VII—That Which Lies Within

"What is 'Different'?" Healer said, sounding majestic, and slowly turned to face Zazie.

Through steam rising from the bath, Zazie looked and felt awed by the creature before her. What is 'Different'? She considered. Is it just appearance? She asked herself. If that is all it is, is it even important then? I'm sure Healer has feelings, hopes and dreams. Are hers any different from mine; are they any more or any less important? She may not be human but she must have a soul, a soul of light because she was willing to help. Would I have been able to do that, especially for a creature like me, or would I have run away?

"Why did you help me?" Zazie asked. "Why did you take what must have been an incredible risk?"

"To not have helped would have meant that we were not who we are." Healer replied. "We are more alike, you and I, than different and to leave you unaided would be denying our past. Everyone, you, me, Equis and the others are always standing at the end of our histories and at the beginnings of our futures. We are the sum of our experiences and we carry them with us, always. It is these experiences which have taught us not to judge another, at least not before we know what we are judging. You are still young, Zazie, barely a baby in our eyes. Would you leave a baby helpless to find its way in the world?"

"But why did you take the risk?" Zazie asked. "I could have been a monster."

"Monster? Why do you insist on calling yourself that?" Healer asked. "Is that your intention, your future goal? Do you wish, nay, intend to become monstrous? You've been granted incredible potential and all you see is a monster?"

"I've become a vampire, sort of," she said, "What else could I be?"

"No, Zazie you're still human," Healer replied. "In behaviour at least; a vampire would neither cry nor feel the things you feel. Generally, vampires only care for themselves. Their eyes only see things in the light of how they may serve them."

"But . . ." Zazie said, "how could you know—you know—before I woke what I might have been?"

"You still don't really know us or what we are, Zazie." Continued Healer, "What risk we took was far less than you might expect. Look at me."

Healer fluttered through the air and hovered over the bath, her deep green eyes penetrated Zazie's soul.

"What do you see?" Healer asked.

Zazie looked upon the beautiful creature. Healer fluttered unabashedly naked, as if clothes where mere accessories, and hovered within Zazie's arm reach. She was the perfect female: the iconic figure, which sculptors had sought to capture since antiquity. Ever curve perfectly proportioned and able to provoke thoughts of the basest nature in any who saw her. Zazie felt unnaturally warm and confused as shameful images rose and provoked an unwelcome arousal, which burned in the young woman's mind and yearning. This creature, who'd barely reach her chest had they stood together, seemed to beckon and beguile as no other and yet there was nothing impure about Healer. If anything, Zazie thought, it's my feelings which are sinful. Healer only looks the way her nature decided; the weakness is in me. Zazie looked away; tears filled her eyes once more. Why am I feeling this carnal desire? I'm so unclean."

"Why do I disturb you, Zazie?" Healer asked, softly.

"I ca . . . can . . . can't say." Zazie replied, not looking at Healer.

Healer sensed Zazie distress and leaned forward. She put her arms around Zazie's neck and gave her a hug. Zazie's soft tears fell, unimpeded, on Healer's shoulder and the fairy tightened her firm embrace. She soothed the young woman and the girl's sobs began to soften. Without letting go, Healer submerged herself to her shoulders and in the warm bath gave Zazie a full and comforting hug.

"It's okay, Zazie," she said softly, "It's not your fault."

"What are you?" Zazie whispered. "Why do I feel like this?"

Healer released Zazie but stayed in the water; she slid to the other side of the bath. Healer sat and considered the young woman before her. Through rising steam, Healer smiled reassuringly, at Zazie.

"I am one of the last Fae remaining in this world." Healer stated. "You are seeing my true form and you are feeling my inherent aura: call it the Fae Field, if you will, for lack of a better term. Your ability to enchant or enthral another is very similar to ours but yours is a lot stronger—just ask Equis.

"Whereas our powers allow us to seduce and entice someone, of lesser mind," Healer continued, "that person only remains in our power while before our eyes or in contact with our bodies. You, on the other hand, can utterly enslave a person: mind, body and soul. You possess a fearful power, Zazie, and once you learn to use it, my meagre abilities of allure will not touch you in the slightest. Even now, my sway over you is weakening: your vampiric power is actively fighting against me; yet you aren't even aware of it. In a very short time, too—if you choose, you will be able to overcome me completely, Zazie. I will become a helpless plaything under your allure and I will ecstatically enjoy any command you could give."

"What do you mean, allure?" Zazie asked feeling more at ease and calm as time ticked on.

