Chapter 7 – When One Door Closes
Takeru
It's been a long, uneventful day.
I proclaimed my oath, yet again, for the umpteenth time.
I dutifully went through training, and there's a lot more of it in the days ahead.
I'm like a mindless robot running through the same program over and over again.
A long time ago, when I was still a virgin to this world, that oath I recited this morning had meaning.
My training this afternoon used to have meaning.
My relationships had meaning.
My life—had meaning...
But I can feel that meaning slowly evaporate.
'Like a flu shot,' I say quietly to myself.
Back in my old world, as a child, I remember dreading the needle every year I had to visit the doctor.
My grandfather always made fun of me for it.
He had diabetes, you see.
As he grew older, until the day he passed, I became responsible for administering his insulin shots.
Mom and dad were way too busy to spare time for me—let alone for grandfather.
Two times a day, I helped him with his injections.
Before school and after.
One day, during one of his shots, I jokingly said to him, 'Grandfather, I never see you make a funny face during your injections. Maybe it's because you've had so many; you probably don't feel it sting anymore.'
To which he responded:
'Every shot is as painful as the last. But it keeps me alive until the next, so what's a little extra pain in exchange for some more time with my grandson?'
In the end, he died of old age, and I continued to see the doctor every year for my flu shot.
Like my grandfather, the fear and pain of the needle had lost its meaning.
...
. . .
. . . .
What point was I trying to make exactly?
I'm not really sure where I was headed with that train of thought.
Something about losing the meaning of my—
Ugh—I'm losing it alright.
It doesn't matter. I should be close to Yuuko-sensei's office by now.
But—the landscape in front of me doesn't remotely resemble the office.
'Why am I here—?'
My journey somehow came to an end on the steps of the gymnasium, and dark though it may be, I find myself soaking in the view of the track field.
Hold on a minute—I remember this evening, although I had never intended to visit it to begin with.
What has gotten over me?
I can't turn around to leave.
I can't even scratch my head to demonstrate my confusion.
At this very moment—I feel like a spectator, rather than the actor, of my own life.
There are lapses in my memories of the events leading up to this...
Was it because I was lost in thought, remembering the days of my grandfather?
Not really. I don't think so.
Because it wasn't as though I was oblivious to what I was doing.
Quite the contrary.
I could surely see everything and everyone as I walked this way.
But seeing—that is the extent of my abilities, for I have no authority over my actions.
My involuntary presence here is testimony to that.
. . .
'It's Meiya.'
Taking a seat on the steps, I notice her outline approach me with apprehension.
If spectating my life is all I am allowed to do right now, then spectate I shall.
This was a pleasant encounter anyhow, from what I recall.
I can feel excitement build up within me at the prospect of dialogue with Meiya, even when I already know what it is our conversation will be about.
In every loop I've ever been through in this fucked up world.
No matter what choices I make.
Actions I take.
Or circumstances I create.
No matter how different the plot unfolds.
Or the events are told.
There is one other than Sumika whose feelings will never, never change.
And in that constant that forever stays the same.
Can I be still, my heart, finding solace in her name.
Mitsurugi Meiya.
This world isn't so messed up, as long as I can find you in it...
I surrender myself to the hand of fate that led me to this place, to this instance.
What else can it be, if not fate?
Try as I might to evade this moment, fate has designed that I must relive it.
And I am but a subject to fate.
. . .
Time is the only distance between Meiya and I, and I eagerly await her narrow that distance.
Even under the scarce moonlight, there is no mistaking the indigo-crowned beauty...
Her noble demeanour...
Her regal posture...
Delicate stride...
Articulate voice...
Another eternity will still not be enough for me to learn why she fell for Shirogane.
. . .
We are finally within each other's reach.
But the hand of fate that led me here is now the same one that betrays me.
For in this moment, the moment when she nears me, my body forsakes my mind.
My own voice refuses to answer her when she repeatedly calls for me.
Even my head disobeys my simple request to lift itself and face Meiya.
While I powerlessly watch her outstretched hand, my petrified body decides to act against my will and protect itself against the foreign invader.
