Chapter 7: Overwhelming Sorrow

It had been three days since Chichiri brought word of Tasuki's presumed death to the capital. Kari had not left her room. When she had arrived in the throne room she had still had Tasuki's dirty blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The hand maids had tried to throw it out but she had insisted that it wasn't hers and she needed to return it to it's owner. Now she clung to it as if it were life itself.

Her mind was a dark place, thoughts spiraling out of control. She would be dead if it wasn't for Tasuki and now he was dead because of her. She'd never experienced the death of a loved one in the real world. This was the first real time life seemed so fragile. How could he be gone? He said he'd be back. He'd lived so long. He'd been one of only 3 to survive the first time the Priestess appeared. He was strong. How was it possible for him to be dead? With no body it couldn't be true. And like that Kari's thoughts circled and spiraled from despair, to hope, to despair again.

There was a knock at the sliding door leading to the covered walkway outside. Kari ignored it. There was another knock followed by Chichiri's voice calling, "Priestess. Please. I'm coming in." The door slid open and Chichiri walked in and sat down on the foot of the bed. "Priestess, We need to start looking for the other Warriors soon. You need to be strong. There is a lot of work to do to save Kounan."

Kari sat up and pulled her knees close to her chest. She hugged Tasuki's blanket close around her. She pulled the blanket over her head and down to cover her face. She was silent. Chichiri spoke softly, "Kari. You can't cocoon yourself away from this. Kounan needs you. I know you have strength inside of you. You need to show it now. I know you're hurting. I know you were fond of Tasuki. He saved you life. He was the first person in this world to befriend you. You have every right to be sad. And I've tried to be strong for you so that you can grieve. But, Kari. I miss Tasuki too. Please, you have to come out of this room and be the Priestess."

Kari lifted the blanket off her face ever so slightly and peaked out. "Chichiri. I'm sorry," she said, misery dripping on every word.

"You don't need to be sorry, Priestess. You just need to act and not seclude yourself away in here. This won't go away on its own. Kounan needs you and you are the Priestess of Suzaku. You need to look inside yourself and find the strength and power that I know is inside of you," Chichiri said as he leaned towards Kari and gently pulled the blanked off her head. He could see the sorrow in her puffy red eyes. She'd cried a lot over the past few days and it showed on every inch of her face.

She spoke with wavering voice, "I don't know why I'm so sad. I just. I don't know. Tasuki was kind to me. I've never had someone close to me d...die before. I didn't know it would hurt my heart this much. I can feel it. It actually hurts in my chest. I didn't know it was really like that. I thought all that 'my heart hurts' was nonsense. But I really feel it. And I can't stop crying. I know it might be wrong. I only knew him a few days. But I miss him. Chichiri, I miss him so much. And I just want to crawl inside myself. I want to curl up and shrink down. I don't want to be here, Chichiri. It hurts too much. And I don't know why." Her voice rose as she continued, "I hate this! I don't want to be like this! I hate myself like this!" she threw off the blanket and punched the nearest pillow. "I don't want to do this! Chichiri! I'm not your Priestess. Find someone else! I can't do this. I can't do this, if people are going to die because of me I can't do this! Tasuki wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me. I killed him! I'm not going to be your Priestess if it means people are going to die for me! I won't!" She yelled and cried as her whole body began to shudder.

Chichiri sat in stunned. "Kari, it's true. People will die protecting you. But the lives you can save are so much more. You can save this whole kingdom. But only you can do it. We need you. We really need you to save us. And Tasuki died knowing that you would save us. He was with you protecting you, leading you. He did that because he put all his faith in you. In you summoning Suzaku and granting Kounan its wish for peace. He knew that you could do this. That's why he was with you. We need you so badly, Priestess. Please. I'll leave you alone now. I'll be back tomorrow morning to get you. I hope you'll be ready to go. I've had them make some traveling clothes for you. You can't travel easily in these court clothes they've got you in now. A handmaid will bring you your traveling things tonight. I hope you'll be ready to go search for the remaining warriors in the morning. Please." Chichiri stood up and walked out the door without looking back.

Kari was left alone again with her thoughts. She gathered herself up and took deep breaths. "You can do this. You can do this." she whispered to herself. "You have to do this. You have to do this." she took another deep breath. "For Tasuki." She let out a sigh and crawled under the blankets and quickly drifted off to sleep.