Loops
by Somebodylost
(Alternate-Universe) Loop #395: Certifiably Mental
"Three herds of deer from the Nara compound – painted with neon purple polka dots. The Akimichi clan's food stockpile – replaced with pamphlets about dieting. The Aburame clan's insect colonies congregated on the Yamanaka clan's roofs, which was not normally planted with flowers. The Inuzuka clan's compound was dusted with with a powdery substance, making every canine engage in an early mating frenzy. The Hyuuga compound's walls; littered with graffiti painted with invisible ink, visible only – but at the same time blinding – to Hyuuga eyes. And finally, tomatoes rained, pelted, and exploded above the entire Uchiha compound," the Yondaime, Namikaze Minato intoned with authority in the council room, trying to level his voice from laughing.
It was funny, really funny, but the fact that this person was the one who did this was... worrying.
Almost all of the council members were glaring at the perpetrator, but a handful of jounin and ANBU eyed him with amused interest and worry. Namikaze-Uzumaki Kushina though, was struggling from grinning with the discovery of a fellow prankster (which fooled no one), ending up with a grimacing smile that made the red-head look like she was suffering from constipation.
"All of the children deferred to you as the leader," Minato explained, remembering his son bawling his eyes out when he was punished with a week of no ramen. By the second day, Naruto already gave up his pledge of confidentiality.
No one could've seen this coming. The last pranks happened a week ago, and it was only a few hours ago that the culprit... gave himself up. Minato didn't know if they would've caught the culprit if he hadn't given himself up.
"Care to explain yourself, ANBU Captain Uchiha Itachi?" he continued sternly, lacing his fingers together to put his chin on it, trying to hide a small smile of amusement. He spared a glance down at the council members' seats, seeing Uchiha Fugaku glower at his son.
The thirteen-year-old-again heir stood before the assembly, the perfect picture of calm confidence. He spoke up to defend himself, looking at a spot behind the Minato, "Three reasons, Hokage-sama: stealth, infiltration, and escape training for me and the Academy students, a wake-up call for Konoha's prestigious clans, and finally, simple stress-relief."
Minato raised a brow. "Explain."
Itachi inclined his head in acquiesence. "Honorable council," he began, channeling his Hokage-persona (just in case he needed to speak long speeches) to address the chamber full to the brim of old farts, "pranking... is an excellent way to educate children in stealth and infiltration because the lesson will stick better in their heads if it is done in a practical, demonstrative, fun manner, rather than just lecturing the children and leaving it at that. Yes, I know that the Academy holds regular monthly practicals regarding this lesson, but are they really effective?"
"Fun? These are our future shinobi! They don't have time for fun!" an irate old crone shrilled from somewhere in the large room. Itachi held back a sigh; it was so typical for them to focus on something trivial.
Looking away from the spot behind the Yondaime, the prodigy evenly answered, eying the geezer straight in the eye, "Exactly. They are our future shinobi, but at the same time, they are simply children. Let them be children while learning the ways of the shinobi. They can lose their innocence when they are ready." He quickly turned away to look at the ceiling.
Knowing that the old fart won't let it rest though, Itachi quickly cut him off. "In regards to their escape training, need I say more? These pranks have been going for six months already, yet ANBU only managed to apprehend the suspects this week," he said airily, as if he wasn't a suspect.
"Of course ANBU would have difficulty locating the children," some random prune shouted at him, "They were being trained by the ANBU Captain!"
Itachi was unperturbed. He turned to the prune. "If you must know, I only started pranking two months ago, and I recruited the children a month after. I never helped Uzumaki Naruto when he started his pranks, but even then, ANBU had difficulty locating and catching him, don't they?"
In fact, Itachi was the only one who managed to repeatedly snag Naruto (and those included the times when Naruto didn't let himself be caught); that is, when Naruto felt particularly proud and shouted to the world that the prank was his doing. But if Naruto kept silent, Itachi would confront the child to ask how he did that particular prank, promising not to turn the child to the authorities if he kept honest. Soon, Naruto learned to keep quiet, come up with new tricks, and think of ways to hide creatively from Itachi. Which was a moot point, since his necklace – which Itachi gave to him when he turned three – had Itachi's Hiraishin seal.
