Were it My Cue to Fight, I Should Have Known it
They parted reluctantly and then turned to survey the damage. Severus almost never used magic to clean. He considered it lazy. But the disaster that was his desk was too extensive for anything else. A wave of his wand sent the items that littered the floor momentarily airborne before they reorganized themselves on the tabletop. That in hand, the two turned to the stairwell, where Severus went on ahead while Harry crawled back into his discarded clothing on his way up.
Harry had just pushed his head through the neck of his shirt as he cleared the top step when he noticed Severus was stooped to pick up the contents of Harry's satchel. Apparently, the thing had spilled its contents when it bounced out of his chair and to the floor. It wasn't until Harry saw Severus retrieving Wizard's Weekly from beneath the coffee table that he even remembered the damned thing had been in there.
Harry froze, was momentarily mortified. This was not how Harry had wanted Severus to find it, particularly after their recent exchange. He feared the man would misunderstand, and Harry held his breathe as he waited for Severus' reaction.
But there wasn't one to speak of. Severus straightened with the magazine in hand, gave the cover a long look, then a sneer, and then placed the thing on top of the rest of Harry's papers and stowed the pile back in Harry's bag, setting it carefully on the floor beside Harry's chair. Harry'd expected hurt or shock, anger...or a reproving look at the very least, but Severus simply took his own seat before the hearth without a word about what he'd just seen. Harry was more unsettled than he felt he should be.
"Is Miss Granger coming to the ceremony?" Severus asked calmly, idly picking something from his robe front. Harry didn't answer right away. A part of him was bitterly disappointed. He figured, though, he had simply worked the scene up in his head too much, and just because reality hadn't met his expectation, it was silly to think Severus' reaction to the fashion mag was a serious indicator of anything, really. Still, that didn't quiet the sour twist in the pit of Harry's stomach.
"No," he said finally, distractedly, falling into his own chair. "She, uh...she has final exams. An important paper is due the next day. She can't come."
"I'm sorry I can't attend, Harry," he said sincerely. Harry glanced up, waved off the apology.
"Don't be. Remus isn't coming either. An Auror Academy graduation can't be a comfortable place for Dark Creatures or former Death Eaters." Which pretty much summed up Harry's entire circle of friends, really. Which made Harry wonder why he had thought it was such a great career choice in the first place. "...Kingsley will be there," he added as an afterthought. "I really just need someone to pull me away from the press afterwards. It's not a big deal."
"It's the beginning of the rest of your life, Harry," Severus said, almost sadly. "It's an important event."
Harry didn't like the way the man had said it, didn't care for this suddenly fatalistic tone Severus had adopted since they finished in the lab. "Severus, you are the most important event in my life," Harry said seriously, wanting to reach across and touch the man. But Severus' attention was elsewhere, and he had never been much for hand-holding anyway. Besides the semi-frequent 'I love you', Harry wasn't usually so effusive. Severus was not one who responded very favorably to sentiment. But Harry felt him pulling away and didn't know what else to do but reassure the man of his affection. "I really don't care who is or isn't around to watch me walk across a platform to collect a piece of paper," Harry sighed, resting his head on the back of his chair. He felt a headache coming on.
"You should move to Grimmauld Place," Severus said quietly after a long moment, waking Harry.
The young man scowled, stared long and hard at Severus. Even though he'd meant to broach the subject himself, suddenly the topic felt unwelcome. Severus hadn't said 'we' should move. He'd said Harry should move.
"It would be more convenient for you," Severus added casually, reasonably, rising from his chair, not looking at Harry as he moved to his grading desk and shuffled through some papers. Harry grumbled inwardly. He should have known he wouldn't have quieted Severus with just a kiss or two. Harry didn't have much else in his arsenal at the moment, though, and he didn't feel like fighting.
No...this was fine. This was good: that Severus thought it was his idea. Harry just needed to open Severus' mind a little further. "...There is a lot of room in the basement," he offered.
"For what?" Severus muttered, scowling at an essay.
"Your lab," Harry said, as if it should be obvious. Severus scoffed, chilling Harry's veins.
