Thank you guys for reading. Things get better in this chapter.
Chapter Seven
It has been almost two months since she lost the baby, two months of ignoring Derek's phone calls, two months of hiding from her family and two months since she felt life stir inside her. Casey is broken, on the rare occasion she comes out of her room everyone is too afraid to say anything to her. Last night Edwin asked Marti if she wanted some baby carrots for a snack and Casey had a meltdown.
Derek calls every few days to see how she's doing, he dares to ask whomever answered the phone if Casey will speak with him; the answer is always no.
Casey dropped out of college, she can't bring herself to leave the house.
Nora says she needs to talk about it, so she made Casey an appointment with a therapist.
Doctor Williams is an interesting man, bald as a cue ball and a gray beard that Santa Clause would envy. He greets Casey at the beginning of their session and asks if she feels like talking today. She shakes her head weakly and sits back in her chair, Doctor Williams does a cross word.
The sessions go on like this for weeks, "Hi, Casey. Feel like talking today?" "Alright see you Thursday." Casey doesn't mind. It's nice to be able to sit in a room with someone who doesn't have prying eyes or tries to force a conversation.
Today something happened- not a big something but it was a start. After the usual greeting and subsequent shake of her head when Doctor Williams says goodbye Casey pauses at the door and utters a simple "Thank you,"
At the next session it took Casey until it was almost time to leave to finally offer something. Doctor Williams had been so shocked that she spoke that he kindly asked her to repeat herself.
"I never wanted to love him you know." She says fiddling with her fingers.
"Derek?" Doctor Williams asks. Casey nods her head in reply.
"Care to talk about that?" he presses
"He was everything I wasn't looking for. He's cocky, egotistical, over baring and way too opinionated, but-" Casey pauses, she can feel the cracks in her wall coming.
"He just kind of stopped being all of those things when he was with me, really with me. I mean he was still all of those things but he was so loving and attentive and just everything I never thought he could be." Casey takes in a sharp breath to clear the aching in her chest.
The timer goes off.
Casey stands up and goes to the door. "Thank you," Doctor Williams gives her a small smile.
After her small break though Casey is able to tolerate sitting down to dinner with the family, she doesn't off anything to the conversation and no one presses her to talk.
Today had been a tough session with Doctor Williams. He pushed and pushed her to talk about why she was there.
"You know why I'm here, I'm sure my mother told you." Casey says looking out the window.
"Yes, your mother did tell me why she thought you should come. But I wanted to know what you think."
Casey is quite for a long time, Doctor Williams is about to start his cross word with Casey pipes up.
"He used to tease me,"
"Who teased you about what?" he inquires setting the booklet down.
"Derek, growing up; he would tease me without mercy about being a klutz. One time I had tripped over a chair on my way to sit down at lunch, he somehow organized the whole cafeteria to all stand up and shout "Klutz!" for three weeks it didn't matter where I was in the school if I tripped every single kid would stop what they were doing say "Klutz!" and then go back to doing what they were doing before I fell."
"Did the teasing continue after you started a relationship?"
"No, it seemed like as soon as we got to university he was different. We would still fight, but he treated me differently."
"How so?"
"He was still rude to me in front of his friends, but he would always find me after and do something nice." Casey chuckles.
"One time after he was particularly rude to me he found me in the library a few hours later and said that he had to go to a play downtown for a project in his creative writing class, and he didn't want to go alone so he figured "a super keener" like me would be able to tell him what was going on. When I asked a mutual friend of ours who shares the class with Derek why she hadn't gone to the play she said that going to the play was never a requirement." Casey softly smiles.
"Did you ask Derek why he lied about that?"
Casey shook her head. "No,"
"Can you tell me how you guys got together?"
Casey stares at the therapist for a moment
"There wasn't a discussion or agreement if that's what you're asking," Casey says shifting in her seat. "It started because it was convenient and we stayed together because I was pregnant."
"Is that what you really believe?"
They had just finished watching a movie, it was getting late so Derek decided that he should probably be leaving. Casey followed him to the door so she could lock it when he left.
Once he was gone Casey turned to her small table and begin cleaning up the pizza boxes and paper plates. Noticing that the can was full she pulled out the bag and took the pizza boxes to the door so she could throw them down the trash shoot down the hall. When she opened the door Derek was standing there.
