VII. Stay the Same
Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
Cuz there's nothing 'bout you I would change I think that you could be
Whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize
All the dreams you have inside
Don't be afraid
If you got something to say
Just open up your heart
And let it show the way Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
Cuz there's nothing about you I would change
Believe in yourself
Reach down inside
The love you find
Will set you free
Believe in yourself
You will come alive
Have faith in what you do
You'll make it through Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you'll always stay the sameCuz there's nothing 'bout you I would change
No, there's nothing 'bout you I would change
Stay the Same is the property of Joey McIntyre.
Gone is the property of NSYNC.
The little bobbing head of the toy panda on the dashboard moves rapidly as Sean turns the Cameron family car with a swift left. Zack glances over at Jamie, chewing quietly on some green grapes, Emma whispering Sean directions. He has to admit this is all a little strange, and his parents would kill him if they knew he took a ride from someone he barely knew. One of the Crewes' top rules was to never accept things or to go off with strangers. Yet, something keeps pulling him to all of them, a shaky trust, but trust nevertheless.
After lunch, Paul called him on his cell to tell him that his uncle would pick him up on Degrassi and Third at four o' clock. It's nearing two o' clock now, Zack notes, so that doesn't give him as much time as he'd like. He hopes wherever they're going doesn't require a lot of time.
"There's Hurst Drive," sighs Emma, happily. "Zack, we're here."
Zack stares outside the window, grins. He sees a wide, brick building, with several satellites attached to the roof, wires running across tall poles. Men unload cameras, tripods, and monitors near a loading dock. A guy with a foam, green dinosaur outfit waddles by.
"Turbo!" shouts Jamie outside the window, unclipping his seatbelt. "Turbo!"
The dinosaur waves at the two boys, starts for the entrance. Sean shudders.
"Turbo," he mutters, wincing.
"Kids love that tyrannosaurus rex," says Emma, nodding. "Jamie, stay in your seat."
"We go please?" asks Jamie, politely.
"Not today," replies Emma, patting Jamie on the head.
Emma unbuckles her seatbelt, props the door open. Zack does the same.
"Bye, Jamie," says Zack.
Jamie, still pouting, hangs his head. "Bye."
Zack goes over to the driver's side. Sean extends his hand, shakes Zack's. This guy came across a bit reserved, yet strong. Zack sort of got the impression he knew J.T. as well, but didn't want to say much. Whatever the case, he and his wife had been very helpful.
"Take care, man," says Sean, smiling slightly.
"Alright, thanks, Mr. Cameron," says Zack.
"Call me, Sean," he corrects. "Your dad...really good guy."
Zack nods, trails Emma to the front doors of the studio. Behind the glass, he can see the bustle already. A rack of costumes is being rolled past the secretary. Interns write cue cards, ipod headphones in their ears. When Emma opens the door, a waft of cool air blows against Zack's neck. The secretary greets Emma with a warm smile.
"Hey, Emma!" she says. "And who's this?"
"This...is Zack," answers Emma, gently putting an arm around him.
The gesture gives him a strange sensation at first, then it becomes normal to have it there, almost like his own mother.
"Is Mia in today?" asks Emma.
After tossing a look at Zack, the secretary wrinkles her eyebrows.
"Have we met before?" she says to Zack.
"No...don't think so, miss," says Zack.
"Oh, your face...just so familiar," explains the secretary. "I'll buzz Ms. Metzer."
"Thanks," says Emma.
Emma and Zack take a seat at the far left, a group of three costumed dinosaurs passing them, Turbo nowhere in the group. This has to be some children's station. No sign of adult programming. He wonders what they're doing here. Maybe Emma works at the studio. And who is this Mia, and why did the secretary find his face so familiar?
"Um...can you tell me why we're at a station?" inquires Zack.
Emma beams. "You'll see."
"Ms. Metzer is ready for you now, Emma," announces the secretary.
They stand, Emma leading the way. The two of them pass a number of doors, each with the name of a person, and their title underneath, on gold-plated signs pasted onto the door. Emma stops at one door, with the sign: Michael Metzer, Casting Director. Zack glances down at his T-shirt and jeans. If he knew they'd be meeting someone important, he would've dressed better. Emma opens the door, and they go in.
