John and Joss waited in the other room while Clarisse and Will met again. John had been pushing to get Will back into the house and Clarisse finally took Carter's advice to see Will again. There was no yelling. That had to be a good sign. Joss hoped they worked things out. Clarisse deserved better than Gary Marshall. John paced quietly through the room. Joss found herself smiling at how anxious he was. It was really kind of sweet. The man in the suit turned out to be a hopeless romantic.
"You know the other night," John began, "I never did get to find out what was bothering you. You care to share now?" He slid down into the seat across from her. Inching close until their knees were nearly touching.
The somber look returned to Carter's face. "I've just been thinking."
"About what?" he pressed.
"Why a man like you would go through all this to help two strangers get back together and live happily ever after."
He laughed softly. "Did you figure out why?"
Carter cleared her throat her gaze dropping from his briefly. "I'm sure it was rough when you lost Jessica. In fact I know it was."
At the mention of her name the amusement immediately left John's eyes and he stared at Joss in confusion wondering where this was going and what exactly was going on in that pretty head of hers.
"To love her so much. Then lose her and live with regret and the, what ifs. I know why you wanted Will to meet with Clarisse. It was a chance to give them the happy ending that you and Jessica never had." She tried to keep her voice steady as she pressed on. "John I know you still love her. And I can't blame you. Let's face it if she had lived you would probably be with her and not with me. I guess I just want you to know that I know how you feel and that you don't have to hide it from me. Because John I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you. I know I said you had to move on in order for us to work, but the thing is John, I care so much about you that I'll settle for what I can get. I'd rather have some of you than none of you. If you only care about me as a friend or as what I am now then so be it. I'll be what you want me to be John. So long as you don't push me away."
John couldn't believe his ears. What had he done to deserve this woman? Why had God given him such a gift? He felt like heaven had smiled down on him after so long of walking under dark and clouded skies.
He couldn't believe she was offering herself to him and taking whatever he was willing to give. His heart ached for her. She had thought she was second best. That he still loved Jessica and all of this had been a way to relive the past through someone else. Yet he was also angry at her. Angry that she would actually think he would become involved with her and not be all in. Angry that she had put herself through this and doubted the depth of his feelings when he told her that he would move on only with her.
"Joss I didn't do this for Jessica."
"Come on John. It's almost exactly the same plot. Engaged, lover from the past returns and gets the chance to make a move."
"You're right about one thing. I did do this because of my own experience, but not my experience with Jessica. My experience with you."
"What?"
"Joss I almost lost you. I got a second chance. And I told myself as you lay in that hospital room that I would not blow this second chance. But I would fight for you. You said you believed me. That you believed everything I told you in the morgue. Joss you made me give you my word that I was ready to move on. From Jessica. And I did. Why would you think I lied to you? Yes, I did not go after her when I had the chance, but when I met you I finally understood why Jessica and I never belonged together. I loved her. But we were too different. I would have had to give up too much of who I really am to be with her. I wish she had lived for her sake and that she had chosen someone more deserving of her than Peter. But you," he rubbed her hands between his smiling, "you were made for me. For my kind of life.
This entire time I have been thinking about our story. Not what happened between me and Jessica. I saw this as Will's second chance just like I saw you surviving Simmons' bullet as my second chance. When you told me about Clarisse's doubts I knew Marshall was just her way of settling for something less, just as I had once settled for less in Zoe, instead of going for the real thing with you. Besides, Clarisse chose Will even though she knew he hasn't always done what was honest. Just like you chose me. Knowing my past is far from shameless."
Joss was in a state of disbelief. From John's angle it was an entirely different case.
"You can handle the man I am. We can walk the same path. We're soldiers. I don't have to worry about you the way I would have had to worry about Jessica. And I assure you I am no less devoted to you. You are my world. My everything. You're just what I need. The girl after my own heart." He touched his forehead to hers closing his eyes. "Jocelyn Carter, I want you. You have filled my heart. Every place that belonged to Jessica is now yours. Since that night in the morgue I have ceased to regret the day I kept my mouth closed in that airport and didn't ask Jessica to wait for me. I can't regret it any longer because I know it ultimately led me to you. Trust me. When have I ever given you my word and not kept it?"
"Never," she whispered. Her voice soft and vulnerable.
John opened his eyes so he could look into hers. "Then all you have to do is believe it." He cupped her cheeks and covered her lips. Joss leaned into him soaking up the kiss he gave her, relieved and overjoyed. She kissed him back wanting to hold onto this man forever. If he had been thinking about her from the beginning, then he was over Jessica. He had moved on. With her. The case that once was the source of her heartache was now the source of her joy.
"Now I feel so stupid," she mumbled when they parted. "I got myself all worked up over nothing. See what you've done to me John. You've ruined my independence."
John kissed her again smiling. "Well that makes us even." Wanting nothing more than to enjoy holding her John pulled her up onto his lap and held her close kissing her jaw. Joss shoulders scrunched at the tingling sensation his stubble caused and she smiled laughing. She looked up at him and his brow lifted a mischievous gleam in his eyes. She leaned slightly back.
"What?"
He held up an ear piece. "Want to listen in?"
"You bugged the room?"
"I want to be the first to know how things turn out. Come on Joss. Let's see if history will repeat itself."
With a grin Joss leaned in close grabbing the ear piece.
