Sorry it's a bit late: hope you enjoy; lemon warning; only two more chapters to go after this one!


It happened almost as if in slow motion.

Neji turned, discarding his towel, and laid a foot to lever himself into the bath. Too late, he felt the slipperiness of the soap beneath his foot, and too late to stop the transfer of weight, he went lurching forward and tumbled into the bath.

The brunette surfaced with a breathy gasp to the sound of hysterical laughter, and the blood-freezing knowledge that whatever his chest was pressed against was not the stone wall of the bath. He blinked several times to clear away the water, and as he pulled back and peered through his hair, he discovered that he was looking at toned, pale skin. With one hand, he pulled back the hair that had fallen across his face and looked up; right into the incredibly amused face of one Sasuke Uchiha.

Neji felt as though he must've hit his head somewhere on the way down, or inhaled too much water, because his thought processes did not seem at optimal running speed. Proof of this was that it took him a good several seconds of awkward staring amidst hysterical laughter to realise that he was pressed between the Uchiha's legs with his arms either side of the other man. It took another few seconds for him to accept that he had just had his face pressed against that toned chest, and another few to process that no; he wasn't in some terrible nightmare.

When all three of those facts had gone through central processing and had allowed for output, he wrenched himself away with a loud cry, and as a response, had gone reeling back under the water. With his hair all over his face, he could barely decipher up from down, so when a hand reached down from above and yanked him into air, he let it happen; until he lost his balance, and for a third, time, fell.

"You sure are ungraceful today, Neji," Sasuke teased in that purr that Neji hated. In was only when he realised these words were being murmured right into his ear that he let out a defeated groan; finally noticing that he was settled on flesh, rather than stone. Sasuke Uchiha had been his saviour from the bath, and he had tumbled into his lap, back pressed against that chest again. He shifted uncomfortably and felt something that was definitely different from legs rub against the crease between his ass cheeks.

Immediately, he removed himself from the Uchiha, who then proceeded to join in the laughter. He glared around the bath as he finally took a seat, ringing out his hair as the room quieted to sniggers under his glare.

"Oh, I suppose this is very funny to you," he snapped.

"…Obviously," Shikamaru remarked, and that set them all off again. Neji tried to ignore it for a moment, and then had to admit that the entire situation was completely absurd, and couldn't help it; he laughed along with the rest of them; definitely surprising everyone in the room.

Sasuke looked at Neji and couldn't help but think that maybe, if the Hyuuga just laughed a bit more; he might not be quite so bad. (1)


Naruto was about to burst out laughing at Neji's misfortune; a bit of a light-hearted moment to break the worry that had been nagging at him –but that was until he realised that he had suddenly been transported back into one of the awful stories and was now in a rather comfortable, nicely warm bed.

He rolled over and instantly gave a wild yell of astonishment when he realised that there was someone else in the bed with him, and that other person was Sasuke.

And they were both naked. It was almost as if his body was reacting normally this time, because he hurriedly wriggled backwards in horror, clinging to the sheets as he did so; tearing away from the embrace the raven had held him in. Unfortunately, he reached the edge of the bed and went plummeting off the bed, dragging the sheets with him. His resulting shriek and ungainly fall appeared to wake Sasuke, who looked incredibly irritated at having been disturbed. He looked over onto the floor with bleary eyes and rolled his eyes, leaping out of bed as if horrified.

"What the fuck are you doing in my bed?" Sasuke exclaimed in an angry growl, snatching up some of the sheets and wrapping them around himself.

"Don't ask me!" Naruto complained, rubbing his lower back, "…Shit…why do I hurt so much…" His eyes widened in horror as he connected his back pain with the fact that the two of them both happened to be naked.

"This is not –no; what happened?" Naruto shouted, causing Sasuke to clutch at his head in annoyance; wincing at the sound, "What happened last night –I don't…did you rape me?"

"I did not rape you…" Sasuke snapped aggressively, "Nothing –I'm sure nothing…"

All of a sudden, there was a knock at the door.