The first thought that comes into Zack's mind is what a fun office. There are posters with various TV personalities plastered across the wall: Turbo and Company, with the dinosaurs making another appearance; Amazing Dog Tricks, a line of poodles following a trainer; Health with Hortensia, an athletically fit, blonde trainer beaming down at him. He spies Emma's name as one of the scriptwriters. Oh, so no wonder she paid attention to Jamie's health habits so much. Besides the posters, there's a nice-sized gumball machine, a baseball, a hockey stick, and a large television set, with a state-of-the-art DVD player. Yeah, whoever Michael Metzer is must be one lucky man.
Of course, all this is before he views the woman sitting at his desk, and Zack thinks him even luckier. A bit petite, with long brunette hair, and huge dimples, Mia grins at them, rising from the desk to reveal a flowing, white summer dress.
"Afternoon, Mia," speaks up Emma.
"Hey, Emma," greets Mia. "Here on your day off? I came to visit Mike."
"I brought someone...someone special," informs Emma, gesturing to Zack.
Zack advances forward, blushes. What was with his dad being friends with all these hot women? Paul so would've come if he knew.
"Hi," says Mia, cheerily. "Welcome to Diamond Point Studios. Are you auditioning for a show?"
"No...no, I'm not," stammers Zack.
"That's because his dad set the bar really high," says Emma, grinning. "Mia, this is Zack Crewe. J.T. and Liberty's son."
Mia's eyes widen, and she places both hands firmly on the desk, as if she's ready to fall. She's going to faint, thinks Zack. Oh boy. Mia tucks some hair behind her ear, walks slowly to a spot facing him.
"You're so big," breathes Mia.
"Uh...thanks?" says Zack.
"I mean...not that you're not supposed to be, you know?" continues Mia. "You really favor your father."
"I do?"
Zack shoves his hands in his pockets, not sure what else to say. Mia scratches her head nervously, throws Emma an annoyed stare. She darts to a desk, starts rifling through paperwork.
"Why'd you bring him here, Emma?" sighs Mia.
Emma gently rubs Zack's shoulder, then goes next to Mia. This doesn't feel good. They were doing that adult whispering thing, when parents or teachers or anyone over twenty-one have really low voices, low voices that aren't meant to be heard. However, he can pick up traces of the conversation.
"You weren't the only one who was freaked, Mia," whispers Emma. "It scared me too."
"So you were the girl who dated J.T.?" whispers Mia, forcefully. "In the middle of the rivarly, with the whole school judging you?"
"No," says Emma. "But Zack is the one who wants to find out more about his dad. He deserves it. You knew him."
What a lot to comprehend. So, this Mia obviously dated his father. What is this about a school rivalry, though? From his friends, he didn't think his dad would get caught up in something bad. Perhaps it was friendlier than he's imagining.
"Bella never got to know her dad either," reminds Emma, these words more audible than the last since she's turned her head towards Zack.
Mia takes a deep breath, shoves the drawer in with a resolute clang. Whoever this Bella is had apparently changed her mind.
"Em, give us a sec?" requests Mia.
"Alright," says Emma. "Zack, I'll be back in a few."
Zack awkwardly sits down in an office chair, stares at the Turbo poster, as Emma heads out. Mia coughs, sits at the edge of the desk. She doesn't look eager to begin, so maybe he should get the ball rolling. That's what journalists have to do, he asserts inwardly.
"Great...great office," compliments Zack.
"My husband's," clarifies Mia. "I met him after high school."
"Degrassi, right?"
Mia shrugs. "For a couple years. Was a transfer."
Zack and Mia lower their heads simultaneously, sweat lining his brow. Somebody should come in, snap a picture, and put it next to discomfort in the dictionary. He senses that this woman's connection to his dad is pretty different, not entirely clear why. Maybe...maybe it was pretty negative. He hates to ask.
"Did...did my father hurt you?" he says, quickly.
"No...no!" insists Mia. "Nothing like that."
She remains quiet after that, her heels tapping the carpet as she moves to a spot beside the television. That's when he can see her eyes getting blurry, her cheeks pink.
"You have to understand," starts Mia, trying her best to get the words out. "I met him...like right before he passed."
Zack swallows a lump in his throat. His passing, his mysterious passing. How come no one is telling him anything surrounding that? Does it involve some horrible secret? Some darker things that'll make his dad come off badly? No, no, everyone said he was a good person.
"So you hardly knew him?" says Zack.
Mia shakes her head. "I knew him...a lot more than people believe."
That last comment came out pretty bitter, though Zack's sure she has reasons for that tone. Should he press or leave it alone? Thankfully, she's finding some strength to keep on talking.
II.
