James looked up, his smile fading quickly as he saw the look on Lily's face and the tears streaming from her eyes. He pushed himself up and ran to meet her, taking hold of her arms.
"Oh, James! She's lucky I didn't just… punch her right in her face! She's being a spoiled git and she knows it"
"Shush, Lily. It's alright. She'll get over it." He said to try and calm her, gently rubbing her arms.
"I'm not so sure about that, James." Lily said so only he could hear. "You should have heard the things she said."
Sirius stood up with a sigh, taking advantage of the fact that everyone's attention was on James and Lily. He quietly left the room and headed back up to the common room. He stood in the stairwell of the girls' dorms, knowing full well he couldn't go up there. He'd seen James try to do it once and the stairs simply collapsed, sending him sliding down onto his butt.
"Eleanor!" He called, staying quiet a moment to hear her response. There was none. "Eleanor, it's Sirius…"
He heard a door open from upstairs and footsteps. Eleanor appeared from around the corner a moment later, dressed in a jacket and warm clothing. She stopped when she saw him, her eyes puffy and red from crying. He frowned, reaching out for her hand.
"Walk with me." He offered.
She took his hand without a word and followed him to the portrait hole. They made it downstairs and outside before she said a word.
"Sirius… I don't know what to do."
Sirius sat down against a tree by the lake, pulling her down beside him. He sighed, throwing a pebble into the water. She felt the ground around her in search for one to throw also.
"I've been trying to figure this out." She continued. "And I just can't. I don't know why I can't get over it."
He looked over at her, holding out a stone he found by his knee. "This isn't exactly an easy thing to swallow, Nell. It's gonna take time."
She took it from him with a nod, throwing it toward the water and barely even getting it in. He smiled as it bounced off the bank and plopped into the water with a dull thud.
"That was pathetic."
"I know." She gave an attempt at a smile and turned to him, folding her arms against the cold.
"I don't know what I feel anymore. I screamed at Lily this morning… I said some things that I'm not sure that I meant. I'm not sure that I didn't mean them, either."
"Well, what did you say?"
Eleanor wore a pained expression. She felt stupid for repeating it, it sounded so ridiculous. But she wasn't sure it was a lie either. Somewhere deep down, she really believed it.
"Something along the lines of… 'I won't give up my normalcy for a stupid boy.'"
Sirius nodded, looking away from her. "He's not just a stupid boy."
"I know." She agreed, looking down.
"He just told me last week that you told him you loved him. He sounded rather excited about it."
"Sirius, it's different…"
"What's different?" He asked, shifting himself to face her.
She hated when he did this, questioned her. It made her feel stupid like she didn't have the right idea about something. Well, perhaps if she couldn't back it up, then she didn't.
"I wish that he would have told me from the beginning… maybe I wouldn't have gotten so attached to him."
"What's wrong with being attached?"
"Everything!" Eleanor snapped. She was getting frustrated. "I feel like… like he lied to me just to keep me. Had me in the dark because he knew I wouldn't have liked him as much if he'd told me."
"And we see that he was right."
"Well, that wasn't fair to me, Sirius! I shouldn't have been left in the dark! I deserve a choice!"
Sirius frowned. "That's true."
"And I hate that… I had to find out this way." She wiped furiously at her eyes, trying not to cry.
"Look, Nell…"
"And…I don't think he even knows what I would have had to sacrifice to be with him!"
"On the contrary, I think he does. It'd be the same thing he's had to sacrifice since the day he was bitten!" Sirius snapped.
"Something I've had all of my life that maybe I'm not willing to give up! Having people talking about me and ignoring me and insulting me because I'm married to a.. a…"
"A werewolf."
Eleanor and Sirius both looked up, seeing Remus standing over them. Eleanor thought she was gong to be sick and she silently prayed Sirius would stay. Sirius met eyes with Remus and stood up, giving him a pat on the arm before walking away. After a moment of hesitation, Remus sat down in his place. Eleanor stared at the ground, unable to bring herself to look at him.
"I won't lie to you and tell you that it won't be hard, Nell."
"Why didn't you tell me?" She began, hugging her knees to her chest. "About the Shrieking Shack… Why didn't you just tell me that you were the monster in the first place?'
Remus frowned, feeling sick. "I am not a monster and you know it, Eleanor. Don't be a git."
She looked up at him quickly, her eyes wide. He had never said anything like that to her before and she was too shocked to be offended.
"Nothing's changed about me. I'm still the same person! If we were married, you'd be dealing with the same thing you've always been dealing with, Nell, only now you'll know where I disappear to once a month and why I'm so sick which is good because I'm tired of having to make those ridiculous excuses!" He hollered.
Her heart broke. She'd never seen him this upset before. He looked like he was going to cry.
"I know I should have told you sooner but I was so afraid that you would do something like this! I should've told you before you got the chance to find out the way you did and if I could go back and change things, I would. If I could change what I am for you, I would! But I can't."
He put a hand over his mouth but quickly pulled it away as it pulled at the cuts on his face. He cursed aloud, looking away from her. She found herself at a loss for words. Right now he was perfectly, painstakingly human and any argument she could have made would sound just foolish. Here he was, for the first time, with his heart in her hands, open and vulnerable. She had no idea how to go about handling it.
She looked away from him, resting her chin on her knee. "I had a dream last night."
"Oh, yeah? And what horrible thing did I do to you in it?" He asked with an eerie calm as he wiped at his eyes with his coat sleeve.
"Not to me. It was our son." She looked back at him.
His ears and cheeks went red and she knew she made him angry. Why did she bother saying it? What was she trying to do to him?
"Nothing like that will happen."
"And how do you-"
"Because I wouldn't let it!" He hollered, looking over at her.
"Well, what about me and-"
"I didn't let that happen, Nell, you did! I told you not to go there and had you listened to me, none of this would have-"
"And I'd still be in the dark! You were never going to tell me! I'd just have to find out some other time down along the line… I don't know, maybe when you escape the bloody basement I have to lock you in and tear me to shreds on the living room carpet!"
"Shut up! I said I was sorry! I tried to tell you and you don't understand how hard that was! People are so prejudiced against my kind that it's impossible to tell anyone! You're being stubborn and… stupid! I tried to keep you safe and I warned you and did all that I could, but you had to…"
"I know. I didn't listen! This is all my fault!"
They were screaming at each other now and unaware that their friends were watching them from the castle doors. Lily covered her mouth to muffle her crying and Ally hugged Sirius, burying her head in his shoulder.
"No, it isn't." Remus finally lowered his voice, collapsing against the tree. "The fault is on both of us. I'm sorry for everything. I know what I should have done and I didn't. I can't change it. There's no cure, not even a treatment yet. Trust me, ever since I met you, I've searched."
Eleanor's throat swelled and she hid her face in her arm. They both stayed quiet, allowing themselves a moment to calm down.
"I'm sorry." She said finally. "I'm just… overwhelmed. I've never been faced with anything like this before and I really don't know what to do."
He stayed quiet, not wanting to say what he really wanted to say. He knew it would only start another fight. She looked over at him with a sigh, her eyes taking in everything about him.
"I just need time to think about it, Remus."
"Take all the time you need." He stood up and stalked off toward the castle.
She just watched him go.
