AN: For some reason fanfiction isn't allowing me to reply to reviews at the moment but just know I read and appreciate every one of them. Thank you. You are all so kind and beautiful. For anyone wondering why I am not updating my AOT story it's because writing the political arc is making my brain ache.
This chapter I'm listening to Jason Walker – Echo.
Chapter 7 – Shadow is the only friend that I have.
Hermione felt very warm and her bed covers felt odd. She shifted in her sleep to find her movement restricted by her clothes and an arm that wasn't her own. Why was she still in her clothes? Her stomach lurched as her eyes flew open. She stared at the unfamiliar ceiling that was not her dorm room. Her eyes darted around quickly going from the dying embers in the fireplace to the abandoned bowl of murtlap essence on the table. The strange events of yesterday came back to her in a rush.
She attempted to readjust her blanket but she was pinned against the couch by a pale arm that was resting above the blanket across her stomach. His long fingers were curled loosely against her side. She was enveloped by his warmth and his scent. She turned her head softly and she blushed. He was so close as he slept on his side only inches from her. His face was so peaceful that she couldn't help but just watch him for a few moments. His lashes flickered as he dreamt and she hoped that he was having good dreams.
He was so handsome even with the yellowing bruise blooming across his cheek. She noted his boyish face was becoming more angular and filling out. She noticed that the pinched, pointy face he'd had in first year wasn't the face she was looking at now. As she watched him at his most vulnerable she knew she didn't think of him as a bad person anymore. It was much more complex than good or bad and she was only just beginning to realise that. Draco had been told his entire life that people like her were dirty, an abomination upon wizarding society and that was wrong. But how could he know what was right if he'd never been taught? If he really thought that way then why would he hold her like this? Why would he want to be her friend? He had trust issues, rightly so, but for some reason he trusted her. The thought made her stomach knot. She swallowed thickly as she glanced at his swollen lip. Things were getting messy. And Hermione liked to keep things clear and concise at all times.
Hermione couldn't even remember falling asleep. But she clearly had and then Malfoy must have covered her in a blanket and fallen asleep too. She blushed as she felt his arm tighten around her in his sleep. So Malfoy was cuddly? She'd never imagined he would be. He was quite cool and distant when it came to showing physical affection. But then maybe that's because she wasn't someone he wanted to be physically affectionate with. No he wouldn't want that at all. Because in her heart even she knew this was wrong no matter how safe she felt in his arms. This wasn't safe this was dangerous. He could lose everything because of her. She should never have let this happen. She wondered if they'd come too far now to go back.
"You're thinking so loud you're keeping me awake."
Hermione jumped slightly as Malfoy's husky, sleepy voice broke the silence.
He was awake but his eyes were still closed and he made no attempts to remove his arm.
"What are you thinking about?" He muttered.
Hermione sighed.
"Nothing…just… everything. Did you really have to go and do something so wonderfully righteous yesterday?" She asked with a sad smile.
"No I didn't. But I heard your little bossy voice in my head and that was it."
Hermione turned to him sharply as her heart raced.
"What?"
Draco cracked one of his eyes open to find her deep brown eyes searching his in the dim light. They both lay on their sides now their faces and bodies only inches apart. Draco was enjoying the feel of her warm body underneath the blanket pressed up against him. He wondered how it would feel to hold her body in his arms without the blanket between them. He pushed that inappropriate thought to the back of his mind. Her eyes seemed to see right through the cunning web of protection that he wove around himself and that was completely terrifying.
"I heard your voice in my head when those dementors came."
A frown creased Hermione's brow and a flush coloured her cheeks.
"It wasn't my voice Draco. It was your conscience."
Draco felt a strange flip flop sensation in his lower stomach hearing her say his name. He shook his head trying to shake the odd feeling away but it didn't budge it just smouldered quietly there in his abdomen.
"It wasn't. I know what I heard. It was you. If it was my conscience then it sounded an awful lot like you. I'd know that haughty, know it all voice anyw – ow."
Hermione shoved his chest playfully causing him to press into the back of the couch.
He gave her a crooked teasing smile.
"Since when do you call me Draco?" He asked quietly. His smile widened as he watched Hermione's blush deepen.
"Since now, friends usually call each other by their names." Said Hermione her voice wavering slightly.
Draco nodded.
"Ok, Hermione." He said sounding out every syllable of her name on his tongue and finding he rather enjoyed the sensation.
Hermione groaned and rolled onto her back.
"Do you always have to make everything so difficult?"
Draco laughed at her annoyance and the fact her cheeks were still glowing red.
"Yes. You'd get bored otherwise. You live to be challenged don't deny it. So stop complaining because you've finally got a friend who can keep up with you intellectually." He said with a shrug.
Hermione sat up on the couch and shoved the blankets and his arm from her unceremoniously. His thinly veiled dig at Harry and Ron essentially calling them stupid made her temper flare. But he had called her his friend too that was the first time he'd acknowledged it openly and it had made her stomach flip. He always made her feel so confused, it was something that had never happened to Hermione before him and the feeling unsettled her. She'd always been so sure of herself before, so sure she knew everything but now she wasn't sure she knew anything at all. Everything had always been so straight forward and logical before him. He was making everything messy and complicated. But the thought of losing him to go back to straight forward made her realise she didn't want straight forward any more. She wanted this instead even though she still wasn't entirely sure what this was.
"Ugh I thought I'd seen the last of arrogant Malfoy, apparently not. I thought you said we couldn't be friends anyway." She said heatedly as she stood from the couch.
