done differently. Carefully, he sat on the bed next to Happy and pulled her to his chest. She fisted her hands in his shirt and buried her face in his chest, her tears soaking his shirt.
"Shh, Hap. Everything's okay. You both are fine," he murmured, rocking her gently.
Slowly Happy began to settle down and loosen her grip on Toby. Sniffling, she leaned back against the bed, exhausted. Toby didn't move; he needed to be by her for his own sake. He had been so scared that something terrible was going to happen, that now she didn't want to let her go.
"I'm sorry, Tobes," she whispered hoarsely.
Toby kissed the side of her head, "There's nothing to be sorry about."
Happy leaned into his side and closed her eyes, Toby pulling her close. They sat like that until the doctor stopped in ten minutes later.
"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked as she came into the room, rolling a machine behind her.
"Better now," Happy admitted, smiling sheepishly.
Toby squeezed her hand as he moved off the bed.
"No more headache or pain in your stomach?"
"Nope, I'm just tired, that's it."
"Good." She glanced sympathetically at Happy and then Toby, "Something like that can be very scary. I want to keep you here over night, just to keep an eye on you both."
Happy nodded silently.
The doctor smiled, "How would you two like to see your little one?"
Toby and Happy shared a smile.
"We were able to listen to the heartbeat earlier," she continued, "but I want to make sure that everything looks okay."
Happy nodded again, "We'd like that."
The doctor set everything up and started moving the wand across Happy's stomach, looking for the baby. Toby's eyes were locked on the screen, his thumb rubbing the back of Happy's hand. He had a small, tender smile on his face as he watched. And Happy was looking at Toby, unable to tear her gaze away.
"And there we go," the doctor said with a smile. She pressed a few buttons, printing out pictures for them. "See that thing that looks like it's fluttering?" she asked, pointing to a spot on the screen, "That's your baby's heart beating." She moved the wand again, "And here is the baby's face. Everything looks good there."
"Happy," Toby whispered, "It's so perfect."
Happy squeezed his hand, unable to say anything. He was right, he or she was perfect.
"Two arms and two legs," the doctor murmured. She spent a few more minutes looking around, printing off pictures and nodding to herself.
Neither Toby nor Happy we're paying attention to what she was saying though, they were too awestruck by the sight in front of them to do anything but hold each other's hands tightly. Toby brought Happy's hand to his mouth, kissing the back of her hand gently.
"Ah," the doctor said suddenly, "It looks like your little one is in the prime position to tell us if it's a he or she. Would you guys like to know?" She looked at them expectantly.
Toby looked over at Happy, an excited look on his face, "It's your choice. Whatever you want."
Happy bit her lip. She turned to the doctor and a grin broke out on her face, "Yeah, we'd really like to know." She pulled at Toby until he moved to sit on the bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He turned his head to kiss the side of hers. Happy glanced up at him nervously, but his smile immediately calmed her.
"It's not too early?" Toby asked.
The doctor shook her head, "It might seem like it, but gender can be determined accurately this early, especially in the position your baby's in right now."
Toby turned to Happy and spoke quickly, "I'm nervous right now. Are you nervous?"
Happy nodded, then turned back to the doctor, anxious to hear what they were going to have. She had never even thought about it; as long as the baby was growing, she was happy. But now that she was given the choice, she couldn't wait - she wanted to know.
"Alright," the doctor smiled, "Congratulations Mom and Dad, you two are going to have a beautiful baby girl."
Happy's jaw dropped and her eyes grew wide, "No way," she managed to get out.
Toby started laughing, throwing his head back against the bed. "God, I'm so excited. A little girl to spoil." He grinned and leaned in to kiss Happy, who had finally shut her mouth.
Happy didn't say anything when he pulled back. Instead she had a small smile on her face, but he could tell she was far away, thinking about something else. He turned to the doctor, who was holding out the sonogram pictures.
"Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked him.
He shook his head, "No, thank you. You've done more than enough."
She nodded and got up, "Alright. I'll leave you two be then. I'll be back later to check in on you."