Instinct takes over in self-defense as it forces me to recollect the horrors of the past and future.
The trauma—devours me...
And as my subconscious struggles for survival, my body loses its capacity to tell apart friend from foe.
It crushes the hand that was reaching out for me.
. . .
When I finally looked up at Meiya's face, the royal blue in her eyes had been replaced with the shade of terror.
Her satin skin gleamed with perspiration.
Her nose flared in strained breathing.
And her lips twisted into a pained grimace.
But that wasn't on my mind at the time.
The only thing I was childishly thinking of was that I was holding Meiya's hand.
And for that one instant, I only wished to hold on to it for a bit longer.
But she woke me up from that delusion.
And now—she is gone.
. . .
I wanted to chase after Meiya as soon as she ran away...
I really did...
I...
Really...
But my body remains grounded where it is, still beholden to the trauma that had seized control of it earlier.
My temples pulsate through my head, chastising my body's inaction.
The lingering remnants of the pain in my left cheek, the cheek that Meiya slapped, has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
What have I done?
What have I done?
What have I done?
What have I done?
What have I done... to you?
Why did you scream, Meiya?
Why did you hurt her, Takeru?
All I did was watch the horrible reality develop in front of me.
I don't even know what it is I put Meiya through.
I slapped her hand, and I held it for a while...
So why do I shoulder a more sinister guilt for those actions?
. . .
. . .
. . .
I have to find her.
I have to do right by her.
Whatever force it was that had taken hold of my body then no longer holds me now, so with great effort, I kick my feet off the ground and stand up to make a break for it.
The only place I can think of where she would be is her room.
There are a lot of places she can escape to—but no shelter would be as safe as her room.
...
. . .
. . . .
(? ? ?)
You! What are you running for—?
I rush past someone in the hallway, but I have no time to indulge the trivial affairs of anyone else.
...
. . .
. . . .
(Takeru)
Meiya!
Before long, I arrive at her doorstep.
This is the one.
If she really is here, she should be on the other side...
Turning the knob, I invite myself in.
But it doesn't budge.
Not the knob—no.
I mean that the door doesn't budge.
These doors don't have locks, so what's keeping it from opening?
(Takeru)
Meiya?!
(Meiya)
Stop yelling for me by my first name.
Does it not occur to you how awfully rude that is?
And has no one taught you how to knock,
especially before you enter a lady's bedchambers?
Her faint voice reaches me from the other side.
(Takeru)
I'm sorry—
Mitsurugi-san, your door won't open.
(Meiya)
Because I will it to stay closed.
Leave me be, Shirogane.
I have no desire to talk to you in this condition.
(Takeru)
Mitsurugi-san.
I'm—sorry, for what I did to you earlier.
I—defended myself on impulse.
By the time I realized it was you, I must've already hurt you.
(Meiya)
. . .
I take a deep breath.
I have to reach Meiya, just as she always reaches for me... in every single world...
Judging by the shadows underneath the door, I can safely guess that she's crouched and leaning on it from her end.
I take a seat on the floor as my back leans on mine.
Our backs are to each other—if not for the wall between us.
(Takeru)
Is... your hand feeling better?
I gently ask her, leaning my face closer to Meiya's.
(Meiya)
My hand is unhurt.
Huh?
Her response catches me by surprise.
In my traumatized stupor, I was convinced that I afflicted her hand.
(Takeru)
But did I not strike it? Did I not I crush it with my own hand?
(Meiya)
You did strike it.
But I am not so weak that such a strike would send me running.
Meiya's voice is void of emotion.
(Takeru)
You're right... What is it, then?
It's just... I'm new here... so I had my guard up...
My instincts took a hold of me.
It must've thought of you as an enemy...
There is nothing else I can tell her aside from the truth, even if the truth doesn't make sense.
Not from her point of view.
(Meiya)
That is a lie, is it not?
A lie? What part of it is a lie—
(Takeru)
No, I wouldn't lie to you—
(Meiya)
Shush this pitiful apology!
You must leave, Shirogane, before my neighbours complain about the loud noises.
Whatever contemptible ache I have inflicted on Meiya, I feel it approaching beyond repair.
