SOS Onboard the Maid Star
Seventh FML
'Miku's Clone'
"So, do you know who those guys are? The ones harassing you?" Neru asked, reaching up on her tip-toes to get to her shoe locker.
Really, Neru thought (as she did every time she went to change her shoes), being short sucks so much. And it doesn't help they give me the highest fucking locker they could manage. I wonder if this was all some big, practical joke? Maybe some undefined, unknown holy deity is laughing down at me from it's magical cloud, as it makes everyday objects too high up for me to reach.
Oh, wow, I just discovered the meaning of life.
To be miserable.
Forever.
Unless you're Megurine Luka, of course. Then, the universe bends to your every wish and whim.
Miku looked thoughtful. She had gone back to toying with strands of hair, as she did so every time she was agitated. It was quite cute, really. Not that Neru just thought that, of course not. Hahaha.
"No," said Miku slowly. "They must be in a different year or something..."
Well, that was a surprise.
Neru thought Miku, being the social butterfly that she was, knew everybody in their school; even if she did have so many friends and followers she couldn't be expected to know them all.
But, apparently not.
Then again, stalkers didn't make themselves known to their targets quite so easily. That would completely undermine the thrill of chasing your victim.
...Not that Neru had ever stalked anyone.
Not at all.
Her extensive knowledge on Kagamine Len was completely coincidental.
Hahahahaha-
Okay, even the laughter in her internal monologues were sounding very strained at that point.
"Well, how am I going to track them down if I don't know their names?" asked Neru, trying to snatch at her shoes. Even stood on tip toes, with her arm stretched out to near breaking point, it wasn't enough.
Screw this.
"Do you need a hand?" Miku asked. She'd already put her own outdoor shoes, and was standing by Neru with her arms behind her back.
"No!" Neru retorted. She didn't want Miku to help her- it'd only make her feel even more in debt to the twin-tailed girl. Somehow. Which was very unfortunate, considering Miku seemed to exist on the earth to help people, for no properly defined reason, like a character in a kids' cartoon. "I'm perfectly fine. Just- argh, shit!"
Neru's outstretched fingers had finally managed to catch hold of her shoes. Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to get a firm hold on them, and both shoes fell out of her locker to land on Neru's head. If it had been a scene in an overly-dramatic movie, the shoes would've spiraled through in the air in slow motion, accompanied by frequent cuts to Neru's face and eyes, with a creepy Latin chorus singing in the background of the woe that was to befall the young blonde.
But naturally, it being real life, none of those things happened.
Instead, Neru felt a momentary rush of pain, followed by a headache.
Yes.
Somebody up there really was laughing at her.
Someone who didn't know the pain of being short.
As usual, Neru wandered about the cafe, taking orders and serving food with a 'I hate humanity and I wish you'd all die' expression on her face (order food and drinks from Akita Neru and get a free scowl with your snack of no extra charge: this exclusive combination cannot be found anywhere else! Hurry and get your carrot cake with free evil aura today!). However, the blonde girl was discretely analyzing every single customer she saw, and calculating which persons looked most likely to harass Miku.
It was a grueling task.
Almost all those disgusting, perverted men, with their eyes fixed on the maids in their revealing outfits, were likely candidates.
I can't let my own prejudices cloud my judgment, though...
Maybe some of these guys are actually decent human beings in their spare time! They can't all be as loathsome as I'd like to think.
"Oh, Miku-san, you look prettier every time I see you~" some twenty-ish looking man smiled up at Miku.
"Hehe, you think so?" asked Miku happily, apparently oblivious that this man was (so, sooo obviously) mentally undressing her.
As the man cast his lecherous eyes about Miku, Neru felt her previous resolve crumble away.
She grit her teeth, resisting the sudden urge to punch the stupid man in the nose.
I give in.
They're all perverts.
How can I be expected to see the good in people like THIS? It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, or a half-way normal human being at an anime convention.
