Say My Name

AN: Song: Always by Saliva: /Song Lyrics/


Chapter Seven: Always

/I hear a voice say, "Don't be so blind"/

Spike's mind went blank.

Nothing.

All he felt was Faye's terry cloth robe rubbing against his chest. All he saw was the cold metal wall opposite where he now stood holding Faye. His reflection was simply staring back at him. All he heard was her uneven breathing as she buried her face in his chest.

/it's telling me all these things/

'You never see what's right in front of you!' Spike stared at his reflection as it began to blur and flicker changing. 'What's right in your arms.'

/that you would probably hide/

'Why do you conceal yourself from everyone?' The voice he heard cried in his ear as he stared unblinkingly at the wall. 'I was hurt the last time I let my emotions known.' He didn't know how similar he and Faye were. They both had damaged hearts buried deep within their souls that only desired to be loved again, but both too terrified to be hurt once more, too scared to open up to another for fear they would break beyond repair.

Faye was ready to take that risk. She just had to see if Spike was too.

/am I... your one and only desire/

He watched as the image on the wall changed to a strange earthly meadow at sunset. He could almost feel the warm summer breeze as the sounds of a little girl giggling echoed in his head. He saw her the bouncing purple curls as she ran up to a man who had his back to Spike. The man picked up the girl as a woman sitting next to him leaned her head on his broad shoulder.

"Isn't she beautiful, Spike?" Faye's soft voice sounded in his head as the little girl hugged her father. Spike choked down a gulp of air as the image faded into darkness.

/am I the reason you breath/

Faye was lying on her side, her swollen belly covered with a thin sheet from Spike's bed. His arm was draped around her stomach as he rubbed it tenderly in a circular pattern. His face was buried in her neck as he breathed in her jasmine sent.

"Spike?" he moaned lowly as she whispered his name.

"Yeah?" he asked quietly. She covered his hand with hers as he listened.

"I have no regrets." He kissed her neck as she began to fall asleep holding his hand.

"Goodnight Faye." Spike watched as his eyebrows knit together. Why was his mind showing him these images?

/or am I the reason you cry/

It changed again to Faye standing in the hallway to the hanger clutching her swollen stomach. She was standing defiantly as Spike began to walk away his back to her. Spike watched his future self turn his back on the young woman. She was crying silently as she reached out to him trying to stop him.

/Always, always, always, always, always, always
I just can't live without you/

"Spike I can't do this without you!" She screamed to the retreating figure just before Spike snapped back to reality. The wall became rusted metal again. He gasped for air as Faye looked up at him. His arms tightened around her shoulders.

/I love you/

She loved him. He saw that now.

/I hate you/

He didn't know if he hated her, he didn't know if he loved her, he didn't know. For the first time in Spike's life he failed to label his emotions, and it scared him.

/I can't live without you/

"Spike." Her voice was so far away. Her cold touch on his face was so distant. Her jasmine sent was so remote. Yet he held her close as reality spun out of focus.

His past was taking hold again.

/I breathe you/

Julia, she never let him go. She was millions of miles away and yet there she was in his false eye staring at him.

/I taste you
I can't live without you/

Flashback

Spike stood outside Julia's apartment with a single rose in his hand. He knocked on the wooden door quietly. He heard footsteps as he held the rose behind his back smiling. The door opened and Vicious stood in the frame, an off white sheet wrapped around his waist.

/I just can't take anymore/

'Even after you swore fidelity to her, she continued to screw around with Vicious!' The small voice rose to a roar. Spike snapped the stem of the flower behind his back as he managed a plastic smile. Julia stumbled to the door wrapped in a matching sheet wrapped around her naked body, her hair in disarray.

/this life of solitude/

She drove him into his dream world of a life.

She drove him to be an emotionless shell.

/I guess that I'm out the door/

"Vicious, I just came over to remind you of our meeting tomorrow morning." Spike said smoothly as if he had expected Vicious to be there. With that Spike turned and left ripping the petals from the rose off one by one.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

She loves me.

She loves me not.

End Flashback

/and now I'm done with you/

'If she loved me why did she never say it? All she did was say 'I know' and smoothly change the topic.' Spike didn't under stand it. He had given Julia his everything and in return she torn him and his best friend apart. He couldn't believe his thoughts as they continued to run through his head, yet they all made sense. 'I was just something she used when she got bored with Vicious. A manipulative vixen.' He began to remember everything, blocked memories of times forgotten came flooding back as the stopgap broke. All the pain she had caused. 'She called me Vicious in the middle of sex. She ignored me when I told her I loved her. She continued to sleep with my best friend, saying it was just to keep him from being suspicious. And then she lied to me and left with him.'

He looked down at Faye's face staring up at him worried. 'Faye. She has already admitted she loved me, I called her Julia…Oh god!' Spike let go of Faye as he pulled at his hair as he finally saw, with two eyes wide open. He saw a damaged soul like his clinging to his own soul simply wanting to be healed, just like him. That single thought made his heart fluttered unlike any moment he had spent with Julia. Once upon a time he had blamed Vicious for everything, but all Vicious had done was fall down the same path he had. 'I'm finished with this.'