Never have I seen Meiya as distressed, and hostile, as she is now...
Is it possible that it wasn't just her hand that I hurt?
(Takeru)
Meiya, did you see something—?
(? ? ?)
You there! Will you really make me chase you for so long?
That compelling voice—is the same one that called for me earlier in the hallway.
And now that I've listened to it more closely, I realize it's a voice I'd never have expected to encounter this early on.
My head turns in its direction.
Isumi.
Michiru.
Her stern eyes, the colour of cherry, glowers at me where I sit.
What in the world... is she doing...
In a place like this?
At this time of night?
(Michiru)
Identify yourself, cadet. Your behaviour is reckless and reprehensible.
Oh—so I'm in trouble for completely ignoring her in the hallway.
Damn.
I must've looked suspicious, the way I was running away from her like that.
My first impulse is to run away again.
Not because I fear punishment, but because I'm ashamed to face the Captain in my disgraceful condition.
But I'm through with running—I promised myself.
If I run away now, I may never end up keeping that promise.
Besides, I can't leave Meiya behind. Not like this.
I have to protect what's behind this door.
(Takeru)
Shirogane... Takeru,
Ma'am!
I quickly stand up and pose a respectful salute, which she acknowledges promptly.
Still, she looms closer and closer.
(Takeru)
I wasn't running away from you, Ma'am;
I apologize for causing a misunderstanding.
I came here to talk to one of my squadmates, and I was in a hurry.
Without hesitation, I tell her in honesty, hoping to diffuse the impending danger.
(Michiru)
Oh—?
She stops in her tracks.
(Michiru)
You must be the individual the Professor is calling for?
I'd been told I wouldn't have a hard time finding you.
She wasn't exaggerating, then.
Hoh—I'm in luck.
Her face relaxes, and so does mine.
(Michiru)
Cadet Shirogane, I've been instructed to escort you to the Professor.
Follow me, stat. It sounds like an urgent matter.
(Takeru)
Y–yes Ma'am!
Reluctance holds me back as I turn to face the door that wouldn't open for me.
My fingers reach for it one last time, but they stop just before it touches.
(Takeru)
Meiya...
Someday... I hope you can forgive me...
For however I have wronged you...
I whisper longingly...
(Meiya)
Shirogane?
Did she hear me?
(Takeru)
I'm still here, Mitsurugi-san.
(Meiya)
Do not speak to me...
Ever.
Again.
Michiru
Without skipping a beat, Prof. Kouzuki begins her speech:
(Yuuko)
Michiru, I need you to pick someone up for me.
He has an appointment, but since he's new,
I'm worried he might not know how to find me.
(Michiru)
Dear me.
I came rushing over here because you paged me with something as apocalyptic as
'Alternative IV has an extremely urgent mission!'
I nearly called the whole cavalry for this, you know?
I haven't even caught my breath yet.
I'm still panting from running all the way over here.
(Yuuko)
Don't mimic me like that!
Her hand waves an invisible wand.
(Yuuko)
I wasn't lying.
The outcome of Alternative IV is at stake!
(Michiru)
But you say that about every mission—
(Yuuko)
In fact, you may end up having to call everyone after all.
His name is Shirogane Takeru.
Find him and bring him here—ten minutes ago.
He's late by that much.
This time, her finger taps the invisible watch on her wrist.
(Michiru)
Ten minutes ago? But you only called for me just now.
Wait—
How are we even supposed to find this—Shirogane Takeru?
(Yuuko)
You won't have trouble finding him;
he's a very loud individual.
Well—in more ways than one.
Fearing more time would be wasted if I fished for more information, I leave right in the middle of her delirious laughter.
I won't bother rallying up the others for such a mundane 'mission'.
Or maybe I should assign this to someone else instead?
It's so simple, though, albeit bothersome.
If I can do this myself, I can put an end to it.
I pat down the creases on my uniform and start walking.
Where do I begin?
Since he's a cadet, I can perhaps start with the PX.
It's a popular venue for squads to spend time with each other.
Of course—it's also late in the night, so they may have already left.
But I figure I have to start somewhere.