Toby murmured his thanks, then turned back to Happy. She was staring out the window, still not having said much.
"Can you believe it? We're having a girl," Toby said excitedly. He had secretly been hoping for one that he could spoil in all the ways he knew Happy would never let him spoil her.
"A girl," Happy repeated, almost to herself.
"Aren't you excited?" he asked, surprised at her lack of enthusiasm.
"Yeah, I am," she said quietly, her thoughts preoccupied.
Toby cupped her face, "Is something wrong? I thought you'd be more excited."
Happy smiled brightly as she placed her hand over his, "I am. I'm so excited, I promise. I just-"
She was interrupted by a knock on the door. They turned to look and saw Paige leading the rest of team Scorpion into the room.
"Hey guys," Paige said cautiously, "How's everything going?"
Toby started to slide off the bed, knowing how Happy was, but she surprised him. She placed a hand on his arm, asking him silently to stay next to her, to hold her close. He smiled and did just that.
Happy turned towards Paige, "Everything's good. The baby's good. I'm good."
Paige sighed in relief and reached out to hug them both, "I'm so glad." She laughed, "Smooth move announcing you were pregnant, by the way."
Happy rolled her eyes and laughed, "Yeah, that didn't go like I wanted it to."
"I'm sorry if I overstepped, Happy," Walter spoke up, a slight blush to his cheeks, "I am very glad that you're okay. And uh, congratulations to you both."
Toby beamed, "Thanks buddy."
Happy smirked, "Uh, yeah. Thanks."
"I am looking forward to this baby," Walter continued, "This allows for Scorpion to continue once we are gone. Your child, along with Ralph, will be able to take over for us. I do wonder what your child will be skilled at. That is something we will have to test. I know-"
"Whoa," Toby said, holding up his hands, "You are not using our child as an experiment. She will be able to do whatever she wants. None of us are going to pressure her into being something she doesn't want to be."
Before Walter could respond, Cabe spoke up, "Did you say she? Are you guys having a girl?"
Happy swore she saw Toby puff up his chest before he responded with an enthusiastic "yes". She just rolled her eyes as she told him to settle down.
Cabe got a little misty eyed, "Little girls are precious," he looked to Paige and added, "as are boys, I'm sure." He cleared his throat, "You two are going to be great parents, I have no doubt. I hope you don't mind, but I went out and bought her something." He reached into a bag they hadn't noticed he was holding. Out he pulled a small half bunny, half blanket lovey. It was yellow and had big floppy ears. "My daughter," his voice caught. He cleared his throat again, "Uh, my daughter had one just like this. She would carry that thing everywhere. I thought your baby might like it too."
Cabe handed it to Happy, who held it close. Toby could see her fighting back tears. He got off the bed and hugged Cabe.
"Thank you," he whispered to the older gentleman.
Cabe just smiled.
"Cabe, this is amazing," Happy spoke up, "Thank you so much."
He stepped back, sitting in a chair at the end of the bed, "Alright, alright. That's enough now," he tried to say firmly. The rest of the team, just laughed.
"I've already started researching the best things to baby proof the garage. There are at lot of options, but I won't stop until I've throughly looked into them all," Sylvester said excitedly. "I've even figured out the best place to put a play area where she can be seen from everywhere in the garage. It'll take some minor renovations, but we can easily handle it."
"And now I can finally give you the stuff I've picked up for the baby," Paige spoke up, "You should see some of this stuff. Things have changed so much since Ralph was born."
"Oh, boy," Happy said sarcastically, leaning her head on Toby's shoulder.
"Roll your eyes all you want," Paige said, "but trust me, this baby is going to come faster than you think and you'll be glad I've started buying things."
Toby patted Happy's leg to keep her from saying anything else. "I'm sure you're right," he conceded, "Thank you. We really do appreciate it."
"Here," Walter said, shoving a gift bag into Toby's chest.
Toby took it from him with questioning eyes. Happy looked at him and the gift suspiciously.
"What is this, Walt?" Toby asked slowly.
Walter gave him an "are you an idiot" look. "It's a gift."
"I can see that, but you don't normally do this type of thing."
