author's note: I know this episode is from season 1, which I'm actually "done" with, but I got a request to do this chapter, so just pretend it hasn't happened yet, okay? :

(I fought them all off)

Just to hold you close and tight

by dr. Tea.

Chapter 7. - Love is blind

It had taken some time for Arthur to forgive his father, but, after a lot of talk with both him and Merlin, he had... Let it go. He knew that a lot of magic was evil, and some of those his father had killed had deserved to die. But he swore that if his father ever touched Merlin, he would kill him.

Things were better than ever between himself and Merlin. Merlin was even more entertaining now that he could use his magic freely around Arthur, who sometimes begged him to show him some tricks. Arthur only had one problem, and that was forgetting.

He couldn't forget that he had confessed to Merlin. That he had called him perfect. He couldn't get the picture of himself holding Merlin's hand off his mind. He knew he was the prince, and that he couldn't let himself have these feelings for his servant. His manservant. But feelings aren't really something you can control, and Arthur knew that. He just had to not act on his feelings.

He hated himself because he had to deny both himself and Merlin happiness. Because he was sure that Merlin felt the same. He had seen it in his eyes. He had seen it in his magic.

Arthur was glad that he knew about Merlin's magic. Now he could help him protect the secret. Not that he helped much... He had made Merlin use magic way too many times. Sometimes, Merlin would refuse, but most of the time, he loved showing magic to Arthur. It was like it was their secret now, not just Merlin's. There is nothing as beautiful as sharing something with the one you love. And sharing a secret, is like being tied together.

Overall, Arthur was happy with the current situation. Sure, he wanted to hug Merlin, and hold his hand... But he had to control himself. It was also dangerous for Merlin. He didn't believe his father would be happy if he found out that his son was in love with his manservant. Also, he didn't want to use Merlin like that. If he was going to act on his feelings, he didn't want to do it in secret. Because he wasn't really ashamed. No, it was everyone else who would be ashamed. He didn't want to give Merlin false hope, because, there was no guarantee that they could be together. Even when he was king. Thoughts like that made Arthur sad. But, Merlin's smile was always there to cheer him up.

"When was the last time these were cleaned?" Merlin said, and held the red jacket at an arm's length distance.

"Last year sometime..." Arthur said, and smiled. "You know you'll be at the banquet too, right?"

"Really?" Merlin's face lit up, and he smiled that cheerful smile that he always smiled. Arthur loved it, because it made him feel so happy.

"If I have to sit through Beyard's boring speeches, I don't see why you should get out of it." The truth was that Arthur didn't want to spend hours without having Merlin in the same room. God, I'm freaking addicted to him, Arthur thought, and blushed slightly. But... Even if Merlin was there, it would still be boring... Unless... "Do you want to see what you'll be wearing tonight?" he asked, and looked at Merlin with a slight evil smile.

"Won't this do?"

"No. Tonight you will be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of Camelot." Arthur said, and went to get it. Merlin looked kind of proud. Arthur held the costume up, and Merlin's smile disappeared.

"You can't be serious." Arthur just smiled and nodded.

Oh, God. Merlin looked good... Even in those stupid clothes! Of course, he looked funny as hell, but Arthur couldn't help but find him handsome. Even with that hat. I seriously think I have a problem. He thought, while holding back laughter, and giving Merlin a smile.

Arthur was sitting there, next to his father, and listening to Beyard's speech. And yes, it was just as boring as he had thought. It was about fallen enemies and the newfound friendship and blablabla. But, wait! What the hell was that Beyard-servant doing to Merlin? Arthur almost got up from his chair. She was talking to him, and they soon walked out of the room. What the hell does she think she is doing to MY Merlin!? Arthur blushed. It had become an annoying habit of his, blushing every time he thought of Merlin in that way. But, seriously... She couldn't just abduct Merlin like that!

Couldn't they just make the toast? Why did it have to take so long? Arthur had almost taken a sip of it way too many times. He just wanted to drink from the damn goblet so that he could be excused and save Merlin from that evil woman! He was just about to drink, when he heard Merlin's voice.

"Stop! It's poisoned! Don't drink it!" and the goblet was snapped from him, by his servant.

"What?!" Uther said, eyes darkening.

"Merlin? What are you doing?" Arthur really didn't want Merlin to get into trouble.

"Beyard lased Arthur's goblet, with poison!" Merlin said out loud, so that everyone could hear it.

"This is an outrage!" Beyard shouted, and drew his sword. Uther took things way better than Arthur would have thought.

"Order your men to put down your swords, you are outnumbered."

"I will not allow this insult to go unchallenged!" Beyard shouted, and looked furiously at Merlin.

"On what brand do you base these accusations?" Uther asked seriously. Arthur couldn't let Merlin stand there alone. He was a target for both Beyard and Uther's bad tempers.

"I'll handle this. Merlin! You idiot. Have you been at the sloe-gin again?" Arthur grabbed Merlin's shoulder and tried to drag him out of the circle.