"Annnnd we're back to Malfoy. I changed my mind. It's completely stupid and dangerous for us to be friends but the fact is I've never had a friend before. Not a real one. And I'd like to keep you even although I know that's ridiculously selfish of me. But old habits die hard Granger."
Hermione flushed. She searched his eyes for any hint of dishonesty and found no trace, only truth and vulnerability. But Malfoy was popular; he was always surrounded by his little gang of Slytherins. He wanted to keep her. Her heart thumped as she reheard his words in her head. He'd really wanted to say that he didn't want to lose her, she knew that, but he hadn't wanted to sound so pathetic and needy. She didn't want to lose him either she didn't care if that complicated things.
"But you have loads of friends."
Draco sat up on the couch and looked at the cross armed confused Hermione that stood above him. Her hair was all messy from sleeping and he had to admit bed head looked good on Granger. He shook his head.
"Not real friends. You'll make your real friends in Slytherin? What a load of bollocks. Everyone that you think is my friend only talks to me because they're afraid of my father or want to use me for a business transaction. Honestly part of the reason I h-dislike Potter so much is that he has friends, real ones, and I don't. And maybe it's because I don't deserve real friends-"
"Draco-"
"I'm not a nice person Hermione. I get jealous. I'm selfish and spiteful. I don't know how to be myself with people or how to be friends with them. My parents are completely crazy. I don't know why anyone would-wmm"
Hermione had pressed her three fingers against his warm lips. Her pinkie and thumb rested beneath his jaw. She felt the scab on his bottom lip catch beneath her index finger. It was so rough compared to the rest of the skin on his lips that was so warm and smooth. Good he'd stopped talking. She didn't want to hear anymore. She'd even take arrogant Draco over this. Because this Draco was vulnerable and so horribly breakable that he made her heart ache.
Draco was lonely. He had no one to talk to, no one but her. How odd that out of everyone in the whole school he'd choose to confide in her. She was the only one that wouldn't judge him, the only one that would understand. The only one who didn't see him as some Pureblood Prince or as some disgusting excuse for a human being. She didn't see him for anything more or less than what he really was. As her gentle fingers pressed against his mouth and her dark eyes lit with compassion he realised it was only when he was with her that he didn't feel so horribly lost and alone.
Hermione realised in that moment how truly lonely Draco really was. She at least had the boys and her parents. But even with all those people that she loved and that loved her in her life she felt lonely too. In her childhood she struggled to make friends and had been teased for her bookishness. Not much had changed. Harry and Ron were her best friends and she was so lucky to have them but there were things about her they didn't understand. When she would get all excited about something they learned in class the boys would both zone out and give each other amused looks and roll their eyes at her. She supposed it was only fair since she zoned out whenever they talked about quidditch. But with Draco she didn't feel alone. He understood her. His mind was like hers. She didn't ever need to zone out with him. The boy that she'd thought had everything had nothing. She gazed into his hesitant grey eyes and gave voice to the tentative feelings she felt in her heart because she knew that he needed to hear them even more than she needed to say them.
"I'm not afraid of your father. You aren't a business transaction. And you do deserve real friends. Yes you do get jealous and sometimes you are selfish but you're human. We all have weaknesses. I like you the way you are, so whether you think you deserve it or not you do have a real friend."
Hermione dropped her fingers from Draco's mouth as she felt his lips part beneath them. He was unabashedly staring at her and Hermione had never felt her heart pound like it did in that moment. Couldn't he hear it?
She liked him. The way he was. She didn't care that he was all fucked up and broken she wanted him to be her friend anyway. Draco Malfoy was rarely rendered speechless but he was finding himself increasingly lost for words in her presence. His father's chilling voice circled around his head. "The little mudblood might get hurt." No. He wouldn't let his father take her away from him. He'd taken everything else from him but not her. She wasn't like the muggle books, they couldn't hide her away from him. She was too bright, too strong and too proud to let them contain her.
Hermione glanced at her watch in the awkward silence to avoid his beguiling silver eyes. 6am. 6am?! No that couldn't be right. She'd stayed out all night. With him. Oh no no no. It was a Sunday thankfully but still.
"Do you know what time it is?!" exclaimed Hermione desperately.
She crouched on the floor collecting the abandoned invisibility cloak.
"6. There's a giant clock right behind you." He said coolly.
Hermione whirled round and groaned.
"You knew what time it was and you didn't say anything?!"
Malfoy smiled.
"Maybe. What's the big deal?" He asked as he stretched his arms over his head casually.
"The big deal is what if someone was looking for you or for me? They'd find out we were both missing and then –"
"Would you just calm down for a second?" He asked with a small smile.
Hermione took a deep breath and calmed slightly.
"Good. Right. We'll use the cloak. I'll go back to my dorm. You go back to yours. It's Sunday no one will be awake for hours. We'll be fine." He said reassuringly as he stood next to her.
Hermione nodded as she wordlessly threw the cloak over them both and they made their way back into the corridors. It was freezing and Hermione desperately wished they could turn back and lie down on the warm sofa again together. She flushed. No. That couldn't happen again. Stupid sleep deprived thoughts. The sun was just rising bathing the corridors in pale yellow light. They'd almost made it to the dungeons when they rounded the corner and almost crashed straight into Snape and Dumbledore.
Hermione stumbled and Draco caught her arm instinctively pressing her flush against the wall to steady her. He felt Snape's cloak brush against the edges of the invisibility cloak and he froze completely. Fuck. He gazed into Hermione's eyes that were wide with fear. Their faces were close together and barely an inch of space existed between their bodies.
"The entire thing had Miss Granger all over it. Draco would never have acted that way had it not been for her influence. I was wrong to doubt you. But even you have to admit that a month ago the idea seemed ridiculous."
