Fearing
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"Edith!" exclaimed Rosamund.
"Lady Edith is still not very well, madam" said the nurse, "This is quite usual. She will be better, more herself, after drinking a little water, and resting some more natural sleep. Then we can ask the gentleman to return."
"You will not! I never want to see him, ever!" said Edith, firmly.
"The nurse is right about one thing, dear. You must have a drink and rest." Rosamund realised that arguing with her niece when she was still suffering was of no use. After a recuperating doze, surely she would be more reasonable.
But some hours later, when Edith woke once more much more rested, she seemed almost frenzied in her desire that she should never have to see Anthony again.
Rosamund wasn't entirely sure that telling her what Anthony had discovered about Michael was wise at this point, but Edith insisted. She took the news surprisingly calmly and unemotionally.
"So you see, dear, Anthony did all he could for you. Why won't you see him?"
The mention of Anthony's name seemed to release all the tears and passion that Edith had not had for Michael.
"Because…because he always does the opposite of what he tells me to expect of him! He didn't propose when he told me he would. He didn't marry me when he told me he would. And now he hasn't been able to convince Michael to return to me when he told me he would. I can never rely on him, despite…"
Her voice dissolved into weeping.
"He did what he could, and he found Michael when no one else did. He discovered what had happened. That counts for something, doesn't it dear?"
Edith just continued crying.
"He sat with you all night…"
"You sat with me more."
"You said nothing except his name while you were ill."
That stopped Edith's tears.
"What?" she whispered, looking as though she'd just been told she'd committed murder while sleepwalking.
"You kept murmuring 'Anthony' all through your fever. And I found your engagement portrait while tidying up. Why did you bring it with you if you can't stand him?"
"It's not that I can't stand him. I just don't want to be hurt again. I can't trust him. It seems like I'm destined never to meet a man I can trust."
"Oh, my dear! Anthony has never intentionally betrayed you."
Edith barked her contempt at that.
"No, it's true! Everything he has done, he did because he thought it was best for you. He's never given a single thought for the consequences for his own happiness. Do you think he wanted to bury himself alive in this…this place, for two years? Do you imagine he wanted to give up his reputation and place in society by jilting you? It wasn't pre-planned in any way, you know. He doubted he was right for you, yes, but loved you too much to give you up, until Mother gave him the final push in the church while we were waiting for you."
"What?!"
"So, you see, because you haven't seen him, because you won't talk to him, you don't know all the story."
Rosamund watched as Edith's face betrayed her shock.
"Oh, and another thing. He's set up some kind of fund for you and your child in case your father cuts you off when he gets here, which should be today by the way."
.
When Stewart emerged from his bedroom, ready to fetch Anthony some breakfast if necessary, he found his master sorting through papers in their suite instead of in Lady Edith's keeping watch. From the number of piles Stewart guessed that he had been occupied with it for some hours.
"Sir?"
"Good morning, Stewart."
"How is Lady Edith?"
"The fever broke this morning around four, thank heavens."
"That is a relief, Sir."
"Lady Painswick is able to deal with arrangements from here on, and Lord Grantham is on his way as well. They don't need me anymore, and my presence is not welcome. We will be leaving to return to Locksley as soon as possible."
"Very good, Sir" Stewart replied although in truth he was almost panicked by this change in Anthony's plans. He had rather hoped that Lady Edith would realise how much Anthony had sacrificed for her and give him another chance. If she had set her mind against Anthony, it did not bode well for Anthony's state of mind.
Stewart went to Anthony's room and began to pack his clothes, his thoughts racing. It was when he noticed that the jacket Anthony had been wearing last night was missing that he found his way through to seeing Lady Painswick, and possibly Lady Edith as well.
"Excuse me, Sir, but the Harris tweed jacket that you were wearing last evening is not in your room."
Anthony cut his man off. "I must have left it in Lady Edith's room. Could you go to fetch it, please, Stewart? I'm busy here."
"Of course, Sir" said Stewart, walking around to Edith's side of the hotel, knowing all the while that Anthony would have jumped at the chance of going to see Edith again if he hadn't been barred from her presence. He knocked at the door, which was answered by one of the nurses.
"Would it be possible to talk to Lady Painswick?"
"Who is it?"
"Stewart, Sir Anthony's man."
"Is Sir Anthony with you?"
"No, my lady."
Rosamund appeared at the door. Stewart recognised the look on her face: she was keeping something from him, probably Lady Edith's displeasure and disapproval.
"What is it, Stewart?"
"Sir Anthony left his jacket here last night. We are packing to leave to return to Locksley, and I wondered if I might have it."
"He's leaving? But…"
"Yes, my lady, and I hope I'm not overstepping the mark when I tell you that I fear you may never see him again, not in this world."
"What?" Rosamund stared at the man fearfully. She had lost that over-composed look and was watching him with genuine feeling as she indicated that he should enter the room, no matter what her niece had said.
Rosamund turned to the nurse and asked her to leave for a moment. Once she had shut the door, she nodded to Stewart to continue talking.
"Lady Edith, first may I say how good it is to see you more yourself."
"Thank you, Stewart. You were always very kind to me."
Stewart smiled his thanks, but knowing that Edith would only listen for a short while to his pleas on Anthony's behalf, he began without preamble.
"I fear for Sir Anthony, my lady. When we were on our way back here, we were forced to break the journey at Oberammergau. Sir Anthony wanted to get back as soon as possible and would not be persuaded to wait for the through train from Munich in the morning but wanted to travel as far as possible that night, so as to be here all the sooner the next morning. There were no hotel rooms to be had, so we slept in the church. At one point, I overheard Sir Anthony praying…he thought I was asleep. He offered up his own life in return if you were restored to health. I don't think I'm betraying any great secret if I mention that he has had such...violent...thoughts before, after his return in 1918, and again in 1920."
Edith had gone pale once more. She looked down at the sheets.
"So, forgive me, my lady; I beg you to ask to see Sir Anthony again, at least see him before he leaves…please? It may save his life."
.
Thank you all again for staying with me. A few more twists and turns...
It has been so wonderful to see so many Andith stories, old and new, in the last few days. Let us all hope that the Christmas Special brings us some cheer or, at least, hope...
If it doesn't, we will all live happily ever after here in Fanfictionland. Long live Andith!