The prune opened his mouth to speak more nonsense, but thankfully, the Hokage cut him off. "Enough! No one else is to speak until Itachi is done." Minato then inclined his head back to Itachi. "Proceed."
Itachi nodded back, partly in acknowledgement, but mostly in sympathy; he knew, from experience, how universally irritating old farts can be. "My second reason is that the pranks are beneficial to the victims. Why? It is due to the fact that they show security flaws that you, honorable clan heads, may have overlooked. If the children and I had any malicious intent, we could have killed the Nara's deer, poisoned the Akimichi's food, destroyed the Aburame's colonies, sabotaged the Yamanaka's roofs, made the Inuzuka canines rabid, permanently blinded the Hyuuga, and blown the Uchiha compound with real explosives."
He stopped for dramatic effect, letting his gaze wander around, allowing the room time to absorb what he just said. Most looked stunned and impressed with such revelation – (and why that they haven't thought of that) – while a handful still looked angry, particularly his father.
Itachi paid the glares no mind, looking to a corner, and focused instead on the positive things happening (a trait that gradually developed when Sakura complained that he was too damn pessimistic and proceeded to give him hours of wonderful sex to cheer him up – after pummeling the negativity and living daylights out of him, of course):
One, he was beating this loop's Kushina-kaasan's pranks. (Itachi was feeling good at this loop, so he has an excuse for thinking: DATTEBAYO!)
Two: he was trolling everybody yet he can still keep a poker face! Even Minato-sensei was struggling hard in hiding his smile behind his hands.
For his part, Minato – judging from the twinkle in his eyes – was impressed and amused with the sound explanation so far, but...
"Your third reason is that pranking is a form of, ah, stress-relief for you," he asked, finally breaking the silence, "but why pranking? Why not choose other things?" the Yondaime asked curiously.
Itachi was having so much fun. This time, he glanced towards the door before he faced the Hokage. "This reason is... more complex. If I may, Hokage-sama, may I speak freely?" he held his hands out, imploring.
Minato nodded.
Itachi meekly glanced down. "Actually, Hokage-sama, I tried... various activities prior to pranking, such as befriending civilians, participating in tea ceremonies, eating sweets, and various other things, but the my... father and the Clan, all insisted that I was wasting time," he put on a small frown. "I wasn't. I was simply trying to relax and... be my age." Itachi looked down sadly, for all the world looking like a poor child despite his pristine ANBU uniform, gaining some sympathy points. His sympathizers eyed his father with scrutinizing looks.
"Also, I was simply trying to connect with civilian populace. In hindsight, aren't they also important? After all, they are the ones who provide us with food, clothing, and weapons. It is imperative that we remember that we shinobi are fighting for the whole village," at this, Itachi looked up, channeling desperation into his eyes while still keeping a poker face – a feat that Sakura can't seem to accomplish even after centuries. "Shinobi often forget the ordinary people," he quietly said. The civilian members were touched.
A random hag though, was quite disbelieving. "Bull," she muttered, but Itachi heard her. He blankly faced her direction, but not actually looking at her.
"Random Honorable Elder," he addressed her (barely putting the word 'Hag' instead of 'Elder'), earning glares and wide-eyed gazes of disbelief for his impudence and bravery, "you may forget, but I am merely thirteen. I need friends. I deserve to be child, do I not?"
It was a... weirdly childishly mature sentence that made the majority pause and blink. Itachi, inwardly amused, turned back to the front.
"I am a child," Itachi reiterated in a mature tone of authority, ignoring raised eyebrows of various people, "despite my advanced intellect and maturity. But because of these impressive aspects, I was pushed hard since I was four to be excellent and do the Uchiha proud. I did so to please the Clan and serve the village, doing my duty to the best of my abilities, duty after duty, but frankly..." he trailed off, looking down again.
"... Frankly?" Minato prompted. Itachi heaved a dramatic but believable sigh.
"It's. Just. Too. Much," he said, each word filled with helpless desperation, slowly looking down. "I... feel that I'm stretched too thin, Hokage-sama. I feel that I'm losing... my sanity. And there are times that I feel like I'm losing my humanity..."