Those words come out bitter, sounds it, tastes it. However, after those years of walking the halls, hearing whispers and enduring pain in a new place in such a short amount of time, being apologetic for it doesn't seem alright with her. J.T. meant a lot to her too, and unlike Liberty, she didn't have a close group of friends with her to console her. She saw Liberty lay the diploma on his chair, let Liberty arrange the funeral with J.T.'s grandmother, watched Liberty fit into J.T.'s close little pack after it all. Manny made an effort to be there for Mia at first, then went to L.A. Toby had always preferred Liberty. She knew Emma and Sean in passing only. It certainly didn't help that they were older than her, graduating, leaving her to walk the halls alone.
She'd felt pressure before, particularly at Lakehurst. Getting pregnant so young sort of invites pressure. Like J.T., she only had her grandmother for guidance. That's something they shared, one of the warmer things they shared. They talked about their invisible parents too, especially J.T.'s mother in Vancouver, and Mia's dad, who sent her a letter every year asking how Isabella was. Her dad never asked about her, only Bella. J.T. always did, though.
Wow, so weird to have a guy interested in her again. Guys would see Bella drooling on her blouse shoulder, or clapping to some inaudible rhythm, and run for the nearest exit. Her grandmother said that would all change one day. Mia refused to believe her. What teenage guy would choose baby duty over trips to the Cineplex, or want a mom instead of a single girl he could date any time he wanted? Hopeless, Mia told herself.
When she saw J.T. in the Degrassi halls, she honestly just wanted to tell him that Bella loved his show, lit up when his face came onscreen. Turns out that Mia lit up too, when she saw him across the way talking to Toby, about oatmeal apparently. P.J. J.T., or really just J.T., was a really attractive guy up close. Endearing smile, hopeful eyes, a lot like Zack...too much like Zack. Well, she had hoped too. Asking him out was basically the best decision she made all year. Of course, he got scared too, but he did come around eventually. That single night, with Bella, their first date, made up for a lot of nights she never went out.
"I've got mint chocolate chip, rainbow sherbert, Rocky Road...," announces J.T., setting down a tray with three small bowls.
Isabella cooed, pounded her spoon against the table. Mia held her daughter in her lap, pointing at the tray.
"Which do you want, Bella?" cooed Mia. "Which do you want?"
"Shejelshine!" replied Bella.
"Uhhhh...," said J.T., scratching his head.
"Give her the sherbert," laughs Mia, shrugging. "She likes a lot of colors."
"Executive decision made by the pretty mom," said J.T., nodding, sliding the bowl in Bella's direction.
Mia felt her cheeks flush, taking the spoon from her child. She began to feed her, her dark eyes meeting J.T.'s every now and then. The mall bakery wasn't too crowded that day, only a handful of people, but J.T. and Mia are the only ones she focused on. He stared at her so tenderly, more tenderly than she thinks she deserves. It must be weird for him, dating her without knowing all the details. Still, she can't tell him all that on their first date. He'd never want to see her again.
"Too bad they didn't have...didn't have orange pie, eh?" joked J.T., nervously.
"Um, yeah," said Mia. "You...you should've...um, saved the orange pie the girl smashed in your face. Not washed it off."
"Well, I think my skin is permanently orange now," said J.T. "Oh well, a lot of actors get those weird, orange-y tans. I'll fit in."
Mia grinned, Bella putting her small hand over her mother's in an effort to try and feed herself.
"Is...is that what you want to be?" asked Mia. "An actor?"
"Yeah. I'm happy here, though," replied J.T. "I get to meet a lot of nice...a lot of nice people."
J.T. smiles at her, then shifts his gaze. Mia beams, then Bella starts to squirm, cry a bit.
"Oh, is it too cold, sweetie?" said Mia, rubbing Bella's arm.
"Cold!" complained Bella, rubbing her lips.
"Awww," sighed Mia, jogging Mia up on her knee, trying to help cheer her up.
Mia knew she had sensitive teeth, but ice cream never bothered her before. Being a fifteen-year old parent brought all this weight upon her shoulders. Glancing around, she's sure people are staring as Bella cries, wondering why she hadn't waited, until she knew everything she had to. One woman shakes her head at Mia, smirks before digging back into her banana split. Judgement on her first date. Mia stared at J.T. pathetically, his warm expression not fading.
"Hey Bella," said J.T., taking her small hand.
"Bah," responded Bella.
"You know what a really good trick is for stopping a cold mouth?" he asked.
Bella blinked at him, tears no longer falling from her brown eyes.
J.T. purses his lips, making a squelching sound, shakes his head violently. Bella squeals, giggles, does the same.
"Brain freeze!" shouts J.T. "Aaaah!"