He had to transcend. Even thought he knew Faye loved him he would be ready to take the simple risk of exposing himself when he knew for sure he was in love.

/I feel like you don't want me around/

It all came crashing down together, that drunken night had set everything in motion in order to bring these two battered souls together. All the pain Julia had caused him tore every loving emotion he had ever had for her to pieces.

Faye looked up at him worried at how he was taking her news. She didn't know what was happening in that head of his as she watched him with nervous emerald eyes.

/I guess I'll pack all my things
I guess I'll see you around
Inside it bottles up until now/

He was done being the tragic figure standing in the rain mourning over his lost love.

This was his epiphany.

/as I walk out your door
all I hear is the sound of/

Spike saw Julia for the last time as she turned her back to him holding a crimson umbrella over her head. It was all too real. Spike backed away from Faye, only able to see her as Julia. He stumbled back, slipping on the wet floor of the bathroom.

/Always, always, always, always, always, always
I just can't live without you/

He hit his head on the side of the tub as Faye came to his side.

It didn't stop the vision kept playing.

/I love you
I hate you/

Faye didn't know what was going on. "Spike! Spike!" She screamed holding his face in her hands. She didn't know what to do.

/I can't live without you/

She couldn't do this with out him.

/I breathe you/

She felt his breath as she brought her lips to his.

/I taste you/

It stopped. The dream stopped as soon as he felt Faye's soft lips against his. It was something so familiar yet strangely new.

/I can't live without you/

She had stopped the past from playing over again. Faye is his present and the future, she can erase all the pain and hurt of the past, if he'd let her. He brought his hand to the back of her head as he kissed back. She was surprised when she felt his warm hand cradle the back of her head deepening the kiss.

/I just can't take anymore
this life of solitude/

"Faye." He broke the kiss as she looked into his two toned eyes.

He saw her, Faye Valentine, with those eyes that could see into the depths of anyone's soul, those eyes she loved.

/I guess that I'm out the door
and now I'm done with you/

"I'll never leave." He whispered almost afraid to speak those words of commitment. His parents left him to die, Julia left him to be with Vicious, and he left them all to find a new life.

/I love you, I hate you
I can't live without you/

'Oh Spike.' Faye felt her heart almost stop hearing him tell her he would never leave. She buried her face in his neck smiling sadly holding her hands over her heart.

"What happened?" She asked in a muffled voice.

/I left my head around your heart
Why would you tear my world apart/

He held her in his arms as he looked down at her. She was beautiful, at face value and he had only began scratched the surface of her inner beauty.

"I'm done with her Faye," he whispered in her ear. "She hurt me too many times." He was opening up to her. Faye couldn't express her happiness, he was telling her he was ready to move on, he was opening up to her. "She was a manipulative li-"

/Always, always, always, always
I see the blood all over your hands
does it make you feel more like a man
was it all just a part of your plan/

Faye brought her finger to his lips trying to calm his fury. He stopped before bringing his hands to her face looking into her incredible emerald green eyes as she smiled sadly. In them he found her soul reflecting back into his.

/this pistol's shakin' in my hands
and all I hear is the sound /

"Wimpy girls aren't my style any more." He said moving closer to her face smiling. "I like 'em tough." He slid his hands back into her violet hair as he kissed her ruby lips sweetly first.

/I love you
I hate you/

Faye pressed her hand against his bare chest as the other one slid down his throat to rest on his collarbone. He pressed against the back of her head deepening the kiss.

/I can't live without you, I breathe you, I taste you/

'I can't do this without you Spike…'

/I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
this life of solitude/

'I'm not gonna let a memory rule my life.' Spike ran his hands through Faye's hair. 'She's so differ-' He stopped thinking as he realized he was still comparing Faye to his lost love, seeing if she measured up.

/I guess that I'm out the door
and now I'm done with you/

Spike broke the kiss as he heard the metal door of the bathroom slide open.

/I love you/

He'd have to wait and see if he was truly falling in love with her.

/I hate you/

Jet coughed nervously as Faye backed away from Spike holding her robe closed tightly as her cheeks flushed a light pink color.

/I can't live without you
I love you
I hate you/

'Maybe I am falling…'

/I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
this life of solitude/

He grabbed his boxer from the floor and pulled them on under the towel.

/I pick myself off the floor/

Faye helped him stand up as he draped the towel over his head. Spike stopped and looked at Jet in a pink terry cloth robe with a pink plastic shower kit, complete with shower cap and a small rubber ducky. Faye held on to his hand as they stood outside the bathroom. She was so close to him, so warm, so vibrant. It felt strange, but right.

/and now I'm done with you/

"Thank you for saying what you said in there, Spike," Faye said as she looked at her bare feet. He looked at her.

/Always/

"Do you still mean it when you said you loved me?" He asked in a tone that was lightly dripped with cockiness as he grinned like there was no tomorrow. Faye smiled knowing he was still Spike Spiegel the man she couldn't live without.

/Always/

Faye kissed his lips quickly before turning away to go to her room. She looked back over her shoulder smiling.

/Always/

"Always and forever cowboy."


AN: The next chapter is called Maybe!