Thank you so much for the encouraging reviews. For those of you who are confused about where exactly this is going, just hang in there. I do have a plan.
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JAR:
"Carlisle and Alice will take care of the planning Bella. You just take this time to grieve. It isn't healthy to hold it in."
"Okay," I whispered. I slumped into Edward and cried.
Bella's Point of View
That night, Edward helped me sort through Charlie's things. He even helped me pack my things saying that I was going to live with the Cullens now. I didn't have enough energy to object to this.
After Edward was finished loading up his Volvo, he came back inside to find me curled into a ball on the couch in the living room. He came and knelt down beside me.
"Bella honey, it's time to go," he said quietly.
Slowly, I stood up and began to walk to the door, but my legs gave out on me. Edward caught me just in time.
"How about I carry you?" he asked. I just nodded.
Edward picked me up bridal style and walked to his car. He put me in carefully and was in the driver's seat a second later. He smiled at me sadly and drove away towards his home.
When we got there, Edward called for Emmett and Jasper to come help unload the car. I stayed in the car as the three of them brought everything inside in record time. Once they were done, Edward picked me up and carried me inside where everyone was in a semi circle waiting for me.
"You can put me down," I said quietly to Edward. He set me down but made sure to keep one arm firmly around my waist.
Esme walked over and hugged me. "I am so sorry Bella. If there is anything I can do, just let me know."
I pulled away. "You are all doing enough already by letting me stay here."
"We wouldn't have it any other way," she replied.
"Where's Carlisle?" Edward asked.
"He is in his office planning the funeral and making phone calls."
"Does Renee know yet?" I asked quietly.
Esme nodded. "She wanted to come and get you so you could live with her and Phil, but I told her we were happy to have you stay here. She will be here tomorrow morning for the funeral."
"Why so quickly?" Edward asked.
"Carlisle thinks it would be best to do it as soon as possible. He pulled some strings and was able to schedule the funeral for tomorrow morning," Esme answered.
"What day is tomorrow?" I asked quietly.
"Saturday."
"Saturday?" I whimpered. Charlie and I were supposed to have our bonding time then. I leaned my head into Edward's chest and began to cry softly.
"Is she okay?" Emmett asked.
"What do you think? Her father just died," Edward snapped.
"Can I go to bed now?" I whispered through my tears.
"Of course." He picked me up and carried me towards the stairs.
"Take her to your room Edward. Her room isn't ready yet," Esme called after us.
I put my head on Edward's shoulder and closed my eyes.
"Do you want to take a shower Bella? It might help you feel better," Edward whispered.
I nodded into his shoulder.
"Are you going to be able to stand up long enough to take one?" he asked. I didn't answer. "I will ask Alice to come help you then. Alice?" he said quietly. Alice would hear.
"What is it?" Alice asked as she met us in Edward's room.
"Could you help Bella take a shower?" Edward asked.
"Of course."
Edward set me on the ground carefully. Alice took my hand and led me into the bathroom where she immediately set to work. She stripped me of my clothes and helped me into the warm shower where she washed my hair for me.
She helped me out of the tub and grabbed some pajamas that I hadn't noticed before. They were sweat pants and a T-shirt. She helped dress me and then let me sit down on a stool. She brushed through my hair softly all the while humming softly. Alice was probably trying to make me feel better.
The truth was that I wasn't feeling bad. I wasn't feeling good either. I wasn't feeling anything anymore. I was completely numb.
Once Alice had finished, she helped me stand up and walked me into Edward's room. Edward jumped off his newly acquired bed and ran up to me. He took me in his arms and carried me to his bed. He tucked me in and turned to Alice.
"Thank you Alice," he said quietly.
"It was no problem. Let me know if you need anything else." She walked out of the room leaving Edward and me alone.
Edward crawled into bed with me. I rolled into a ball and felt his arms circle around me holding me tight. I fell asleep to him humming my lullaby.
"Put the gun down slowly and leave your hands where I can see them," Charlie said. I turned and saw a man dressed in all black with a mask over his face holding a gun.
