Once again, you guys are blowing me away with the reviews, which is why I'm posting so early.

Insert disclaimer here: I don't own the characters, blah blah blah...


. . . Bella . . .

I was trembling as I sat in her office, next to Charlie, who left work for me just because I was too strung out to drive to my own fucking therapy session. He just sat there with a supportive, loving smile, not looking like he minded at all. And he had assured me he didn't, multiple times, but it didn't lessen the guilt.

"Bella?" She asked softly, making me jump and pulling me out of my head. She gave me a soft smile. "I'm ready for you, come on in."

I stood up shakily, swaying slightly and she watched me worriedly. I followed her in, and as always she stood patiently, letting me decide where I wanted to sit today. I took the corner of the big couch, picking up the white board and sitting down, kicking off my shoes, and drawing my knees up to my chest. She frowned, then took out her super-comfy white throw blanket and set it down next to me. My eyes watered as I took it, wrapping it around myself, but it didn't help. I couldn't hold it. I just started crying.

"What happened?" She asked softly, sitting in the arm chair directly across from me.

I started dreaming again. I've been taking my medication but the last two nights it started again.

"Tell me."

It was the same as always.

"Tell me any ways, it will help to get it out."

My writing was horrible, with my shaking hands and blurry vision. But I did as she asked, forcing the dry-erase marker to move.

I threw the board down as I sprung out of my seat and threw up in her garbage can before collapsing.

She said it would get easier each time, talking about it, but it didn't feel like it helped at all.

Irina sat down next to me on the floor, being careful not to come too close. She didn't say anything, she just supported me with her silence, her almost-proximity, and the look in her eyes.

I didn't even have to say anything, she saw the words in my eyes.

"I know how much you hate it, Bella. But it will get better, you are getting better."

I gave her a skeptical look, sniffling, and flinching at the sound I made.

"Yes, I know it might not feel like it, but you are. You're here, aren't you? They wouldn't have released you from the hospital if you hadn't been getting better. You've come very far, and that's something you should be proud of."

She waited silently, patiently, and I'm not sure how long it took me to get up and stumble back to the couch. I just lay down on my side.

I'm so tired, I wrote down lazily.

"What kind of tired?"

Physically. I'm exhausted. And I'm tired of being like this. I just want to be normal.

"And what does normal mean to you?"

Being able to hand someone something without having a fucking panic attack.

She nodded.

"Have you spoken to Edward again?"

I shook my head.

"How does that make you feel?"

I shrugged.

"Nope. Give me words," she chastised gently, and I cleared the board again.

He's a nice guy, but I don't expect anything from him.

"You don't, or you won't?"

I sighed. Either.

"Go on."

My stomach sank, and my eyes watered again.

I want him to call. He's the only person my age that I've had a somewhat normal conversation with since it happened. He's so nice, and…I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to want him to call. I don't want to let him get close just to see him run away screaming. It's easier not to expect anything from anyone. They can't hurt me that way.

"You really believe that he'd just tap out and leave?"

Most people do.

"But there are exceptions."

I nodded.

Charlie's amazing. He's like family to me, though. He loves me. He'd never leave.

And then I smirked.

And then there's you, but I can't really afford to pay Edward to hang out with me. Would that still be considered prostitution even if we're not having sex?

She laughed. I liked hearing other people laugh. Though it made me miss making the sound, I could almost feel it in my memories when I heard someone else do it.

"No, it would just be paid labour." I rolled my eyes. "Bella, you're going to have to open up to someone eventually. You need to take a chance."

I've already taken lots of chances. With every single person I knew in Arizona. I don't want to any more. Not yet. It's not worth it. Things are going well here, I don't want to screw it up.

She nodded, and switched subjects.

"So, have you tried handing Charlie the newspaper again yet?"

Yeah, two days ago. I passed out again.

. . . . .

Shit, I was fucking high. The new meds she started me on were powerful.

And they hurt my stomach, but it was better than the consuming panic that had been trying to suffocate me. She told me it would take about a week to get used to them, and I could barely think straight. I couldn't focus enough to read. I couldn't even concentrate enough to drive to the station.

It was a gorgeous day, though, and I needed to get out of this house. I packed a few joints, some water and juice, and a big container of the peanut butter cookies I had made. It was cooling off, so I got changed into a pair of grey jeans, a warm, dark-blue sweater and my white scarf before walking out into the woods. I threw out my blanket when I got to the meadow, got comfy, and settled in with my joint and my book. I started to sketch, trying to capture the beauty of this peaceful place on paper. I guess I had kind of zoned out, getting lost in the scratches of my pencil, but I snapped back to reality when I heard a soft crunch.