Normally, I'd spend some time complaining to myself about the Professor's whims and fancies.
Sometimes she sends us on suicide missions, while other missions are—well... like this one.
But I have grown out of that.
I'd been assigned a task, and I will complete it.
That is all there is to it.
This is the attitude one must adopt when working under the Professor.
I still have to work on the schedule for 207-A's mock battles next week.
It's been keeping me busy all afternoon, well into the evening.
On the one hand, everyone's been enjoying the shortage of missions the past two months.
Two months is ample time to regroup after our recent losses.
We've also been able to focus on strategizing and implementing the new members to our ranks.
And.
On the other hand—is First Lt. Hayase Mitsuki, who right now, in the peak of her withdrawal syndrome, is famished for battle.
So the simulations next week have to happen, if only for my Storm Vanguard's sanity.
I sigh in plain delight.
Sometimes I impress even myself, for being capable of leading such a rag-tag team of misfits.
As I take out the notebook from my front pocket, a blur of light dashes past me.
*woosh*
I didn't get to properly identify whom it was, but they are quite a fast runner.
When I say that, I really mean—I have never seen anyone run as fast, not in all my years of living.
If they had bumped into me, one, or both of us, could've been seriously injured in the collision.
I call out to the person responsible.
Or rather—the irresponsible person.
But my words fall onto deaf ears.
The nerve–!
I better catch the culprit and knock some sense into them.
Such behaviour could really hurt other people next time.
And if I can put a stop to that recklessness tonight, I may prevent a future accident.
(Mitsuki)
Yo Captain! What're you in a hurry for?
You can seriously hurt someone with your reckless running in the hallways.
I catch a glimpse of Mitsuki and Haruka emerging from the corner.
They're both headed toward the barracks, it would seem.
(Michiru)
No time to talk.
Important mission.
Good night!
I concisely dismiss them in case I lose sight of my target.
My pursuit continues.
...
. . .
Hmm, the culprit is en route to the barracks as well.
...
. . .
. . . .
I catch another glimpse of the tail end of the culprit, turning around the corner, on the far side of this hallway.
How much farther are they going to run away just to escape me?
I will absolutely not let them escape.
And the longer this takes, the worse the punishment.
. . .
*sigh*
So... that's how we arrived at this moment.
(Michiru)
Cadet! I said follow me.
He's still lagging behind, speaking to the voice on the other side of that door.
It's strange that they're conversing through the walls, though at the same time, I feel thankful.
I never would've found him had he been invited inside the room.
(Takeru)
Right away, Captain!
(Michiru)
Huh? How can you tell I'm a Captain?
Was that a guess? Or did he learn that from the Professor?
(Takeru)
Oh, uh—no... uhmm...
I can see the stripes on your epaulettes.
(Michiru)
Is that so?
I narrow my eyes at the blatant lie.
Only now has he been close enough to see the wings on my uniform, yet he called me Captain from a distance.
So he hasn't heard about me from the Professor, else that would be the first reason he would state.
But it's also quite a stretch for it to be just a lucky guess.
Or maybe I'm reading into this too much.
No matter.
I found him, so I have to focus my attention on bringing him to the XO.
(Michiru)
Cadet—
(Takeru)
Please, call me by my name.
(Michiru)
Ah, sure.
Wait, what was his name again—?
(Michiru)
Don't take offense to my question,
but what does a new cadet like you have to do with the Professor's research?
(Takeru)
It's... classified...
Eh?
That is not an answer I'd expected to hear, especially from a cadet.
A new recruit shouldn't be privy to—well, any kind—of classified information.
Is he well aware of Alternative IV?
I have an uncertain feeling he knows more about me than he lets on.
Though we are ranking officers, STF A-01's identities are not widespread knowledge, even in this base.
So if he does know me, I shouldn't rule out the possibility that he may be knowingly participating in our project.
And here I thought the Professor was joking about Alternative IV being involved in their appointment this evening.
(Michiru)
Very well.
I can't let these thoughts distract me.
Again, I have other things to take care of right away.
Schedules, simulations, mock battles.
So I start walking faster to bring this 'mission' to its conclusion.
(Takeru)
Captain?