Walter glanced over at Paige, "Paige thought it might be a good idea if the team gave you a gift. And I agreed. This baby may cause unforeseen complications, but it's yours. And you two are my friends, so I have to let you do what you're going to and support that."
Happy leaned forward and if looks could kill, Walter would be dead, "Unforeseen complications? What the hell, Walter?"
Walter was taken aback, "Well you won't be able to work to your full ability until the baby is born and then after, I'm quite certain that you will put her first and won't take the chances I need you to take anymore."
"So I'm here in the hospital because I wasn't working at my 'full ability' and putting myself at risk?" Happy seethed.
"Well, if we had done this case a year ago, the chances of you-"
Toby had to hold Happy back from jumping out of the bed. "You've crossed the line Walter," he said quietly, "You're right, the baby changes things, but if you think for one second we won't do our jobs to the best of our ability, then you're not the genius you think you are. I may not remember what I was like before, but I have been able to tell that every single person on this team, including myself, will do just about anything for you and team Scorpion, regardless of circumstances. That's what makes us so great and why I've learned to love working with you guys. But if you insult Happy or the baby again, even suggest that she isn't doing everything she possibly can, I'm out of here. I won't let you belittle us just because we do things differently than you."
Walter didn't say anything as Paige pulled him back to the opposite side of the room. Toby forced a smile onto his face. He handed Happy the gift bag and squeezed her leg.
"Alright. How about we get back to where we were?" Toby tried to say brightly.
Happy gave him a small smile then started pulling out tissue paper. She laughed lightly when she saw was inside. She pulled it out and showed it to Toby, who started laughing himself. It was a onesie with the word Scorpling on the front.
"This is great guys. Thank you," she said, placing it back in the bag.
The rest of the team smiled at them. They stayed for another hour, visiting and laughing. Walter's mishap seemingly forgotten.
"I think we should get going," Paige whispered, looking at Happy.
She had fallen asleep, leaning up against Toby. He turned and kissed the top of her head.
"Thank you for coming," Toby smiled.
"Congratulations, son," Cabe waved, "I'm glad that Happy and the baby are doing alright."
Paige hugged Toby, "Let me know if you need anything tonight."
Toby nodded.
Sly came up and fist bumped Toby, "Congratulations. I'm going back to the garage to do more research. I'll keep you updated with what I find."
He chuckled, but his face dropped when Walter stopped by him.
Walter shifted on his feet, "I'm sorry. Again. For what it's worth, I am happy for you two. I'm very glad that things are working out ." He glanced over his shoulder at Paige, "I've realized, sometimes it is okay to get close to people. Things aren't always planned and that's okay. You and Happy are invaluable to Scorpion and things would not be as efficient if you weren't on the team. I will adjust to the idea of the baby, because you're right, you two will always try your best."
Toby shook his hand, "Thanks buddy, because buddy I did not want to leave. It would be like leaving my family," he looked down at Happy lovingly, "and that's something I never want to do."
After the team left, Toby shifted, pulling Happy closer to him. She curled into his side, nuzzling her face into his chest. Slowly, Toby started running his hand up and down her arm. It was comforting, being this close to her. He kissed the top of her head, shuddering at the thought that something could've gone way worse today. He closed his eyes as the pain he felt just thinking about losing them washed through him. But that wasn't the case. Happy was here with him. Their baby, a girl, was still with them. Everything was perfect. He smiled.
Happy curled in tighter to his chest, grabbing his shirt with one hand.
"A girl," she mumbled in her sleep.
Toby looked down at her. He was still puzzled by her reaction from earlier. He knew how much she already loved the baby, so he knew it wasn't doubts. But he didn't know what it was. It was such a strange reaction that she had. He closed his eyes, sleep pulling at him. He would just have to ask Happy about it tomorrow. This list of things he was left wondering about was growing.
Toby had wanted to talk about Happy's strange behavior when they woke up in the morning, but before he could get out his questions, the doctor had entered, checking Happy and the baby one more time. She said that they could go home and after that, it was a whirlwind of instructions and signing papers. By the time they had returned home and ate their lunch, Happy was ready for a nap. Toby sighed. It looked like he wasn't getting any answers anytime soon.