Draco and Hermione frowned they were talking about them. Hermione's eyes flicked from his to behind his shoulder as her eyes widened further.
He could see her. Dumbledore could see them. She gasped and Draco pressed his hand against her mouth to stifle it. Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes were looking right at her. How? The cloak was invisible and Snape looked none the wiser. Hermione's head was swimming with confusion not at all helped by Draco's proximity to her. His firm, warm body was pressed up against her and it made her feel strange. Her entire body was reverberating like a just plucked string on a violin. She could feel him more sensitively than she could feel anyone else. It was odd like their bodies were specifically tuned to react to each other's. She swallowed thickly as her eyes flicked back to Malfoy's.
"Yes it did Severus. But now I see that we really had no reason to doubt them." Said Dumbledore with a pointed wink and a smile at Hermione as he guided Severus up towards his office.
Draco exhaled in relief his body sagging so that his soft hair brushed against the sensitive skin at Hermione's neck.
"That was close."
"He saw us. Dumbledore. He looked right through this cloak and right at me."
Malfoy laughed.
"You're imagining it."
"No! I swear he winked at me and –"
"Wow I know sometimes girls are into older guys but come on, Dumbledore?-"
"Would you stop it I'm being serious!" She said as she distanced herself from him as they began to walk to Draco's dorm.
"Well look if he did see us he would've at the very least got us detentions with Snape and McGonagall. "
"Not if covering for us helps his plan too. You heard them talking about us. Something's going on. They're hiding something from us. And I intend to find out what."
"You're not going to drop this are you? We didn't hear enough of what they were saying so there's no way you could find out what's going on." He said matter of factly.
Hermione rolled her eyes and groaned.
"How can you be so cool knowing that Dumbledore and Snape have involved us in something we know nothing about?"
"People keep secrets for a reason Hermione." He said meaningfully.
Hermione bit her lip as she pondered his words. Was he right?
They halted outside the Slytherin common room.
"Get some sleep. Goodnight Hermione. Or good morning I suppose." He said with a gentle smile.
She nodded feeling her cheeks flush. She still wasn't used to him calling her name.
"Well, back into the snake pit." He said with a grimace.
Hermione smiled.
"You'll be fine. They'll forgive you. If the rematch goes ahead you get the chance to win again. If it doesn't the win stands."
Malfoy nodded. She was right. They looked at each other for a moment and Hermione's heart raced as she thought his grey eyes flicked to her mouth briefly.
"Bye." She said breathlessly as she pulled the cloak from over Draco and turned on her heel.
He watched the empty corridor listening to her distant footsteps fade in the silence. He discreetly lifted his shirt to his nose as he stepped into the common room. It smelled like her. It smelled of old parchment, lavender and roses. He smiled and felt that oddly familiar warmth spread across his chest that happened whenever he thought of Hermione.
Hermione crept through the portrait hole ignoring the disgruntled fat lady who gave her a questioning look. She froze. Harry's vivid green eyes were watching her from the arm chair in the corner. He was still in his pyjamas. He didn't look angry he just looked at her with a slight hint of disappointment which made Hermione's intestines writhe guiltily. She'd lied to her best friend and now it was time to confess, she only hoped he had it in his heart to understand. She felt sick.
Hermione walked over to the armchair and sat on the armrest. She passed the cloak to Harry wordlessly. She didn't know what to say.
"When did you start lying to me Hermione?" He asked.
His eyes were sharp on her face.
Hermione sighed.
"I never wanted to keep secrets from you Harry you're my best friend."
Harry glared at her.
"Were you with him?" He asked his voice barely above a whisper.
Hermione flinched. If she claimed innocence of who 'he' was Harry would only get angrier. So he did know about Malfoy, except he didn't. Well not the truth anyway. She swallowed thickly. Denying it now would only make this worse at this point.
"Yes. But Harry let me explain-"
"How can you do it Hermione? He's vile."
Hermione took Harry's hand and squeezed it lightly. Harry's hands were so different from his. Harry's were comfortingly familiar and didn't make her feel strange. He didn't squeeze her hand back like he would have normally.
"Harry trust me a month ago I thought the same thing. But once you get to know him he's different. If you'd just let me explain-"
Harry shook his head.
"I don't trust him."
"But I do. And you trust me don't you?"
Harry's eyes widened and he nodded begrudgingly.
"I don't like this." He said shaking his head.
"I know." She said sadly.
He at least wasn't mad at her but this sad disappointed Harry made her feel even worse.
"You've changed Hermione. You would never have kept secrets from me before."
Hermione blushed had she changed? She had to admit over the past month she had started to feel a little different but it wasn't anything she could pinpoint in particular. She just felt a little more confident in herself that was all.
"You keep secrets from me too Harry don't deny it."
Harry stiffened slightly and loosened his hand from her grip.
Hermione smiled sadly. She knew he was keeping things to himself. Harry always had a tendency to do that until the weight of the thoughts in his mind almost crushed him and he finally sought out Hermione and Ron's advice. He'd always been that way. Draco was like that too. They were more similar than they realised. Perhaps it came from having a solitary, neglectful childhood. They had never had anyone to talk to before so they just bottled everything up inside.
"You weren't the only one that had a rough day yesterday Harry. Draco needed me too." She said shyly.
Harry narrowed his eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked sharply.
Hermione cringed at the venom in his voice.
"Draco and I-"
"Draco?!" He asked his nose wrinkled in disgust.
Hermione felt her face heat further.