"Just that Zazie," Healer continued, "If you pushed, just a little, my ability to resist you would collapse and I would be completely yours. You'd be able to make me do anything—and I mean anything—and I would do it, lovingly. This is the awesome first line of defense, which you inherited from your maker. You are frightening Zazie; anyone you took a liking too will be unable to resist you and your enemies will fair no better. Vampires are the masters of seduction and they know how to use their powers, instinctively. That's why they can survive, especially when first turned."

"I don't understand," Zazie said.

"Hmm . . . how should I explain?" Healer continued. "Think about Lord Pfalzgrafenweiler for a moment."

Healer felt Zazie's anger rise to a tangible force within the room and saw the girl's eyes light with blood red flame. Only the girl's inexperience allowed Healer to resist the power that Zazie threw at her and then, as quickly as it rose, it fell.

"Sorry, Zazie. Thank you for controlling yourself so quickly—I'm glad you are a fast learner." Healer said, relieved, and continued. "Now, back to Pfalzgrafenweiler. If you seek revenge, you will be able to make him fall hopelessly in love with you. This will be problematic for him, to say the least, because of the earlier encounter with you. He'll be unable to fulfill his lust, which you could ignite and inflame, and you could tease and stoke those flames. It will drive him mad with passion and he'll burn, allegorically speaking, as if in Hell already: until, at last, you mercifully allow him to kill himself."

Zazie felt her lips turn up in an evil little smile as she thought about it.

"I see that smile, Zazie." Healer continued. "Are you are beginning to understand the extent and nature of your power? Listen to me; before you chastise yourself for your feelings, and let me tell you one thing: it will only be evil if you act upon it. You've been through a horrible ordeal it will be a long time, if ever, before you'll be able to forgive what happened."

"I don't feel bad, Healer." Zazie said. "Is that bad?"

"That depends on why you don't feel bad," replied Healer. "Tell me, why?

"Lord Pfalzgrafenweiler was horrible to everyone," Zazie said, "Not only did he treat the girls, at the brothel, with brutal obscenity he used his wife worse. I truly hope milady hasn't suffered, for what I did. The few times we met, she treated me like a person and she knew my position."

"Lord Pfalzgrafenweiler will never trouble anyone again, Zazie." Healer said plainly. "After he lost his—um—manhood, Lord Pfalzgrafenweiler's father-in-law discovered how his darling daughter had been treated by his son-in-law. He was not happy and marched on Castle Pfalzgrafenweiler. The soldiers within didn't fight; they rallied to their Lady—who they obviously adore—and offered the head of their former Lord to the father on his arrival."

"I'm glad," Zazie said, relieved. "I feel much lighter, thank you. I'm sure I would have sought him out to kill, once my strength returned. I'm glad I don't have to dirty my hands or sullen my soul for that beast."

Zazie smiled at Healer; she felt relaxed, comfortable and completely unconcerned that she was sharing a bath with a beautiful and enthralling woman.

"How do you feel, Zazie?" Healer asked suddenly.

"I feel warm and nice and relaxed," Zazie replied, dreamily.

"I want you to close your eyes for a moment, Zazie," Healer instructed, "and try to look inside your self. I want you to reach inside and feel your vampiric aura. Can you feel it?"

"Yes." Replied Zazie, softly.

"Can you sense its energy?" Healer continued.

"I think so."

"It's ebb and flow?"

"Yes."

"Now, I want you to try and increase the flow, just a little. Learn how it feels," Healer said.

Healer was caught unprepared by the sudden deluge of power rising from the young sylphlike woman. Zazie's aura grew and radiated into the surroundings with astonishing force. Inundated and overwhelmed, Healer felt a rush of passion and desire rise within her body. It incited feelings and images, best left unspoken; swirling inside her mind. Her breathing turned ragged and her heart fluttered behind her bosom and, deep inside, Healer felt unfathomable excitement building to a crescendo. Utterly stunned by the raw vampiric power of this girl, Healer couldn't gauge how much power the young woman might possess; then, unexpectedly, a familiar energy pulsed. Hiding beneath the chaotic darkness of vampire energy, Healer sensed the power of the Fae: enhanced, magnified and twisted almost beyond recognition.

"Za . . . Zazie," Healer said through irregular breaths, "con . . . concentrate; pull back your aura, pl . . . please."

Zazie opened her eyes, surprised by Healer's anxious and breathless words. She saw Healer squirming immodestly in the water and understood immediately what was happening. Zazie sensed the flow of her power, forced her will upon it and quickly drew it back. Aghast yet aroused by her power, Zazie looked through the steam and saw Healer's flushed cheeks pale to normal.

"Whoa . . ." Healer said her breathing returning normal. "You are truly fearsome. I think Seeker seriously underestimated your maker's and your potential: only a full vampire lord could impart such massive power to their offspring. I really understand Equis better."

"Did I, you know . . ." Zazie said, mortified.