More of the audience now was looking at him with a mixture of sympathy, strangeness, and disbelief. Fugaku was opening and closing his mouth.
Itachi was on a roll. "I have been killing people since the age of eight, the same age that Naruto is in. Isn't that messed up?" he mumbled, his eyes hidden behind his bangs, but he was still heard in the quiet room. "I see Naruto and his friends all running free without a care in the world, and I could not help but feel a little jealous."
He looked up, his eyes blank and lifeless. "I do not like killing, but I must kill. I never wanted to be a shinobi, but I must do so because it is my duty and because I have the power to do so. I want to stop, or at least take a break from duties, but I cannot – must not. I... am not an expert in psychology, but... even I know that I'm already losing reason because of my indecisiveness."
"Losing reason?" Minato asked, his tone colored faintly with alarm and morbid curiosity.
Itachi buried his face in his hands, his fingers massaging his forehead. "Yes... the pressure, the expectations, the rarity of pink hair, the shortage of dango and cabbage at home, the audacity of that white-haired pervert in the hot springs, the loops, Pedo-chimaru, one-eyed masked-bastards who wanted to take over the world..." Itachi trailed off, slowly lifted his head from his hands, a glazed look in his eyes.
Suddenly, he shook his head, as if he was snapping awake from some sort of dream. "I think I've been hallucinating lately... or not? Or maybe dreaming? Or maybe someone was casting genjutsu on me? I'm not sure... my Sharingan can see through illusions and... I have been seeing some things that others can't see."
To prove his point, Itachi turned his head towards a spot where a hidden ANBU was located. The entire room glanced towards the direction. The hidden ANBU started to sweat from the attention, although no one except a few really knew that he/she was there.
Minato finally understood why Itachi kept looking at odd places all throughout his speech. Fugaku was eying his son, questioning himself if really knew him.
"At times," Itachi continued to get the Council's attention back, "I found myself also believing that I can do certain things, like becoming the kage of Ame, getting Hanzo's signature, traveling through time, marrying a crazy but lovable woman, having mind-blowing intercourse with said woman, having a child, becoming a woman, trolling a room full of old farts," he paused, letting the room absorb his babble.
Then he straightened his stance back, every bit like the ANBU Captain he really is, looking straight ahead at the upper table, staring at the kanji for 'Hokage' writen on it. "As you can see, I'm... not right in the head. I wanted to sign up for a vacational leave, but I feared that father would just take it as a weakness, or blame that the Hokage or some old farts –" (a couple of old geezers twitched at this) "– were undermining the Uchiha. He would then drone on some sort of propaganda about how mighty the Uchiha is and so on, which in turn would pressure me more. So I turned to pranks."
Itachi looked out at the window behind the Hokage, a subtle wishful expression on his face as his stance relaxed despite his father's spike in killer intent. "It was a fit of childishness, rebelliousness, genius, insanity, and orange all rolled into one moment of eureka that made me turn to pranks. It was... fun. It was preferable to losing control... like that mission in Kumo, where that rapper drove me farther to the edge."
Minato quickly scanned his mind for any mission of Itachi's that rung a bell. Then, it clicked: it was that diplomatic mission a year ago where Itachi and his team were commissioned to work with a team from Kumo to scout out bandits and secure their villages' borders. It was to test out each respective villages' strength and weaknesses and to see if working together would be more plausible for the future.
An hour after meeting the Raikage's brother, Killer Bee, Itachi ended up razing a small village of bandits with no given reason except that it was the most effective course of action (it was a very good thing that the bandits' village turned out to be a hidden base of the Snake Sannin). The Raikage was pleased, Bee was smug, and everybody else was happy with a mission well done.
Now, Minato knew that the rapper was crazy (that one time they clashed in the war was hint enough), but he didn't know that Itachi would be so unhinged that a one-hour exposure would be enough to drive the genius insane. The Yondaime's eyes softened in sympathy and admiration for someone who was able to withstand such craziness for a long period of time.
Meanwhile, the real reason why Itachi razed the village was because he lost another rap battle with Bee. "You can't win them all," his then seven-year-old-again wife consoled him when he grudgingly spilled the beans. Itachi had centuries of practice, yet the damn octopus can still school him in every time!
