Kate is nervous. Rather than trust herself to talk to Castle or god forbid leave another message, she texted him the next morning asking him to meet her so they could talk. He got back to her within minutes: where & when? 1030 2day ok? she texted back. At Café Royale? Fine, he replied. I'll be there.
Now she's standing in front of her bedroom's full-length mirror looking at herself from as many angles as possible. If it weren't two days before Christmas and freezing out, she'd wear something short and tight, something to make his blood boil. So she's decided if it can't be short, it can be clingy and bought a cream-colored soft wool dress. A wide red leather belt gives her a splash of color. She zips up her mid-calf black leather boots and inspects the ensemble in the mirror. She looks good, better than she's looked in a long time. Of course, if he isn't interested anymore, then it won't matter how good she looks. He didn't call her back last night even though he must have heard her ridiculous message by then. But he's agreed to meet her so maybe he is willing to give her another chance…ahhh. Shut up, Kate, she tells herself. Stop obsessing. She makes a face in the mirror, grabs her coat and walks out the door.
She meant to be early so she could be sitting at a table calmly drinking coffee when he walked through the door. She didn't want to look rushed or emotional or nervous. Instead, late morning Manhattan traffic conspired against her. The car in front of her cab stalled and wouldn't start. A bike messenger swerved in front of a UPS delivery truck, causing the truck to slam on the brakes and her cab to come within inches of rear-ending it. By the time she arrives, she's ten minutes late and flustered. And of course he's the one sitting at the table calmly drinking a cup of coffee when she rushes in.
"Sorry," she says, taking off her coat and dropping it over the back of a chair. "A bike messenger with a death wish delayed me."
He arches an eyebrow at her. "I've lived in the city most of my life, Kate. I know about traffic." Castle's blue eyes appraise her coolly. "You look good."
"Oh, thanks. So do you." He did look fine. The dark blue of his shirt makes his eyes look impossibly blue and he has the faintest hint of scruff on his jaw. Kate remembers the last time she felt that scruff on her face and neck as he kissed her and she looks down at her hands so he can't sense what she is thinking. Castle signals the waiter over and orders her a cup of coffee.
"Sooooo," he says. "You called this meeting."
"Yes, I did." Kate looks into his eyes and mentally grabs hold of her courage. She's never been good at apologizing. "Rick, I'm sorry. I thought, with all my therapy, that I'd come to some sort of…resolution…regarding the whole investigation. I thought I could get back into it, and still try to have a life. But then you told me about…well, you were there." She's hoping to get some sort of sign from him revealing what he's thinking, but his poker face is on firmly. She sighs. "I said a lot of things I regret. You're just trying to protect me and I flipped out."
"Yes, you did." Castle says. "It was as if Montgomery's death and your being shot didn't even happen."
Kate shakes her head. "No. I mean, that's what it may have looked like, but I knew I was overreacting and I needed to get some distance...so I flew to Charleston to visit a friend."
"And what sage advice did this friend give you?"
Kate smiles at the memory of Maddie's succinct comment. "She told me that I am, quote 'a complete and total moron.'"
Castle is surprised to find himself laughing. He expected to be angry and exasperated but he's not. Maybe—just maybe—the crack in her bull-headedness that he heard in her message last night is real. "I bet that went over well. Is there a crime scene in Charleston I should notify the local P.D. about?"
Kate laughs with him, shaking her head, relieved that his stone face has finally broken. "No, no. I was really pissed though. But she refused to let me shut her out and—well, she put things in perspective for me."
"Wow. I'm impressed. I must meet this friend with the super powers." Castle is impressed. Someone who can make Kate Beckett sit down, shut up and listen?
"Oh, you've already met her." Kate grins at him. "Do you remember Maddie? She owns Q3."
"Maddie?" Castle is surprised. He hasn't heard her name in a long time. When he thinks of her, he remembers delicious food and her accusing Kate of being hot for him. A smile curves his lips. "Madison. So she helped clear your head?"
"Weell…yes and I realized—" Crap. She's going to have to say the words outloud. Kate wants to touch him, but she's not sure if he's completely forgiven her. She squares her shoulders and looks into his blue eyes. "I don't want to die because of this. I don't want you to die. You told me once that I was afraid to be happy, afraid to live my life." She hesitates, then reaches across the table and touches his hand. "I don't want to be afraid anymore."
Castle looks at her, his expression unreadable. He brings her hand to his lips and kisses her palm. Tiny electric shocks shoot up her arm and spread through her body. Kate shivers, unable to look away. She's drowning in his eyes until he finally looks away, pulls out his wallet and drops a twenty on the table.
"Let's go." He pulls her up and helps her into her coat. It's starting to snow; big fat flakes are falling from the sky.
Kate looks up. "Wow. The first good snow of the season."
Castle looks at Kate. Snowflakes already lightly coat her chestnut hair and are melting on her lips. Her hazel eyes are happy and clear of doubt and worry and he feels the love he has for her overwhelm him. If she is serious about giving up her investigation—and Castle thinks she is—they may finally have a chance to be happy together. Unable to help himself, he pulls her into his arms and holds her close.
