A/N: Here's the new chapter! I was busy with studying, which delayed my writing. So here it is, please enjoy and review!

Akira-Hayama: No, I made the mission up, but it will connect to a certain (canon) character introduced later. And thank you once again for the review!

Chapter 7 - The Darkest Night

Almost every night, the same haunting and disturbing image appeared in his dreams. It was too vivid, and he couldn't wake no matter what how much he wanted to. It was the scene of Griggs and Gaz dying right in front of him. He was unable to do anything but watch and the unwavering feeling of guilt was ever-present. Guilt over being alive while his teammates were dead. When would he ever shake that horrible feeling? When would he be able to sleep properly, finally being able to say 'I'm free.'? He didn't know and was too afraid to even seek the answer.

Then, he shot Zakhaev in his head, lodging a bullet deep into his skull and sealed his fate. Not just Zakhaev's, but unknowingly that of himself as well. His death gave him little peace, much less made him feel better in any way.

MacTavish would wake after the draining nightmare was over, blinking rapidly and stared into the darkness. He could never fall asleep again after it, he'd just walk over to that tree and sit under it, watching the twinkle of the stars. Cursing them was no good, they've never done him any harm. In fact, they've been his support, and he found some comfort in them. He wrote down his thoughts in his journal, but nobody would ever read that. Opening up to somebody about it didn't seem like an option even though he wanted to.

Tonight was no different. Another nightmare fueled April night, and he was growing sick and tired of it. He checked the clock. It was 4:14 am. He decided to stand up, put his pants on and head to that tree. Everyone had to wake up at 5:00 anyway. As he was walking under the night sky, he spotted somebody already there. Somebody with thick, curly shoulder-length hair. He recognized the person instantly.

Phantom.

She was standing with her arms crossed, looking up. He approached her quietly, as not to break whatever thought she had in her mind. She heard him coming nonetheless and turned around. Her eyebrows rose as she looked at her Captain. He greeted her wearily, taking a few steps to stand next to her.

"Captain? What are you doing up?"

She questioned him and he smirked.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

MacTavish answered, placing his hands behind him. Phantom looked into the distance, trying to figure out how she'd tell her Captain she had a nightmare without sounding like a child. Phantom decided to play it safe, but she felt as if she was lying to him. She hated lying.

"I couldn't sleep."

She simply responded. The sentence was actually true, but she didn't state the real reason. MacTavish saw she hid it, but didn't pressure her to say it.

"That makes the two of us."

The Scottish Captain told his Sergeant and the two just stood there in silence, looking at something in the distance. The night was rather warm and the sky completely cloudless, perfect for observing the stars. He considered himself a dreamer, trying to make a change in the world. He thought by joining the army he'd do just that. How wrong he was...

Attempting to break the awkward silence, he decided to talk to her about her phoenix tattoo. Roach said he learned its meaning, but refused to say it. He insisted if anyone wanted to know, they should ask Phantom personally.

"Roach told me you've explained your tattoo to him...may I know as well?"

He asked, slightly startling her due to her being buried in thoughts. And the fact he had such a deep voice didn't help.

"It's a long story."

"I have time."

The two of them exchanged and briefly looked at each other. He was her friend as much as Roach was, so she trusted him enough with the information she considered personal. Over the course of two months, she learned to trust him. Not just as a soldier, but as a person. They saw something in each other, something hidden, something locked down. It seemed a part was about to come to light.

"Sit, then."

Phantom said to MacTavish and gestured towards the base of the tree. Standing wasn't going to do them any good and it looked like they were about to spend some time there.

He sat down, leaning against the tree as she sat opposite of him on the grass. Taking a deep breath, she began what she deemed to be a long story.

"My mother used to say one thing to both my sister and me; 'a phoenix always rises from the ashes'."

MacTavish listened attentively to her. He liked her voice, it was...soothing somehow. He cleared his head of any more thoughts like that, considering them inappropriate. Even a small compliment like that messed with his strict moral code. Little did he know, she thought the same thing about him.

"She'd say that when we were sad or did something to harm ourselves, even if it wasn't intentional. It was her own way of saying everything was going to be alright. That phrase has been with me since childhood and it especially comforted me after the incident with my father."

Phantom explained, leaving out the details about the incident, not wanting to speak of that at the moment. The thought of asking her about it crossed his mind, but he didn't go on with it. He figured if she wanted to say it, she would have. There was no point in forcing anyone to tell something they didn't intend to.

She looked down at her feet and smiled at one particular memory of her mother. One where she hugged her tightly after Phantom cried, and told her she would be alright because a phoenix always rose from the ashes. Phantom never considered herself a phoenix or any mythical creature. If anyone from her family truly was a phoenix, then it was either her mother or her sister. They were her biggest heroes and inspirations, and they deserved to be called the name of the fire bird. It was true Phantom could recover quickly, and stand as tall and proud as ever, but she still thought the title best suited her mother and sister.