But in a positive note, Itachi got one over Pedo-chimaru! He knew beforehand that that village was one of his bases, of course.
"I feel... I think..." Itachi continued, channeling some of Gaara's mild angst-attacks when the prodigy was tasked to become the child's counselor and therapist in one of the loops, still gazing out to the window, "that... I'm going to snap. Yes, snap one of these days."
Itachi's eyes suddenly flashed red as his expression darkened. Everybody in the room tensed; nobody has seen the prodigy display such dangerous expression and live.
"Snap and massacre my clan and leave my baby brother alive," Itachi snarled, keeping his trembling fist clenched as he exuded a terrifying amount of killer intent. "Then, perhaps, because massacring the Uchiha is so easy that it barely tested my capacity –" (Itachi artfully ignored Fugaku's raging killer intent) "– I'll defect and join a group full of cloaked multi-colored-skin freaks and abominations bent on world domination and collecting tailed bijuus to save the same world. But at the same time, I will stay loyal to Konoha and work undercover to undermine the organization. But my baby brother doesn't know that, so he'll keep coming after me to avenge the clan. Then before he manages to kill me, I'll die from a fatal disease."
Itachi stopped and looked around, blinking his Sharingan away – as if waking up from sort of dream. His rage – channeled and cultivated by thinking about the injustice of how the local shop didn't have dango that morning – simmered down.
The silence reigned again. His wife was better at getting people to be quiet, though.
Minato, in testament to his quick reaction time as the Yellow Flash, recovered first. "That was... oddly specific," he said for the sake of saying something. The others just nodded dumbly and numbly.
Itachi tilted his head to the side, a picture of confusion and curiosity, his eyes now focusing to the Hokage's blue eyes. He injected a tone of innocent puzzlement to his voice, "All strong shinobi have odd quirks, do they not? Kakashi-sempai, his porn. Gai-san, his youth. Jiraiya-sama, his porn. Kushina-kaasan, her pranks. Sandaime-sama, his porn –"
"That's enough, Itachi," Minato interjected sternly, barely stopping his chuckles at the Sandaime's blanched face. His wife, Kushina, was not so lucky in hiding her chortles though. She gave up after a few seconds and ended up laughing out loud, banging the table with a fist. Minato just sighed as the whole room stared at her.
Kushina's ruckus, though, snapped Fugaku from his travel to the twilight zone. "Itachi!" he demanded harshly, standing up, turning everybody's attention to him, "Stop this nonsense! Apologize this instant! You are shaming the Uchiha!" He pointed at his son, as if to jab him to death with his finger.
Said son just coolly raised a brow in disbelief and held out his hands, looking around for support, as if saying "See what I mean?". His new fans got what he meant and nodded sympathetically. Fugaku's hackles rose.
Itachi was never this... un-Uchiha. He thought back to time when his son first started acting strangely... aha! "You just wanted to keep on playing with those civilian children when you could've been training!" Yes, it was that pink-haired child and her black-haired sister that damaged his son!
"There is nothing wrong with spending time with Sakura and Nozomu," Itachi said evenly.
"Sakura and Nozomu?" Minato asked, curious enough to let the conversation derail far too much from the tracks.
"My wife and daughter," Itachi answered truthfully.
Brows were raised disbelievingly. Minato turned to the Yamanaka clan head – a member of the T&I Unit – inquiringly.
"He's telling the truth. Or he believes that he's telling the truth..." Inoichi shook his head, baffled. Hyuuga Hiashi, who had his Byakugan active in the entire speech to add extra intimidation, nodded in agreement; the Byakugan is an excellent tool to use to tell if people are lying.
"I am." Itachi deliberately didn't deliberate on which statement was the truth.
This enraged the Uchiha clan head further. "I-ta-chi," he grounded out (Itachi couldn't help but think that it just sounded so wrong when his father says his name like that while on the other hand, how sexy it sounds when Sakura says it like that), "Stop. This. Now."
"What makes you think I'm faking this? Do you think that I'm enjoying this?" Itachi asked, taking a slight tone of hurt, secretly enjoying himself. "You don't know how incredibly lonely it is to be the only one who can see and talk to the swirling orange-masked man," he said sadly.
