Sweetly Wicked
Chapter 06 - Dancing Through Life
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you
Jonas Moore used to wake up early on the weekends. The habit started when he'd had to rescue his morning paper away from his two Labrador retrievers. A little after seven, he was pruning his garden when he noticed a police car, followed by a black Audi, parked in front of his neighbor's yard. He frowned and turned the hose off, dropping his gardening equipment back into his toolbox. He was the oldest resident of the neighborhood and the least likely to be fooled by appearances. It wasn't a surprise that Russell Fabray would have proved himself to be a serpent. One of the officers walked toward him from the cruiser, accompanied by a man in plainclothes.
"Good day, officer," said Mr. Moore, "Anything I can help you with?"
"Good morning, sir," said the officer, "I'm Agent Dawson. Can I ask you a couple questions?"
Mr. Moore crossed his arms. "If this has something to do with what that bastard did to his own daughter yesterday, I'd be pleased to tell you everything I saw and heard."
Agent Dawson pulled a notebook from his pocket and was poised to start writing. As soon as he did, the men heard shouting from across the road as a cop shoved Russell Fabray into the backseat of a police cruiser. Russell was spewing insults and demanding his lawyer. Some of the neighbors had poked their heads out of their windows or walked outside to see him being hauled away.
"You have no right! I'm one of the most respected men in this town! This is all their fault! Faggots and sinners! That abomination corrupted my daughter!"
The tall man in plainclothes stared at the man being arrested with disdain. Agent Dawson excused himself and led the tall man toward the Fabray house, where Judy Fabray was standing at the front door, staring at her fuming husband being driven away. Mr. Moore watched from his front yard as both men went into the Fabray's home with Judy and came back out, five minutes later, with a black suitcase and a red gym bag.
The men left the neighborhood and Judy Fabray was still at the front door, staring into the road, a red welt on the side of her face. For the rest of the day, Mr. Moore found it difficult to concentrate on his daily tasks. It was near impossible to divert his thoughts to anything other than the ghostly face and the empty stare of Judy Fabray.
xxx
Mercedes stretched on a recliner chair at the Lima Memorial Hospital. She'd spent most of her morning pacing back and forth in the waiting room, but even now, she still felt horribly tense. The image of Quinn's lifeless body in Rachel's arms - the despair that washed over the small brunette - was so shocking to see. It was something that would haunt Mercedes for a long time afterwards. After all, she thought she was witnessing the last moments of a life.
Quinn was out cold on the hospital bed, with Rachel watching her from a chair beside her, holding her hand. Mercedes shook her head. It had all happened so fast. One minute, she was at home, getting ready for bed, and the next, she, her parents, Kurt and Mr. Hummel were searching the streets for Quinn Fabray after Rachel and her dads enlisted their help.
"You should get some sleep." Rachel's voice was low and husky but it woke Mercedes from her trance. The brunette's youthful glow seemed to have disappeared.
"You should rest, too, Rachel," said Mercedes, "I promise to wake you up if she…"
Rachel shook her head. "I'm fine."
Mercedes sighed. She had heard Rachel say the same thing to her parents and some doctors. She had not left Quinn's side from the instant she found the girl in the church's steps. Mercedes just looked back at her cellphone, at the pages she had Googled. Minor placenta praevia. It was the doctor's diagnosis. The same fall that caused the girl's injured ankle had caused the bleeding. They wanted Quinn in the hospital for a few days and a few weeks of bedrest at home. The risk to the baby's life was minimal at this point, but anything could still go wrong.
Quinn stirred softly in her bed, whining and figeting. Rachel pressed the button that would summon the nurse and Mercedes' phone buzzed. It was a message from Kurt. He, along with a group of glee clubbers, had wanted to stay with Quinn, but their parents had insisted that they come home. A nurse, followed by LeRoy, who had left to answer a phone call, entered the room.
"I think she's in pain," Rachel told the nurse.
The nurse checked the monitors and devices hooked up to Quinn around the hospital bed. Quinn was still and quiet as the nurse turned to tamper with her IV drip.
"Was she awake?" the nurse asked.
"No, not really, but I can tell by her face."
The nurse looked skeptical but didn't say anything. "I'll talk to the doctor."
She gave a polite smile to LeRoy before leaving the room.
"Hiram is out getting coffee and donuts. He should be here soon," he said to the girls as the nurse walked out.
Mercedes smiled. The cafeteria coffee was un-drinkable.
"Regina and I got in touch with her obstetrician," he told Rachel, "We're going to get Quinn and the baby all the help they need."
"She called him Benjamin," Rachel whispered, her eyes focused on Quinn.
LeRoy's mouth turned down in a frown, his eyes misty. Quinn had woken up briefly in the ambulance, disoriented and horrified by the blood soaking her clothes. Rachel held her as she wailed for them to save her son. To save Benjamin. Quinn's tearful green eyes connected with Rachel's chocolate buttons as the paremedics sedated the blonde.