A little while later, Toby walked into the living room. He smiled when he Happy standing by a window, looking at something in her hands. He smiled when he saw what it was - the sonogram from the day before.
"It's pretty amazing, isn't it," Toby said stepping up behind her. He wrapped his hands around her waist, brushing her ever growing bump, and leaned down to kiss her neck.
Happy sighed and relaxed back against him, as he rested his chin on her shoulder.
"Yeah, it is," she murmured distractedly.
He reached out and took the sonogram from her, "This is our baby," he said in awe, "Can you believe we're going to have a little girl?"
She bit her lip and shook her head, "I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one," she admitted, turning in his arms and burying her face in his chest.
Toby rubbed her back, "Hey, what's wrong? Are you regretting this?"
Happy looked up at him, "No, never. I just," she sighed, "I'm just a little nervous. Yet another thing to add to my list of fears."
Toby smoothed her hair down, "We'll get back to that statement later. But why are you nervous?"
"Our whole lives are about to change," she whispered.
He smiled gently at her, "Yes, they are. But it's going to become even better. Is that what you're worried about? Because I promise you, I will do everything I can to make this easier for you."
She shook her head, "That's not it. I'm okay with that, I think. I'm just now realizing I'm going to be a mom though."
"Well then what, sweetheart?"
Happy took a deep breath and placed her hands on her stomach, "She's a girl."
Toby chuckled, "Yes, we've been over that."
She blushed slightly, "I don't know what to do with a girl."
He furrowed his brow, "What do you mean? You are one."
She bit her lip, debating on if she should tell Toby what was going on in her head. She closed her eyes, "I never thought I'd have kids," she admitted, "but if the thought ever crossed my mind, I always thought I'd have a boy. Boys tend to like the things I do more than girls." She opened her eyes and asked him seriously, "What if she's super girly? I don't know anything about dresses and frills; I hate that stuff. I know machines and grease. That's what I'm good at."
Toby laughed, "That's why we have Paige to help us out."
Happy looked down, "I don't want someone else raising my child, Doc."
He grabbed her hands, "No one will, but you and me. You don't have to worry so much. Neither of us will know what to do at first, but as long as we love her and give her everything she needs, she'll turn out great." He cupped her chin, forcing her to look up at him, "Hap, you're going to be a great mom, no matter if she's girly or likes the things you do. You're worrying about nothing. Trust me, when the time comes, you'll know what to do. And you have me to help."
"Do you really think so?" she asked him apprehensively.
Toby smiled and kissed her forehead, "I know so. You're going to be awesome."
Happy relaxed in relief against him, "I'm sorry, that was stupid."
He chuckled, "Hey, we're all entitled to our stupid questions from time to time."
She rolled her eyes, "Maybe it won't be so bad. I mean, she'll have you to talk to about her feelings," Happy joked, playfully pushing him and turning towards the couch.
Toby caught her around her waist, pulling him to her, "Hey, laugh all you want, but I will gladly discuss emotions and feelings with our daughter."
Happy's face shifted from one of amusement to one of awareness, "Oh my god, Toby. This is real. We're really having a child together. We're going to be parents."
He smiled and leaned down to kiss her gently, "We are, baby. We're really starting a family."
She raised on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his again. Grabbing his hand, she led him to the couch.
"I guess we should start figuring out baby things, now that I'm finally realizing this is happening." She laughed lightly, "It only took me a few months to realize I'm actually going to be a mom. I don't know what I was thinking before."
Toby sat next to her, throwing his feet up on the coffee table, "I know what you mean. We knew what was happening, but until I actually saw her and learned she was a she, nothing felt real. But now-now it has finally settled in. We're going to be parents, Hap, and I've never been more excited for something in my life."
Happy smiled up at him, "Me either." She threw a magazine from Paige at him from the coffee table, "Now get looking. We need ideas."
After thirty minutes of silence, aside from the occasional turn of a page, Toby gasped dramatically.
