I
Chapter 7
Those were six crazy months for the guardians. After Luca's speech, the four of them and Yuna had to do some smaller speeches here and there to explain what happened to the population. And, of course, explaining it always lead to more questions about Yevon, Sin, Spira's government, and all sorts of controversial questions. And, of course, those questions were mostly directed to Yuna. Their initial intention was to do a quick tour through Spira, explaining what happened, but they stopped it early when they saw that Yuna really needed a break. In fact, that was like a second pilgrimage around Spira, but this time Yuna didn't have that determination not the motivation she used to have on the first. And, of course, she looked tired, sad, and it wasn't very difficult to know why.
By that time, they split away from each other. Wakka, Lulu and Yuna returned to Besaid, Rikku returned to her Al-Bhed family, and Kimahry went to Gagazet.
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At Besaid, Wakka returned to Blitzball. Datto was then the capitan if the Aurochs, but when he found out that Wakka was returning to the game, he immediately gave up his post and welcomed Wakka again to the team as their capitan. Wakka was impressed about how much the Aurochs had improved since last year's tournament.
- Hey, after we won Yevon's cup last year, we couldn't loose again, yah? - Keppa said - So now we train twice as hard as before, so we can win this year again!
- Yeah! After all, our new goal is victory! Right? - Datto shouted. And then the entire team was screaming "Victory!" happily and loudly. - Talking about that, we are really sorry for that guy... Tidus... Man, he was a hell of a blitzer! Guys, the next cup we win, will be at the memory of Tidus, the blitzer from Zanarkand!
So, Wakka was either training with the Aurochs, or with Yuna and Lulu, attending to the dozens of people who came every day with "freaky questions", as he called them. It wasn't a bad life.
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Lulu always thought that being a guardian would be something she would do for her entire life. But now that Sin wasn't coming back, there was no need for more Summoners, and so, no need for more guardians. Thinking about this made Lulu start to wonder what would she do now. She thought that, at Besaid she could try to find some job that required black mage skills... or maybe not only at Besaid... "But not right now".
In fact, she didn't have the intention of leaving the island for the upcoming times; she didn't want to leave Yuna like that, she wanted to help her. "All this time she helped the others, it's time for us to help her." she thought. So, she stayed. At Besaid, she stopped thinking about getting a new job; actually, helping Yuna with the people who went to Besaid looking for answers was keeping her pretty busy.
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For the first weeks, Kimahri went with Wakka, Lulu and his protected to Besaid. He just stood there, like he always did, watching over Yuna as she attended the people who come to her asking for help. He didn't really like the people who went to Besaid looking for answers because he saw the way Yuna looked tired after an entire day talking to them.
But soon the ronso saw that there was nothing he could do there, and that Lulu and Wakka were taking care of Yuna. So he decided to go back to his home, to Gagazet. On the way to the icy mountains, Kimahri was afraid of the reaction of his fellows Ronsos; he was still that "little ronso" with a broken horn. Those fears dissolved when he arrived to the first Ronso village and was greeted as a hero. Even Biran and Yenke said that Kimahri was a hero to Spira. This made Kimahri proud of himself, not for being a hero, but for being accepted again between his race.
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Rikku went to Bikanel, to the place that was once Home. There, the Al-Bhed people were searching for machinas that could still function; not small machinas, but some big ones like airships. In fact, that was exactly what Rikku and Brother were searching for; they decided that they would have their own airship, and then they would travel around Spira like Truth Seekers! It was all that Rikku could ask for: freedom. And now that she could show herself as an Al-Bhed and use machinas without worrying about what the other people might think, she surely felt free. Free from the other people's inquisitive eyes, free from those weird goggles, free from Yevon. While in the desert, she and Brother met two other Al-Bhed that also searched for freedom. One of them was called Buddy; he was a young airship expert; he had dedicated his life so far studying those big machinas, and could now apply his knowledge! The other one was called Shinra; none of them knew Shirna's exact age, and that was a bit of a controversial subject. He looked like a child, but was more intelligent than any machina expert around. Also, he always used this mask that didn't allow people to see his face.
With this small team, they found an airship in a fairly good state of conservation, and were slowly fixing it. Life was good for the Al-Bhed guardian.
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"Gone forever"
That thought always made her shudder. Even six months after his death, she still suffered the same way she did the day he died. She still cried for him; she didn't cried outside, but inside, she always cried, always she thought about him... every day. She wondered how would be her life if he was there with her. It would be...