In other words: IMPOSSIBLE.
I guess I'll just have to find the ones who look even more perverted than the rest of them, that's all.
Then I'll make them wish they were never born.
...Well, I have to vent my anger out in some way.
"Ah, pretty young girl!"
Neru didn't turn her head.
The obnoxious voice was probably calling for Miki, or Teto, or somebody who was actually attractive and actually caught people's attention (Neru didn't know why, though. Both girls were flat like pancakes.
...Maybe it was because they smiled.
That must have been it.
Neru wasn't going to change herself so people would like her, though. She was above all that).
Whenever anybody wanted Neru's attention, usually they'd say 'Oi, Shortie.'
"Young girl! You, the blonde-haired one."
Huh.
Maybe, for some utterly inexplicable reason, this guy was addressing her after all.
"Yeah, whaddaya want?" asked Neru, with her usual 'charm' (or, make that, lack of thereof. Then again, that seemed to be her main 'selling point', according to Miku.
"It's tsundere, Neru-chan! Tsundere!" Miku had said happily, clapping her hands together.
You mean, some people were actually turned on by girls who treated them like crap?
Whatever.
Freaks).
The guy Neru was currently firing invisible death rays at was fairly nondescript, apart from his hair. It was bright red. Instantly, Neru's mind jumped to 'hair dye'- but then, did she have any right to think that, considering everyone she knew had a crazy hair color they all claimed was '100 percent natural'?
"That table is making quite a lot of noise," said hair dye guy, looking over his shoulder.
Neru followed his gaze, to see a table of rather rowdy looking people. Strangely enough, there were a few girls mixed in there, too- a rarity for their distinctly male-oriented cafe. The strange people (there were GIRLS! The female half of the planet still EXISTED, outside of heavily objectified girls in maid uniforms serving cute cakes! Neru was still trying to adjust to that shock) were sniggering with each other over something like naughty five year olds planning to play a prank on someone.
When the rather nervous-looking maid, Yowane Haku, stumbled up to them and stuttered out 'w-w-what would you like?' in that soft voice of hers, they began to snigger all the more.
Neru clenched her fists.
She hated people like that.
If she had her own way, those who were so cowardly they could only harass others when in large groups would be rounded up and put into blenders. Neru didn't give a damn if such actions could be considered 'genocide'; those people deserved it.
If Neru ruled the world, the first action she'd take as the Supreme Overlord (Overlady?) and Ultimate Dictator would be to murder those useless people.
And, at the back of her mind, Neru wondered- alongside her mild concerns she had some deep-rooted mental problem-
Are these the people Miku was talking about?
Are these her 'stalkers'?
I wonder...
They were dressed so stupidly Neru could hardly believe they had more than forty two fully functioning brain cells between them. It was quite chilly outside, but they'd completely ignored that in favour of 'fashion'- or lack of thereof. Rather, they seemed desperate to look as unfashionable as possible- which was an interesting angle to take. Maybe it was meant to be a 'subtle' shot at the fashion industry- a 'haha, take that'?
...Or maybe they just had no taste.
That seemed to be more likely.
All their clothes had been slashed to ribbons, as though some mad person had taken a pair of scissors to their outfits. They wore tight-fitting leather and fishnets that clung to the skin without leaving much to the imagination. They were all very pierced, too; Neru was sure, between them, they had a tonne of molten steel pierced through their ears, noses, eyebrows, tongues- and various other places Neru didn't even want to imagine.
And... was... one of those girls wearing a bra with a pair of tight, barley-there shorts?
...Oh well. Who cared?
It was her own stupid fault if she caught pneumonia and died.
Neru couldn't right all the wrongs in the world- and 'educating people who wear stupid clothes thinking they're amazing when they actually look like morons' was pretty low-down on her to-do list.
"So, red-head," said Neru, looking back at the glasses guy with folded arms. "What do you want me to do about them? I can't exactly go beat them up- unless you want me to lose my job."