"Yes," Healer said, simply. "Don't look so embarrassed, Zazie. We Fae are naturally passionate and open creatures. I admit though, I haven't felt like that for a very long time."

"I . . . I'm sorry." Zazie stammered.

"Nonsense." Healer said with benign nonchalance.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Besides it felt really nice." Healer said playfully as she hugged herself.

Zazie's face turned red, like a coal glowing on a blacksmith's forge and she was sure her body heat had increased the steam rising from the bath.

"You don't know much about your family do you, Zazie?" Healer asked unexpectedly

"No, not really." Zazie replied, "My mom died when I was very little and I don't think she really knew who my father was, she was a harlot after all. If she did know, I don't remember her ever telling me. I don't really know much about my mom either, come to think of it, I once asked the woman who ran the brothel but she always changed the subject whenever I brought it up. Why are you asking?"

"A moment ago, during our—um, you know—encounter, there was more than vampire power in your aura." Healer said.

"More?"

"It's hard to explain and I will need to speak to Seeker about it, too, because he didn't sense it." Healer paused, "Mixed with your vampiric force I sensed Fae energy, too; that's why you were so overwhelming to me." Healer continued and smiled as if reliving pleasant sensations. "I would not have thought these two energies could exist in one person but—even for one as old as I—the world sometimes surprises. We will have to look deeper, you and I."

Zazie smiled. She liked the idea of spending time with Healer; it was the first time she felt liked and welcomed by another. She had spent her life as an object for profit for the brothel owner and a quick release to those whose patronage supported the house.

"You are surprisingly innocent, Zazie." Healer laughed mischievously, "Especially when I consider your background. How did you maintain your maiden's charm through all that? Anyway, let's forget about all this for now."

"By the way," Healer said, hopefully, "can you do me a small favour?"

"Okay, Healer." Zazie said eager to do something in return for the fairy's kindness.

"Can you wash my back?" Healer asked, innocently. "I have an itch, just between my wings, which I can never reach on my own."

Zazie stared, stunned by the sudden request, as Healer turned around. The fairy leaned against the edge of the bath and rested her head on her crossed arms. Meekly, Zazie reached for a convenient sponge, which lay by the bath. Healer's fragile and stunning wings fluttering gently in the warm water and, almost hypnotically, drew Zazie's gaze. She moistened the sponge and began washing the fairy's back. Under Zazie's gentle touch, Healer pushed against the sponge and silently beckoned Zazie to scrub harder.

"Hmmm . . ." Healer ecstatically sighed, "That feels so good."

"Healer?" A chime like voice rang out.

Zazie and Healer turned, with a start, towards the sound. Self-consciously, Zazie dropped the sponge and felt her cheeks redden, again. A small creature, no larger than a crow, flew across the room and hovered by the bath. Zazie looked at the little creature and recognized it from the other day. She felt bad: the first time she had seen this little creature she had attacked it.

Zazie looked closer; the little being looked a lot like healer, only smaller, and she was female too. It has to be a pixie. Zazie thought as she studied the small faelike creature. The pixie's little wings, which hummed like a hummingbird, had a glittering radiance that fluidly changed colours. Enthralled, Zazie watched the wings shimmer with delicate pastel shades of yellow, green, blue, violet and pink. Yellow seemed to be the dominant colour. Spellbound, Zazie continued to stare and noticed that beyond her wings, the pixie's eyes and hair shimmered too. The creature glowed and, in the rising steam, looked as if she were sporting a halo.

"Why are you interrupting a good back scrub Caster?" Healer said as she lazily looked at the pixie. "I'm going to have Zazie do it to me from now on; she's much better than you are at it."

"Whoa!" Caster said, playfully; her voice tinkling like a small bell. "First Equis and now Healer. I'm going to stay away from you Zazie you're a seductress. My goodness, you're even making me all warm and squirmy inside and you're just looking at me. I'm modest, unlike some Fae I know, and won't succumb to your decadent wiles."

Caster placed her hands on her hips, bent forward and stared defiantly at Healer. She stuck out a little pink tongue, playfully, at the larger Fae and fluttered above the bath, teasingly. All Zazie felt was a desire to drown her self from embarrassment. She lowered herself until only her eyes and hair remained above the surface.

"Caster!" Healer said firmly and threw a wet sponge at the pixie.

"Hey!" Caster said, dextrously dodging the sponge, "I'm dressed for dinner and don't want to have to change out of wet clothes."

"Be nice, Caster, Zazie doesn't know about your teasing nature yet!" Healer said, reprimanding the pixie.

"I'm sorry, Zazie." Caster said apologetically; her shimmer's hue faded to pastel blue.