Happy turned to look at him, a suspicious look on her face, "Want to share what has you so excited?"
He clutched the magazine to his chest, "I found it."
"Found what?"
"What we should do for her room."
"What do you mean? Don't you just paint it and buy a crib?"
He shook his head vehemently, "No, we need to do this?"
Happy rolled her eyes, but held out her hand, "Let me see."
Toby gleefully handed it over, "Isn't it perfect?"
She looked at the page and started laughing. She was laughing so hard that she fell over on the couch, "You have to be kidding me."
On the page was a little girls room made up to look like a castle, draw bridge included. It was over the top and ridiculous.
"We are not doing that, ever."
Toby ripped the magazine fro, her hands and pouted, "But she'd like it."
She continued laughing, "She won't even care until she's like 4 or 5. Come on, Tobes. Even you have to realize how over the top that is."
He looked at it again and started laughing, "Yeah, I guess it is." He poked her sides, "At least I had an idea though. Where are yours, huh?"
He poked her side again and her laughs grew harder. His hands started tickling her, knowing just where she was ticklish. She started squirming, trying to get away.
"Stop," she managed to get out between laughs, falling onto his chest.
She grinned up at him, still giggling. He leaned down to kiss her, although their smiles were too big and their laughter was too hard that it prevented them from really kissing; it was more of a pressing of lips and teeth. His hand moved to her side and resumed it's assault of tickling her. She pushed his hand away, keeping her face pressed to his. She poked his stomach, trying to get back at him.
"Oh you've done it now," he growled playfully.
"No," Happy shrieked laughingly.
Toby grabbed for Happy's waist, tickling her relentlessly. She continued to squirm and hit his hands away, but before long, Toby had her pressed into the couch, wriggling underneath him, laughing hard. He straddled her legs, to keep her place, and continued. He loved seeing her laugh and smiling, like she didn't have any worries. He leaned over her to give her a quick kiss and heard her small gasp. When he pulled back, Happy's face, which had been filled with laughter, suddenly was overcome with desire, the look in her eyes shifting to want. She reached up and pulled his head down to hers, kissing him deeply. She let her hands wander down his back, pulling him closer to her and let out a moan. He moved his lips to her neck, gently biting her skin, running his hand down her side.
Happy, still kissing him, pushed at Toby's chest. He thought she was pushing him off of her, so he moved off and sat back against the couch. She quickly followed him, though, moving to straddle his hips, gently caressing his chest. She leaned in kissing one corner of his mouth, moving to the other side, then to his neck, teasing him with whispers of a kiss. He gripped her hips tightly in response. Finally, she pressed her lips to his, licking the outline of his lips before he opened up for her. She sighed and pulled back, reaching for the bottom of his shirt, quickly ripping it off over his head. Leaning down, she kissed his chest lightly before sitting up again. She reached for her shirt, pulling it off slowly, throwing it to the far side of the couch. Toby's breath caught in his throat. He wanted to say something, tell her how beautiful she was, but he was afraid of breaking the moment. He had been waiting for this, wanting it, for so long.
So instead, he ran his hands up and down her back, pulling her to him. She pressed her chest into his, slowing down their kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leisurely kissing him, moving her hands through his hair, gently sliding down the sides of his face. Needing more, Happy rolled her hips against his, the friction eliciting a moan from her. Toby slid his hands down to her ass, pressing her further into him. They shared another groan.
Toby moved his lips to her neck and whispered into her skin, "God, Hap. This feels so good." He moved his hands to the front of her jeans, ready to move this along to the bedroom.
Happy suddenly froze and sat up straight, "Wait." She looked around for her shirt, getting off Toby to grab it. She didn't sit back down, but looked at him, a sorry written on her face.
Toby groaned in frustration and ran his hands through his hair, "What the hell, Hap?"
Happy opened her mouth to respond, but her phone started ringing through the room. She muttered a sorry then ran to go answer it.
"Hello? Oh, hi Paige. Yeah, we're home. No, no we're fine. I'll just send Toby out for take out. Seriously, we're okay. Thanks. Bye."