LeRoy approached his daughter by the hospital bed and laid a heavy hand on her shoulder. He couldn't measure the amount of the pain his daughter must've been in.
"How long until her OB gets here?" asked Rachel.
"Soon. Regina assured me that she wouldn't take more than a half an hour, and that was fifteen minutes ago."
The nurse came back into the room carrying a metal tray with a needle and syringe on it. She administered the medication into Quinn's IV as Rachel watched cautiously.
"She won't feel any more discomfort," the nurse assured her, tapping lightly on the tube, "Dr. Muller got in touch with Dr. Colbin. We're keeping her on a light sedative along with her medication, just for a while. We don't want her going into shock."
"Thank you, Sylvia," said LeRoy, touching the nurse's arm.
"She won't press charges," Rachel mumbled, watching Quinn fall deeper into a peaceful sleep, "He's her father."
"It doesn't matter," said LeRoy, "He'll be convicted for assault against a minor. Social services will be contacted."
"What about her mother?"
LeRoy glanced at Mercedes, who pretending to busily text away.
"She's a little shell-shocked. She hasn't been arrested but she might face charges. She let your father pick up some of Quinn's things, to take to our house. She asked us to call before we came and got the rest."
Rachel looked rigid as she held Quinn's hand tighter in her own. Her tense posture and cold expression made Mercedes look up, her brow buckled. LeRoy rested his hand on his daughter's shoulder once more.
"Everything will be okay."
xxx
It's warmer here. A pleasant warmth. Like a morning in spring. I could feel it spread through my body, starting with my left hand. Through my face and fluttering through my stomach. It felt good. Like something gentle, protecting me. 'It's okay. I'm here. I found you.' Her words were like an echo, but I knew she was near. It was so easy to believe her and give in to the exhaustion that had plagued me since forever.
It's okay.
I'm here.
I found you.
xxx
One week later
"Hey, girl. How are you feeling today?" Mercedes loudly announced her presence in Room 430.
"Bored," Quinn sighed, abandoning the TV remote. 300 channels and nothing to watch.
Mercedes laughed and held up a small paper Subway bag that made Quinn's eyes light up.
"To celebrate your last day of medical prison. It's your favorite. Extra bacon and cheddar."
Mercedes passed Quinn the sub, as Quinn stretched out her arms like a little kid on Christmas morning.
"Oh, Mercedes, I think I'm going to cry."
Merecedes chuckled to herself as she placed a peach Fanta and a Subway chocolate chip cookie on the bedside table, next to flowers from glee club and a get well soon card.
"I'm glad to see you so radiant, missy, but I can't take all the credit. Rachel asked me to bring it for you."
Quinn's face went blank midway through a bite of the sandwich. She set it down, swallowing with difficulty.
"Quinn, you should talk to her."
"Please, Mercedes, don't."
Mercedes wrung her hands together and decided to change the subject, but the blonde was now distracted, lost in the events of the previous week. Rachel had been by her side when she'd awoken in her hospital bed, squeezing her hand when she started to panic.
"You're okay. Benjamin is okay, both of you. You'll both be okay. There's nothing to worry about."
Relief spread through Quinn's body as her eyes settled on Rachel's face. The brunette looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes and a missing glow. The smile stretched across her face looked forced. It reminded her of how her mother used to look sometimes. She always knew her mother wanted to live a different life. The life she was living - even if it had a perfect exterior - was tiring to keep up with. Judy Fabray was like a caged bird. Trapped in a life she didn't ask for. Quinn didn't want to do the same to Rachel, but their hands intertwined and their eyes locked on each other made Quinn warm.
"You should leave," Quinn said stoically, and regretted it almost immediately.
She almost wished that Rachel hadn't heard her, or ignored her completely, but grim realization spread across her elfin features and she whirled around, running out of the room before her tears could spill on the polished tiles.
A week had passed and Rachel didn't come back. Quinn's heart leapt every time she heard someone walk down the hall, but it was never Rachel. She began to think that she'd made the right decision. She didn't want Rachel to have an obligations. Rachel was destined for places bigger and brighter than Lima, Ohio. Quinn wouldn't be the thing to anchor her down. She loved her too much to see her waste her life away like that. She had to admit to herself, at least, at last, that she did love Rachel. Truly loved her. When she'd collapsed on the steps of the church, Rachel had been the last thing she wanted to see. It was her last prayer, and like a miracle, when she opened her eyes, Rachel was there. Holding Quinn like she was the most fragile and precious gift.
"Girl, are you even listening?"
Quinn blinked at glanced at Mercedes, who's arms were folded over her abdomen. "What? Yes."
"Really? Because you just agreed to sing back-up for Kurt on a Katy Perry song dressed as a peacock."
"I did?"
"Yes. Listen, Quinn-"
Someone interrupted by knocking on the door. Quinn's heart leapt again as her head whirled to the door, only to have her stomach drop in disappointment when she saw that it was Hiram Berry, carrying a small brown bag and smiling gently.
"Girls," he nodded to each of them, "Mercedes, can I speak to Quinn alone for a moment?"