"Yes, Draco. At the beginning of the year Dumbledore asked me to tutor him in muggle studies and I agreed. That's all there is to it. I was worried about him after yesterday so I checked up on him. It was after curfew so I borrowed your cloak Harry. Sorry. Dumbledore told me to keep our lessons secret and judging by your reaction I can see why." She whispered.
"Well I'm sorry but it's Malfoy. How did you expect this to go? What sort of lessons need you to be with him all night?" He asked incredulously.
Harry didn't truly believe Hermione capable of doing anything…unsavoury with Draco Malfoy but then he hadn't believed she would ever lie to him either.
Hermione blushed at how far from innocent the truth sounded.
"It's not like that. He's lonely Harry he just talks to me that's all."
"Lonely? Don't humanise him Hermione he's just like his father-"
"Don't say that about him." She said warningly her entire body taught with tension and anger.
How dare he say that?! Harry didn't know Draco. Not like she did. She suddenly understood his predicament when his father had slandered her in front of him. She was overcome with an overwhelming need to defend his honour even if that meant hurting her best friend.
Harry's eyes widened in genuine shock.
"Why are you defending him? All he knows how to do is hurt and use people."
Hermione felt a crushing sensation in her chest and she felt tears fill her eyes.
Harry looked apologetic but it was too late. He felt immensely guilty as he watched fat tears roll down her cheeks from her deep brown eyes.
"That hurt Harry. Do you think I'd let myself be used by anyone? You know you two really aren't so different if you'd just -"
Harry's anger flared his apology forgotten.
"Don't finish that sentence Hermione. We're nothing alike alright."
He said standing up and running a hand through his messy black hair in agitation.
"You know Harry you're right. You aren't alike. He never made me cry. Not once."
Harry's eyes widened at her words as she turned from him.
"I won't tell Ron about…what you said. It's not my place." He said gently.
Hermione nodded gratefully without facing him and fled to her dorm.
She lay on her bed still clothed. She could hear Lavender's light snores as her tears soaked into her pillow. She'd just had her first fight with her best friend. She and Ron bickered sometimes but she and Harry had always remained on good terms. But now it was as if what had once been so simple seemed terribly complex. Please forgive me Harry she thought guiltily.
Hermione woke up to find the rest of her roommates beds empty and the sun streaming in the windows. She glanced at her watch. It was 11am. She almost jumped from her bed causing Crookshanks, who had been resting at her feet, to slide off the bed unceremoniously. With a flash of his amber eyes and a wave of his bottlebrush tail he was gone. She silently hoped last night had all been some sort of crazy dream. She frowned as she caught the scent of spearmint and green apples and something else spicy that was just distinctively Malfoy from the Gryffindor jumper she'd fallen asleep in. She blushed. It hadn't been a dream.
She had hoped that part had been real. But then that also made her ensuing fight with Harry very real. She felt ill. She'd just been so mad at him for speaking about Draco like that. But then why shouldn't he? Up until last year Draco had been simply awful to her Harry and Ron. But things were different now. If only he knew what Draco was really like. She should've just held her tongue and let him vent which he had every right to. But she couldn't Malfoy had been right about that. She couldn't just sit there and listen to him spouting lies about him. She groaned this was such a mess.
She sighed as she made her bed. Ok be logical Hermione. She tried to look at the situation from Harry's point of view. He'd just found out that his best friend had lied to him all semester. Had just stolen his invisibility cloak and spent the night with his arch enemy. Hermione blushed and cringed inwardly. When she put it like that, no wonder Harry had reacted the way he had.
She wondered how Draco was doing down in the snake pit. She blushed and shook her head. She shouldn't be thinking of him now. Right now she had to work on repairing her friendship with Harry and hoping that Ron would take her news better than Harry had, but she very much doubted that. Her stomach rumbled. She was starving even though her stomach was knotted with guilt and worry. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and began to get ready to face the day. There was no point hiding no matter how much she wanted to.
Hermione entered the great hall at lunch time with her hair still wet from her shower. She muttered a quick drying spell and roughly piled her unruly hair into a bun as she sat at the fairly empty Gryffindor table. It was still early for lunch. She noticed Ginny further down the table helping herself to a sandwich whilst chatting animatedly with Fred and George. If ever trouble came in the form of a trio it would be them thought Hermione with a smile. She moved over to sit across from them and was greeted by an enthusiastic wave from Ginny and a wink from the twins. She flushed and rolled her eyes at them.
"I thought you'd gone down to Hagrid's with the boys?" Asked Ginny.
Hermione tensed. Oh. So Harry really was mad at her. Just great.
"No. I have too much homework to catch up on." She lied quickly.
Ginny simply nodded but Fred narrowed his eyes at her. Big mistake to lie in front of the two expert liars of Hogwarts.
"Well we'll leave you two ladies to it." Said Fred meaningfully as he and George swept out of the entrance hall their red heads bobbing together perfectly in sync. They were probably off forming some mischevious plan no doubt.
She glanced across at the Slytherin table. He wasn't there. She caught Pansy's eye and found her icy blue glare aimed at her. She quickly turned her attention back to Ginny who was frowning concernedly.
"Hermione are you alright."
Hermione shook her head.
"No. Me and Harry had a fight this morning." She said shakily tears filling her eyes at the memory.
Ginny's frown deepened and she put down the sandwich she was eating.
"But you and Harry never fight. What happened?" She asked.
Hermione picked at the dough in her sandwich as she told Ginny everything. She was making a mess and showcasing awful table manners. Draco would tease her for something like this. She almost smiled but then her smile was replaced with hurt. Would she ever be able to have both Harry and Draco in her life?
"What an arse!" Exclaimed Ginny passionately.