"I don't think so," the man said.
"There is no need for violence, but if I have to, I will take your gun by force," Charlie said.
"You won't be able to after this." The man pointed his gun at Charlie's heart. I screamed and ran in front of him trying to save my father, but it was no use. The bullet hit him square in the chest, and he crumpled to the ground. The man ran away quickly after that.
"Dad!" I got down on my knees and looked at my dying father.
"Officer down! Officer down! We need backup!" I turned and saw a police officer running towards Charlie. He knelt down across from me and checked for a pulse.
"Tell my daughter…"Charlie wheezed. "Tell my daughter I love her." He went limp.
I woke up screaming and thrashing around. Cold hands held me down to the bed.
"Bella, Shh. Calm down Bella! It's okay," Edward said soothingly.
I fell into his chest and cried.
"It's okay Bella. Just go back to sleep."
"Don't leave!" I whispered frantically clawing at his shirt.
"I won't leave you Bella. Never again."
He began to hum my lullaby and I fell asleep with tears still in my eyes.
I woke up the next morning feeling more tired then when I went to bed. Throughout the night, I had had the nightmare around six times. I woke up screaming every time resulting in basically no sleep.
"Are you awake?" Edward whispered into my ear.
I nodded slowly. I didn't want to be awake.
"The funeral is in an hour. Do you think you can get ready on your own or do I need to call Alice?" Edward asked quietly.
"I can do it," I whispered. I pulled away from him and stood up slowly. My knees almost gave out, but I caught myself on the bed.
"I think I need to call Alice," Edward said.
"I can do it," I said quietly. "I need clothes," I added.
"Alice already set some out in the bathroom. She figured you would want to dress comfortably, so she set out your denim skirt and a sweater."
I nodded and walked slowly to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and got dressed in a daze.
I turned to look in the mirror and almost gasped. My eyes were bright red and swollen from all the crying I did last night, and I had dark circles under them. I washed my face with water, but that didn't help any.
I gave up and decided to try brushing my hair. It was so tangled that I couldn't even get the brush halfway through it. I struggled for a minute before I snapped. I started screaming, and I threw the brush into the mirror causing it to crack.
"Stupid brush!" I screamed. "Stupid stupid stupid!"
Edward opened the door quickly and walked over to me. "Bella?" he asked quietly. He took me in his arms and let me cry into his shoulder.
"The brush couldn't even brush through my stupid hair!" I yelled into his chest. "It couldn't even…do its…job!"
"Bella, calm down. It's going to be okay," Edward soothed.
I pulled away from him and frowned through my tears. "How can you…say that? I just got mad…at a brush Edward! What does…that say about…me?"
"It says you are grieving Bella. This is a perfectly normal reaction."
Just then, Alice walked in. "Do you want help with your hair?" she asked quietly.
I took a breath in and let it out slowly. "Yes," I said as I wiped away my tears. I turned and looked in the mirror. If I thought my eyes were bad before…
Alice walked over and carefully detangled my hair. She made sure to cover the bald spots I still had. "I never thought I would allow you to dress so plainly," she said looking me over.
I almost smiled. Almost.
"Don't you go getting used to it though!" Alice smiled and walked out.
Edward walked up behind me and put his arms around my waist. He breathed in the scent of my hair and sighed. "You look beautiful Bella," he said quietly.
"I look like a tomato," I said matter-of-factly.
"A very beautiful tomato." He chuckled.
I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but I didn't smile. I couldn't when I was minutes away from going to my father's funeral.
Edward frowned. "I miss your smile Bella," he said quietly.
I forced myself to smile.
"That isn't your smile. I miss your smile."
"Well I can't give that to you," I said quietly.
He sighed. "I know. I still love you…more than you ever know. I will be here for you throughout this whole thing Bella. I want you to know that."
I nodded even though I couldn't trust him. Things were only going to get harder from here. Edward would surely leave me again.
"Edward, Bella, it's time to go," Carlisle said from the doorway.
Edward took my hand and walked with me to his car.
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