The girls exchanged glances and Quinn nodded.
"Call me if you need me," Mercedes said to Quinn and left the room.
Hiram watched as she left and looked back at Quinn. "She's a good friend, huh?"
Quinn nodded. "Yeah, she is." She smiled a little. "I couldn't have asked for a better one."
Hiram cleared off some snack wrappers on the end table and laid down the paper bag, taking two books out.
"I hope you don't mind," he said, handing them to her, "They were in your bag."
Alice In Wonderland and Pride and Prejudice. Quinn ran her fingers over the covers and felt nostalgic. Christmas morning, a few years back, she had found two small packages under the tree. She ripped them open while her father watched from the couch, sipping from his coffee mug.
"Special editions, for collector's. Only the best for our Quinnie."
"Is he still in jail?" Quinn asked, barely audible.
"No," Hiram replied quietly.
Quinn had heard from the police that her mother was refusing to testify. There would be a trial later on, but Quinn wasn't sure what she was going to say. She didn't want to think about it. She hadn't heard from either of her parents, but she did hear that the Berrys had collected her things. Hiram furrowed his brow, staring sympathetically at her.
"You're a very well read girl, Quinn," he said, "Your collection made me jealous, actually. Tolstoy, Hemingway, Poe. Advanced for a girl your age. I always tried to get Rachel interested in the classics. She has an appreciation for good writing, but its hard to pull her away from the Barbra Streisand biographies."
Quinn smirked. "Thank you, sir. I did miss my books. People magazines gets tiring after a while. But that's not all you came for, is it?"
Hiram grinned. "Straight forward. I like it. I hope Benjamin acquires that trait. I'd like to see a Berry who doesn't have to use a PowerPoint presentation in every argument," he said, and took a seat at the foot of the bed, "I want you to come live with us. I don't think it's an absurd suggestion, either. You're pregnant with my grandson and we would like to be part of this-"
"Thank you, but Mercedes brother is away at college so they have a spare-"
"Quinn, I insist," he sighed, laying his concerned eyes on her.
Quinn felt a warm flush, like she was being cared for, by a father. God, was she so damaged that the slightest affection from an older man was going to stir up daddy issues?
The first time she saw him was during that oficer's visit. Quinn began to feel cornered and unprotected by his presence, but suddenly Hiram Berry ran a hand through her hair in a protective way, implying that he was there to support her and protect her from all the wounds that that officer hadn't even noticed that he was opening in her chest. After that , whenever he appeared, his strong and gentle posture were always present in every gesture. It only took a week for her to realize that this man was becoming a paternal reference greater than Russell Fabray ever been. And it hurt her even more... and she only knew one way to deal with that kind of pain.
Quinn bit her bottom lip. "And then what? When I have the baby, you'll raise him, and kick me out?"
Hiram looked taken aback but when he spoke his voice was full of kidness. "Quinn, we'd never take the baby away from you. I know it'll probably be hard for you to understand, but you're our family now. We don't abandon family."
Quinn bit down so hard on her bottom lip that she thought she might bleed. She didn't even realize she had begun crying until Hiram had wrapped his arms around her.
"We'll take care of you," he said.
"But Rachel-"
"Nothing happens in our family unless everyone's comfortable with it. Rachel only wants what's best for you and the baby. She just wants to support you."
Quinn pulled back, wiping away her tears.
"You don't have idea what I have done to her."
The man sighed sadly. "Benjamin is a beautiful name."
"Thank you," Quinn sniffed, confused by his sudden change of topic.
"You know, it's a Hebrew name," he said, narrowing his eyes at her, glancing at the cross-shaped pendant around her neck.
"I found it in an old baby book," she explained, trying to sound casual, "It's a nice name."
"I believe it means son of happiness or the favorite son in some definitions, but in Hebrew, it means 'son of the right hand'. The bible says that he was son of Rachel, a woman who was unable to have children until she prayed to God. However, complications during childbirth made Rachel want to name him Benomi - son of pain. But her husband ignored her wishes and named him Benjamin instead. He changed his son's fate just by loving and believing in him."
Quinn's face crumpled and she buried her head in her hands. "She'll lose everything she cares about because of us. She'll regret it. I ruined her life. She shouldn't care about me. I don't deserve her."
"I don't believe that."
"Why?"
"Love isn't about being good enough or deserving each other. Everyone has the ability to love and to be loved. It can't be stopped."
Quinn sobbed harder. "Everything I thought was important means nothing to me now. Everything I fought for… it's all gone. I feel like everything I'm doing, at some point, it just became to meaningless. Like I was putting on a show and realized there was no audience. Like I was dancing through life but not letting anyone come close enough to take my hand. I just destroyed everything I touched, and for what? So I could be good enough? So my parents would have a reason to love me? I shouldn't have to earn their love. They should love me no matter what. But they don't. My own parents don't love me. I just feel so… broken."
Hiram threw his arms over her shoulders and rocked her gently as she sobbed. "It's okay. We're here for you. We're not giving up."