"Unless you want to be strung up, you tell me why you think it's poisoned. Now." Uther was beginning to get angry. This was not good!

"He was seen lasing it." Merlin said, and looked Uther right in the eyes. Wow, not even Arthur would have dared to do that.

"By whom?"

"I can't say."

"I will not listen to this anymore!" Beyard said, still really angry. Arthur didn't know what to do.

"Pass me the goblet." Uther ordered. It was handed to him, and he looked at Beyard.

"If you are telling the truth.."

"I am!"

"Then you have nothing to fear, do you?" Uther said, challenging. Beyard put away his sword, and held out his hand to receive the goblet.

"No. If this does prove to be poison I want the pleasure of killing you myself." Uther said, and looked at Merlin.

"He'll drink it."

Wait! WHAT!? "But if it is poison, he'll die!" Arthur protested quickly.

"Then we'll know he was telling the truth." Uther said in a cold voice.

"And what if he lives?"

"Then you have my apologies, and you can do with him as you wish." Arthur wanted to say something. But what? Merlin was given the goblet, and lifted it, slowly. "Uther, please! He's just a boy, he doesn't know what he is saying!" Gaius said. I have to say something too!

"Merlin! Apologize, this is a mistake! I'll drink it!" he said in desperation, and tried to take the goblet from Merlin.

"No, no, no... It's.. Alright." Merlin said, and lifted the goblet to his lips.

Arthur held his breath as Merlin drank. Please say it's not poison. Please. Please. Please. Even if Beyard would torture him... No, Arthur would never let that happen. Merlin had emptied the goblet, and just stood there, staring into Arthur's eyes.

Seconds, that felt like hours passed.

"It's fine." Merlin said, at last. Arthur breathed out. Thank God. He looked fine. For a moment.

Then he suddenly started coughing. Arthur didn't want to believe what he saw. But Merlin wasn't fine. Nothing was fine. It was poison. Arthur grabbed Merlin before he fell, and held him so that he wouldn't fall over. He looked desperately at his servant, and shook him slightly.

"Merlin!" Please. No. This is not happening. Please... Arthur didn't register anything that happened in the Great Hall. His eyes were only fixed on Merlin. He couldn't move. He couldn't think... The only thing that went through his mind was: I can't lose him.

Gaius snapped him out of his trance by grabbing his shoulder.

"We have to get him to my chambers. Bring the goblet. We have to identify the poison." Arthur lifted Merlin up, and held him in his strong arms, bridal style. He wasn't heavy. Hell, Arthur could have carried him for miles and miles over.

Arthur sat at his bedside, holding his hand. He had to hold it. To feel him close. Gaius had said that he would die in four or five days, if he didn't get the antidote. The leaf of the Mortius Flower. I will get it. I will go to the caves. I will save you. He looked at Merlin, and bit his lip.

"Don't worry. I will get the leaf. I won't let you die. I will protect you. Always." he said, and got up from the bed. He had to go get the leaf. Nothing else in the world mattered.

His father had forbid him to go. Not that he gave a shit. When he had said

"I can't stand by and watch him die", and his father and answered "Then don't look." He had just wanted to kill him. Right there and then. Just strike him down and kill that ugly tyrant that dared call himself a king. But he knew it wouldn't help, so he just walked away, pretending to obey his father.

But now, he was on his way to the caves. Nothing in the world would stop him from going there. Not his father. No, not all the horrors of this world bound together could make him flee from this mission. He was going to save Merlin, or die trying.

Arthur had always been naive. Not that he would admit it, obviously. He trusted the woman he met/saved in the forest. She said that she knew where to find the Mortius Flower, which was kind of weird, actually, because she said "I ran away from my master, but then I got lost." and... Just a few seconds later she said "I know this place, I could help you." Arthur should probably have seen that it was something fishy about her. But... He was Arthur, ready to believe the best in people. And, she was a girl, a wounded girl.

She showed him to the caves, and pointed at the flowers.

"There they are." she said. Still, something in her voice was... Awkward. Like it was all just a play, and she was nothing more than a bad actor. But, Arthur's head was full of "save Merlin"-thoughts.

He stepped towards the flowers. He really wasn't sure if he could reach them from the cliff. It was a bit scary, because on both sides, all he could see was darkness. If he fell, he would most certainly die. The woman suddenly started whispering things. Spells, and the cliff he was standing on, disappeared under his feet. In half a second, he had to make up his mind. Jump back to safety, or jump over to the flowers. He knew the most logical thing to do was jump back, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because it meant giving up on Merlin. And he would never do that. So he went for the flowers.

He was hanging from a little shelf in the cave. The flowers were still out of reach. And it was so heavy. His armour and sword weighed enough... But he also had support his entire body weight. Also, the woman, who he now knew was a sorcerer, could just kill him right away. He couldn't really defend himself, because both his arms were used to cling on to the shelf.