My head whipped around, and there was Edward, staring at me in surprise before he smiled widely. I sat up, not quite sure what to do. I wasn't sure if he came here for quiet as well, and if he would want to be alone.

I was aware that he still hadn't called, and I tried not to let it bother me.

"Hey!" He said, jogging over. "I just tried texting you a little while ago. I'm glad I found you," he said with a smile. I gave him a hesitant smile back, not needing to say anything because I knew he would know that there wasn't any reception here. "How are you?"

I gave him another smile, and his own smile faded as he regarded me closely.

"No, I don't think you are," he said, answering me like I'd spoken my 'fine' aloud. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

I flipped the page of my book to write him a note.

It's nothing, I'm fine.

He huffed, still watching me.

"Mind if I join you?"

Not at all.

He pulled a blanket out of his bag, laying it next to mine, and dropped down on it comfortably.

"Something's up with you. Please tell me? You look…off."

I sighed, wishing that the noise was louder so he could hear how much I didn't want to talk about it. I answered anyways, not wanting to push away the one person my age that talked to me.

My doctor put me on some new medication. It's just messing with my head.

"Oh, that sucks. I hope it don't bother you for too long," he said worriedly.

She said it should get better in a few days.

He gave me a relieved smile, and though it pulled at that worry, knowing it would be easier to lose him now compared to later, I was just too numb to get worked up. Edward dug in his bag, taking out a tin, and he lit up his own joint before flopping onto his stomach.

"So, how have you been?"

A pathetic, stressed-out mess.

Good, and you?

"Good…" He watched me carefully. "Is this just your meds zoning you out or do you not want to talk to me?"

Door number one. I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to think straight.

I rested my head on my arms.

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to make sure. Look, I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you in so long. I don't want you to think I was trying to avoid you or anything, because I wasn't."

I gave him a small smile. It's okay, really.

"I got my shit back today," he said happily.

I'm glad. Is your punishment over?

"Yup," he said happily. It was then that I remembered what day it was, and looked at him in confusion. "What?"

It's Friday, didn't you say that you usually go to the beach with your friends on Friday? I kind of figured that he'd want to get back to that now that he was finally free from his sentence.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I didn't feel like it today. And…well, I was kind of hoping to catch you here," he said, a little uneasily.

I smiled, silently cursing the heat in my face. His grin grew, though he looked kind of nervous.

"So, um…do you have any plans tomorrow?"

I shook my head. I can't really work for a couple of days, it's too hard to concentrate on the words.

"Well, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to, err…If you're free- Fuck. Would you like to drive out to Port Angeles with me tomorrow?"

I just stared at him. He was kind of flustered, and it made me wonder if he was trying to ask me out on a date or if he only wanted some company.

But he was asking me to hang out with him. Really, I'd be happy with either reason.

I bit my lip to restrain my smile, and gave him a shy nod.

His smile split his face, but he quickly composed himself.

"Cool. Have you been before?" I shook my head. "Well, there are lots of stores, and a really nice book shop, but I was thinking that maybe we could like, see a movie or something too? Maybe have dinner?"

Shit, that really sounded like a date.

But why the hell would he ask me out on a date? The thought of it being out of pity made my stomach roll. Was this because he still felt guilty about scaring the shit out of me in the grocery store? Was this whole friendly act out of pity?

I needed to know.

Are you asking me out on a date?

He groaned, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Yes."

Why?

"What do you mean,'why'?" He asked in confusion.

Why would you ask me out on a date?

"Because I…want to take you out on a date?" His statement came out as more of a question in his obvious confusion. But then his face hardened as he watched me, and his voice came out sharp. "No, this isn't some fucking pity date, Bella. I just like hanging out with you. So, do you want to go, or not?"

I nodded, because I really did, though pissing him off made me feel sick with unease. I fought back the tears that tried to fill my eyes.

"Shit, I'm sorry for snapping. I'm not mad at you," he said softly, and I looked back up at him doubtfully. His expression was pained. "Really, I mean it. It's just…I get angry thinking that people have made you believe that you're just, like, not awesome company. Because you are. I honestly just like hanging out with you."

Really? He nodded. I don't make you…uncomfortable?