"Just perfect"
Yeah, perfect seemed to be the best word. She had never thought of a perfect life; at least not for her. Ever since she decided to become a summoner, she thought that her life was all about defeating Sin; after that it was over. That was why she had put so much dedication on her pilgrimage,... after all, the pilgrimage was supposed to be her life. What was to happen after that didn't matter to her, because she would be dead. But now, she was there, Sin was dead, she was alive. Most of the people would say she was lucky, and that she should live her "new life" as best as she could. At the beginning, when she discovered that there was a way to definitely defeat Sin, she thought that too. She imagined herself living in a fearless world, with a normal life... Getting a job, a house, falling in love, having children... But now that she thought about it, she realized that it wasn't that simple.
First, she wouldn't fall in love with anyone; she was sure she could never forget Tidus (nor she wanted to!). Second, how could she have a job? The only thing she professionally learnt was the summoner office, and now that didn't worth a thing. She could learn a new job, but what? She had never thought about it (she had never needed to), and now that she was thinking, she felt lost. She thought that she should learn something she liked... but again, what? How could she think about it with Tidus gone? Well, that's the third point; Tidus was gone forever. How would she move on without him?
"Don't worry, you will find a way" Lulu had told her once. But she couldn't find the way, she couldn't let it go. Now that she thought about it, she got angry with herself.
"How can this be? How can one person change my life this much? Why do I miss him like this?! It wasn't supposed to be this way... I can't understand..." She let out a furious sight and realized that her face was covered with tears. "Damn, not again..." She hated when that happened, she hated when she couldn't hold the tears, she hated when someone asked what was happening, she hated when she wasn't left out alone, she hated the way she couldn't move on, she hated Tidus for leaving her alone, she hated everyone, she hated herself.
- I hate this! - since there was nobody around she allowed herself to scream those words. She was now standing. She looked around her; it was night already, nobody was around, silence... she could hear the waves against the rocks, the wind, her own breath. And for some moments, she enjoyed that silence.
"What now? I must go back to the village... "She didn't want to go back, she wanted to stay there forever, forget everything, end everything... But she had to go, if not, she would worry everyone, the people of Spira needed her, even if she was as much (or more) as lost as them...
"Then what? Tomorrow is going to be the same thing, and then, in the day after, and after, and after,... always the same old thing, all over again... I'm sick of this."
She walked to the edge of the cliff. She felt the wind... "That feels good". She imagined herself flying away from everything... flying to Zanarkand, to see the city that never sleeps, to his arms….. "Stop being silly now..."
Back to reality, she looked down; she watched the waves as they went gently against the rocks below. The wind there was stronger, so she had to hold on to a tree so she wouldn't fall down. She wondered what could happen if someone fell down from that place. It was a big fall... someone would probably die if it fell down there...
"What if?...No!" She closed her eyes and shook him head "I must have gone insane... I must get out of here!" She tried to move away from the edge, but she couldn't. The idea was just too attractive... "I can... can't do it... can I? What if I do? Will they be disappointed? No... it would look like an accident here... "The summoner Yuna died in an accidental fall in a Besaid's cliff" yeah... No!" She was now holding the tree stronger, until she was hugging it, scared with herself... "What is happening with me? I shouldn't be thinking about this!..." But she thought again.
"Maybe... isn't that bad... I wasn't supposed to be alive, right? And what am I going to do if I stay here? The same old routine? No... I am really sick of it!"
She looked again to the sea below. That view made her remember the view from the Farplane, in Guadosalam. She had not returned there since the Pilgrimage, and she didn't intend to. She remembered being in there, in the rock platform; she remembered the big plain below, the waterfalls, all those colors... it all looked so big in the Farplane. And he was there, in that great below...
She slowly let go of the tree. "And why should I care about Spira? Why do I care? My job in this world is done…. "
After the pilgrimage, Tidus' death, the same routine every single day, the people asking her questions every day, what was the point? What was the point of living? She already felt dead inside, so she decided...
"It doesn't worth living like this"
"I'll do it... I will take my place... In the Great Below..."
She let herself fall down to the sea.
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"How come I was never alive? I mean, I was there! I was in Zanarkand, Spira, the pilgrimage! You are saying that never happened?"
"No, it all happened, and you were there,... That doesn't make you exist, you ended up here!"
"Where is "here"? And what you say still makes no sense at all!"
"Here isn't a place, is just nothing. You and I are nothing, so we can't be anywhere. That's why we ended up here."
End of Chapter 7
I really, really, reeeeeeeeally hate my Internet server. I wanted to publish this chapter since 4 days ago, but I couldn't go online! Bah! Well, in the meantime I revised Chapter 8; I just won't publish it today because I don't want to publish two chapters nin a single day…. Tomorrow it will be published, if I can go online of course…..
