Act 2, Scene 9

[Munchinland. It's bright and colorful, The Yellow Bick Road is in the CENTER OF THE STAGE, it's NOT JUST a backdrop. The House is on top of The Witch of the East. Dorothy emerges, wearing a colorful dress and carrying Toto. They look around.]

Dorothy: Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore. (Looks around some more) We must be over the rainbow!

[Glinda enters, in a floating bubble.]

Dorothy Cont.: Now I know we're not in Kansas.

[Glinda descends.]

Glinda: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

Dorothy: Who me? I'm not a witch at all. I'm Dorothy Gale, from Kansas, U.S.A. (Glinda looks confused) The United States of America. It's a famous country in North America.

[Glinda exits her bubble.]

Glinda: Well, is that the witch? (Indicating Toto)

Dorothy: No, Toto's my dog.

Glinda: Well, I'm a little muddled. The Munchins have called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And here you are, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East.

[Dorothy looks at the legs in shock.]

Glinda cont.: So, what the Munchins want to know, is are you a good witch, or a bad witch?

Dorothy: But, I told you, I'm not a witch at all. Witches are old and ugly! (Munchins laugh) What was that?

Glinda: The Munchins. They're laughing because I am a witch. I'm Glinda, the Witch of the North. Or, as you may know, Glinda the Good!

Dorothy: You are? Oh, I beg your pardon! It's just I've never heard of a beautiful witch before!

Glinda: Only bad witches are ugly. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Dorothy: Then why did you ask if I was good or not?

Glinda: Standard procedure.

Dorothy: Does this happen often?

Glinda: No, this would be the first time, but one must be prepared. (More Munchkin laughter) The Munchkins are happy because you've freed them from the Governor, Nessarose Thropp, the Wicked Witch of the East.

Dorothy: If you please, what are Munchkins?

Glinda: The little people who live in this land. This is Munchkinland, and you are their National Heroine, my dear. (To the Munchkins) It's alright, you may all come out and thank her.

[Munchins begin to enter. More come as The song is being sung.]

MUNCHINLAND SONG

Glinda
Come out, come out, wherever you are and meet the young lady, who fell from a star.
She fell from the sky, she fell very far and Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.

Munchkins
Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.

Glinda
She brings you good news. Or haven't you heard?
When she fell out of Kansas
A miracle occurred.

Dorothy
It really was no miracle. What happened was just this.
The wind began to switch - the house to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.
Just then the Witch - to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.

Munchkin #1
(Sing-songed) And oh, what happened then was rich.

Munchkins
The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch.
It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch,
Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch. (Repeat)

... Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Witch.

Munchkin #1
(Sing-songed) We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.

Munchkin #2
(Sing-songed) You've killed her so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.

Glinda
(Spoken with a fake smile to hide her sorrow) Let the joyous news be spread, The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!

Munchkins

Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!

Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.

Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.

Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go,

Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.

Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.

Let them know

The Wicked Witch is dead!

Mayor

As Mayor of the Munchkin City, In the County of the Land of Oz, I welcome you most regally.

Barrister

But we've got to verify it legally, to see

Mayor

To see?

Barrister

If she

Mayor

If she?

Barrister

Is morally, ethic'lly

Politician #1

Spiritually, physically

Politician # 2

Positively, absolutely

Munchkins

Undeniably and reliably Dead!

Dorothy: Um, there's a house lodged in her abdomen.

Coroner

As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her.

And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.

Mayor

Then this is a day of Independence For all the Munchkins and their descendants

Barrister

If any.

Mayor

Yes, let the joyous news be spread The wicked Old Witch at last is dead!

[Munchins cheer.]

Munchkins
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead

Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go,
Below - Below – Below

Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!

Lullaby League
We represent the Lullaby League
The Lullaby League, the Lullaby League.
And in the name of the Lullaby League
We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land

Lollipop Guild
We represent the Lollipop Guild
The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild.
And in the name of the Lollipop Guild
We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land

Munchkins
We welcome you to Munchkin Land
Tra la la la la la la la la la la la

Mayor
From now on you'll be history

Barrister
You'll be his...

Politician #1
You'll be his...

Politician #2
You'll be history

Munchkins
And we will glorify your name

Mayor
You will be a bust...

Barrister
Be a bust...

Politician #1
Be a bust...

All
In the hall of fame

Munchkins
Tra la la la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la la la la la
Tra la la la la la la

[Wicked Witch of the West enters, terrifying the Munchkins. She looks around.]