"Swirling orange-masked man..." a random ancient prune muttered, shaking his head.
"Itachi..." Fugaku growled.
"Father," Itachi stated blandly, "I can't stop my nonsense. I tried to curb it, but the clan didn't help. You didn't help. Mother didn't notice at all. The only ones who tried to help me are Shisui, Sakura, and Nozomu."
"The clan –"
"Doesn't care. But I still care about them. If I didn't, I would've killed them all already."
"You think that you can defeat the whole Uchiha clan by yourself?" his father angrily asked, standing up. Itachi wanted to facepalm; he gave a wonderful speech and that was the only thing his father got out of it?
Instead, he tilted his head, indecisiveness coloring his tone faintly, "Yes? No? Maybe? I think?"
"'THINK'?!"
Itachi shrugged, making Fugaku balk at such an open un-Uchiha display (though he supposed that he really should've gotten used to that since Itachi has been acting un-Uchiha already), "Genjutsu users are very imaginative due to the need for effective illusions. I think that, maybe, I can't defeat the clan by myself, but at the same time, I can imagine scenarios that will help me do so. After all, as a genius, I can see things that no one else can see..." Itachi slowly trailed off, looking at the large window located at the back of the room. Then he widened his eyes.
"SQUIRREL!" he shouted, pointing to the window behind the Hokage. All heads immediately swerved to the pointed direction, alarmed by his tone rather than the words he actually said.
Outside the window, the village stood proud and quiet. A few chirps of the blissful birds pierced the resounding silence in the room.
Everybody slowly turned back to look at the thirteen year-old standing at attention on the platform.
Itachi stoically kept his eyes ahead, utterly solemn and impassive.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
Ultimately, Itachi, after a whole minute, finally felt the need to elaborate to help the poor souls.
"The cloud was shaped like a squirrel," he said seriously, straight-faced.
"..."
"..."
Minato opened his mouth to reprimand him for his nonsense... when he was suddenly reminded of what the child just explained. The kid really needed a stress-reliever...
… That is, if he was telling the truth. The whole story is quite fantastic, after all. On one hand – judging from the creativity of the pranks, this is also a prank. But Itachi... is not the sort to fool around... or is he? Minato is not sure anymore. And Itachi's reasons were also very plausible when you consider them...
The pranks were fun, very so for any prankster, so any sane prankster would never turn himself in. Why would they? It was fun to see a plan go well and not get apprehended (Kushina attests to that). Perhaps Itachi, in his twisted logic, thought that turning himself in is a better way to get help than doing the sane thing and applying for therapy?
The Yondaime massaged his poor head. And here he was, planning to take the prodigy as an apprentice...
Itachi's voice cut through his thoughts, "I am not against a thorough psychological evaluation, Hokage-sama."
"Granted," Minato instantly replied.
Fugaku was not pleased. "Hokage-sama! He's not insane! He's just rebelling! He's in a phase of –"
"Fugaku-dono," Minato interjected, "just be glad that your son is intelligent or insane – no offense – enough to know that his mental health is suffering." The other Council members nodded in unison.
Fugaku seethed.
By the end of the day – and after a mind-scan by Yamanaka Inoichi – Itachi was declared unfit for shinobi duty and was ordered to meet with a psychiatrist regularly once a week for six months before being undergoing mental re-evaluation. Itachi was pleased, not minding the subsequent wonders this would do to his reputation and the Clan's.
Needless to say, his father, Fugaku was not.
Anticipating that the Uchiha geezers would bicker at his father who in turn would bicker at him, Itachi hastily requested to let him move away and get his own apartment; Fugaku wouldn't allow it, but with the Hokage's support for Itachi's reason that the Uchiha compound's pressuring environment was "unhealthy and suffocating, thus it would hinder mental recovery to sanity", he couldn't do a thing but obey. He cursed the heavens when he learned that the orphaned pink-haired child and her sister resided on the apartment complex that his son chose. So, to minimize his son's interactions with the children and his son's bouts to insanity, he frequently called Itachi to clan meetings.
Itachi created clones – made sturdy with a little fuuijutsu he developed with Minato-sensei loops ago – and sent them to the meetings, but when the irritating geezers kept up their accusing/demanding for a week straight, Itachi and Sakura finally decided to enact their plan.
