AAACCCKKKK! I AM SO SORRY FOR NEGLECTING MY FAITHFUL READERS YET AGAIN!

I am very sorry for forgetting this story yet again. I would love to say that I have an excuse, but honestly I just lost inspiration and interest. But no more! I am determined to write! And if anyone wanted to perhaps reward me with a chocolate unicorn, then I of course would gladly accept… again, I'm so sorry for the wait but… umm… I still love you guys! 3

Disclaimer: .com/naruto/images/b/b4/Masashi_

That is the link to a picture of the man who owns Naruto. You can find many more by searching "Masashi Kimimoto" on Google Images. None of the pictures that will appear as a result of the search will be of me. I. Do. Not. Own. Naruto.

fools

Tsu-Ze's POV:

"They should join the Akatsuki, of course!"

A grin spread quickly on my face at the proposition that Konan had so kindly presented.

If you think about it, it really would be advantageous for the Akatsuki if a shape shifter and some sort of psychic joined their ranks. Who wouldn't want those abilities on their side? And, of course, while my first priority would be to change the destinies of a few select Akatsuki members, that didn't mean that my friends and I couldn't have any fun messing with them a bit… they were, after all, originally planning on torturing us, right? Maybe that called for a little suffering on their part.

Satake, on the other hand, didn't seem to agree.

"Join the Akatsuki? But you're the bad guy! w-we would have to kill, wouldn't we? It's sort of a job requirement, isn't it! A-a-and then, what's to say that you wouldn't end up killing us? Just let us go!" She spat.

My grin quickly became a frown. Poor Satake. In the Naruto-verse, it was sort of kill or be killed. Konan's attention was quickly directed on Satake, and she emotionlessly replied,

"Sweetie, the invitation doesn't exactly apply to you. I meant the girls with the special kekkai genkais. You will probably be… disposed of."

I was horrified. Satake couldn't die! She was part of the group, and what would we do without her realistic sense and her cool head? She had to have something, something that made her useful…

And then it hit me. Her cool head! Her control!

"You could train her to be a medic ninja! All you have is Kakuzu, right? And what does he do? Sews parts of Hidan back together. You guys go after all sorts of crazy dangerous bijuu, and who knows what sort of life threatening injuries you could receive!" I hurriedly spouted, visibly flustered at the thought of my best friend being killed.

In my head, I dryly added that Deidara would be very glad for a medic's assistance after he started losing his arms left and right (heh, left and right, like his left arm and his right arm! *cough cough* really bad pun intended). My formidable furry feline friend growled lightly in agreement, and Satake's furrowed brow lightened considerably at the welcome new prospect of not being "disposed of".

Pity slowly crept into Konan's eyes as she protested with, "A healer would be nice, but it's very difficult to be an accomplished medic. There are many different factors that go into the making of a medic, and whose to say that your friend has any of them?"

"Well, for one, all of the injuries she sustained from Itchy and Fishy," the two ninjas glared daggers at me. "… ahem, Itachi and Kisame," I amended, before continuing, "are gone."

The origami artist's eyes widened as she saw the truth of my statement. I myself had noticed this strange new development when my captor was being attacked by Tora's kitty form. I still had all of my aches and pains, but Satake seemed to have sustained no injuries. While the discovery of her ability was a little more understated than Tora's and mine, it was still nothing less than a miracle that I was extremely grateful for."

"Well, perhaps we could work something out. But all of you must go through a few tests before you can be admitted to-"

"WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON HERE?"

Everyone's heads snapped to the side, only to meet the glare of a very menacing pierced individual. He was emanating an arrogant "holier than thou" vibe, and both Konan and Kisame visibly flinched under his gaze. I however, responded with a cheerful greeting in hopes of making a good first impression on my hopefully future leader.

"Hello, ginger!"

Aaaaaannnndddd cue the anime vein popping out on his forehead.

"Pein-Sama, please pardon the girl's actions. She's an idiot."

"Oh, geez, thanks Konan. I thought you-"

"SILENCE!"

The Akatsuki boss-man yelled. At this point, I simply responded by miming zipping my lips, locking them together, and throwing away the key. This didn't help. On the contrary it made the man's ringed eyes look even more furious.

If you haven't guessed already, the now very angry man was Pein.

"Now, tell me exactly why these… oddly dressed civilians are in our secret base," he demanded, calmer than before but still retaining the intimidating air about him.

"Leader-Sama, these girls have much information about our organization and also appear to have some kekkai genkais we could use," replied Itachi, keeping it short and to the point.

"Then what do you plan on doing with them?"

"Well… I thought maybe they could join the Akatsuki, Pein-Sama." This time, it was Konan who responded. I noticed how she called him Pein instead of Leader, and guessed that she was probably the only one who was allowed to. If only Pein would at least act the slightest bit human, he could see how much Konan cared about him. It's sad, really. I pitied the poor girl… hmmm… unless… I could help her.

I quickly began to formulate a plan to make Pein and Konan a couple. I just needed to set the mood here, make sure music plays there… it was all quite simple. Of course, the entire scheme was set on the premise that I would be kept alive.

"-fine, as long as you do it."

I had been so deep in my thoughts that it was only then that I could hear the ginger's voice again. I blame it on the fact that the narutoverse is sadly lacking in Ritalin.