I look to my side to confront his inquiring eyes.
(Michiru)
What is it?
(Takeru)
I believe we got off on the wrong foot.
Please allow me to formally introduce myself,
so you won't have to keep calling me 'cadet'.
I'm Shirogane Takeru of Squad 207-B.
Ah—he noticed.
I didn't forget his name at all!
The last ten minutes had happened quickly, and I was pretty agitated for the most of it.
But I didn't forget—of course not!
(Michiru)
I know your name, Shirogane.
I lift my chin up to look more convincing.
But I don't think it's helping my cause.
(Michiru)
Did you say 207?
I've heard a lot about that squad.
You must be familiar with Suzumiya Akane?
Her squadron graduated very recently, and I'd been told B-squad didn't make it due to internal strife.
That's disappointing to hear, considering how highly Jinguuji-kyoukan spoke of their individual prowess.
(Takeru)
I've heard about her and Kashiwagi Haruko from my squadmates.
(Michiru)
I believe Second Lts. Tsukiji, Takahara, and Asakura were also in the same group.
So you haven't actually met any of them, then?
(Takeru)
I... only joined this base two days ago.
Oh, so he wasn't a part of B-squad's original failure in the exams.
But he hasn't exactly answered my initial question about meeting those from A-squad.
Nevertheless...
(Michiru)
So you really are new.
Well then—allow me to return the favour, Shirogane.
My name is Isumi Michiru.
As you had deduced, I'm a Captain of one of the units in this base.
I'm not able to tell you anything beyond that.
(Takeru)
Then we both have something in common.
(Michiru)
What would that be?
(Takeru)
Secrets we are unable to share.
His secret?
Hmm, I am now curious as to what it is.
Classified appointments, knowing 207-A squad, who knows what else he's hiding?
If he hadn't brought it up, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.
I'm sure he must also be equally curious as to what my secret is.
However, he hasn't pressed any further.
Is that out of courtesy, or is it because—he already knows it?
This may be a one-sided commonality, Shirogane.
(Takeru)
I look forward to fighting alongside you, Captain.
(Michiru)
I hope we both live long enough so that day may come.
. . .
We're almost halfway to the XO's office at this point.
But for some reason, I slow down my pace.
I have a mysterious urge to keep talking like this.
(Michiru)
Shirogane?
(Takeru)
Yes Ma'am?
(Michiru)
First of all, you don't have to be so formal with me.
(Takeru)
Yes... Ma'am...
I'll let that one slide for now.
(Michiru)
So—how's your training coming along?
(Takeru)
. . .
He turns silent.
Perhaps he isn't one for idle conversation.
I shouldn't have tried—
(Takeru)
I must be honest with you: I'm finding it—useless.
Well, now I regret asking him the question.
I smile at him through my teeth, not knowing of another way to respond.
Ahh. The arrogance of youth.
I once had what he has—when I was a new recruit myself.
An immortality complex.
Like I can conquer the world.
Like I had a long life ahead of me.
But soon, he will have to face reality, just as I had to.
I only hope he survives while doing so.
Composing myself, I resume this line of conversation.
(Michiru)
And why do you think training is useless?
The skills you learn will help you against the enemy, you know.
(Takeru)
I might've phrased that too abrasively.
He rubs his temple, his light brown hair swinging to the motion of our march.
He goes on.
(Takeru)
I mean to say,
that in a previous life, I went through similar, if not more extensive, training.
It'd almost be comparable to say that I used to climb mountains,
whereas now, I'm climbing anthills.
'Previous life.'
He must be a romanticist.
I suppose he means to say that he transferred from another base?
(Michiru)
That is quite the picture you've drawn in my head.
You must've had an impressive training regimen.
But I have a feeling you're missing the point of the whole program.
(Takeru)
Actually, I do know why it's important for me to stay with my squad...
(Michiru)
Let me hear it.
Why do you believe you're here?
I would be pleasantly surprised if he knew exactly why we all go through the same training program.
Sure—officers retain their ranks and titles upon transfer.
But that isn't the case with new cadets.
No cadet is an exception—no matter how remarkable their circumstances may be.
