It's been almost a year. Damn. I am so sorry guys, even though I know that's not nearly enough to express it. My life has spiralled out of control recently, and I've basically lost all inspiration/motivation for this story. However, I'm determined to continue. Chapters will be slow, but I am going to finish it eventually. I hope you enjoy this chapter - trigger warnings for depression and suicidal thoughts.


"Am I hearing you right? Austin called a family meeting?"

Ratliff nods. His eyes travel to our sleeping brother, who has his head buried in my shoulder. He raises an eyebrow, as if asking what happened without actually saying the words.

I sigh, running a hand through Rocky's hair. "He's not okay. None of us are, to be honest. But he's really struggling with the accident and shit. Everything is so fucking fucked up, and Mark and Stormie coming back really threw a wrench into his healing process…"

"Understatement of the century, don'tcha think?" Ratliff chuckles humorlessly, leaning down to peck Rocky's forehead. "You gotta wake him. Austin really wants to talk to us. Ry's with him right now."

"I will," I reply. "You go. We'll be there in a few minutes." He nods, leaving the room quickly, and I turn back to Rocky.

"Hey, Rocky? Hey," I whisper, shaking his shoulder gently. "You gotta get up."

Rocky shoots up, looking panicked for a few moments, before he adjusts and realizes what's going on. He brings a hand up to his head and groans. "Fucking hell, I have a headache."

"You didn't drink that much…did you?"

"No," Rocky replies softly. "It's probably just a migraine. Did I sleep through dinner or something?"

"Austin called a family meeting," I say in response. "Now. He wants all of us in the living room."

"Austin?" Rocky looks confused.

"I know, it surprised me too," I admit. "But he called a meeting, it obviously means that he has something important to talk to us about. So we better join the others."


"Aus? Is everything okay?"

Rocky leans in and kisses my head, looking at me in concern. "Why did you call this meeting?"

"Sit, and I'll tell you," I reply. He nods, the worried look not leaving his face as he sits down on the other couch, next to Ratliff. Riker goes to sit down next to him, but I reach for his hand, pulling him back.

"Aus?" Riker turns back to me, his eyes questioning. I blink against the tears in my eyes, trying to hide them, but it seems like he's seen them anyway.

"Here, I'll move," Rydel offers, grabbing my hand and squeezing, before moving to the other couch. Riker takes her seat and takes my other hand, squeezing and rubbing his thumb over the soft sin of my palm.

"You gonna tell us what this is about now, baby?"

I sigh. "So…ever since your guys' parents have showed up, you guys have kinda gotten distant with me, and I'm perfectly okay with it, don't get me wrong. This is a shock to all of you, and they really put you through something traumatic, so I get it. But I don't know what's going on, and you guys have helped me through so much…I feel like all I'm doing is taking, I'm not giving anything back to you. I'm sick of being the charity case you took in because you felt sorry for me."

"Austin, none of us-"

"No, I'm not done." I hold up a hand and shake my head. "You guys keep telling me that I'm part of this family, and I really love knowing that, that you guys love me like I'm a biological sibling, but I don't feel like I'm actually part of this family. You guys are all breaking and hurting and going through hell right now, and I'm just supposed to sit back and enjoy the ride? No. That's not how it works. I burdened you all with my shit for long enough, and it's time for me to start giving back."

"Austin…"

"Stop with the sympathy," I mutter. "I don't want to be treated like a charity case. I want to play as equal of a role as you guys do in helping out. So whatever it is I need to know, tell me."

Both Riker and Rocky have gone silent, and I almost feel like I've gone too far – maybe I shouldn't have said all the shit I did. Fuck.

"Aus, listen…" Rydel sighs. "Riker and Rocky were most affected by our parents. Rocky more than all of us. It's traumatic and it's not that we have problems talking about it…it's kinda like what happened with you…and the rape thing…" Her voice softens, like she's trying to tread carefully around this delicate subject. "Rocky jumped off the roof of this house because he couldn't take our parents anymore. They really fucked us up."

"I know…" I whisper. "I don't want to push you guys, but I feel so fucking useless because you've all helped me when I needed it, but I can't even do shit when you guys are going through absolute hell."

"You're not useless." Riker seems to find his voice then, pulling me into his lap. He winds his arms around my torso, and brings me in close. "We're just…we don't want to burden you, I guess is the way to put it. You have all the problems you need right now. You don't need ours on top of that. And I know you'll deny it, but baby, you're only fifteen. You don't need to concern yourself with the fucked up mess that is our relationship with Mark and Stormie."

"But I want to."

"There were originally six of us, not four," Rocky growls. "That's all you get for now."

And then he storms out, bathing the room in silence.


"Rocky!"

"Stop it, Ratliff," Rocky grumbles, not slowing down. "I don't want to talk to anyone right now, especially not you."

"Why did you tell him?" I ask desperately. "I thought it was something we agreed not to talk about unless absolutely necessary."

"Because, Ratliff, he's right," Rocky mutters. "He's absolutely fucking right and I'm pissed because I'm so fucked up that I can't pull myself together long enough to be there for him like I should be! I'm the fuckin' oldest, it's my job."

"Did you not hear what he just said?"

"It doesn't matter," Rocky sighs. "I'm the oldest. Comes with the territory. It's second nature, not something I even think about anymore."

"Maybe you could try and fix this by not trying to run away," I mutter. "You have a habit of that."

"And it never does any good. But it's how I work, Ell." He collapses onto his bed, closing his eyes. "Everything is so fucked up and I don't know what to do anymore. Honestly. How am I supposed to hold you all together when I can't even hold myself together?"

"That's your problem," I reply, reaching out to rub his back soothingly. "You have this ridiculous idea that you need to fix everything, when you don't. We're not helpless, Rocky. And we can help you too. You just have to let us. Hell, let Austin help. He wants to. You're thinking you have to do this alone, when you don't. You don't. Let us help you."


"I'm sorry, I love you."

I'm lifted into the air and a body slides underneath me, before I find myself resting comfortably on someone's lap – a specific someone I'm both very familiar with and very worried about.

"Don't scare me like that again," I whisper, leaning against Rocky's chest and closing my eyes. "I'm sorry I pushed you…I'm just tired of being in the dark."

"I know," Rocky murmurs. "And we're sorry for making you feel left out and unneeded and useless. Truth is, you're everything to us, and we need you more than we can ever explain. We love you, Aus. Really, we do. I know it's been stressful with what's been happening, and things are up and down now, but that is one thing that will never change. And you're not a charity case we took pity on. You're the piece of the puzzle that was missing. You're the completion to this fucked up family. You're absolutely everything, so don't you dare doubt your worth for a damn second."


Also - if any of you guys want to, I have an Ao3 account which I post much more frequently on, you can find me there. Same account name as this one. JUst in case I don't post another chapter for this story for a while, you can check there to see I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Anyway, thank you to all those who have stuck with me even for this long, I really appreciate it.