Hermione's eyes widened in surprise. She'd never heard Ginny speak ill of Harry before.
"It was my fault too Ginny I just got so mad. Harry was quite right to react the way he did."
Ginny shook her head.
"Yes he had every right to be mad at Malfoy because he doesn't know him like you. But you're best friends there was no need for him to insult you like that. You deserve an apology. It was a lot to take in but he'll come round."
Hermione squeezed Ginny's hand gratefully.
"Thanks Ginny but I sort of egged him on and I did lie to him. I just saw red when he said all that stuff about Draco. I deserve his anger for a little while at least I suppose."
Ginny raised her brow and gave her a smile worthy of one of the twins schemes. Hermione shuffled in her seat uncomfortably.
"Oh so it's Draco now is it? So tell me Hermione since you spent the night with him are the rumours true?"
Hermione flushed.
"What are you talking about?" She asked innocently.
Ginny grinned at Hermione's blush.
"About Malfoy's y'know…wand." She said suggestively.
Hermione felt her face heat and her mouth dropped open.
"What?" She asked incredulously.
"Well I heard some Slytherin girls chatting in potions and they said Malfoy's rather…erm well endowed in that area so to speak."
"Ginny how would I possibly know that? And how did a group of thirteen year old girls know about…that?" She asked awkwardly.
Ginny shrugged.
"I don't know they said they overheard some fifth year girls talking about him. Really? So nothing happened between you? What did you do all night?" She asked with a rather disappointed pout.
Hermione shook her head. Some girls talked about weird things sometimes. She was glad she wasn't one of them. She enjoyed potions too much to want to talk about anything else during that class especially male anatomy of all things. She was surprised Snape had let those girls chat long enough for Ginny to hear what she had.
"We just talk Ginny. That's all. It's nice."
Ginny frowned.
Hermione took a sip of her pumpkin juice as she thought of his shy smile and guarded eyes.
"Have you ever spoken with someone that you've just been able to understand without even saying very much at all? I mean Harry and Ron they're like my brothers. I love them so much but I've never had this with them. His mind Ginny, it's just like mine and sometimes I feel like we don't even have to speak at all not really. He just…knows. It's strange. " She said gazing off into space.
Ginny's frown deepened but her grin widened.
"Can't say that I have. You must really like him." She said in astonishment.
Hermione flushed self consciously.
"I do Ginny. I just wish Harry could see him the way I do." She said with a sigh.
Ginny laughed.
"I'm not sure you'd want that."
Hermione frowned.
"Why not?"
Ginny shook her head.
"Never mind. They'll get along in the end. They have no choice if they both want to keep you." She said matter of factly.
Draco's voice filled her head. 'I want to keep you.' She blushed remembering the intensity in his beautiful grey eyes in that moment.
Hermione nodded.
"Thanks Ginny. You really are so smart in a completely terrifying way. Like if the twins decided to be good students."
Ginny laughed and Hermione joined her feeling so much lighter than she had all morning. She hugged her and went up to the library to finish her homework. She felt Pansy's eyes on her but she kept her head held high.
Draco Malfoy stood under the shower head letting the water scald his pale skin making it flush pink. He felt like he was shedding his old skin and becoming someone new. It felt terrifying but good too. It was after lunch and he was starving. He pulled on a black tshirt and some black jeans his mother hated. He grinned as he heard her prim voice in his head. "They're far too scruffy Draco you almost look like one of…them." He would gladly be one of them over being himself.
He entered the common room and Zabini and Goyle said a subdued 'hi' to him. Well at least they were speaking to him again. Pansy still wasn't looking at him and Daphne Greengrass' eyes flicked quickly between Pansy and himself before settling back on the book in her lap. Draco sighed. Pansy liked to stew which annoyed him greatly. She was annoying and he didn't love her in the way he was supposed to. But beneath all her pureblood aristocracy she was just like him and he felt sorry for her. She too felt the pressure of her position and the crippling insecurity that came with it. The pressure on her was even worse because she was a girl. This sucked. He definitely wasn't ready to deal with this yet. He needed food. He glanced at his watch 3pm. Shit. Too early for dinner. Too late for lunch. Perfect.
For the first time in his life he briefly thought about how great it would be being a Hufflepuff. He'd heard they were often able to sneak snacks from the kitchen. Even the infamous Weasley twins were rumoured to know how to get into the kitchens. In that moment he found himself simultaneously wishing he was a hufflepuff or a Weasley. He shuddered what was he becoming? Someone very unlike his father that's who. He took a steadying breath. That could only be a good thing.
Malfoy was walking to the great hall to see if there was anything at all he could scrounge when the same small brown owl that had carried messages to Hermione the previous evening dropped two letters that bounced right off his forehead. He scowled at the owl who almost seemed to hoot in laughter as it flew back to the owlery. Well he deserved that he supposed he had been a little short the other night. One was from his father he scrunched the letter into his pocket. He'd deal with that later. He glanced at the other note in his hand feeling his heart beat quicken. Was it from Hermione? He tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment that spread through him as he gazed at the unfamiliar spidery scrawl. It wasn't her. His eyes widened as he looked at the name signed on the bottom. Ginny Weasley?! He quickly let his eyes skim over the note.
"Malfoy,
Harry found out about everything. He's really not happy with Hermione and I don't think they're speaking. She was pretty upset at lunch but maybe she'd feel better talking to you about it. Just thought you should know. Hermione's very good at putting a brave face on things you know how she is.
Ginny Weasley."