And I'm glad it is the way it is.
I might be just about to impart some conventional wisdom to this fresh recruit.
(Takeru)
I have a personal duty... to the people in my squad...
He says that with a tone of sincerity.
Words escape me.
Once again—I hear an answer... I never would've expected...
How am I supposed to respond to that?
(Michiru)
If—if it is personal, I will not pry too much into your reasons.
However, allow me to offer you... a simpler... answer...
The conventional answer.
(Michiru)
You may be, as you say, fully trained, Shirogane.
And it may also be that your individual training here is indeed futile.
But no soldier is sent out there to fight alone.
Do you know why you are placed in a squad?
It's not just because it's faster to train soldiers in groups—
(Takeru)
Of course.
By training with the same people, you get to understand each other.
In a real battle, the words that are unsaid are a faster form of communication than those actually said.
People who've trained together know each other's mannerisms, habits, thought processes, and all that kinds of stuff.
So it becomes easier to fight alongside one another.
I can feel my eyebrows rise in fascination.
(Michiru)
Yes... It seems there is little to teach you in that regard.
I would've said it with a tad more elegance, but he covered almost all of it.
Almost.
(Michiru)
So, how do you view your squadmates right now?
Judging by how highly you think of yourself,
it sounds like you consider them a—burden?
(Takeru)
No—I wouldn't say that about them.
(Michiru)
Don't be shy about it. I can see it in your face.
It's becoming easier to read him by his expressions, especially when what he says contradicts what he thinks.
(Takeru)
No, really—it's just... very difficult... to explain.
But, we have a... special connection, them and I.
He has already established a 'special connection'?
I thought he's only been here for two days?
You're a fast worker, Shirogane.
(Michiru)
Try me.
You won't be able to explain at all if you don't begin somewhere.
(Takeru)
I have a lot of talent, and skills, I know I can share with them.
However—it takes time, and I want to speed things up, but I have no idea how.
The only method I can think of is by being me.
I don't want to hold myself back just so they don't feel bad about themselves.
When they run ten clicks, I run twenty—with full gear on...
I want them to take it as a challenge and push themselves further.
But I fear that if I push them too hard,
one of these days, I'd become a challenge they couldn't overcome.
When that time comes, they may feel inadequate, lose heart, and give up.
So, I have to be slow... not for my sake, but for theirs.
He's carrying too much responsibility on his shoulders, just like a certain someone I know all too well...
I guess he wasn't lying.
To him, his squad isn't a burden, per se.
Even when they hold him back.
I can't speak as to the heart of his squadmates, so there is little advice I can provide in that regard.
But considering the stories I'd been told by Akane and Jinguuji-kyoukan, he may be severely underestimating the strength of their characters.
No—that's putting it wrongly.
He doesn't think little of them.
He just—doesn't know their limits, so he's afraid of breaking their spirits in his ambition to 'speed things up'.
What a delicate subject.
Thus, I must proceed delicately.
(Michiru)
The reason for your hurry is a conversation for another time;
it sounds like you have a deadline of some sort.
But if I may offer some advice,
how about you proceed with a different approach?
(Takeru)
. . .
His head perches attentively.
(Michiru)
In your own words,
you wish to hasten everyone's training,
but you're afraid of pushing them too hard
(Takeru)
That about sums it up.
He nods in approval.
(Michiru)
So—if you don't want to push them, try pulling them.
I say while smiling.
(Takeru)
Excuse me if this sounds stupid,
but—what's the difference?
The way he reacted might make one think I spoke to him in a different language.
Must I spoon-feed you everything, Shirogane?
(Michiru)
Allow me to demonstrate.
Stand in front of me and show me your back.
He obeys diligently.
Now that his back is to me, I gently push him forward.
(Michiru)
. . .
His back—it's robust... and well built...
I sense the qualities of a reliable soldier...
(Takeru)
Captain, we'll hit the wall soon if you keep pushing.
Someone I can count on...
(Michiru)
. . .
I've been ignoring his warnings intentionally, by the way.
(Takeru)
Captain—!
We eventually end up hitting the wall.
I am unharmed, of course.