" –Sasuke, though I'm glad that you and Naruto are finally up," Itachi's voice called out in amusement, "…I must say I'm surprised; you were up quite late…" Sasuke wrenched open the door crossly.

"Fuck you, Itachi…" he snapped irritably.

" –Naruto, your brother's here to pick you up," Itachi informed the blonde, "You apparently called him last night and told him that you were staying here. He was a bit confused because apparently all you do at home is bitch about Sasuke –"

"Kyuubi's here?" Naruto exclaimed in horror, scrambling around for his clothes, "…Itachi, you've got to stall him for me! He can't see me like that –he'll think…"

"He'll think what?" a deep voice rumbled darkly from around the corner and Naruto let out a small 'eep' of horror halfway through grabbing his shirt as a tall redhead appeared in the doorway with a raised eyebrow and folded arms. "That you and the little Uchiha were having raging sex all night –now what would I think of that?"

"Don't be such a hypocrite!" Naruto exclaimed, "You think I don't hear you secretly fucking Itachi every other night? And you totally stayed here last night! You were wearing those clothes yesterday!"

"What?" Sasuke growled hotly, "Itachi –"

"I can explain –" Kyuubi protested, holding up his hands defensively as Sasuke rounded on his elder brother. Itachi just gave a sudden squeal and wrapped his arms around Kyuubi's neck.

"Finally, they both know!" Itachi chortled in delight. Kyuubi facepalmed dramatically.

"Naruto, grab your clothes," he sighed, and then looked cheeky, "…So who topped?"

"Kyuubi!" Naruto exclaimed hotly, a blush crossing his features.

"It was totally Sasuke, wasn't it?" Itachi grumbled, kissing Kyuubi on the neck affectionately.

" –Your dad will be so proud to hear that at least one of his sons tops…" Kyuubi chuckled, grabbing Itachi's ass suggestively.

"You guys are gross!" Naruto complained, snatching up his clothes and struggling to get dressed whilst maintaining his dignity and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his lower back, "I should've just pretended I didn't know…"

"Does father know about this?" Sasuke inquired flatly.

"…No…" Itachi shrugged, "But how's mother going to feel when I tell her that her baby boy got himself drunk off his face and made sweet, sweet love to her favourite blonde?"

"We did not make –" Sasuke blushed, unable to look his brother in the eye, "You wouldn't tell mother, would you?"

"Wouldn't I?" Itachi inquired mischievously as Naruto snuck out past him to glare at his elder brother before heading downstairs.

"Now, now…" Kyuubi laughed, wrapping an arm around Itachi's lithe waist, "No squabbling…But Sasuke…let me make it quite clear that if you hurt my little brother, there will be terrible consequences…and if he tells me that you took advantage of him…well…" He was smiling brightly, but Sasuke saw the danger in his glinting eyes. He left the sentence hanging and graced Itachi with a hot kiss on the lips in farewell.

" –Hey, Naruto…" the redhead hollered as he caught up with his brother in the living room, "…So, how was it? Must've been pretty good; we heard you from Itachi's room…" Naruto looked thoroughly embarrassed, "…Totally cockblocked me by the way; we found it just too weird having sex while we could hear our little brothers going at it like wild things –Sasuke likes it rough, right?"

"I am not talking about this!" Naruto exclaimed hotly, about to storm out, only to have his brother embrace him warmly. "We were both very drunk and…"

" –So, which of us is going to tell mom and dad that you swing the same way as me?" Kyuubi cackled gleefully.

"I AM NOT GAY!" Naruto protested crossly.

" –Sure, you're not," his brother shrugged, leading him towards the car, "…You were both just very drunk; didn't know what you were doing…"

"Exactly!"

"…Well, for someone not gay, you sure sounded like you enjoyed having Sasuke's cock jammed up your ass!"