"You think that you can take on the whole clan?!" an old fart asked Itachi for the umpteenth time.
It was all the same; Itachi would give a wonderful and patronizing speech, but as usual, their Uchiha pride can't take a hit and the question "So you think that you can take on the whole Uchiha clan by yourself?" or variations of it was all that they would focus on. Geezers.
"Maybe. I'm not sure. Surely?" Itachi answered, bored.
The geezers in the room were not pleased by his noncommittal answers. "Make up your mind, boy," some dried husk snarled. His father looked simultaneously worn out and murderous by the whole debacle while his mother, Shisui, and Obito gazed at him, worried.
Itachi tilted his head, thinking of the original Massacre and its background. "If Shisui and Obito are not participating to help either side and if I'm given three days to prepare, then yes."
The ancient farts looked at each other, considering. Finally, they reached some sort agreement. "Very well. The whole of the Uchiha clan would battle you, three days from no –"
"I refuse," Itachi instantly interjected, knowing that the simple word 'battle' will be thoroughly exploited by his crafty clansmen.
"You have no choi –"
"I, Uchiha Itachi," the prodigy declared without preamble, his voice commanding, his form unwavering, "challenge all of the adults of the Uchiha clan – shinobi or otherwise – barring Uchiha Shisui and Uchiha Obito, to a paintball balloon war."
Obito perked up at that. Itachi inwardly smiled; he and his wife loved this Obito.
"My objective is to 'kill' every shinobi from the opposing faction, while yours is to incapacitate or... attempt to 'kill' me, if you wish."
Ooh, some people twitched at the word 'attempt'...
"A participant is considered 'dead' once all of his or her vital parts are painted," Itachi continued, surreptitiously answering Shisui's hidden and frantic ANBU codes of "What hell, man? I know you angry with clan, but this too much! You lose pride! This madness!" with "Madness? This. Is. SPARTA!"
Sadly, Shisui didn't understand the hand-code for 'SPARTA!'.
"Procuring hostages is not allowed. Changing clothes and taking a bath during the entire war is not permissible. Asking for help is allowed, but only if they are helping during the preparation period, not during the actual battle. All noncombatants and nonparticipants can watch, but they cannot interfere or enter the battlegrounds, except for the non-Uchiha ANBU that will be oversee things. At the same time, any of the participants will not be allowed to go out of the district," Itachi paused, trying to remember anything else he and his wife planned out.
"It will take place within the walls of the Uchiha district, three days from now. The battle will start at dusk and end at midnight. The winner will get three requests fulfilled. The loser will clean the district after the battle and fulfill the aforementioned requests," he finished. It was always for the better if he challenged the manipulative crones instead of the other way around.
The Elders incredulously looked at Itachi if he was serious or not.
Itachi stared them down.
Uchiha Itachi will not take their crap. He will make them take his crap... no matter how wrong that sentence just sounded.
Irked that their prodigy could not be intimidated, the old farts immediately exploded into an all-out bickering war, causing Fugaku to massage his poor head, Mikoto to look down at the floor in shame and worry, Shisui to eye Itachi strangely with his four-pronged Sharingan, and Obito to stare at Itachi in awe like some sort of repressed fanboy. Itachi stoically sat through the storm, inwardly musing if he should let his wife take this challenge in the next non-massacre loop; Sakura always loved embarrassing trees-shoved-up-their-asses clans.
Finally, the old farts were done. Itachi looked up, noticing that the room was deathly quiet and that every occupant was now giving him their full attention.
After a long moment, one of the Elders – the one who was often the most influential in pushing the clan to revolt – smiled widely. It was creepy, but Itachi graded it as notches below Orochimaru's grin in one of his feel-good days.
Minato read the scroll containing the challenge – along with the bloody signatures of all participants – unfurled at his desk for the umpteenth time. Then he looked back up at the possibly-deranged ANBU Captain.
It was simply ridiculous. Almost the entire clan – most of whom are hardened shinobi who fought in two wars, most of whom had experience more or less than twice his years, most of whom work in the police force – will be battling a lone thirteen-year old child.
It was simply wrong.