"Aaaaaaah!" screams Bella louder.
Mia smiles, laughs quietly.
"Whyyyyyy?" exclaims J.T.
"Whyyyyyyy?" shouts Bella.
"Y-Z," sings J.T.
"You know the first three, right, Bella?" encourages Mia.
"A...B...and C," sings Bella.
"Yay!" congratulates J.T., clapping along with Mia.
Mia lifted Bella up, J.T. tickling her stomach as Bella giggled. Finally, someone who loved kids, didn't judge her. She told her grandmother it was the best day she ever had at Degrassi. It...it still was the best day. She kept the menu they ordered off of. She couldn't throw it away.
Going for ice cream seemed simple. The days after that were relatively simple too. A week later, complications started, though. She wished Nic never came to that basketball game, and as noble as he thought it was, that J.T. never got involved in that scuffle. She started hearing all these rumors, about what Nic planned to do to the guy who was dating his ex, what J.T. planned to do to defend their relationship. Grabbing the fliers circulating the auditorium one day, she found out for herself. There was no way she'd let J.T. face Nic and his crew. He was too kind, too slight, too compassionate. Bella looked up to him for that, and so did the other kids who watched his program. Thankfully, ending it didn't take much convincing. J.T. walked away. She invited him in that night, which wouldn't sit well with her grandmother, who was over a friend's with Bella, but she didn't care. He needed somewhere to cool off. Light-hearted J.T. returned several hours later.
Mia huffed as she finished her outline for her geography paper in the adjoining room. She should've done it days ago. Perrino's expectations were almost impossible to meet. She feels something light, plastic touch the leg of her pants. Ugh, random baby bottle. This place was always such a mess, because she never had any time to clean it.
"Sorry for this mess," said Mia, brushing back her long, curly ponytail.
"Have you seen my locker?" called J.T., from the next room. "There's stuff growing in there. Brown, last time I checked."
"Should I be worried that you're fixing dinner then?" shouted Mia.
"No, you really can't mess up Shake-n-Bake," replied J.T.
Mia covered her mouth, laughed. "Oh my goodness."
J.T. nudged the door open with his waist, holding a plate with a porkchop and potatoes, green chives making a happy face in the white mush. He set it in front of Mia, who sat on the couch.
"Your food is smiling," said J.T.
"What?" chuckled Mia.
"Hey, that's an original P.J. J.T. recipe, mkay?" said J.T. "Healthy too. Bella liked it."
"No wonder Grandma took her for the night," kidded Mia. "No...J.T., I love it. Really."
Mia kissed J.T. softly on the lips, lets it continue, until J.T. pulled away a bit, grinned.
"Does my breath stink?" questioned Mia.
"No...uh, mine does," answered J.T., putting on his best smile.
Such a forced smile, noted Mia. Eh, sometimes J.T. was so open, so open it surprised even her. The physical intimacy, however, remained very strained. Call her crazy, or out of practice, but after the first month or so, that got easier usually. Not the case with J.T. She did wonder if it had to do with him dating "the Lakehurst mother", as she was often called in the halls of Degrassi. Still, a deeper part of her has considered that maybe...maybe it has to do with the school president he argued with intensely, passionately whenever they met. To be fair, J.T. cut her down in their discussions several times so no wonder she was confused. Liberty 3000...the unemotional robot. Or is that because he wants her to feel some emotion, to be in love with him, to always be in love with him? She wishes it was all clear. She doesn't think it's fair to ask those things, though, not yet, since the relationship is new.
"Doesn't stink to me," said Mia, patting his knee.
J.T. chuckled nervously, goes to the boombox, presses a button. Soft music feels the room. He extended his hand to Mia. A study break is so worth it, she thought, taking it. Feeling an arm wrap around her waist, his cheek against hers, all so wonderful. Nic never held her like this. That made sense, though. Nic was a boy. J.T., today especially by walking away, was a man. A goofy, charming man.
There's a thousand words that I could say
To make you come home (yeah)
Seems too long ago you walked way
Left me alone
And I remember what you said to me
Kept on acting so strange
And maybe I was too blind to see
"What...what is this!" teased J.T.
"Bella likes...she likes NSYNC," lied Mia, glancing at the boombox.
"No, I think her mom likes NSYNC," laughed J.T.
Mia buries her head in his shoulder. "Shut up."