"Nope," he said easily. "Would you be uncomfortable, though? Sitting in a car with me, or like, next to me in the theater?" He asked worriedly.

My eyes watered when I thought about that. I wanted to be comfortable around him. I really, really did.

But I didn't know if I could.

I don't know…I've sat next to Charlie in a car before.

He pursed his lips, watching me carefully.

"Well…we could always, like, test it out?"

How?

"Could I…sit next to you here maybe?" He asked hopefully. I tensed. "I promise, I won't touch you or anything. I'll just move a bit closer."

Fuck, I really wished my body would believe him. The numbness prevented me from getting too worked up, though.

Which was awesome. And gave me a bit of hope.

I gave him a hesitant nod, and he smiled brightly.

He shifted closer, and I still flinched. He stopped, watching me, and I hoped he could see in my eyes how sorry I was.

"No, it's okay. Do you think it might be easier if you like, closed your eyes or something?"

I didn't know, but I tried anyways, resting my forehead on my folded arms and trying to relax.

And there was nothing for me to see with them shut. I jumped when he spoke.

"I'm close. I want you to remember that when you open your eyes I'm going to be just as close as I am right now, okay?"

I nodded, taking a minute to steady my breathing, trying to will my subconscious to embrace his words before slowly opening an eye.

And he was right there, his elbow only an inch or so away from mine, and I sucked in a sharp breath, clenching my eyes shut as they welled with tears and a shudder rolled through my body. My pulse was pounding in my ears, and it was hard to breathe, but my muscles had locked down and I couldn't move.

But after a few minutes, as I sat in blind silence, my body started to relax again instead of snapping and passing out. I hesitantly opened my eyes again, hating the tears that trailed down my cheeks, and though my breath caught and I tensed again, it wasn't as bad.

And Edward lay there silently, unmoving, watching me. His eyes were pained, and worried, but also determined, supportive, and pretty damn happy as I started to relax a little more. Small tremors kept rolling through me, but I didn't think I was going to pass out or throw up or anything.

Looking into those deep green eyes did wonders to calm me. And then there was his scent.

He smelled amazing.

When he too realized that I wasn't going to run or faint or something, a brilliant smile spread across his face.

"You okay?"

I gave him a hesitant smile, and his smile turned kind of…smug.

"Awesome," he said happily. "So, I was thinking I could pick you up at around noon?" I nodded my agreement. "Have you been to PA before?" He had already asked me that but I shook my head again anyways. "Cool. Well, I could show you around for a bit, check out a few stores, then dinner and a movie?" I smiled as I nodded, starting to get a little excited. It had been a while since I'd been on a date, and that one had been horrible.

I couldn't see Edward trying to feel me up in the back row of a movie theater. I know he knew that nothing like that was happening. And though he seemed to honestly be enjoying my company I still couldn't fathom why he would want to take me on a date that had a zero chance of a good night kiss or even hand holding. I kept those thoughts to myself, because I didn't want to see him get mad again.

"Are there any stores that you'd like to check out?"

Yeah, I needed a trip to Victoria Secret to get some new bras, but I wasn't doing that with him. It took a minute to force myself to move with him that close, and I shakily put my pencil to the open page of my book.

I'd like to go to a book store, and maybe a music or movie store too? I'd like some new books and DVDs.

"Done," he said easily. My stomach rumbled, and I blushed at his smirk before I took out my cookies. His eyes lit up, and I smiled before sliding the container in between us. He smiled brightly, and every muscle in my body went ridged when his hand moved to take one.

I didn't flinch, though.

And he said nothing about it.

"Oh my God, these cookies are awesome. You're a pretty good cook."

I forced my arm to move again.

I'm really not. I burnt almost half of the batch.

It was why I made such big batches of things, I usually ruined a good portion of it. I wasn't a bad cook per se, but I was useless if I didn't have a recipe to follow. And he didn't need to know that they were from a bag mix.

He laughed, and swiped another cookie after inhaling his first one. I tried not to eat too slow, remembering how he'd inhaled five of my six cornbread muffins.

How often do you come out here?

He grinned happily before answering. "When I'm not locked in my tower, almost every other day. Usually around now or later. You?"

Almost any day that it's not raining, usually around lunch time.

"How is that? Setting your own schedule like that?" He asked curiously.

I like it, I just feel bad sometimes over how far they all go out of their way for me. I'm really grateful, though.

He watched me with a curious look for a moment, and looked like he was going to ask something. But he didn't. I saw him let it go in his eyes, changing his direction.