Dorothy: (To Glinda) I thought you said she was dead.

Glinda: That was her sister, Nessarose, the Wicked Witch of the East. This is Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West. And she's worse than the other one.

Wicked Witch of the West: Who killed my little sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? (To Dorothy) Was it you?

Dorothy: I-I didn't mean to do it, it was an accident!

Witch: Well, my pretty, I can cause accidents too.

Glinda: Aren't you forgetting the bejeweled slippers? I know how you like to keep mementos.

Witch: The slippers… (Goes to House. But as she nears them, they disappear) They're gone! What have you done to them!

Glinda: See for yourself. Dorothy, step forward please.

[Dorothy's shoes are shown. She's no longer wearing the dull shoes she was before, but the vibrant shoes The Witch of the East was wearing. Dorothy looks confused.]

Witch: Give them back to me, or I'll…

Glinda: It's too late! There they are, and there they'll stay!

Witch: Give them back to me! They're of no use to you.

Glinda: (To Dorothy) Keep tight inside them, their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly.

Witch: You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!

Glinda: (Scoffs) Fiddlefaddle! You have no power here…

Witch: Power? I'm the Governor's older sister!

Dorothy: Th-then why aren't you Governor?

Glinda: Well Dorothy, when their father died, Miss Defying-Gravity here was, well, where were you again?

Witch: Trying to make a difference, "Miss Popular"! You know how much Nessa means to me!

Glinda: (Looks around her then says:) We shall finish this conversation later!

Witch: No, NOW! (A magical outburst)

Glinda: I said later, Elphie.

Witch: Don't you 'Elphie' me, (mockingly) Klinda.

Glinda: (After wiping spit from her face) Be gone! Before someone drops a house on you!

Witch: Very well. I'll bide my time. I'll see you (points to Glinda) later! And you (points to Dorothy) my "fine" lady, true, I can't attend to you here and now as I like, but just try to stay out of my way! Just try! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

[Witch exits.]

Glinda: You can get out, she's gone! You can all get up!

[Munchkins re-enter stage and come out of hiding at Glinda's requests. Everyone is clearly shaken except Glinda, who looks calm.]

Glinda Cont.: I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll sleep my dear.

Dorothy: I'd give anything to get out of Oz altogether. But how will I get back to Kansas? I can't go back the way I came.

Glinda: That's true, and my bubble can only fit me. (Thinks) The only one who might know is the great Wizard of Oz himself!

Dorothy: The Wizard of Oz? Is he good or is he wicked?

Glinda: Oh, very "good", but very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?

Dorothy: No, I already told you I'm not a witch.

Glinda: Then you'll have to walk. The Munchkins will see you safely to the boarder of Munchkinland. And remember, don't let those Ruby Slippers off your feet for a moment, or you'll be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Dorothy: Well, how do I start for the Emerald City?

Glinda: Well, it's always best to start at the beginning. And all you have to do, is follow the Yellow Brick Road. (Points to it)

Dorothy: But what happens if I…

Glinda: Just follow the Yellow Brick Road. (Begins to bubble herself) Just take that one road the whole time.

[Glinda bubbles away. Munchkins wave goodbye.]

Dorothy: My, people come and go so quickly here. She could've at least given me a bubble.

FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Dorothy
(Spoken/Sing-songed)

Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Mayor
Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Munchkin #1
Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Munchkin #2
Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Barrister
Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Munchkins
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Follow the Yellow Brick Road
Follow follow follow follow follow the Yellow Brick Road

Follow the Yellow Brick
Follow the Yellow Brick
Follow the Yellow Brick Road

You're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz

You'll find he is a Whiz of a Wiz is ever a Wiz there was

If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was the Wizard of Oz is one because

Because, because, because, because, because

Because of the wonderful things he does

You're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!

[Dorothy & Toto exit. The Munchkins celebrate. The curtain closes. Glinda enters in her bubble.]

Glinda: Oh, I hope they don't get lost. I'm so bad at giving directions. (The curtain rises, we see the back of Dorothy's house. She sees the house, picks up flowers and lays them in front of the house.) Oh, Nessa. I'm so sorry. I never thought they would actually harm you. I never thought that you and Biq would get serious, or that you would love him so.

[Elphaba appears]

Elphaba: What a touching display of grief.

Glinda: I don't think we have anything further to say to one another.

Elphaba: I wanted something to remember her by, and all that is left were those shoes, and now that wretched farm girl has walked off with them. So I'd appreciate some time, alone, to say goodbye to my sister.