"N-No! Hidan! Stop it!" Deidara moaned, fidgeting as Hidan began palming his cock over his pants as they sat in what appeared to be a studio room, apparently hosting a radio show. Hidan pressed his lips to Deidara's and ravaged them thoroughly; all whilst in the presence of a clearly bored Sasori.

"…I apologise for my co-hosts," he was saying dryly, "They just started making out again; I'm Sasori and this is Akatsuki Live. Hidan and Deidara, would you please keep your hands off each other? In recent news, tonight we sent our new Temp on a date with Word on the Street's head writer; one Naruto Uzumaki. We have writers on the scene, so be prepared for an exclusive in next week's issue." Sasori looked over at Hidan and Deidara in exasperation as Hidan dragged an apparently unwilling Deidara into his lap and began making out with him even more fiercely. He sighed heavily.

"…Due to Itachi's policy on employees not using the staff bathroom for sex, my idiot co-hosts are forced to deal with their repressed sexual tension in my presence," Sasori informed the audience.

"I am not an idiot!" both Hidan and Deidara snarled automatically.

"This fucking sucks…" Hidan grumbled aggressively.

" –Sasori is broadcasting that we're making out, yeah!" Deidara snapped, "Stop molesting me, Hidan! Why are you always fucking molesting me?"

"People seem to think I'm some kind of fucking pervert…." Hidan growled back. (2)


Kisame sucked harshly at the crook of Itachi's neck as he gripped his ass tightly; spreading his ass cheeks wide as he began to lower him onto the tip of his cock. He felt the Uchiha cringe, but that was the only reaction he got from him. Kisame gritted his teeth, clenching his eyes shut tightly Itachi began slowly sinking down onto him. This wasn't the first time he'd been with a man; but usually, with most men, and even some women, penetration was pretty much as far as it got –they all had too much trouble adjusting to his massive size.

Itachi was struggling to fight back tears of pain. He'd spent the last while with three of Kisame's massive, lubed fingers deep inside him; determined to stretch him –but all the preparation in the world couldn't have prepared him for the huge length that was slowly filling. His arms were gripping the blue man's neck tightly but trying not to give any indication of how much he was hurting.

"…Relax…Itachi…" Kisame grunted, feeling the Uchiha shudder as he was finally seated in his partner's lap; completely sheathed around an enormous erection.

"I…I'm fine…" Itachi hated the way his voice shook slightly. He fidgeted a little, trying to adjust, or get comfortable, or something. He'd known that Kisame was unbelievably large…but having him inside him made him realise just how much he had misjudged. Kisame pulled Itachi back by his ponytail and pressed a gentle, hot kiss to his lips –almost apologetically –before bucking his hips up once.

Itachi shuddered and collapsed against Kisame's chest, suddenly beginning to raise himself and lower back down; impaling himself on that massive cock over and over again. Kisame let out a low grunt, feeling Itachi's tight walls grip his cock greedily and cause incredibly pleasurable friction. As Itachi began riding him, he clutched at the back of the raven's head and forced him to look into his eyes.

There was something unbearably intimate about the way they were forced to lock eyes; Itachi rolling his hips and letting out small, breathy gasps as he felt himself being stretched impossibly. Kisame's huge hands gripped his hips tightly and began slowly forcing him up higher and then slamming him down harder. Itachi let out a low whimper, but that was all that escaped him as Kisame's cock slammed into his prostate.

That was when both the real Kisame and the Kisame that was being written, decided that he wanted to see Itachi; the ever-stoic Uchiha; lose control. He wanted to see him moaning and writhing and screaming his name.

Itachi's world was suddenly tipped upside down as he was pushed onto his back roughly, and Kisame began pounding into his tight hole; slamming into his prostate with every powerful thrust. Red eyes rolled back into his head as he bit his lip in pleasure and pain; such an enormous object filling him so completely. Kisame, his eyes determined, spread Itachi's legs even wider and leaned forward, capturing a nipple between his sharp teeth and ravaging it with his tongue as he gripped the Uchiha's cock in a massive hand and pumping it in time with his thrusts.