But I can assure you—that Shirogane is feeling something right now.
I didn't have to go so far.
We could've stopped just in front of the wall.
But I thought it'd be funny.
Plus, this is payback for making me chase after him earlier.
And hopefully, he associates this pain with the lesson I am about to teach him.
(Takeru)
Ughh. That hurt.
You didn't even slow down.
Shirogane rubs his cheek, which is turning a light purple from the impact.
(Michiru)
Well, I couldn't see where I was going,
and you didn't know where I wanted to lead you.
You also had no option but to match my pace.
Do you follow so far?
(Takeru)
Painfully so.
I can't help but grin at his comical show.
Pressing forward.
(Michiru)
Alright then.
This time, lend me your hand.
I hold on to his outstretched hand.
Together, we continue walking like this toward the Professor's room.
(Michiru)
. . .
(Takeru)
Captain, I think I understand now.
(Michiru)
What do you understand?
(Takeru)
Uhmm—you can see where you want to lead me,
so I don't have to be afraid of running into any more walls.
We can also walk in any pace we want now.
Yeah—I feel more comfortable following you this way.
Your approach... is far more effective...
I've been too simple-minded this whole time.
You... your unit... must really look up to you.
(Michiru)
Don't make such embarrassing remarks!
I can feel my cheeks flush in an awkward display.
I try to shake it off, but he had already seen it.
(Takeru)
From here on out, I'll try guiding my squad by pulling them instead.
But—how do I begin?
*sigh*
And here I was just about to become more hopeful for this greenhorn.
My eyes close for a brief moment, carefully pondering the proper way to share what's on my mind.
(Michiru)
For starters, help your squadmates lift themselves up.
Instead of running twenty clicks by yourself in full gear,
try running alongside them for ten.
When they reach ten,
tell them to keep on going.
To eleven...
To twelve...
Until they can no longer run.
Pull them towards their limits, and shatter those limits for them.
Limits only exist because our minds place them there for us.
Oftentimes it takes someone on the outside to make us realize that.
Be that 'person on the outside' for them.
(Takeru)
That... is true...
(Michiru)
And it doesn't matter what it is you're coaching them.
Stand beside them—
Not in front of them, not behind them—
And pull them forward with you.
Remedy their bad habits and instill in them the good.
Who knows? You may have fun doing so.
He scratches his head as he questions:
(Takeru)
I get the part about not pushing behind them from the first demo,
but why can I not be in front?
(Michiru)
Then they'd be eating your dust, now wouldn't they?
I thought that should be self-explanatory?
(Takeru)
Oh, right.
That might be... difficult... for me...
Nevertheless, I'll try to do as you say.
Huh? What's so difficult about that?
(Michiru)
By the way, there's one more thing.
(Takeru)
. . .
(Michiru)
If you can accomplish all that, one day they might trust you.
Relationships are founded on trust.
No man is an island, Shirogane.
You'll want as many people watching your back out there,
and they'll only do that if they know you're watching theirs.
He suddenly starts chuckling to himself.
(Takeru)
You are... absolutely right...
I'll work on that, Captain...
I'll pull my squad with me even if my shoulders rip from their sockets.
And I look forward to the day I regain their trust.
'Re...gain'?
Did he really say, regain—and not, gain?
Hmm. How curious.
His free hand is pumped in the air. Confidence has returned to his voice.
As I face in his direction, I see him smiling at me.
I turn my head away to avoid another awkward scenario.
I'm glad I helped, even by just a little.
(Michiru)
Training doesn't sound so bad anymore, does it?
I return the smile with one of my own.
(Takeru)
Thank you.
For helping me find meaning once again.
Shirogane utters something nonsensical.
Oh! I just thought of something—fun!
Plus, this should also take care of the issue with my battle-crazed Storm Vanguard One.
This is perfect! Talk about shooting two birds with one stone.
Before I proceed, I clear my throat and comb off some loose hair to the back of my ears.
(Michiru)
By the way, Shirogane.
Earlier, you hurled an insult at the entire base.
(Takeru)
No, I would never do something like that—
(Michiru)
But of course you did.