But, she chose not to kill him. She said it wasn't his destiny to die at her hand. So my destiny is to fall to my death instead? Great... Arthur was brave, but honestly, he had never liked high places. Especially when all he could see underneath him was a pitch black hole. He heard a sound, and a huge spider jumped down on his shelf. It was bigger than any spider he had ever seen. It was probably poisonous. He had to... Grab his sword... But it was so heavy... He didn't even know if he would be able to hang on with just one hand. But at the moment, he didn't really have a choice.

He grabbed his sword, and killed the spider. It was so heavy, he had to throw his sword up on the shelf, and cling on for his bare life.

"Very good." the woman said. "I'll let his friends finish you off, Arthur Pendragon."

"Who are you?!"

"The last face you'll ever see." was all she said, then she left. It was so dark, now that the only lightsource had left. (She had been holding a torch). And he wouldn't even know who killed him... Great. Not that it would matter. If he didn't survive his... Merlin would die.

Just as he thought of Merlin, a bowl of light appeared. First, he thought it was the woman who had changed her mind, and that the light would kill him.

"Come on the, finish me off!" But it... Didn't seem hostile. It was a pleasant, beautiful, blue light. It kind of reminded him of the kind of magic that Merlin would perform. But, it wasn't possible.. Merlin was home in Camelot, dying. But the light gave Arthur new strenght. And he managed to pull himself up, so that he was standing on the shelf, instead of hanging from it. He could see the flowers. He could also see hundreds of spiders coming up from the dark. They were just as big as the one he had killed.

He had to get out of there. The light was slowly working it's way up, as if it wanted to lead the way. Arthur reached for the flower. Of course, it had to be an inch too far away. He pulled off his gloves, to get a better grip, and started climbing up to them. And, thank God, he made it.

After putting the flower in a little bag, he followed the light, climbing as fast as he could.

When he was finally out of the cave, and the night-sky was looking down at him, the light disappeared. He was exhausted. Like, he felt like he could just lay down and die. But he clinched his teeth together, and hurried away to find his horse.

Like things hadn't been bad enough, he was stopped when he returned to Camelot. He was ready to die of exhaustion, thirst, hunger and worry... But, his god damned father... Had to stop him. Who the hell arrests someone who has travelled for days to save his best friend? Or... Love. Or, whatever... Arthur just wanted to kill his father. But, he was placed in the dungeons, his sword taken away from him. So, when Uther came down to visit him, he had nothing to threaten him with.

Even if Arthur hated his father at the moment, he chose to trust him. Just because he thought more of his father than he should.

"Put me in the stocks for a week, a month even, I don't care! Just make sure, it gets to him." Arthur said, and handed the life-saving flower to his father. "I'm begging you..." he added. He had to save Merlin... But his father clinched his fist around it, and let it drop to the ground. "NO!"

"You have to understand that there is right, and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you let out in a week." he said, and left. Arthur swore to God he would kill his father the minute he let him out of here... He desperately got down on the ground, trying to reach the flower. But, of course, his father had dropped it a few centimeters too far away..

He (somehow) managed to reach the flower. Now he just had to figure a way to get it to Merlin. Hopefully, either Gaius, Gwen or Morgana would come up with something. He already knew his father wouldn't allow anyone to see him. Just a few hours later, Gwen came down, and they managed to sneak the flower past the guards. But only just.

Those days spent in the dungeons were a nightmare. He didn't even know if Merlin lived. Was he okay? Did Gaius manage to make the antidote? Was it too late? He almost couldn't sit still. He just paced back and forth in his cellar.

When he finally got out, the first place he went was to Merlin. He entered the pharmacy, where Merlin and Gaius lived, to find Merlin sitting alone in a chair, with a blanket wrapped around himself. Even though Arthur hadn't made any noise at all, Merlin still turned around and got up when he entered. As if he could sense his presence. When their eyes met, all those feelings that Arthur had had for the last days poured out of him, and he couldn't help but hug Merlin, tightly. Just holding him close. Feeling his heart beat (oh, man it was beating fast.) It was so freeing to know that he was living. They didn't say anything, just stood there, hugging. Arthur didn't want to let go of him, so even when Merlin's arms let go of him (and that took a while), he still held him close. He promised himself that he would never, ever, ever, ever let anything like this happen again. When Arthur let him go, Merlin looked at him and smiled.

"Thank you." he said, smiling widely. God, how adorable can you possibly get?

"You too." Arthur answered. He was thanking Merlin for a lot of things... For surviving, for saving him... And for letting him love him, without commenting on it.

I am a fan of fluff, okay? (Not really, only when I write it, normally I read smutt...) But, yeah. Thank you for reading this chapter, and sticking with me. :D I really appreciate all the reviews/follows/faves. The reason I even managed to finish this chapter was because I got a review. I have been "suffering" from the "no motivation"-syndrome... Lol. But I will try to update more often. Thanks again.