Ok, I know, it's been a long time since I updated this thing. But what can I say? I've been more focused on my other fic. I'll try to update this again soon; I have a few more ideas.
In the meantime, since I just started playing Fable 2 again, I'd say this is an appropriate choice.( I know, why would I play that instead of Skyrim? But Someone else is hogging it right now, so I'm going to have to wait for a while.)
I'm still deciding on the whole Assassin's Creed thing, thing, mostly because a lot of the jokes would really be spoilers for Revelations. But if you're cool with those, I might be able to get it out sooner than I did this one.
I don't own either franchise, which should quickly become apparent.
Edit: Whoops, forgot to give credit for Chris12225 for the pairing idea.
Fable II Hero: Ok, you didn't even bother to give me a name?
FemShep: Yeah, I know. All I get is one last name, and nobody really uses the first name in the game
FH: At least you get to talk to people. That's the one thing my RPG is missing.
FS: Yeah, but you have a lot more freedom.
FH: Such as?
FS: You can actually be more… Free with who you love.
FH: Oh, right, there's actually the option to go Lesbian in my game. Don't you still have at least a few?
FS: I can only get with Liara, and she isn't technically a woman. Not that anybody actually believes that.
FH: What about that shrink you can get to be a stripper? That's sort of wrong when you think about it. A shrink with her patient?
FS: Right. Because sacrificing people to a cult is much better.
FH: That's only for the evil playthroughs! You aren't even better when you go ruthless.
FS: What do you mean?
FH: Ask that Batarian you said was working too hard. You know, the one you electrocuted?
FS: At least I've never killed a spouse.
FH: What do you call deliberately making them die on the suicide mission?
FS: I call it being a moron that has no idea what they're doing.
FH: Uh huh.
FS: At least I have better back up than that mutt that follows you around.
FH: Hey! Don't talk about my dog like that!
FS: Oh that's right, it died. Sorry.
FH: It doesn't die if you pick the "Family" Choice.
FS: Which keeps all those poor innocent people from coming back to life.
FH:First, you can revive him with the DLC. Second, you want to talk about killing off innocents? With your latest DLC?
FS: Hey, you had a choice in the matter. I'm going on trial no matter what.
FH: You know how much stuff I have to do if I break the law? I have to shell out some serious cash, or go out of my way to kill something.
FS: Why are you complaining about fighting? You can use magic for crying out loud!
FH: And you can use Biotics or Tech attacks.
FS: That isn't the same.
FH: They can both set them on fire, both push them away, both lift them up in the air, you get the idea.
FS: You can summon fucking ghosts!
FH: I need some sort of back up. You get two extra sets of guns most of the time.
FS: Don't change the subject! You can use Magic, which give you an advantage!
FH: You get actual weapons, I'm stuck in the middle ages. I'm lucky my guns get more than one shot at a time.
FS: You can always fall back on your sword.
FH: You can punch them to the floor and then shoot them. Or, in ME3, use that new glowing blade and stab them.
FS: Ok, fair point. But you can actually upgrade your weapons.
FH: Not in the third game. You have to run around and do specific things for each gun to improve it, or it just sucks. And unless you have the DLC for the second game, you can't change the upgrades.
FS: Yeah, DLC weapons aren't always that great.
FH: I don't know about that; with one of the DLC packs, you can get the assault rifle from Halo.
FS: …Really?
FH: And if you preordered you could get a set of Mjölnir armor like Master Chief's.
FS: I can't decide if that's really funny or really sad. But it's still better than that chicken suit you can wear. But not by much. Running around with a Halo suit in Fable? That's like something out of Inception.
FH: You leached off Dragon Age though, so you're guilty too.
FS: But that's the coolest looking armor in the game! Of course it's useless if you don't have Biotics or Tech, but still.
FH: Hypocrite.
FS: At least I don't hook up with Prostitutes!
FH: Consort
FS: Damn it! At least I don't have to manage a whole bunch of properties!
FH: Pinnacle station. You can win that apartment.
FS: Oh for crying out loud, is there anything you have that I don't?
FH: In the third game you become queen.
FS: Damn it.
FH: Hey, you asked for something you don't have
FS: You mean like all those STDs you can pick up! Hah! I don't catch those from Liara!