At least- that was what the very calm, rational part of Neru had said.
But that side of Neru swiftly died a swift, painless death when she heard the words pouring from these people's mouths- which were even more idiotic than their clothes.
"Hey, sexy!~" crooned a twin-tailed abomination who looked an awful lot like Miku, only with a terrible (er... terrible-'er') taste in clothing.
Neru looked around, her eyes searching the cafe.
Maybe she was talking about somebody else?
...But there was nobody else.
That strange girl was talking to her.
Oh, come on, Neru thought, massaging her temple with her fingers. There are guys with you, as well. If I'm going to get sexually harassed, I'd rather it be by somebody who doesn't have boobs- and bigger ones than mine, too.
...I hate my life.
And seriously, this girl looks so much like Miku you'd think they were related. What- have they (whoever 'they are') run out of unique-enough looking faces, so now they're recycling them? Can I expect to see 'gothic', pierced, mark II Akita Neru at some point in the future?
...This is messing with my head.
"Yeah, I'm talking to you, shortie," hollered the Miku-lookalike.
Ahh.
'Shortie'.
That's more like it. Now I feel I'm back on familiar territory.
Neru cracked her knuckles, narrowing her eyes.
Nobody's ever called me 'sexy' before- but I know just what to do when somebody's stupid enough to bring out the 'shortie' comments and the cracks about my height.
I hope you like having a broken jaw, Miss Miku-copycat.
How dare you even have Miku's face, anyway? I feel like you're dirtying her image, or besmirching her.
...Also, I don't know why I'm getting so defensive about this.
"Come over here and serve us already- we want to have a pretty maid tending to our every wish and whim! Kyahaha!" the blonde-haired, bikini-and-shorts wearing bimbo joined in, laughing like a hyena.
"Well..." Miss Miku-lookalike said. She frowned slightly, as though she were deep in thought. If her hair hadn't been pink, one probably could have taken her semi-seriously with an expression like that. It looked like her few brain cells were working hard at that moment. "I don't know about 'pretty', not realllyyy. I mean, some people find short girls cute, but they always seem to have complexes and they get all pissy and self-defensive about it. That's not 'adorable'- it's a fucking pain."
"True, true," said bikini bimbo. "I mean, this girl looks pretty self-conscious- she's blushing already."
"I'd be self-conscious if my chest was as flat as that. Haha! Is she even a girl at all?"
Neru swore she heard a collective intake of breath from everybody in the cafe.
Some of the maids actually froze.
It seemed they- Teto and Miki in particular, both of whom were glaring knives, daggers, and various other pointy objects at Miku Act II and Sluterella- understood just how much of a social faux pas it was to insult a girl about her boobs; especially in a public place.
As fellow suffers of having the flat-chest gene, Neru felt a sudden sisterhood with Miki and Teto.
It seemed all had become silent.
Everybody in the cafe was watching her.
Watching to see what she'd do.
Neru was sure Teto was silently willing her, through some weird chimera mind-control rays, to go punch 'Miku Two: the Electric Boogaloo' the face.
...Or maybe that was just the voice in her own head, getting mixed up with Teto's angry glare and folded arms.
Either way, being stared at like that was uncomfortable.
Neru didn't like being the centre of attention. Even though she complained so vehemently about being over-shadowed in school, she didn't really mind. In fact, being a nobody was vastly preferable to being a somebody everybody spoke about; the mere thought of popularity on such dizzying levels left her feeling a little light-headed.
So, logically, Neru should have been doing something to shrink back into the shadows, right?
Well...
No.
Not really.
Because, no matter how uncomfortable Neru felt, and no matter what situation she was in, she could never let a comment about her chest go unpunished.
Never.
That Miku lookalike had hit her berserk button- and, by doing that, she might as well have said 'please, Neru-sama, hit me as hard as you possibly can! Try and make me bleed!'