But if Itachi pulled it off, the Uchiha clan will be one heck of a laughing stock. But their asses might then be filled with something else when those trees are cut down...
"Are you sure?" Minato asked tentatively, while inwardly, he was cackling in anticipation.
"Yes." Itachi answered seriously. If he wins, then Sakura will finally tell him how she managed to get the Unholy Trinity – Koharu, Utatane, Danzo – run naked in one loop! If he loses... then he simply loses. Itachi inwardly shrugged, not at all perturbed by how people thought of him; he can just write it off as a bout of insanity and come up with crazier ideas, after all.
"Do you have any strategies?" Minato asked, eager to help. The Uchiha Clan needed that long-ago-scheduled ass-whoopin', but only Itachi so far had the first opportunity to do so without much loss and preparation.
"Yes."
Minato waited, but when Itachi didn't elaborate, asked exasperatedly, "Well?"
"I'd rather not say, Hokage-sama," Itachi looked down shyly. "It's not that I don't trust you sir, but it's because I would like to ask something of you if I do manage to win the battle."
"Oh?" Minato asked, raising a brow. The... child... seemed to believe that his plan will work, but if it didn't, then his pride might be deeply bruised.
Or not, Minato mentally amended, not quite sure. He IS somewhat unbalanced, so winning or losing may not mean anything at all... but if it is so, why do this then?
"Yes sir," Itachi nodded. "But right now, I ask that you put your faith in me on this endeavor, though at the same time, I am knowledgeable enough to know that I won't win by my own, so even if you cannot help me with strategies, I want to ask for your help with something else, Hokage-sama." The prodigy bowed low into a dogeza.
"What is it?" Minato eyed the form kneeling down the floor up from his table.
"Please let me borrow one of your special kunai and all of the fuuijutsu scrolls and books you are willing to let me read." Itachi needed an excuse – no matter how implausible (that he learned the jutsu in three days) – to be able to use Hiraishin. He's not going to rely on that for the whole battle, though he knew that with the jutsu, the battle would be won in just a few seconds. And where's the fun in that?
"Why?" What is this kid thinking...?
Itachi bit his lip. "Please trust me on this, Hokage-sama," he reiterated.
Minato scrutinized the begging form on the floor. Finally, after a long moment, he spoke. "Rise," he commanded.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity...
.
.
Author's Notes/Ramblings:
~ Edited at June 10, 2013 to appease myself with all those pesky typoes and story-telling.
~ There was supposed to be another chapter before this, but meeeeeeeeeeehhhh... :D
~ MWUHAHAHAAHA! Itachi's such a diplomatic troll, neh?
~ If you're asking why Itachi wasn't sentenced to clean up his mess, it's because they happened a week ago already, so the mess was already clean, even if they just found the perpetrator just a week later. As to why Itachi turned himself a week later, it's because he didn't want to clean up his mess. :P
~ Obviously AU, because Obito, the Uchiha Clan, Minato, and a bunch of other dead peeps were alive and all. Oh, and because I said that it was AU in the title, LOL.
~ That 'dattebayo'/'dattebane' jig is often used when mentioning Hokage-related stuff as tribute to their dear friend Naruto and dear often-foster-mom, Kushina.
~ Why was Fugaku in denial Itachi's bonkers? It's because he lives with Itachi, and he hasn't seen any suspicious behavior during that time. He believed that since he's the dad, he knows Itachi best. Although he didn't notice Itachi leaving with Hiraishin at random times...
~ And last clue! Why didn't anybody catch him when he lied? Well, besides that he had centuries of acting under his belt...
Itachi didn't lie. Most of the time.
Especially about what he has seen. Yes, that cloud was shaped like a squirrel, and those other things... came from different loops... :D
~ I don't know if Yamanaka Inoichi is a clan head (or if Ino's the heir), but since there's no clear info on that, and since authors have been assuming that he's the head of his clan, then I'm assuming he is. Unless Kishimotroll says otherwise – which I bet he'll do, the troll he is.
~ Got ideas and all for the next chappies? Feel free to suggest! But do write it in this format: a six-worded sentence. Cha.
Thank you for your reviews and encouragements! Please review!
~ Lost-chan