"It would be a good place for you to put some exercise equipment," Severus murmured distractedly, dipping his quill and making a red mark on the offending homework. "I know you enjoy that sort of thing, and there's never been any room here."
Again, 'you' not 'us'. For some reason, it made Harry more angry than upset. Perhaps he felt like arguing after all. "Yeah. I could do that," he muttered, placing just a touch of emphasis on the 'I', mulling over the dull pain of Severus so casually condoning Harry's departure without including himself in the plan.
"We could meet up on the Weekends," Severus added. "Maybe in Hogsmeade. As you so often remind me, we rarely go out. It might be nice."
Harry was almost properly angry now. Granted, they'd seen so little of each other since Harry started at the Academy, but visiting? Like old school chums catching up on the weekend over a fucking pint? Harry could almost see it, him with a mug brimming with ale, Severus' brimming with blood, chatting about Harry's latest assignment or Severus' classes, each pretending they were genuinely interested in the others trials. But the two had never shared interests, only intimacy. And Severus seemed to want to throw that away.
"Oh, surely you'd prefer to feed someplace more private," Harry said bitterly. "Or are we to rent rooms at the Three Broomsticks?" he spat. Severus finally lifted his eyes to him, looking as if he were fighting a scowl.
"Harry, that's not-"
"Should I prepare a guest room for you at Grimmauld Place? That would be cheaper than hiring rooms. Or hell, I could just bottle a pint of myself for you weekly and send it by owl. Would that be more convenient for you?"
"Harry, you misunderstand-"
"Oh, I don't think I do, Severus," Harry snapped, shaking. He rose from his chair and snatched up his bag. But instead of the floo, Harry approached Severus. "You aren't getting rid of me that easily," he said, tone firm but voice unsteady.
"Harry," Severus argued, stricken. "Of course I'm not trying to 'get rid' of you. But you cannot work-"
"There is no 'but', Severus...I'm not going alone," he said with finality, looking the man sternly in the eye. "How could you possibly think I would?"
"Harry, you cannot live here and work for the Ministry."
"I hadn't intended to, Severus...Move with me."
Severus shook his head as if the idea was preposterous, opened his mouth to protest but Harry cut him off. "...Because you love me, move there with me," he challenged, begged.
Severus looked at him for a long while, warring internally. "I can't," he finally.
"Why not?" Harry demanded. Severus looked away and shook his head but did not answer.
Harry didn't want to tell Severus about the floo. He didn't want to lay out the reasons why it could work. He wanted Severus to choose this. To choose him. He wanted Severus to want them, convenient or not. They had needed each other once, as surely as they needed oxygen. They had been magnetic and explosive, coming together through whatever obstacle to collide beautifully; ripped apart over and again by circumstance but always finding one another to burst against each other once more. And now Severus wanted Harry to just forget that? To carve out that part of himself and leave it behind, out of convenience?
When the man still didn't answer, Harry said firmly: "Then I'm not moving either," and started toward the floo. He wasn't 'leaving', but he was too upset with Severus to be in his presence just at the moment.
"Harry..." Severus began, just as firmly, as if trying to reason with the young man. But Harry turned back and stalked up to him, silencing him with a stubborn, angry kiss. Severus didn't fight it, but he didn't yield to it, either.
"No, Severus," Harry whispered fiercely, still grasping the back of the man's neck. "I will walk away from the Ministry before I walk away from you, do you understand?" After all they'd been through, Harry would be damned if a normal life, if peace, was what finally defeated them.
It took a moment, one that felt longer to Harry than it actually was, perhaps. But finally he felt Severus' arms around him, felt him surrender to the embrace with a sigh. "Obstinate fucking Gryffindor," Severus muttered fondly. Harry smiled, though inside he felt like weeping; partly with relief, partly with fear. "...We'll discuss it later, Harry," he promised.
Harry hadn't forgotten the blond hair. And it wasn't that it didn't matter, but it didn't necessarily mean anything. Harry wasn't going to let Severus just let him go. He had to try harder is all. He wasn't going to lose this man without a fight.
And fighting was all Harry knew. Fighting was what Harry did best.