Still, Itachi made no sound.

Kisame redoubled his efforts; his thrusts driving into the Uchiha so hard that he was forced back against the mattress. Pale hands gripped at the sheets, feeling that thick, hot member being shoved deep into him and filling him with pleasure. But he would not yield; would not give himself over to ecstasy.

And then he opened his eyes.

He saw Kisame, completely naked; his rippling muscles tense and straining as Itachi's legs were roughly pulled up onto blue shoulders. Bent almost double, Itachi could see Kisame's giant cock disappearing deep into him…and something about the erotic sight, and the defined muscles of his partner's chest…made him snap.

Kisame's hips snapped forward, and Itachi suddenly began moaning, his eyes clenched shut and his body beginning to buck in delight; finally losing control. Chuckling, the blue man increased his force and his speed, enjoying the way that Itachi's eyes glazed over, saliva running from between parted, bruised lips as his body shook from the force with which he was being pounded.

"Nhhn…Kisame…Fuck…Kisame…" Itachi moaned loudly, his hands fisting the sheets of the bed and then reaching up to grip the neck of his partner tightly, "Harder! Is that all you've got? Fuck….Fuck me harder…HARDER!" Kisame couldn't believe he was hearing such words from his partner's mouth, but immediately complied; loving the cries and hoarse screams that Itachi was now spouting; the curses and obscenities as he gave over to pleasure. He began forcing himself down onto that massive cock even harder; determined to have it reach as far into him as possible. The Uchiha's screams grew in volume and passion as his nail raked hard into Kisame's skin as his partner slammed into him with agonisingly pleasurable force.

All of a sudden, Itachi's lithe frame shuddered and he gave an erotic moan of Kisame's name as he suddenly came; coating their chests with his release; gripping at Kisame desperately and demanding a passionate kiss.

If Kisame had thought Itachi was tight before; as he orgasmed, his walls clamped even tighter and forced the blue man over the edge. He came explosively, deep inside the raven; his release so forceful that it filled Itachi and spilled out of his ass as Kisame rode out his orgasm with several violent thrusts.

He slowly pulled out, watching with satisfaction as his cum trickled out from the raven's thoroughly stretched entrance. Itachi let out a shaking breath and cringed as he slowly began to lower his legs; averting his abashedly; unable to meet his partner's gaze. Kisame chuckled low in his throat.

"…At least…at least these writers aren't ItaSasu fans…" he remarked to try and ease the tension.

" S-Shut up…" Itachi panted, closing his eyes as one of Kisame's huge fingers reached down to gently circle his abused hole apologetically, "Wait…fans…"


"Hey, Itachi, I'm fucking glad that that isn't a tradition when being inducted into the Akatsuki…" Hidan cackled, slapping Kisame on the back heartily as Kisame gently lowered the practically immobilised Itachi to the ground. Itachi flinched as pain rocketed up his spine, "Also didn't think you'd be the type to be begging Kisame to fuck you harder –"

"…Shut up Hidan…"

" –Itachi, I thought you said they couldn't control what we said?" Kisame remarked with a small chuckle. Hidan promptly spluttered and his eyes widened in astonishment; looking at the smirk on the blue man's face. Deidara burst out into mocking laughter, coming over to sit by Itachi, who was fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Welcome to the ukes club, yeah," the blonde sniggered. Itachi glared at him scathingly.


"Sasuke!"

Sasuke turned with an irritated glare to find Sakura jogging up beside him.

"I've been looking all over for you!" she exclaimed as she drew even with him, "We…We've decided that you need to be warned –" Sasuke snorted a 'tch' and kept on walking, not caring about what it was that she had to say. "Are you going to see Naruto?"

"…That's none of your business…" he replied shortly.

" –Well, you should know that he's…he's not quite feeling himself…" Sakura mumbled, "It's probably not a good idea for you to see him right now…"

"Did I ask for your opinion, Sakura?" Sasuke replied flatly, continuing in his course.