"Kate, I love you."
She's silent for a moment, not wanting to destroy the happiness she's feeling by being back in his arms. But if they are going to do this, she wants to start fresh with total honesty. She pulls back and looks into his eyes.
"I know. I've known for awhile."
"Am I that obvious?"
Kate smiles. "Yes and no. But that's not what I mean. I've known since…" she hesitates, knowing her honesty could wreck their happiness. "I heard you. When you told me the first time." She watches as the happiness leaves his face, replaced by hurt and confusion.
"You heard me? But you said—oh, you lied." Castle's voice is cold as realization hits him.
"Rick, please listen…but not here." The sidewalk is getting busy with lunch time traffic and pedestrians are walking around them. She pulls him across the street to a small park. They take shelter from the steadily falling snow by standing under a pine tree.
Kate turns to face him. "I did lie to you. About not remembering. I remember everything. I remember what you said to me, right after I'd been shot. You told me," she pauses. "You told me not to leave you and you said, 'Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate.'"
Castle is silent, his poker face back in place. Kate places her hands on his black coat, griping the lapels and shaking them a bit. "Don't do that. Don't freeze up on me. Please try to understand. It's not that I didn't know how I felt or that I wasn't happy to hear you say it. I just…I had to sort some things out. And there was still Josh."
Castle reaches out and tilts her chin towards him. "So how do you feel?"
"I love you," she says as if it should be obvious. "I'm scared."
"Well." Castle pulls her to him. "Then we can be scared together." He bends his head, his warm mouth covering hers. Kate rises on her toes and wraps her arms around his neck, burying her hands in his thick brown hair. The tree behind her is suddenly digging into her back as Castle pushes his warm body hard against hers. She murmurs his name into his open mouth as his hands slide under her coat and stroke the curves of her waist and hip. Her hands are under his heavy coat but he's wearing too many clothes and she can't get his shirt out of his jeans to touch his skin. Castle doesn't have that problem. His hands move lower, pulling up the hem of her obliging dress until she can feel his fingers stroking her inner thigh, lighting fires that burn through her black tights and she gasps and wishes she hadn't put them on this morning but his fingers are so hot she'll be able to feel him anyway and if he just slides his thumb up another few inches—
"That must be one helluva string of mistletoe hanging above you two," a voice choked with laughter comments. There's a moment in which they both ignore the speaker, but he must have smacked Castle on the back because Castle loosens his hold on her, straightens her dress and turns around to face his attacker. It's a mounted police officer looking down at them with a knowing grin. The horse looks amused too.
Castle shakes his head, trying to clear the lust from his brain. Kate discretely buttons up her coat and belts it tightly. She's trying not to look at anyone, her face red from embarrassment at what they were doing—and what they almost did—and wishing she could teleport them immediately back to the bed in her apartment.
The officer continues. "I mean, I know it's the season of love and joy, but you can't get your jingle bells on out here in a public place. It's a park for chrissake. Kids play here."
"Officer, we apologize. Uh…we were swept up in the moment," Castle says.
"Yeah, well, go get 'swept up' somewhere else. There're about twenty hotels in the two mile radius. Plenty of places for you to get your rump-pa-pum going with the little drummer girl here. Got it?"
"Yes, officer. Got it." Kate can't see Castle's face, but she knows he is trying not to laugh.
The officer flicks his reins and turns the horse away from them. "Have a joyful night, now." He waves and trots down the street.
"Oh my god," Kate says. "How embarrassing. Can you imagine if he had fined us? I'm a homicide detective for crying out loud!"
Castle lets his giggles out. "I've never heard anyone turn Christmas carols into sexual innuendos. Wonderful. I need to use those in a book some day." He doubles over, laughing. Kate eyes him. She just admitted she loved him, they were practically vertical sexing, and now he's laughing his ass off over some bad Christmas-themed puns. She sighs. Attention span of a cocker spaniel.
"Rick," she says. She wants to drag him onto the nearest bed, but the more he laughs the more she loses the mood.
"Yeah, okay. Let's go back to the loft. I'll make you some cocoa and then we can lock ourselves into my study and make-out like crazy teenagers." He grins that patented, sexy, funny Castle grin. "I don't like to leave a job unfinished."
"Uh huh." Kate's body is still tingling and she very much wants to help him complete this particular "job."
The snow is falling thick and fast now and several cabs drive by them.
"I don't think they can see us through the snow."
"Let me," she says. Kate pulls up her skirt, sticks a leg out and within thirty seconds a cab screeches to a halt in front of them.
"Yet another reason to love you," Castle says as they get in the back seat. "Your long lovely legs." He starts humming under his breath. Kate hears "pa rum-pum-pum-pum" and elbows him. He grins and wraps his arm around her shoulders, singing softly in her ear, "I want to play with you pa-rum-pum-pum-pum…as my drum."
"Rick, that doesn't make any sense."
"Sure it does," he says and switches to "Jingle Bells."
"….Batman smells, Robin laid an egg…"
I'm in love with a crazy person, Kate thinks. Then she kisses him.