"Okay," Zazie said barely bringing her head above the water.

Caster looked at Zazie and smiled, she was glad the girl forgave her. Caster's shimmer flared and became primarily yellow, once more.

"You never told me why you are here, Caster." Healer said.

"Oh, yeah . . . it's almost dinner time." Caster said and flew off.

"And I was so enjoying my first good back scrub I awhile, too." Healer said as she turned and rose from the water. "You'll have to forgive Caster, Zazie. Pixies are such impertinent creatures and they never really seem to grow up. They love to play and tease but they are good natured and incredibly loyal to their friends and families. They can't hide their feelings either; you can always tell what a pixie is feeling by the colour and intensity of their shimmer. The colour gives you the general mood and the intensity gives you how strong the feeling. A really happy or very angry pixie is almost blinding to look at. Oh well, come Zazie; turn around so I can quickly wash your back: we're expected at a feast you know."

Zazie obeyed and found she really enjoyed having her back scrubbed by Healer: no matter how hard you tried there was always a spot you couldn't reach.

"I don't get you humans, Zazie." Healer said as she rinsed the sponge and then had another go at the girl's back. "You seem to burden yourselves with useless inhibitions these days. At least the Romans weren't like that. In Rome, you could get a really good back wash in a public bath. At least Edo isn't like that. You can still get a good back wash in Edo. Up you get now."

Zazie rose, unsteadily, only to collapse again. Healer fluttered over and lifted her from the bath. She carried Zazie across the room and sat her on a chair by a little dressing table; a small mirror, reflecting the room, sat on the table.

"You need a little more strength before we go down to eat. Drink that." Healer said as a goblet of red liquid appeared on the little table.

Zazie looked suspiciously at the goblet. Her two natures collided and fought but there was no denying which was stronger. Zazie reached for the goblet and brought it to her lips. Somewhere, deep inside, she felt revulsion for the image reflected in the mirror but her choice was commanded by her new nature. She drank and looked at her reflection. A stranger was staring back. She saw the scar across her right eye and, below the left, a teardrop shaped mark. This was her face, now; she would have to get used to it. She gazed at her reflection and saw Healer appear behind her. The fairy began brushing Zazie's hair. There seemed to be a motherly glow surrounding Healer as she fussed over a single stray hair on Zazie's head.

"Was that . . . blood?" Zazie asked as she finished the liquid. Her weariness gone; replaced by strength and vigour.

"Yes, my own this time," Healer said, mischievously, "but don't you go developing a taste for my blood, my little vampire girl, that's all you're getting and you'd better be content with it."

Zazie was feeling surprisingly relaxed and at home. She feigned a playful pout and received a warm smile in reply.

"Let's get you dressed." Healer said as she offered a simple blue and green coloured blouse and skirt combination to Zazie.

Zazie dressed and found the clothes to be too tight and uncomfortable.

"Healer?" Zazie said apologetically, "They're too small."

"Oh my, sorry about that," Healer replied, "They're mine and I guess I'm a little smaller than you are. Let me fix that."

Zazie watched as Healer closed here eyes and seemed to concentrate. Magically the clothes grew to fit Zazie's body, perfectly.

"Wow," Zazie said as she looked at her reflection.

The clothes perfectly enhanced her form, naturally, and gave her a mature and enthralling air. She had never seen herself looking so good. If I had looked like this, before, I would have earned a fortune at the brothel, she thought. Strangely, she felt as if here previous life was very far away and thinking about it didn't seem to bother her. I did what I had to do, she thought, and I did it without hurting or stealing from anyone. She didn't think about Lord Pfalzgrafenweiler.

"I don't know how human females go about their daily lives without simple magic," Healer clucked softly, "It makes mundane things so much easier and quicker."

"I wish I could do magic like that," Zazie said, enviously.

"We've not even begun to explore the things you may or may not be able to do, Zazie." Healer said. "But for now, just take it easy and get your strength back naturally. Come, we need to get moving, the others are waiting for us below."

Healer took Zazie by the hand and led her to the wall. Like before, the wall shimmered and vanished. Zazie stood, awed, and stared. Where she had expected a bed chamber, she found a balcony overlooking a beautiful valley.

"Healer," Zazie said in awe, "shouldn't this be the bedroom?"

"The bedroom?" Healer said, "Oh, I understand now, yes it was the bedroom before but, you see, I can control the door's nexus threshold. Basically, I choose where and what they open to each time—it's very convenient."

Zazie stared blankly unable to place words to her feelings.

"It's magic, Zazie." Healer said softly, "You might as well get used to it because, even if you chose to leave us, this is the world you live in now. There is no going back for you. Be happy and carefree and look forward. Don't forget your past but don't dwell in it either."