" –I know it's your anniversary with him and everything but –" Sakura didn't get the chance to finish, because Sasuke had already bounded into the air and headed off towards Naruto's apartment without another word. She sighed heavily and shrugged.

"…Well, I tried…" she muttered to herself, "If Sasuke wants to deal with Naruto while the Nine-Tails is in heat…that's his problem…"

"Get-Get off, idiot –" Sasuke growled as he was slammed up against the wall by Naruto and lips attached viciously to his neck. He squirmed; his neck very sensitive. He gave a low groan as Naruto pressed a knee to his crotch and began grinding it up against the raven.

"…I can't help it!" Naruto snapped back, viciously tearing through Sasuke's shirt and latching onto a pink nipple with his teeth. Sasuke quivered at his touch and clenched his eyes shut; grinding back down against Naruto's thigh.

Instantly, he was spun around to face the wall, the suddenly aggressive Naruto ripping apart his pants and leaving him standing there, completely naked. Tanned hands ran down Sasuke's hips and gripped them tight as sharp teeth descended to the base of the raven's neck; biting harshly and grinding hips up against his ass. Sasuke gave an aggressive growl, but was powerless to do anything as one of Naruto's fingers ran down the seam of his ass to rest at his entrance.

"I'm going to be the one on top, this time, Sasuke…" Naruto growled fiercely, pushing his first digit against the tight ring of muscles, "…I'm going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to walk for a week…" He roughly grabbed Sasuke's chin as he pushed his finger deep into him and kissed him passionately, swallowed Sasuke's soft moan at being penetrated. Sasuke clutched at the blonde's tanned face with a pale hand; eyes falling to half-mast.

"…You…are so…fucking sexy…" Naruto hissed, a second finger already joining the first as he began pushing them both deep into the raven; seeking the spot that would drive him wild.

Sasuke could feel something hard pressed against him from behind as he gritted his teeth at the unpleasant feeling of having something in him. This was not happening. He was not naked, with Naruto's fingers up his ass…He let out a low breath as he felt a burst of pleasure course through his body.

"…You like that, Sasuke?" Naruto whispered hoarsely as Sasuke moaned into his touch.

"…I love you, Naruto…" he whispered quietly.

" –I love you too," the blonde replied, viciously devouring his mouth with a harsh kiss.


Sasuke had never been more relieved to see that white room. He glowered at Kisame when he saw that his brother was sitting on the floor, looking suitably flushed and in pain.

"…I'm surprised to see Sasuke joining the fucking uke club too…" Hidan chortled. Sasuke glared darkly.

"I'm no uke," he snapped irritably, looking at his brother haughtily; unable to hide a small smirk.

" –Well, I think we can safely say that the writers prefer SasuNaru…." Neji muttered, looking over at Naruto with a shrug, "Sorry; it's the truth."

"Naruto's gonna get fucking pounded by Sasuke," Hidan cackled mockingly, causing the blonde to flush and Sasuke to glare angrily.

"I'm not havingnot doing that with Sasuke!" Naruto squawked in an embarrassed, undignified tone, fidgeting awkwardly and looking over at Gaara, Itachi and Deidara who were looking at him with what…sympathy? He self-consciously backed up against the wall to protect his back…and ass…

"There is no way I am having sex with that idiot," Sasuke growled coldly, a slight blush painting his cheeks, discovering that Hidan was smirking at him.

"…You might not have any fucking say in that, little Uchiha…"


(1) Extract from my own "Two Households Alike in Dignity"; main pairing SasuNeji and NaruHina

(2) Features in a fic of mine, "The Temp" starring SasuNaru and ShikaNeji

Hope you're still keeping up; only a few more chapters to go! Will Itachi figure out what's going on? At least they've figured that the writers (ahem) prefer SasuNaru (chuckle). Review and await the update my dears :D What lies ahead?

xx K