Chapter Text

I was asleep the first time. He walked into my room when the sun was just beginning to rise, leaving my room a dark shade of blue. I was 13, it was three years ago. I heard him walking closer to my bed but instinct told me to keep my eyes shut. He smelled like alcohol and cigarettes, two of my mothers favorite things. His body has heavy on top of my own. "It will be our secret."

I jumped awake when my phone rang. It was around four in the morning. I had texted Dom earlier to keep me posted on my sister. "We lost the baby" it read. My hands still shook from the dream. Not dream, memory. I felt my stomach start to churn and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. When I stood up I looked in the mirror. My long dark hair was stuck to my face, my eyes red and large. I felt disgusting and too disturbed to go to bed so I decided to take a shower.

I walked out to find Jim, my step father, stumbling down the hall to his bedroom. I tried to close the door before he could see me but it was too late. "Hey!" My mom must of still been at the hospital so he did not try to be quiet. "What're you doing up so late?" he stood close to me. His clothes were damp with sweat.

I looked at the ground and tried to focus on my darkly painted toe nails. "Just couldn't sleep." I tried to disguise the worry behind my voice.

"I could come in there, maybe help you."

His head was in the crook on my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip. To cry was to make myself a vulnerable target, it was what he wanted. "No."

He backed his head away. "No?" he hissed. He slapped me, leaving me blind. When his silhouette was out of sight, I ran to my room and locked the door. I was panting heavily. I dialed my sisters number but didn't press call. Remembering what had happened to her only made me more sick. I put on clothes and paced around my room. Too nervous to sit still. I heard a banging on the door. "Let me in!" he yelled.

I wanted to leave but could not do so without braking the window. He had gotten the window bolted shut after the first time I had tried to run away. I just sat in the corner of my room. I knew he had a key, it was only a matter of time.

He threw the door open. I had stood up, still leaving me a foot shorter than him. He tried to stick his dirty tongue down my throat but I pushed him off. He slapped me again, much harder than before. "Don't fight it, no one is home to save you now. I know how you think." He punched me in my stomach and I fell to the ground. I got on top of me and managed to pin me down. I stopped squirming. He had won and this is how it would be until I could leave forever and never come back. "I know you told your sister about me. I know you've told people." It wasn't true but I did not protest. "You want people to feel bad for you. You don't deserve it you little piece of shit!" I cried without making any noise. I hated this. I just couldn't do this anymore.

"Worthless," he said as he left the room. Leaving me lying there on the floor, tears dried on my cheeks. I felt so alone. I pulled my pants up and limped to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet to find three orange bottles. They where my mothers. She had bad headaches and was constantly getting refills on her meds. I sat on the floor, sobbing. I picked up my phone and started to call Aaron, my feeling for him were to strong to not say goodbye. Even so, I hung up after the first ring. Tomorrow was the last night of the show. I didn't want him to worry about me. Plus, we hadn't even talked since the kiss. I dropped the phone next to me and poured out one of the bottles in my hand. The pills were shiny. I popped two in my mouth at once but the were incredibly hard to swallow. My phone started to ring. It was Aaron. I picked it up.

"Hello?" he said. I put my hand over my mouth. Hearing his voice brought me to the realization of what I was doing. "Charlotte?"

"Hey," I said. I tried to be cheerful but my voice cracked.

"Are you okay?" he sounded relieved. "Why are you awake?"

My whole body was trembling holding back the tears hurt. "I'm fine I was just...making sure you were okay. I-uh-had a bad dream. I'm okay, really." I wasn't exactly crying but my voice was quivering.

"Charlotte I can come over if you need me to." Part of me needed him here but the other would be mortified for him to see me this way. Who knew what my step father would do.

"No," I closed my eyes and tried to gather myself. "I just had a bad dream."

He was quiet for a moment but I heard movement on the line. "I'm coming over you're freaking me out."

"Aaron no." He had already hung up. Probably already in his car. I crept through my ever so dark house and sat on my front porch. The sun was officially up and I was exhausted. I didn't even remember falling asleep in the rocking chair. The first thing I heard when I woke up was a door slamming shut. "Oh my god," He ran up the few steps and knelt at my side. I saw him and smiled before immediately braking out into sobs. He pulled my head into his chest. His white t-shirt became my own personal tissue. "What happened?" he asked.

"Aaron," I said between sobs. "I almost killed myself."