FH:… No, but you can get Tali sick if you go after her. That's similar
FS: Sorry, can't use that on me. Only my male counterpart can go after her. Unfortunatly.
FH: What? She's the most popular character! How did those morons at Bioware think that leaving them hanging is a good idea?
FS: Well, they probably corrected that in the third game. I hope they did, for their sakes.
FH: What do you mean?
FS: Imagine an army of Tali-mancers with shotguns, marching towards their headquarters.
FH: Man, I hope they put that in.
FS: I know. If they don't put that in, my options are pretty limited.
FH: Yeah I know. That one guy is so lame.
FS: You do know that Kasumi tends to kill the people that bad mouth her crush?
FH: Who said anything about him? I was talking about Kaiden. But at least you can kill him off.
FS: Well, there are a few crazy people that still like him. There's a billion fan fics with him. But then again, there's just as many with me and Liara, or me and Garrus.
FH: Or that dying guy.
FS: Yeah, that's a real drag. Which is why I stayed with Liara.
FH: But she's the whole reason you're working with your worst enemies!
FS: Hey, love is weird. You might kill off your BF in the third game to save those innocent people.
FH: Yeah, good point. It's hard being the good guy some days.
FS: I know, right? And all the good lines are for the renegades.
FH: And I can't even kill one person without those morons running for the guards.
FS: Why would you want to kill innocents?
FH:… I forgot I had my safety off.
FS: Ouch.
FH: Yeah.
FS: But everybody punches the reporter. That's the one time I don't feel guilty.
FH: Maybe you can kill her in ME3
FS: Maybe. Or I might just falcon punch her a third time.
FH: You can straight up punch her? Man, I can just kill them or not kill them. I can flip them off, but it just isn't the same.
FS: Yeah, but you have to go out and buy a ton of books to get all the expressions. That's a lot of reading.
FH: No more than you have to do for that codex thing.
FS: Touche.
FH: But at least I can have kids.
FS: You know how many fan fics there are with that? There's even some where it should be impossible, like with one of the aliens.
FH: Fan fiction sman fiction. I get a kid, you get squat
FS: At least when I get lucky, it's shown. All you get is a black screen and acting from a really bad porno.
FH: You're talking about the first game, right? You don't get squat in the second game.
FS: No, but then again, Jack and Miranda are like walking sex-shows with all they show.
FH: Don't forget about the strippers.
FS: Hey, the game's rated M for a reason.
FH: ...Ok, so should I just hit you now, and end this, or…
FS: Huh?
H: Well most of the time these things end with one of us getting knocked out. First chapter was Male shep, then Nukem, then Legion, then Thane, then Peach and Mario, then catwoman.
FS: You forgot someone.
FH: Oh yeah, that lame ass Jacob did too.
FS:...
FH: Crap, Kasumi is right behind me, isn't she?
FS: Yep.
FH: Oh son of a bit-Hurch… Blegh.
Kasumi: You think they'd have learned by now.
FS: That's going to leave a scar.
KG: Yep. If you need me, I'm going to be in the mini bar, not saying anything but a few things when you interact with my environment.
FS: See you later.
FH: (Gets back up.)
FS: What the-?
FH: I had a resurrection vial.
FS: You just came back from the dead?
FH: You did that too, remember.
FS: Oh yeah. So, want to go get a drink or something? Your health is still pretty low.
FH: Sure. I'll serve, I could use the cash.
FS: Hah, you have to serve drinks for a living?
FH: Only when the blacksmith job isn't available!
FS: Sure. By the way, how many scars do you have from when you've been knocked out?
FH: At least my scars don't glow red. You look like the terminator for god's sake! Assuming that they don't just make you look like shit anyway. Have you seen how many ugly versions of you there are?
FS: Ok, that's it.
FH: What?
FS: I've had enough of your Disingenuous Assertions! (Falcon Punch.) And this time stay down.
FH: Nope, had two resurrection vials.
FS: Do you have anymore?
FH: Um, let me check my inventory. Crap, I'm out.
FS: Good. (Falcon punch)
Skyrim guy: Hah! You used to be an adventurer like me, but then you took a punch right to the face!
Ok, and end Crack.
No promises on more updates, but I'll try. And again, suggestions are appreciated.