He re-read the note over again just to make sure he'd understood. Ginny trusted him with this information. He might not particularly like the Weasley's but Ginny was at least courteous enough to write him this note. She had Hermione's best interests at heart. She was a good friend to her. The same couldn't be said for Potter. He scrunched up the note in his hand feeling anger flow through his veins. It was one thing for Harry to be mad at him but he didn't need to take out his anger on Hermione. None of this was her fault.
Harry was an arsehole he was supposed to be Hermione's best friend. He'd upset her. Hermione had accepted Harry knowing he came with a lot of baggage because she was a truly selfless non judgemental person. She deserved the same respect from Harry. She'd accepted him too despite everything. He supposed he'd made her upset too before all of this. But that was different. That was before he'd known her before he'd been her friend. Harry should know better. Malfoy's eyes flickered out across the grounds and he saw Harry and Ron leaving Hagrid's hut. He felt barely supressed anger pulse through his veins. He knew he shouldn't. He knew that Hermione would get mad at him. But Potter had hurt her because of him. He felt guilt and anger bubble up from deep within. Before he knew what he was doing he was walking into the damp, chilly air to meet them.
Draco was taking long strides to greet them and they'd barely made it out of the overgrown pumpkin patches filled with ripe orange pumpkins soon to be on display at next week's Halloween feast before their eyes met his.
"Malfoy." Said Harry his eyes narrowing and his jaw clenching.
Malfoy nodded his head towards him.
"We need to talk." He said trying to remain calm. He kept trying to think of Hermione's smile and gentle eyes when he felt the anger rising at being in Potter's presence. It helped a little.
Harry frowned as Ron looked between them with a confused vacant expression.
"I don't think we do." Said Harry walking around him with Ron following blindly behind.
"No. I don't think so." He said grabbing him by the shoulder and halting any further movement.
Harry spun around anger clear in his flushed face.
"Look Potter I don't like you and you don't like me. Fine. But don't get mad at Hermione." He said meaningfully.
Harry brushed Malfoy's hand off roughly.
"That's none of your business Malfoy." He said venomously.
Malfoy rolled his eyes and sighed. He didn't even have the desire to fight with Potter right now. It would only make things worse for Hermione.
"Look just for two seconds put all this shit between us to the side alright. Think about Hermione. You're her best friend but you're doing a pretty awful job of that at the moment. Apologise to her that's all I'm asking."
Harry's face softened slightly and a deep frown creased his brow.
"Why should I do anything you say? And why do you care about Hermione?"
Malfoy groaned and swept an agitated hand through his hair.
"Bloody hell Potter you're infuriating. I'm only telling you this because she's too nice to say it and thankfully I don't have that problem. You're being a selfish arse right now and frankly you don't deserve a friend like Hermione."
Harry physically recoiled form Malfoy's words. And Ron had a look of disgust mixed with being hit with a confundus charm.
"I don't deserve her as a friend?! That's rich coming from you. What are you doing with Hermione?" He replied angrily.
Malfoy had to admit that had stung. Deep down in the hollows of his ribcage where he buried all of his insecurities. What was he doing? He had absolutely no idea. But he knew he never wanted to hurt her.
"That's none of your business Potter but we have something in common. We might hate each other but neither of us want Granger hurt alright."
Harry's eyes widened at Malfoy's surprisingly honest heartfelt statement.
Malfoy sighed and turned from them. Well that was pointless but he had to try.
"I don't know what you're planning with her Malfoy but if you hurt her I swear I'll-"
Malfoy tensed his fists at his side and turned to him.
"Feeling's mutual Potter."
Harry's eyes widened but he made no retort.
He left Potter and Weasley standing in the light rain which had become heavy by the time he'd made it back to the castle. He should've been freezing as he hadn't worn a jacket or his cloak. But his blood boiled despite the chill. Bloody Potter. Why did she have to be friends with him?! He smiled sadly as he realised that if he were Hermione and he had to choose between himself and Potter to stay friends with even he would pick Potter and he greatly disliked the guy. He rubbed at his hollow chest as his t-shirt clung to his damp, cold skin. His self hatred ran even deeper than his dislike of Potter ever could. He was an arse but hopefully he'd use that underused brain of his and apologise to Hermione sooner rather than later. Ginny was right Hermione put a brave face on things but he knew she'd be hurting. He wanted to see her but that was probably a bad idea considering.
Hermione hadn't gone down to dinner. She didn't feel like speaking to anyone, well anyone except Malfoy. How funny that he was one of the only people she trusted and felt like talking to these days. Hermione sighed as she shut the arithmancy textbook she was reading in the common room with a thud. Even she couldn't concentrate right now. Harry and Ron entered the room they were both soaking wet and even Harry's messy black hair was plastered neatly against his forehead. He stared at her hesitantly as if wanting to say something but choosing not to. Ron's eyes were darting between them suspiciously. Did he know? But Harry had promised her he wouldn't tell him?
Crookshanks suddenly leapt from her lap and began to chase after Scabbers who Ron had laid on the armrest of the chair by the fire. Ron picked up Scabbers and placed him in his top pocket as Crookshanks swatted at the now empty space with a fuzzy orange paw.
"Hermione keep him under control!" Shouted Ron angrily as he checked Scabbers was ok before he scowled at Hermione.
Hermione rushed after Crookshanks and picked him up holding him to her chest despite his incessant squirming.
"Sorry." She said quietly. She didn't have the heart to argue or fight with Ron. Harry wasn't speaking to her and she didn't want to fight with Ron too.
Ron gave her a quick nod but said nothing. They stared at one another awkwardly with Ron firmly standing between the two looking just as uncomfortable as they both felt. She didn't have anything left to say and it looked like Harry didn't either. Hermione would leave she'd been the one to mess everything up anyway. She sighed and left the two boys standing in the common room. There was nothing more she could do she'd apologised. But Harry was still mad at her. And until he wasn't there was nothing to be done.
