Chapter Seven
Choices & Pain
"I recommend you stay seated, Ronald, since I believe you're not going to take what I've got to say well," Maggie frowned and once again occupied her previously deserted armchair.
"Well, answers sound good to me," Ron mused and waited for the other three to sit down, too.
"Well, Ronald, you're quite right. I am Hedwig, or rather a human being, that appears to have the Animagus form of a snowy owl. It's a long story, really, and I'm not going to go into details right now, seeing that there are more important things that require our attention now." Eyeing Harry suspiciously, she addressed him. "You didn't tell them everything, did you?"
"I told them, that you're Hedwig. I supposed that's all there is to know, isn't it?" The look in Harry's eyes told Maggie, that he knew exactly what she'd been referring to. Indeed he had left out the parts about who her parents were and about her past, when he had told his friends about Hedwig or rather Maggie. Slightly nodding, Maggie managed to hold back a sigh of relief.
"I hope you will all forgive me that little lie. I'm quite aware of the fact, that it must have come to all of you as a bit of shock," Maggie continued, specifically glancing at Ginny, who had been avoiding her eyes for a while now. "I'm going to be honest with you now. This is no easier for me than it is for you. I have also lost a dear and very close friend and I also share your fears and doubts as to how the world will continue spinning without him. He, who must not be named, frightens us all and yet we're all here, alive to fight a battle that eventually will lead our whole world into better and brighter days."
"That's quite a speech you made there," Ron pointed out. "But still I don't get it, why Harry's been brought here in the first place. I know it's always the 'he's-safer-here' thing, but I don't quite buy it."
"And right you are, Ronald," Maggie sighed and heaved herself out of her chair with some effort and walked over to the window, starring out into the dawning evening. "The thing is, that I'm capable of a certain kind of magic, that we believe will help Harry defeat Voldemort. That is, if Harry allows me to teach him."
"What magic is that?" Hermione inquired, her interest clearly alert now.
"Hermione, I know that you're eager to learn nearly everything there is out there, but I'm afraid, this is the one thing you will never learn," Maggie said with a somewhat apologetic voice. "You see, you have to be born with these powers, but you have to learn to channel them, so you can make them obey your will. It's an ancient magic that is passed on from generation to generation. I myself have inherited it from my father, who was a very powerful wizard."
"But I'm not a pure-blood. What makes you think, I could learn that kind of magic?" Harry wondered.
"It's not about being of pure blood, Harry. All that matters is, that there's one wizard in your line of ancestors, who has had these powers. You've proven more than once, that you have the powers. Remember that glass vanishing at the zoo or how you made your Aunt Marge blow up like a giant balloon? Mostly this is referred to as magic by accident, which it was in your case. But you were born with the gift to channel these powers and use them at will."
"What makes you think so?"
"Professor Dumbledore, Harry," Maggie smiled and continued her explanation. "Look, usually every kid performs magic accidentally, but it's never quite so powerful. Dumbledore realized quite soon, that you're one of a kind, Harry, when I kept reporting about all the stuff you made happen. He went down in your history and found out, that you are indeed a descendant of Godric Gryffindor. He was the first wizard ever to perform magic without the use of a wand or any kind of incantation."
"Oh, I read about that in 'Godric Gryffindor – Man or Myth'," Hermione exclaimed excitedly. "He could basically do everything without really doing anything – if that makes sense. But I also read in 'The Legend of Salazar Slytherin' that Slytherin could also perform magic that way. Seeing, that Voldemort is a descendant of him, doesn't that give him these powers, too?"
"That's not quite true, Hermione. You see, Salazar Slytherin was indeed capable of wandless magic, but he still had to use his hands. So yes, Voldemort can perform the so called Manus Spells, but they're weaker and have a certain tendency to backfire – no matter how well you've mastered them," Maggie explained and watched them as they were trying to comprehend what they had just hear.
"This means, that I could possess another weapon in the fight against Voldemort?" Harry said, making it sound more like a statement than a question.
"Yes. That is, if you're willing to learn. It usually takes years to become a Cormagus and the fact that you're not yet an adult doesn't make things easier. Any other witch or wizard I know of that are Cormagi were a lot older than you are now when they mastered the art. And that does include me." Maggie sighed, but then looked straight at Harry, giving him a look that he knew well, even though he usually never got it from anybody else but Professor McGonagall. "You will have to put a lot of work and a lot of effort into this, if you really want to master it, Harry. And be warned – any Occlumency lesson with Snape might appear like a walk in the park compared to this. You will have to dedicate every waking moment to practice and learn."
"I don't know if I can do this," Harry said truthfully, absentmindedly playing with Ginny's hand that still rested in his. "I mean – I've hardly mastered these damn non-verbal spells. How do you suppose could I ever learn to control these powers?"
"There's a difference between the non-verbal spells and being a Cormagus. You've tried to master non-verbal magic, because you had to. It is part of your education at Hogwarts. A Cormagus is part of what you are, just like it is a part of me being an Animagus. But the choice is yours, Harry. You can choose whether you want to learn and be what you are or not. It's your choice and yours only. Think it through. Take your time and then make a decision. And no matter what your choice will be, rest assured, that you're not alone. There are people who are there for you and will help you with what you will have to do."