"So what are your days like? What's your usual schedule?"

It's not very exciting. I'm usually up fairly early, do a few hours of work, drop my stuff off at the office, and then once I come back, if it's nice out I like to bring lunch out here and do school work for a few hours. Charlie works late most nights, so after I have dinner I kind of just do whatever I feel like at the time.

He frowned a little, though he quickly hid it.

"So how many hours do you work a week? For the police station?"

Usually somewhere between ten and twenty, depends on the week. Do you work?

"In the summers I work for this plant nursery about a half hour out of town, but they just closed for the season two weeks ago. I cut and sell Christmas trees for them in December as well."

I tried to block out the very distracting mental image of Edward cutting down trees. Maybe wearing a flannel jacket and a tuque, construction boots and dark jeans… Yeah, he'd make a hot lumberjack too.

Do you like it?

"Yeah, I love it. I love being outside. Do you like your job? What is it that you do exactly?"

I thought about that for a moment, but the papers I'd signed were to not talk about the details of the documents I read, not that I couldn't talk about what I did.

I'm making electronic copies of all their paper records. It's just a lot of scanning, typing and organizing.

"Oh, is it boring?"

I don't mind it, it keeps me busy and it's kind of easy. I'm just happy that I have a paying job, I didn't think I'd be able to find something that I could do right now. I got really lucky with it. I hate taking money from Charlie, and it's nice to have something aside from school work to do.

"And he hooked you up with it?" I nodded with a smile. "That's awesome. There really aren't that many employment opportunities in Forks."

I smiled and nodded, not being surprised by that information.

"So, is it just a temporary thing?"

Kind of? I don't think they can afford to hire a second person, and there's enough work in there to keep me busy for at least a year.

He laughed. "Well that's good."

I opened up my second bottle of water, and not wanting to leave him yet but starting to get a little antsy, I dug out another joint from my purse. Then, I carefully laid back down where I had been before. It was unsettling how strange it was to be so close to someone who wasn't Charlie. We weren't touching but our folded arms were only a few inches apart.

Actually, this was closer than I'd been while sitting next to Charlie in a car. The realization surprised me.

"What was that look for?" He asked curiously, copying me and opening up his own tin before cautiously settling back down. I shook my head, thinking it was a kind of sad realization. I didn't want to upset him again.

He didn't push, and after another few minutes I was relaxed once more, even more than before. I didn't care that I had to be high to do it, I was so damn happy to be next to him like this. I couldn't restrain my smile, and Edward mirrored me.

"So, how's living with the Chief?" He asked curiously. I smiled, but it took me a little while to write because my brain was a pile of goo.

Too easy, like, it feels almost too good to be true? He works a lot, and I'm usually at home so I have the place to myself most of the time. We're both pretty tidy people, and he has a cleaning lady that comes in once a week. Nights that he's home we usually alternate cooking. And then there's the fucking car he bought me so I could get around on my own, and he set up everything at the school and my job for me… He has no problem with me coming and going as I please as long as I let him know where I'm going, keep my grades up in school, and don't drive when I'm upset. And he's a really laid back guy, easy to get along with, although he can be a little blunt sometimes. I like it, though, he doesn't treat me like a child. And I've never met anyone who knows more bad cop jokes.

I took up almost an entire page, and rested my head back down as I watched him read it with glassy, slightly-red eyes. I smiled when he laughed at the end.

"Yeah, I've always thought he was a pretty cool guy. As long as he doesn't arrest you, then he'll make your life a living hell." My smile grew.

Have you ever been arrested?

"Nope," he said proudly. "You?"

I shook my head. What's he like around other people?

"I'd say same as what you said, pretty laid back. He's not on a power trip like most of the other cops, doesn't get up in your case unless you're actually doing something wrong. He's nice to like, everybody. The town loves him."

I smiled, and wasn't surprised at all. I just didn't get to see him interact with many people outside of the office and grocery store.

What are your parents like?

"Eh, they're not bad. My mom's a little over protective; she's a hoverer, and a meddler. My dad's a pretty laid back guy. Kind of quiet. He work's a lot." He hesitated for a moment before asking warily, "What was your mom like?"

I tensed. He probably thought it was in pain, or sadness, but I only had anger for her now.

"Sorry, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I shrugged. She was a delusional fucking sociopath.

He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment, and I sighed.

Are you and your brother close? What's his name?