That was how Neru interpreted it, anyway.
As a declaration of war.
At that moment, Neru didn't care that she was at her job, or that the merry group of five might have been the people stalking Miku, or that there were five of those pierced, leather-and-fishnet clad Visual Kei rejects and only one distinctly short little old her.
In that moment, she had enough strength for twelve people.
And they would soon know what it meant to feel the full wrath of Akita Neru reign down upon them.
Then they'd be sorry- and some of them would probably be in hospital, too.
"Oh look, she's gone so red~" said another of the freaks; another pink-haired girl with a side ponytail, and eyes so thickly lined with kohl about half of her face was smothered with black circles.
"You think she's gonna cry?" asked bikini-bimbo.
"I'd like to see that! Hahah- urghh!"
But Miss Miku-lookalike's taunt had quickly been quashed by a fist...
Not from Neru...
But from Miku.
Neru's own fist had been inches away from the clone's face- but the polite, mild-mannered, sweet tempered Hatsune Miku (and Neru had to repeat that line in her head to make sure she wasn't seeing things or going delusional- but nope, no matter how much she blinked, that was definitely Hatsune Miku, and it didn't stop being Hatsune Miku no matter how wrong that sentence was) had beaten her to it.
Her eyes were narrowed, and she was pouting- and, whilst she didn't look terrifying (not like Neru did when she got pissed off), she certainly didn't look like her usual smiling, bright, happy-go-lucky self.
"H-hey," snarled Miss Miku-whatever, glaring up at the real Miku.
Neru waited for the cussing.
The violence.
Maybe Miss Miku-face would try and bite off Neru's Miku's (now... where did that possessive come from all of a sudden?) finger?
Neru was sure Miku would be unable to cope with an assault like that- not from five heavily pierced, stupidly dressed fans of Luna Sea (Neru didn't need to ask them about their musical inclinations: she was positive they listened to bands like that). And, when that violent attack came, Neru would be sure to roundhouse kick them in the stomachs, and most probably lose her job- but it'd be worth it, because Neru didn't really want the sweet, helpful, irritatingly-good-at-everything-and-yet-impossible-to-hate Hatsune Miku being turned into Miku-chan pancakes or a turquoise-ish smear on the floor.
Neru would help Miku.
In fact, she was kind of hoping the 'not so fantastic' five would try to attack Miku, so Neru could show off with her impressive fighting skills, prove to Miku she wasn't completely useless as a human being, and deal some severe damage on the creeps who had insulted her chest measurement.
But...
Strangely enough...
None of that happened.
"W-what was that for? Y-you don't hit people, Miku-nee-chan! That's my thing!" squealed wannabe-goth Miku-face, reaching forwards to prod the real Miku in the cheek.
It was hardly the ultraviolent, completely horroshow, something from a dystopian novel about free will and raping people fight scene Neru had been hoping for.
It wasn't even a fight at all.
Because, seconds later, Miku's pout slipped away into a small smile.
"Neru-chan, please don't be too angry with this idiot," said Miku, rapping gothku's head with her knuckles. "She says silly things she doesn't mean- which is probably why nobody likes her."
"Hey! Onee-chan! That's mean, so meannn~"
'That's mean?'...
Why does this gothic girl sound like a character from a moeblob anime all of a sudden? I thought she'd at least try and jam a nail in Miku's eye or something. This contrasts with her appearance somewhat.
And...
'Onee-chan'?
Miku, why is your 'onee-chan' grinning at me like that?
I feel like I'm the only person who has absolutely no idea what's going on.
a/n: Ooh, been a while since I updated this XD But I lost my plot plan, and then I just now drafted it all up again, so I know exactly where this is going XP~ It should have like 10 more chapters, plus epilogue.
I hope you enjoy it :3
I will definitely finish it!
Now! Let's go!
Kyahhh!
-is getting all excite-
xD
~renahhchen xoxo