"What? Do what? I wasn't listening!" I cried out. All heads snapped towards me.

"Come on! I was zoning." still, I was met only by glares. Then I remembered.

"oh, right… the whole zip my lips thing… damn. Well who really expected that to last anyways?"

No one responded, and I was left awkwardly waiting while still on Itachi's shoulder… It made me sad. Instead, Pein just shot me one last hateful glare and swept out of the room, leaving me with on the shoulder of a weasel and surrounded by a blue cat, a terrified Satake slung over fishy's shoulder, and little miss origami. It took a while before anyone spoke, everyone seemed to be recovering from the threatening aura still left in the room by Pein, but finally Konan broke the silence by saying,

"What we are going to do, is test all of you to see if you are worthy of joining the Akatsuki."

"Thank you! Finally, someone who has the decency to actually explain things to me."

"We wouldn't have to, Tsu-Ze, if you would just pay attention for once," mumbled Tora, who was now back in her human form. Strange… I didn't recall seeing that happen.

"Welcome back kitty-chan. But you know my brain is too confusing for it to stay on one subject for long… and look! No meds here!"

As my last sentence was processed by everyone in the room, they all replied in unison with one word,

"Shit."

(except Itachi, because that would be very out of character)

Satake spoke up again for the second time, always the one to address forgotten issues. "Moving on from Tsu-Ze's idiocy, when do we test? And do we get to train? I've never been a ninja befo-"

"I WAS ALWAYS A NINJA!" I intervened. Notice how I was much more concerned about the ninja comment than the one about my idiocy…

"SHUT UP TSU-ZE!"

"I'LL SAY WHAT I WANT TORA. I TELL NO LIES."

"YOU'RE NOT A NINJA TSU-ZE!"

"ARE TO!"

"ARE NOT!"

"ARE TO!"

"ARE NOT!"

"ARE T-"

"If you continue yelling in my ear, there will be consequences," warned Itachi calmly, effectively stopping the debate/mindless shouting match in its tracks.

"Buzzkill," I pouted

"…immature two year old," he said so quietly that I almost didn't catch it. He was looking away, and I was left staring at the back of his had, my mouth agape and eyes wide open.

Had I….had I really just managed to make Itachi retaliate to my immature teasing? And in a manner not involving violence? The corners of my open mouth slowly turned upwards as I was overcome with pride and accomplishment. I looked around to see if anyone had seen my great feat, but unfortunately due to the weasel's barely audible reply, my success was unknown. And I was starting to get weird stares because of my deranged looking open-mouthed grin. But I didn't care! My determination was renewed! I WILL MELT THE HUMAN ICE CUBE!

"You will have a one week training period before testing. Each one of us will train one of you. I guess I'll take Satake, Kisame will take Tora, and Itachi will be Tsu-Ze's mentor," stated Konan, calmly ignoring the previous argument.

It was obvious that neither Kisame nor Konan were very pleased with this arrangement, but Itachi seemed to be the most pissed off. While Kisame just grumbled under his breath and Konan wore a disgruntled expression, the weasel looked like he was ready to strangle Konan. He glared at her continuously, and appeared to be waiting for her to change her mind, though she said nothing else and instead left the room.

To be honest, I was a little- well, very hurt at Itachi's reaction. Personally, I was excited (and terrified) of training to become a ninja, but it was clear that the usually apathetic weasel wanted nothing to do with me. Sure, I wanted him to feel emotions again, but I didn't want them to be hate.

Although, I was the most annoying one in the group. And I would be lying if I said if I wasn't proud of that- NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF OBNOXIOUSNESS! But this would also make it harder to stay alive. It seemed like training would be a little more difficult than necessary with Itchy.

Without a word, I was suddenly dropped on the floor by said ninja as he stalked away. Surprisingly though, there was no pain, and all of my wounds were gone! Itchy must of healed them! To show my gratitude, I quickly yelled at his retreating form,

"ITCHY! YOU HEALED MY OUCHY BOO-BOOS! DID YOU KISS THEM TO MAKE THEM BETTER?"

I didn't even receive a grunt for that. I brushed off my emotional pain and stood up, stretching and testing my previously injured body parts. I walked over to where Tora was standing and watched as Kisame released Satake; luckily for her he did it much more gently than Itachi.

As he turned around to follow Itachi, this time Satake yelled a question to him.

"Wait! Where are we going to stay?"

"Figure it out yourself," he called back.

"YOU SUCK FISHY!" I announced, frustrated by this new ordeal we would have to face. The others, however, did not seem to approve of my approach to it (yelling at S-ranked criminal ninjas) and voiced their disapproval with,

"SHHH!"

YES! I DID IT! AGAIN, I'M SOOOOOOO SORRY! I really hope you guys will still read this… thanks to Trem or reviewed me today while I was already in the writing mode and reminded me HEY! I HAVE AN OUTLET FOR WHEN I'M IN A WRITING MODE AND IT HAS BEEN NEGLECTED! So even though I've been absent, I really love all my readers and reviewers and hope you won't shun me for my lateness! And Trem, thank you again and I will be eagerly awaiting my chocolate unicorn! TSU-ZE HAITSUCHI, SIGNING OFF! BUT NOT FOR SO LONG THIS TIME! I HOPE! I'LL TRY!