She held Crookshanks close to her. He seemed to know she needed him as he stopped squirming and clung closer to her. Hermione walked aimlessly past the great hall hearing snippets of gossip and conversation as she walked past. She glimpsed Lavender and Parvati deep in conversation and she groaned she really didn't want to see them right now. She ducked behind a wall and waited for them to pass.
"I heard Malfoy hit Harry." Said Parvati
"No I heard it the other way round. I wonder what they were fighting about." Said Lavender.
"Quidditch match probably I heard they aren't being allowed to replay."
"You don't think it's something else?"
"Like what?" Asked Parvati.
"Oh come on Hermione wearing that Slytherin scarf. You don't think her and Malfoy are…you know." She said suggestively.
Parvati giggled.
"That's ridiculous Lav. I mean he's gorgeous of course but his family would never let him be with someone like Hermione."
Lav hummed in agreement.
"Yeah you're right plus Hermione is hardly the type of girl someone like Draco Malfoy would go for." Said Lavender with a laugh.
Hermione watched them walk away giggling. She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away the sting in her eyes. They were right of course. It was ridiculous and completely untrue. But then why did it hurt so much? Crookshanks burrowed into her armpit as she swept away quickly. She needed air. She climbed to the astronomy tower and sat on the cold steps. She watched the pale half moon rise in the murky purple sky.
"Well looks like it's just you and me for a while Crooks." She whispered quietly pressing her face towards his soft fur and letting a few tears escape from her eyes.
Malfoy had been summoned to Dumbledore's office and as he muttered the password at the bottom of the staircase he felt his heart race. This couldn't be good. He fought to contain his surprise when upon entering he saw both McGonagall and Snape standing at either side of Dumbledore's desk. Dumbledore motioned for Malfoy to sit and he did.
"That was a very brave and decent thing you did yesterday Mr Malfoy." Dumbledore began with a warm smile.
Malfoy's mouth opened in surprise and he found that he wanted to look anywhere but into his twinkly blue eyes. He should mumble a thankyou but his voice seemed to have crept down into his shoes. He nodded instead.
"As you are aware we did request a replay on your behalf but unfortunately I am sorry to say this has been overruled as Harry is now unfortunately broom less and until I set up better protections against the dementors I fear I must postpone ant further quidditch games."
Malfoy nodded again. He was disappointed but he had expected this.
"I understand."
"You must take 30 house points for your quick thinking and sportsmanship."
Malfoy felt his face burn as McGonagall gave him a very gentle soft look. This was just plain weird.
"Thankyou but really I didn't do anything-"
"It takes great courage to do what is right." Said Dumbledore meaningfully.
Malfoy could feel Snape's black eyes boring into his skull. It felt so strange speaking with Dumbledore like this. His father despised the man and it made him feel good to hear praise from one of his father's enemies.
"I trust everything is going well with your study sessions with Miss Granger?"
Draco genuinely wanted the floor to swallow him whole right now. He rarely felt uneasy or self conscious in situations like these. But at the mention of Hermione all of these feelings burst forth.
He saw Snape turn to look at Dumbledore sharply.
Malfoy nodded knowing that he was blushing and wanting to kick himself for being so pathetic.
"Excellent. Well off you go. What a fabulous night for stargazers don't you think?" Said Dumbledore with a meaningful tilt of his head. Malfoy frowned. Dumbledore was the craziest person he'd ever met he knew that for certain. He nodded and gratefully left the room exhaling a long breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.
Malfoy was absolutely famished but as he made his way to the great hall he glanced out of the windows into the darkness. The night sky was clear and the moon cast a pale, lonely light over the grounds. It really was a good night for stargazing. How odd. He glanced up at the astronomy tower and felt a strange tugging sensation from his chest and somewhere just behind his navel. He should go up there. He didn't know why. But it was a feeling that spread through his body and made his feet carry him past the tempting smells of food and up towards the lonely tower. And in that lonely tower he found a lonely girl whose dignified tears were illuminated by star light.
Hermione knew who was currently moving to sit beside her on the stairs without even needing to look up. She could just sense his presence. As he sat beside her she inhaled the scent of spearmint and green apples. She didn't bother to hide her tears from him. Not now. She'd seen him at his most vulnerable and now he was seeing her. She didn't want to hide herself away from him anymore and that thought was terrifying yet liberating. They didn't say a word. Crookshanks broke the silence with a disgruntled mewl as he leapt from her lap to his. She watched in stunned silence as Crookshanks leant into Malfoy's touch as he scratched behind his ears. Draco smiled softly as the orange fuzz ball began to purr.
"He normally isn't so friendly." She whispered quietly.
Malfoy shrugged. He felt his heart sink slightly as he saw how wet her eyes were and her blotchy pink cheeks. She'd been crying for a while. And her usually confident voice was thick with emotion and shook slightly.
"Neither am I but we both make an exception for you." He said with a crooked smile.
Hermione felt a blush tint her cheeks and the ghost of a smile touched her lips.
"Harry and I fell out. He caught me coming back to the common room this morning."
Malfoy nodded.
"I know."
Hermione frowned. How did he know?
"Well I mean I know you two aren't speaking that's all. Ginny was worried about you so she wrote me a note."
Hermione felt irritation grow inside her. She had no right to do that. Malfoy laughed and Hermione glared at him through her tears.
"Don't get angry at Ginny. She was only trying to help you because she knew you would never ask for help on your own. You're so stubborn. You don't have to face everything alone you know." He said gently.