It took him a minute to answer. "Yeah. His name is Jasper, and we're only a year apart so we grew up pretty close I guess."

Do you miss him?

He shrugged. "Not really, it's just kind of weird not having him in the house." He was lying through his teeth, but his attempt at nonchalance was kind of cute.

The sun had disappeared, and the wind had picked up. It was only another minute after that I felt the first few drops of rain.

I should probably get going.

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if this picked up," he said reluctantly. "Would it be okay if I like…walked you home?"

I smiled, because he was so damn sweet.

You don't have to.

"I know, but I'd like to."

I felt my face heat up as I smiled and nodded. We both got up, folding our blankets and packing our stuff. The light drizzle was quickly turning into a downpour.

"Lead the way," he said with a smile. And I slung my purse over my shoulder and started walking. He easily matched my stride.

"What time is the Chief home tonight?"

I held up all ten fingers.

"Is that how late he usually works?"

I shook my head, but couldn't really elaborate or my book or phone would get soaked. I think he kind of figured that out, that I was limited to yes and no. It looked like he was having trouble finding something to say, and there was nothing I could do to help.

I wonder if he realized that this is what it would be like driving with me as well. My stomach sank.

I wasn't going to cancel on him. I didn't want to push him away, but I wasn't going to let myself cling to him either. I'd see tomorrow how well he could handle silence, and if he needed to walk away after…well, I'd just try to make the most out of tomorrow.

He looked so deep in thought. I wish I could ask him what he was thinking about.

A random smile took his face, and I raised an eyebrow at him when he turned to face me.

"Did you mark your trail with string?" He asked with a laugh, and I blushed in embarrassment before nodding. "Hey, nothing wrong with that. It's kind of comforting to know that you won't get lost in the woods." I rolled my eyes, smiling. We broke through the trees into Charlie's back yard. "Does the Chief know about the meadow?"

I nodded him over so we could stand under the awning out of the rain, and took out my book.

Kind of. He knows I have a place in the woods where I like to hang out, that it's not far, and that I have my trail marked. He could easily find it if he wanted to though, sorry.

"Nah, it's cool. Just don't go getting kidnapped or something to make him go out and catch me smoking."

My entire body went ridged at his joke, and when he noticed his face went pale.

"Shit…Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

I shook my head quickly, stopping his apology.

No, it was nothing, really. Sorry. I gave him the best smile that I could, but I knew he didn't buy it at all. He knew he hit home with something.

"So…the Chief will be okay with me taking you out tomorrow?" He asked, thankfully changing the subject, even though it was one that he obviously found uncomfortable.

My stomach sank, and I gave him an apologetic smile before taking out my phone.

"No, it's okay. Go ahead," he said warily, combing his hand back through his hair and tugging on it. I tried not to stare at the way the movement made his bicep flex. His shirt was soaked, and sticking to him in the most delicious way.

Hey Charlie, can I go out on a date with Edward Cullen tomorrow? He wants to take me to Port Angeles. -B

We both waited uneasily for three minutes before my phone buzzed again.

Sure, you could do worse than a doctor's son. I want to talk to him before the two of you leave though. -C

I cringed, and held out my phone for Edward to read. His breath left him in a huff, and he gave me a nervous smile.

"Yeah, sure. Of course."

I smiled, and told Charlie he had a deal.

"Okay, so…I guess I'll see you tomorrow? At noon?"

I smiled, and nodded, and prayed that my eyes wouldn't water as my nerves set back in.

"Awesome. Well, good night Bella," he said with a soft smile, and I mouthed a 'good night' back to him, which really made him smile for some reason.

And the way he hesitated before he turned and walked away made me wonder if he would have kissed me if I'd been a normal girl.

I really, really wished I was one.


A/N: BELLA AND EDWARD ARE GOING ON A DATE. *Coughs to clear throat* Sorry, didn't mean to yell. Are you happy or nervous for them? And it was a giant leap for Bella to let him that close in the meadow.

A lot of you had been asking about her therapy, I've thrown Irina's name around a couple times but I guess you didn't really know who she was until now. So yes, Bella is in therapy. And I know you're all curious about what happened to her, but I didn't force out her story early. It didn't fit right. Hope you don't mind waiting for a bit for the full story.

So, next two chapters are the date. It got really long and I had to split it, but they're still both fairly long chapters. Any guesses as to whose POV they will be in?

THANK YOU to everyone that has reviewed and shared my story! Please continue to hit that review button, it makes me update a lot sooner!