I've been sittin here
Can't get you off mind
I try my best to be a man and be strong
I drive myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains
Your gone (gone)
Gone (baby your)
Gone (your gone)
(Baby girl you're) Gone
Gone
Gone
Gone
Mia held him tighter, felt him tense up. The one lyric about "baby girl, you're gone" made him especially unrelaxed in her arms. He would eventually move on, fall in love with her, loosen up. You can fall in love with someone else, she reminded herself. I did.
J.T. never did. He never got the chance to. Even after that brave decision to not go after Lakhurst, even after Toby was attacked, he kept his word to her. He left it alone. Words don't save you. She couldn't stop crying. Holding Bella offered no comfort, or talking to her grandmother, or talking to J.T.'s grandmother, who broke the news to her. They all seemed like strangers at that moment. Barely back at home before Ms. Cooney came, she slipped to the pink floor of her bedroom, shook uncontrollably. They really believed she was out of it, having some panic attack.
Bella probably knew something was up too. She slept for most of that day, just slept and slept, remarkably quiet. Mia moved on peer instinct for the next two weeks, feeding Bella when she had to, eating when she had to. She avoided Manny, her only real friend at the school, since Manny hung with Damien. Any Lakehurst reminders she couldn't deal with. That's probably what lead to her encouraging Emma to protest during the cheerleading competition. Not the best move, she has to confess now. She was just so mad back then.
Didn't they get it? They were all with him, got to be with him that last night, the last night of his life. Like watching some bird you cared for fly away, that final flight. Or getting that final view of your child leaving you for kindergarten, something she experienced with Bella. It just seems so right to see them off. Instead, she comes home to find him gone, with no good-bye. So they can't blame her for keeping out of contact for a few years. Can they? Besides, accepting that J.T. really loved someone else, took some time, and it did lead her to someone else.
Leave it to Emma to reach out to her again. At the ground-breaking for the daycare, Mia broke down, eleven-year old Isabella holding onto her mother's waist protectively. Her grandmother sent her the information, and with as much heart as she could muster, she went. Bella accompanied her, eager to see the guy who made her mom so sentimental every now and then. Emma, carrying her own child, made some polite conversation, asked what was going on with her. Not much, she replied. Marriage to Michael, a TV executive, and teaching in Montreal. Michael and Emma really got along, however, and he decided that it might be more satisfying to shift gears, accept a higher paid position at the station, where J.T. used to work. The great husband that he was, he checked with her first. The decision was easier than she thought it would be. She couldn't see J.T. off then, say good-bye, but if she can be where he'll always remain, in spirit, that's just as good, right? Then, she never has to say good-bye, and that would be alright.
IV.
Zack looks past Mia at a couple photographs positioned on Michael's desk. He views a gangly man with glasses, a crooked smile. Honestly, that wasn't the guy he envisioned Mia marrying, but it is the type of guy he can believe works in an office with a gumball machine. Next to Michael's picture, he sees a pretty, dark-haired girl, maybe around fourteen, in jean shorts and a red T-shirt.
"That your daughter?" questions Zack.
"Yep, that's Isabella," replies Mia, sniffling, wiping her eyes.
He really enjoyed hearing that his dad was a good support system for Mia and her daughter. That said, why Bella and not him? It seems like J.T., a name so fresh in his mind, was ready to be a father. He must be missing something. Did Liberty not want him? He can't come up with any conclusions, and perhaps he shouldn't, until he talks to her. All journalists have to take in both sides. That's a fact. Sometimes the heart doesn't accept facts, though. He clears his throat.
"What was P.J. J.T. about?" asks Zack.
Mia opens her mouth to speak, is interrupted by the door parting. Emma and Michael enter. Michael walks a little weird, Zack notices, then he sees that Michael's pants are pretty high, socks showing.
"Hi, young man," says Michael, offering his hand. "It's a pleasure...a real pleasure."
Zack shakes it, a bit tired of handshakes. Ugh, he wonders if his dad ever got tired of them too.
"Zack...Zack, we have something to show you," speaks up Emma.
She presents him with a DVD, Zack raising his eyebrows.
"That's the tribute, isn't it?" whispers Mia.
Emma nods solemnly. "A tribute to your dad. The studio made it that year."
Zack fingers the DVD case gently, his pulse racing.
"Watch it whenever you want," insists Michael.
"Um...I'd like people to be with me," says Zack, gulping. "So...maybe now?"
"Okay," says Michael.
Not sure who to give it to, Zack holds it out. Emma is about to reach for her, but Mia takes it instead, begins to set it up. Michael and Emma's mouth hang open in surprise, although Zack figures this is the only thing she can do right then, busy herself. Mia presses play, kneels down next to Zack. Michael flicks off the lights.