Hermione groaned.
"You're a real hypocrite. You go through everything on your own! Whenever I offer my help you just push me away so don't start." She said hotly.
Malfoy's crooked smile was melting away her sadness and simultaneously infuriating her.
"I know but I'm trying. I'm just not used to this. I promise I won't push you away anymore, even though I know I should."
Hermione's head snapped around to look him in the eye. His lashes were lowered and his pale face tinted pink slightly in the soft moonlight.
Malfoy noticed she'd stopped crying but her last tears still clung to her thick matted lashes. He hesitantly wiped the last tear from her cool cheek with a swipe of his thumb. She flushed and he smiled as he felt the increasingly familiar buzzing sensation that sparked from her skin touching his.
"Good. Don't cry anymore." He said softly.
"Why?" She asked quietly.
Her face was close to his and he could see each of her pretty freckles, each of her tear stained lashes. He wanted to tell her it was because he wanted her to be happy. He didn't want her to hurt like this. But his mouth wouldn't let him say what he felt in his heart. He already felt too exposed beneath her gaze.
"Because you look really ugly with snot all over your face." He said with a tentative grin.
Hermione's eyes widened and she found her mouth forming into a grin. She laughed. It felt good. She wiped her face with her sleeve quickly soaking in the warmth of his presence. She felt better than she had all day. All because of him.
"Thanks." She said with a sarcastic eye roll.
"You're very welcome."
"How's life back in the snake pit?" She asked grateful for a change in topic.
"Well some people aren't ignoring me anymore so that's progress I guess. And unfortunately they aren't giving us a rematch so the win stands. They'll be back to kissing my arse by morning. Back to normal, just great. Best make the most of moody Pansy before she becomes clingy again when she finds out."
Hermione laughed again and he rejoiced in the sound and in the fact that she looked much more herself.
"Must be exhausting fighting off the affections of all the girls in the school." She said dryly.
Malfoy frowned.
"Not all the girls."
Hermione gave him a pointed look. What did that mean?
"I hear all the gossip you know just because I choose to ignore it doesn't mean I don't hear it. I don't find talking about boys particularly interesting but some girls do. Certain parts of boys get discussed…at great length by certain girls."
Malfoy laughed at Hermione's awkward blush and her cryptic, well chosen words.
"Oh that. Unfortunately I can confirm the rumours are completely untrue."
Hermione's eyes widened.
"I honestly don't know who started that one I've never been daft enough to flash my privates to any of the hogwart's girls. I normally wouldn't deny a rumour like that but since it's you I'll be honest."
Hermione burst out laughing and pushed him gently causing a disgruntled Crookshanks to leap from his lap.
"That's disgusting." She said as she wrinkled her nose.
Malfoy laughed.
"Hey I didn't start the rumour. And you heard that from one of your friends so your friends are the disgusting ones not me."
Hermione shook her head. Unbelieveable. She pondered his words. So Malfoy wasn't as much of a lothario as the rumours made out. Well he'd specified Hogwart's girls so maybe he had his romances with ladies from other schools…or boys? She honestly had no idea. Or why she even cared. That was his own personal business.
They sat in silence for a few moments as they watched Crookshanks stalk off.
"I spoke to Potter today."
Hermione looked at him sharply.
"Don't worry we played nice."
Hermione physically relaxed.
"Why?" She asked.
"I felt…bad. The only reason he's mad at you is because of me so-"
"That's not true."
Malfoy looked at her evenly.
"Of course it is. He's mad that his best friend is hanging around someone like me. He cares about you Hermione. People like me…they hurt people like you."
Hermione sighed. This again. It always came back to this.
"You won't hurt me Draco." She said with a gentle smile.
Draco ran a hand through his hair as he felt his shoulders tense.
"How can you be so sure?" He asked.
"Because I trust you." She said simply.
Malfoy swallowed thickly.
"I don't think that's very smart." He replied shakily.
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"I'll be the judge of that."
Hermione loosely gripped his hand in hers. She felt the jolt of electricity pass from his pale warm fingers to her cold ones.
"Thanks." She said awkwardly.
Malfoy frowned as he kept his eyes on their loosely linked hands. His father had always told him mudblood girls fingers were filthy and he should never go near them. But Hermione's fingers were soft and beautiful. Delicate yet lightly callloused from holding her quill. Her fingers were perfect. This was yet more proof of his father's bullshit statements. Her hands fitted so well in his that it couldn't be wrong could it?
"What for?" He asked.
"For being a good friend." She said softly as she leant her head against his shoulder.
It felt like Draco's chest was expanding at her kind words. Hermione's cold body pressed against his side. She was cold. He wondered how long she'd been here. He hesitantly took his hand from hers and put his arm around her. He was surprised when she leant into his touch. It was wrong that it felt right to hold her like this. Her body fitted nicely against his. His skin pulsed beneath hers as his warmth transferred to hers. He instinctively rubbed small circles against the top of her shoulder with his thumb.
"You're freezing. How long have you been here?"
Hermione shook her head against him.
"I don't know." She replied.
"Come on let's go get warm. And get some food. I'm starving and I bet you haven't eaten anything either." He said gently.
Hermione smiled and nodded as he stood up slowly and extended his hand to her.
"I'm going to dream up a banquet fit for the both of us."
Hermione smiled as she took his hand thrilling in the way only he seemed to be able to make her feel. Suddenly her fight with Harry seemed so insignificant. She looked at their loosely twined fingers in moonlight. In that moment anything seemed possible even this.
AN: Sorry this was so fillery. Next chapter we have the Hogsmeade trip. Exciting!