Harry nodded. He didn't know what to say or how to react to such information and so he preferred to keep his quiet and ponder everything for a while. The consequences of what he had just heard began to sink in slowly and if he was honest with himself, he was quite scared. Maggie was right, he knew it, but still in the end he would be alone as the only thing the others would be able to do for him, was to keep Voldemort's outer lines at bay, while he would have to face Voldemort on his own. "Thank you, Maggie," he said eventually and gave her tired smile.
"It's late," Maggie stated, realizing that the four younger witches and wizards looked rather worn. "I'll go upstairs and see what I can do about your sleeping situation. I'm afraid I'm a room short, so you'll all have to stay in Julie's room. If you want anything to eat or drink help yourself and if there should be anything else, I'll be in my bedroom."
"I'll go join you upstairs," Hermione said and got up from her seat. "Maybe I can help you conjure a couple of sleeping bags or something."
"I'm coming, too," Ron said and joined Hermione and Maggie upstairs after bidding their good nights.
Harry eventually let go of Ginny's hand and without saying a word or giving her so much as a warning, he got up and went outside. Curiously he had already found his favorite spot of Maggie's property and went straight to the little spot underneath the old weeping willow where he had spent the better part of the previous night. His mind was racing as he was trying to understand everything that he had just heard. So he was a descendant of Godric Gryffindor. It hadn't come so much as a surprise to him as he had expected. After all Voldemort was the heir of Slytherin, so why shouldn't the only person in the world, who could defeat him, be the heir of Gryffindor? In a way it made perfect sense. But he felt tired – tired, worn and first and foremost he felt extremely lonely. Of course he knew that he wasn't alone, but what good were all the people around him, if they couldn't get through to him, touch his wounded heart and maybe even help him heal it. Now, even Hedwig was gone. Yes, he liked Maggie – even though she was a lot like her mother sometimes. But could he really trust her to the fullest? In times like these there were no guarantees that you could trust the ones closest to you. One thing made it even more difficult for him though. Everyone he'd ever cared about, everyone he'd ever loved was gone. His parents, Sirius, Dumbledore… It was obvious to him that he was a danger to everyone who dared to become more than a mere acquaintance and so once again guilt crept up inside of him. How could he allow Ginny to come so close to him? How could he allow her to love him? How could he allow himself to love her and at that to love anybody? They were all doomed to die and he knew that he should send them all away, that he should keep his distance. But he couldn't.
"How are you feeling?" Ginny's soft voice intruded his dark thoughts and made wish to escape a world, he sometimes in his darkest hours wished he'd never been born into. "You don't look so good."
"A lot of people are asking me this question these days," Harry said at length, avoiding her eyes and instead he gazed out upon the moonlit surface of the small pond.
"Am I just one of them?" Ginny asked, hurt evident in her voice, even though it was obvious that she was trying to hide it.
"Of course not, Ginny. And you know it," Harry sighed, still not looking at her. "The only problem is that I can't give you a satisfactory answer because I don't know how I feel."
"I haven't heard you laughing in a long time, you know…"
"What's there to laugh about? I feel like I'm standing at a crossroad without knowing which path to choose. And I don't really want to make a choice because I don't know what is awaiting me behind the next bend in the road. It's all just so confusing… so frightening!"
"You shouldn't be forced to make that kind of choices, Harry," Ginny stated, leaving Harry at a lack of words. She had put in words what had been spinning in his head for a long time but he had never dared to say it aloud. For a while they just sat there in silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts, trying to find a way out of their misery when there was none. "I'm scared, Harry," Ginny eventually broke the silence that had fallen between them and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Why?" he whispered and took her hand in his, softly caressing its back with his thumb.
"I don't really know… There are so many things at stake, so many things have happened and have not yet happened. I guess the possible outcome is what scares me."
"I guess I should've paid more attention in Professor Trelawney's class. Probably I could tell you now what's going to happen in the end," Harry tried to crack a joke, but the weak smile he had forced his lips to form never met his eyes.
"Yeah, probably. What do you say we go back inside? I suppose Ron's worried sick by now about his little oh so helpless sister," Ginny sighed and attempted to get up.
"Oh, I don't think so. He knows that you're with me."
"Guess why he's worried sick!" Ginny grinned and set off towards the house.
A/N:
Kiss-This2010: Hope that clears the fog a little. I have a feeling that all I'm doing is letting them talk all the time. Well, that's gonna change in the next chapter. eg Thanks for the review!
Kathryn Lee: Couldn't really tell you that, could I. I guess you'll just have to wait and see. This story however is not DH compliant. But that wasn't necessarily a hint. ;-) Oh, and thanks for the review. It's greatly appreciated.
Aleta II Anon: Gotta keep you guys reading somehow, don't I? g Thanks for your reviews!
Ahh, I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing with all the magic stuff. Next chapter will be my take on Dumbledore's funeral…
Keep the reviews coming, please! They truly make my day! --- Paddy
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