A bouncy, light-hearted tune fills the room. Zack grins a little, heart speeding up as the pacing of the music increases. The screen shows a black canvass, where the light grows brighter and brighter. Cameras shift onscreen as applause sounds, the theme song ending.
"And now...kids, both young and old, presenting...," says the announcer, pausing between words with intensity. "It's P.J...J.T. Yorke!"
Two wooden, blue doors open, and there he is. His father. No one lied to him. The eyes are the same, and so is the smile. Light, brown, shaggy hair covers his head, a joyous expression filling every part of his face. He wears a checkered shirt under some overalls, red bandanna tied around his neck. Zack touches his neck, feels his Adam's Apple, tears burning at the back of his eyes.
"Howdy Toronto!" yells J.T., moseying to a desk erected on the stage. "Just flew in from Oklahoma and boy, are my arms tired!"
A few kids in the studio audience laugh, eyes shining with excitement.
"But it wasn't so bad. Met some friends along the way," continues J.T. "Like a scarecrow that doesn't talk."
A couple of the cameramen, visible to the side, chuckle, as well as some cue card-holding interns.
"Rats that don't share," complains J.T., shaking his head.
"Boo!" chastise a few of the mothers, and their kids.
"And this," says J.T., ducking down, retrieving a cage.
"Oooh," says a whole audiennce.
Inside, the cage is a baby chick, fluttering around, cheeping.
"Now, this may just be my opinion, but I always like to have pictures of my friends," says J.T. "How about you, guys?"
"Yeah!" shouts one girl. "Except Lily. She don't like pictures."
The audience laughs, J.T. holding it in. Two little girls approach the desk, a girl with caramel-colored hair and another with her hair in cornrows.
"Well, that's exactly what I wanted to hear," replies J.T. "Because today, along with the help of my special friends Brianna and Kelly, we're going to draw our friend here, using various materials. Including feathers, glue, crayons, and scissors. Now, since this involves scissors, what do we need?"
"A grown-up!" say a few kids at the same time.
"Yes," agrees J.T. "It's very important that you're safe, so get mommy, daddy, or a responsible person to help."
Zack bites his lips, watches J.T. set out the materials, Brianna and Kelly doing the same. Why couldn't he be in their place, setting out the yellow feathers, the Elmer's glue? He grips hard on the arm of his chair.
"We should name him!" exclaims Brianna.
"That's a good idea," says J.T. "What should we name him?"
"J.T.!" cries Brianna.
Emma, Michael, and Mia laugh in the darkness, along with the studio audience. Zack keeps his gaze on his father, waiting for his response.
"Well, I hope you're not a girl," sighs J.T., winking at the camera.
The image of his father darkens, a soft, sweet melody playing. A tear runs down Zack's cheek as different pictures pass: J.T. elegantly dancing with Brianna in a ballet costume, making faces with Kelly right into the camera, putting his arms around a couple cameramen, bending down to autograph some of the kids' arts projects. In every frame, he smiles, throws his arms into the air with intensity, is hugging someone. If he could have only one hug, that would be enough.
Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
Cause there's nothing about you I would change
Mia grasps Zack's hand, squeezes it, but Zack keeps his sight on these few moments of his father's life. The images change to that of a younger J.T., in a multi-colored wig, arms around a younger Manny and Emma; pretending to tap-dance in a backyard; stuffing an entire ice cream bar into his mouth, smiling, chocolate chips spread across his lips. Zack has to laugh at that. He does, choking a bit.
I think that you could be
Whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize
All the dreams you have inside
Don't be afraid
If you've got something to say
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way
His father had lived his dream, found friends he loved, been on TV, made people happy. A couple more pictures show J.T., with a more serious expression on his face, Mia to his right, Isabella seated on his lap. Zack glances down at his lap, then up again. A message sprawls across the screen: James Tiberius Yorke: We Love You.
And I hope you always stay the same
Cause there's nothing about you I would change
No there's nothing about you I would change
The screen goes black, the DVD stopping. Zack's chest heaves hurriedly in the stillness, in the darkness until Michael switches on the light. Mia offers him a timid smile. Zack catches his breath. Seeing his father, this skinny, somewhat goofy, amazingly loved kid, and he can't touch him, have the chance to love him. No wonder his mother's so worked up about it. No wonder he's speechless.
"Zack?" says Mia, gently.
"You...you can have it if you want," says Michael. "I made a copy."
"Thank you," chokes out Zack, covering his eyes.