[Glinda backs away as Elphaba walks toward the house.]

Elphaba: Nessa, please, please, please forgive me...

Glinda: Elphie... you mustn't blame yourself. It's dreadful, it is, to have a house fall on you, but accidents will happen.

Elphaba: You call this an accident?

Glinda: Yes. Well, maybe not an accident persay...

Elphaba: Then, what would you call it?

Glinda: A regime change. Caused by a bizarre and unexpected twister of fate.

Elphaba: You think cyclones just appear out of the blue?

Glinda: I don't know, I never really...

Elphaba: No, of course you never! You're too busy telling everyone how wonderful everything is!

Glinda: I'm a public figure, now. People expect me to...

Elphaba: Lie?

Glinda: Be encouraging! And what exactly have you been doing besides riding around on that filthy, old thing?

Elphaba: Well, we can't all come and go by bubble. Who's invention was that, the Wizard's? Of course, even if it wasn't I'm sure he'd still take credit for it.

Glinda: Yes, well, a lot of us are taking things that don't belong to us, aren't we?

Elphaba: Now wait just a clock tick! I know it may be difficult for that blissful, blonde brain of yours to comprehend that someone like him could actually choose someone like me! But it's happened... it's real. And you can wave that ridiculous wand all you want, you can't change it! He never belonged to you, he doesn't love you, and he never did! He loves me!

[Glinda slaps her.]

Elphaba: (Cackles) Feel better now?

Glinda: Yes, I do.

Elphaba: Good, (Slaps Glinda) so do I.

[Glinda twirls her wand skillfully and Elphaba arms herself with her Broom. They charge at each other and then drop their "Weapons" and beat each other senselessly. Glinda takes Elphaba's hat off her head and begins to whack her with it. The Guards run in.]

Guard: Halt! In the name of the Wizard!

[They grab Elphaba]

Elphaba: Stop! Let me go!

Glinda: Let me go, I almost had her!

Guard: Sorry it took us so long to get here, Miss.

Elphaba: I can't believe you would sink this low! To use my sister's death as a trap to capture me?!

Glinda: I never meant for this to happen!

Fiyero: (Ofstage) No!

[Fiyero swings in on a rope]

Fiyero: Let the green girl go!

Glinda: Fiyero, how in Oz?

Fiyero: I said let her go! Or explain to all Oz how the Wizard's guards watched (moves gun to aim at Glinda) while Glinda the Good was slain.

Glinda: Fiyero...

Fiyero: I said, let her go.

[Glinda nods. The Guards release Elphaba.]

Fiyero: Elphaba, go, now.

Elphaba: No, not without you.

Glinda: Fiyero, please.

Fiyero: Hush! Now! Go!

[Elphaba hesitates]

Glinda: (Tossing Elphaba her hat) Do it!

[Elphaba runs off. The Guards run after her, but Fiyero aims his gun at them. When the Guards move towards Fiyero, he moves his gun back to Glinda. There's a stalemate. Finally, Glinda slowly walks towards Fiyero, when the gun is touching her, he lowers the gun, ashamed.]

Guard: Seize him!

[The Guards capture Fiyero]

Glinda: Wait, what?! What are you doing? Stop it! In the name of goodness, stop! Don't you see? He was never going to harm me. He just... he just... (kneels in front of Fiyero) he loves her so.

Fiyero: Glinda I'm so sorry.

Guard: Take him up to that field there! Put him on one of those poles until he tells us where the witch went.

Glinda: No!

Guards: Yes sir!

[They drag Fiyero offstage, Glinda tries to stop it, but fails and is restrained.]

Glinda: No, don't hurt him! Please, don't hurt him! (As she's being lead away) Fiyero! (Stage darkens) Fiyero! Fiyero!

Elphaba: (Coming up from trap door and watching crystal ball) Fiyero! (Opens the Grimmeries and reads from it)

(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen

Let his flesh not be torn
Let his blood leave no stain
Though they beat him
Let him feel no pain
Let his bones never break
And however they try
To destroy him
Let him never die:
Let him never die:

Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:

Ah! (Slams book closed)

What good is this chanting?
I don't even know what I'm reading!
I don't even know which trick I ought to try
Fiyero, where are you?
Already dead, or bleeding?
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?

No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

(Sees ghostly images of the following people)

Nessa:
Doctor Dillamond:
Fiyero:
(Collapses on floor) Fiyero!

One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed
Will I do again!

[Stage darkens]