She put the phone down and awkwardly looked at Toby, walking towards him. "Um, that was Paige. She wanted to know if we wanted her to bring over dinner, but I told her no. I, uh. I figured you might have some questions."
Toby rubbed his eyes, "What did I do Happy?"
Happy took in a quick breath, "Nothing. You didn't do anything."
"Then what's going on? Does this have to do with what you said earlier? About your list of fears."
She shrugged, "It's nothing. Just know it's not you. This is on me and I'm sorry. Can we just forget about it now?" She stood to walk away.
Toby grabbed her hand, pulling her back down on the couch, "No, we can't forget about it. I want to know what's going on. I want to help."
Happy groaned and resorted to what she knew when she felt uncomfortable and scared - pushing people away and acting like a jerk, "Toby, just stop. You don't have to do this. We both know you don't want to."
He looked at her in shock, "What are you talking about?"
Sighing, she told him what she meant, "You've been forced into this. Everything. Your job, me, the baby. You didn't ask for any of it, but you're having to deal with it. You don't have to pretend to care."
"Happy, what the hell? No one, not even you, can make me do something I don't want to do. I want to be here with you. I want to be a father to our daughter. I'm here because I want to be with you. What's going on? I know you know how much I want you."
The dam broke. She couldn't hide what what she was feeling anymore, Toby deserved to know. Happy sniffed and looked down, quickly wiping away a few tears that had fallen to her cheeks, "But what if two weeks from now, a year from now, you resent me or hate what you've been forced into dealing with, so you leave. What if Scorpion isn't enough for you? I'm not enough for you. I can't let myself get hurt again."
Toby reached out and pulled her onto his lap. Quietly, he whispered into her hair, "Baby, is this why you pull back?"
She nodded, "I can't let myself get any closer. You don't love me like you used to, and I get that, you don't remember. But before, I never thought you would leave or that I would lose you. And now-" she took a shuddering breath, "now that's all I think about. You could realize that you could do something more or find someone who's better suited for you. I'm just waiting for that day to come. You have nothing holding you back now. So I can't let myself get any more intimate. Maybe then it won't hurt so much when you decide you don't want this life anymore and leave."
Toby forced her to look up at him, "That's not happening. I want to be here."
Happy pulled her head away and looked down at her hands, "And most days I know that. It's just sometimes I get scared you'll leave. If that happens, I don't know what I'll do," she admitted.
He kissed her wet cheeks, "That's not going to happen, babe. You and our daughter, even Scorpion, are everything I've ever wanted in life - a safe place surrounded by my family. My life would be empty, meaningless, without you all. I'm never leaving you. I need you to know that. We'll get back to where we used to be. I promise."
She leaned in and kissed him gently, "I'm trying to believe that. I want you, so badly, but my fear of losing you is greater. I never thought I'd lose you, but now I know what that's like and it scares me to death that it'll happen again. I'm scared to give myself over to you completely." She sighed and ran her hand over his chest, trying to distract herself, "I just need time to get over this, to convince myself the worst won't happen. Time to work through this."
"What can I do to help?" he asked, running his hand down her back.
She shook her head, "Nothing. Just keep being yourself. This is more about me, than you. I need to push my fears aside. Time is the only thing that will help, I think. I'm so sorry, Doc. This is stupid and you shouldn't have to deal with it."
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I want to deal with this with you. I hate that you thought you had to stay quiet. You can tell me anything; I want you to tell me everything." He kissed her temple, "I'll give you all the time you need and be here waiting for however long you need. You're the most important thing to me and you're worth the wait. Just let me know when you're ready."
Happy nodded and kissed him again, "Thank you. I promise I'll get there eventually."
Toby pulled her closer to his chest, wrapping her up in his arms. She nuzzled her head into his neck, snuggling closer to him. She quickly fell asleep as he held her. Kissing the top of her head, he thought about how much he cared about her, how perfect she was. If she needed reassurance, he would give it to her. He knew he would spend the rest of his life, if needed, convincing her he would never leave. He was hers for life now, even if she couldn't yet allow herself to believe it.