MacTavish couldn't judge on that, seeing as he didn't know much about her past or any trauma she went through, but he sensed it nonetheless. He went through hell himself, and he thought he found a kindred spirit in her. He looked at the scar on her cheek and wondered why it was there. Who or what gave it to her? Once more, he didn't ask.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, just taking comfort in each other's company. No questions asked, no answers given, only two people sitting under a tree at night, unable to sleep. She was glad she wasn't alone, and also for the fact they met at this particular night. It was probably a coincidence, but she didn't believe in such things. Fate? No it wasn't, it would be ridiculous. Perhaps it was just perfectly timed, but not fated? She settled on that, refusing to believe in a thing as stupid as fate.

In her mind, there was no predestined path one must take, it was simply the way one had chosen for himself or herself. Was there a higher power tugging at her life strings, steering her where she was supposed to go as if she was a puppet? No, she reasoned, she was her own master and she could do whatever she wanted. There was no destiny, no fate for her, only the path she chose for herself. There was always a choice, no matter what.

She decided to ask her Captain what he thought about it all:

"Captain?"

Phantom called him, and he looked at her.

"Do you believe in fate?"

She asked in a soft tone. He was slightly taken aback and surprised at her question. Their eyes met as MacTavish contemplated what to say to her. He really didn't know nor did he ever gave it much thought.

"Not really, do you?"

He finally answered and she shook her head. Phantom looked at something beyond him.

"I only believe we are the ones who control ourselves, not somebody high and mighty. There's always a choice, no matter what."

Phantom spoke and gazed back at him. By 'somebody high and mighty' he figured she was talking about God, and since he was a Roman Catholic, he took it she was not. It didn't bother him, why would it? He agreed with her statement so he informed her of it. She smiled slightly, and thanked him for thinking the same. When he asked her why she thanked him, she found no clear answer to his question, only a guess. It was probably because she finally met somebody who thought very much like her. Instead of telling him that, she simply shrugged.

The night didn't seem as dark anymore, it was set alight by a few conversations. Even little things, like them sitting there, could fill their aching souls just for a while. Maybe those unspoken things they still hid inside of themselves would come to light later. Not tonight, but later, when they were both ready. They were getting there, slowly but surely.

The two lost track of time, and MacTavish said he would go check the time and come back. He stood up and left, she watched him go. He ran a hand through his mohawk, and she couldn't help but admire the way his hips moved as he walked. She mentally slapped herself.

'What's wrong with you?! He's your Captain!'

Phantom scolded herself and shook any more thoughts like that from her mind. She had seen plenty of attractive men and women during her service in the army, so why was he so special? He was not only her friend but also her Captain who just happened to be handsome. It wasn't like she was planning on telling him that. She didn't want to lose his trust, much less his friendship which she cherished. Roach and MacTavish were her friends and it made her feel happy. She hadn't felt so content with having friends in a really long time. Price and Ghost, or anybody else for that matter, didn't care for her, but truth be told, Roach and MacTavish were more than enough for her.

Not only that, but she began to speak more, and also trust them. It was both a great and dreadful feeling, to care for somebody but also know they could be taken away at any moment. She finally realized she had taken the risk she thought about a month ago. She let them in.
After a few moments, MacTavish came back and said it was 4:33 am, meaning they had less than half an hour to kill. So they continued sitting opposite of each other, thinking about so many things. They were both rather tired, but there was no point in trying to sleep again. Neither of them could and they came to one conclusion; coffee.

The Captain asked the Sergeant if she would like to get a cup of coffee with him, to which she said yes and the two left the tree. Phantom looked at the barracks and around the helipad. Nobody but them was there as everyone was still asleep and everything felt so peaceful. As a child, she feared the dark, but overcame her fear when she took comfort in the night and its glowing stars.

They sat at a table, sipping coffee and listening to the faint sound of the clock ticking. Occasionally, one of them would check the time. After a while, Phantom spoke:

"I should go."

She looked at MacTavish, who only nodded. Taking the final sip, she settled the cup on the table and left to the barracks to lie down for a while until she really had to get up. MacTavish stared at her cup and the now deserted place she was sitting on. He was glad she kept him company and that they talked.

He remained there alone, rubbing his eyes and sighing. Realizing it was almost time to wake the whole Task Force up, he left as well, only a couple of minutes after her.

What he thought would be one more horrible night of being alone under the tree and desperately trying to get the dark thoughts out of his mind, turned out to be decent and bearable with a friend by his side.