I shrink my eyes as I look at him, mischief written all over it.
(Michiru)
You called our training program an anthill.
He smacks his face as he reclaims his words.
(Takeru)
Oh, right... I did say that... But I didn't mean—
(Michiru)
Would you care to listen to a challenge I shall propose?
Of course—there's no way I can let him get away with saying things like that.
It's time to teach the rookie a lesson in humility.
(Takeru)
A challenge?
Captain—pardon me, but I didn't mean to sound arrogant.
You'd only be wasting your time with my silly spurs.
He pleads with determination.
As I said—you're not weaseling out of this one, Shirogane.
My eyes shrink even narrower as I continue my tease.
(Michiru)
First you insult my base,
which also means you think little of the soldiers in it,
including me and my unit.
And now—you don't have the guts to back up such a bold statement?
The least you can do to apologize is listen to my challenge.
I shake my head, pretending to be disappointed to provoke him a little, my hair swaying in tune.
He seems to be one who falls for such taunts.
(Takeru)
Ah—very well...
Now we're getting somewhere!
I lay down the terms of the challenge.
(Michiru)
You, versus one of my soldiers,
in the simulators,
tomorrow evening,
an hour after supper.
(Takeru)
—?!
Don't give me such a questioning look!
You heard every word I had said!
(Michiru)
I believe it safe to assume you've at least reached the simulators in your previous recruitment.
If you can defeat one of my soldiers, I'll give you something as a reward.
If he hasn't reached the simulators, then he might as well admit defeat and pay his punishment.
Though the truth is—at this time, I can't think of a prize for him.
I'd been feeling a rush the way this conversation has been turning.
I was hoping something would pop up by the time I brought it up.
Nothing has come to mind as of yet.
(Takeru)
What prize would that be—?
(Michiru)
But if you lose, you'd have to apologize to the whole base for what you called them.
(Takeru)
No way—they don't even know what I said!
(Michiru)
But they will...
Everyone will know,
should you lose tomorrow's challenge...
Why else would you have to issue a base-wide apology?
The final nail is in the coffin.
Shirogane pauses a while, then finally says,
(Takeru)
That's blackmail.
(Michiru)
Not really, it's—humility.
I shrug my shoulders alongside my stoic response.
The rookie retreats in silence, I assume he's thinking about it at length.
(Takeru)
Since you made no mention of one,
may I ask for my prize, in the event that I win?
(Michiru)
Oh? You think you can win?
Fine, I shall listen to your request.
There's no way this greenhorn can win against any of the Valkyries; I should humour him anyway.
(Takeru)
Introduce me to your unit.
Huh?
How—simple...
I was thinking of something more... extravagant... considering what he has to lose.
However...
(Michiru)
That may be beyond the scope of my authority.
Even a Captain has to take orders from those up above.
(Takeru)
Just introduce me.
You won't have to tell me anything besides that.
Exchanging names will suffice.
I've placed the odds heavily against him.
At the very least, I can take his request into consideration.
(Michiru)
I'll think about it...
(Takeru)
That's good enough for me.
By the way, we've arrived.
My pupils trace the direction his finger is pointing.
It ends at the door to the Professor's office.
It seems I have been overly enjoying our conversation to notice this.
I wonder how long we'd been standing here.
Shirogane cuts our silence.
(Takeru)
You can leave me now, Captain.
I can take care of myself from here.
And—uh... you're still holding my hand.
Ah! I just realized I'm still grasping it from before.
I let go, coolly as I can.
Then I brush off the make-believe dust on the shoulders of my uniform.
Hopefully, he'd still think of it as part of the demonstration.
(Michiru)
U–until tomorrow, then.
I shall see you in the simulator room.
This new recruit has a lot of promise.
I hope we do end up fighting side by side in the future.
As I leave to tend to my own duties—
(Takeru)
Captain.
I swing my head around to face him again.
(Takeru)
'Even if my own life is what is most precious to me,
I can't protect it by myself.'
Thank you... for reminding me...
I return his salute.
Turning one more time to make my exit, I ask myself, 'Who exactly departed wisdom to whom tonight?'
Revised: September 19, 2018
