"How could Nikko cheat on me?!" I wondered as I ran home. And so filled with rage, I didn't bother to think about the trouble I am in and will be in. Actually, all I thought about was anger. Towards Nikko and towards the world. I remember what my mother once told me. Sometimes, there's just no one to count on. Sometimes, you're just all alone.
"Bitch!" My father hollered at me as I approached the dark house. He stood by the door, beer in hand. I couldn't feel his glare though. It was like when Nikko sat there holding his privates (LOL!!!) and I walked away. It was like I left my heart or soul with him. I was now just an empty shell.
Walking past my father, he made no attempt to stop me, considering his wobbly feet didn't let him go far. As I stomped up the steps, I heard dad sitting himself on the old sofa, drinking as much as he could.
As I entered my room, disgust filled my gut as I saw all of them. All the pictures of my so called "friends". They were smiling and Nikko had his arms around me as I kissed his cheek.
Anger and betrayal was all I felt threw my veins. He lied to me…HE FUCKIN LIED TO ME!!! I felt so used and betrayed that I did something I knew I was too frozen to forget. I grabbed every picture and chucked them. Literally. At the wall, making the frames shatter into millions of glass pieces, allowing them to cut the pictures. All but one. Nikko was kissing me and I was so happy. That moment I couldn't shatter. Not even if I wanted to.
As I opened my eyes to what I had done, tears began to surface. Tears for me, for my mother, for Nikko, for the pictures, and for mostly my life. How did everything turn out so bad? I can still picture the days when my father actually smiled and my mother was alive. Nikko was the perfect rock star boyfriend and everyone envied me. Even Tammi. She would've done anything to be as amazingly perfect as possible. Even steal my boy.
I sobbed as I crawled over to the pictures. Some had tears near the faces and edges mostly. Gathering up as much as I could of the pictures, I attempted to put the frames back together, making me sob harder as the just fell apart all over again.
"I'm sorry," I whimpered out over and over again. And I was. For hurting Nikko, for dieing, for living, for everything. It was like I had nothing to be proud of. I can't do show choir anymore, and I couldn't do anything else. And I even wondered if it was in vain. When I was reborn, was I fated to be alone. Should I miss use god's gift and live even though I'm not with Nikko? Or should I kill myself, give someone else the gift of life. Maybe a butterfly or a lion. Something strong and beautiful, with a soft edge to its personality. But then it would repeat itself. I would fall in love, die, reborn, betrayed, die, and then repeat it. Over and over again until something new happened. Maybe one of the new lives would live. Choose to live and be happy. This angered me more than the thought of everything repeating. How come?! How come I'm the one who suffers?! What did I do?! Live. That's what I did. I was born. The hell girl. Who can bend a rose without breaking it I heard my mother's voice whisper. Then I knew what I would do. I would do what I love and forget what I hate.
I will run. I will sing. I will dance. I will LIVE.