"Jeez, Derek! You scared me to death." Casey sighed. He looked at her for moment before a smile spread on his lips, he crossed the threshold and slammed the door behind him. "Derek, what the hell are you doing?" Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips against hers.
Casey rid her hands of the pizza boxes and garbage bag and moved her hands to his neck and grabbed a handful of his hair.
Derek scooped her up and laid her down on the bed, moving his lips to her neck he began to unbutton her shirt while Casey disposed of his jacket.
Casey was nervous, this was going to be her first time. -Surely Derek didn't know that, it's not like they talked about things like this- but she had wanted this for so long that she didn't want to stop him.
And it hurt. It hurt so badly. This was years in the making, all of the years of tension finally coming out and it was intense to say the least.
When it was over Derek gave Casey the courtesy of staying in her bed for 5 minutes before getting up and getting dressed.
"Wait, don't go." Casey said quietly picking at her finger nails. "Sorry Space Case, I told Sam I'd met up with him for a bit." He said tying his shoes.
"So that's it then?" Casey said trying not to raise her voice. "You're just going to leave?"
"Jeez Case, you act like this is the first time a guy has left after sex with you or something." He said clearly annoyed.
Casey looked down at her blanket and tried her hardest not to cry, "This was the first time I've had sex."
"Jesus Casey!" Derek said standing up and pacing the length of her room. "Why didn't you tell me? We wouldn't have-" "What? You wouldn't have wanted to sleep me because I was a virgin?" Casey shot back. "No I wouldn't have!" Derek yelled charging at her and sitting on the bed. "I've never wanted to be the one to do that to someone Case, you should have told me." His face softened but his voice still had an edge to it.
"It's not like you gave me an opportunity to tell you Derek. There wasn't much room for talking." Derek sat there for a beat and then stood up and went to her door. "I got to go,"
He didn't talk to her for 2 weeks.
"Yes, that's what I believe."
Time's up.
DEREK
Derek moved in with Sam and his girlfriend Lola, they had a two bedroom apartment off campus and the spare room was going to waste. Transferring back had caused Derek to be put on a waiting list. He took a job on a construction crew during the day and held a part time job as a waiter at night. He was rarely home and he never had time to stop and think. He liked it that way. He had been wiring his tips to his father so if Casey ever needed anything they wouldn't have to pay for it.
He called the house to see how Casey was doing, Marti had answered. Before he could ask about Casey he heard her laugh, it wasn't her genuine laugh but it was still music to his ears. "Edwin! Stop eating like a pig!" Casey hollered, there was some scuffling followed by a loud yell from Edwin.
Derek had to wipe the tears away from his eyes before he spoke. "Hey Smarti." "Smerek!" Marti whisper screamed in to the phone, she was clearly trying to not let Casey hear who she was speaking to. "How's she doing?" Marti was quiet for a while. "Marti?" Derek asked the silence. "She talks to us now, she tries hard Derek. But we all know she's just pretending to be happy." "I know," Was all Derek could say, he was doing the same thing here.
"She started seeing a therapist about a month ago, that seemed to help."
Derek's chest tightened. She was having to see a therapist? Why was he just now hearing about this? Derek looked at his watch, he had to get to the restaurant soon. "Listen Smarti, I've got to go, would you please do me a favor?" "Sure, Smerek." "Will you please give Casey one of your best hugs for me? But don't tell her I told you to do it." "Ok, I will," "That's my Smarti, alright I'll talk to you later. Bye Smarts." "Bye Smerek,"
CASEY- October 18th
This was the day that Casey had been dreading, today would have been the baby's due date. She shut her phone off and locked the door to her room and waited until it was time do go see Doctor Williams.
She didn't want to think about anything. She just wish her mind could go completely blank. Its times like these that Casey could understand why some people turn to booze or drugs to shut their brains up and numb the pain.
Casey sat in her chair and waited for Doctor Williams to ask her if she wanted to talk. When he just sat there studying her face for 5 minutes she finally cracked. "Are we going to talk?" The doctor raised his eyebrow and nodded his head.
"I'm sure you're aware of what today is," Casey said. He nodded.
"Do you want to talk about why you're really here Casey?"
Casey's leg began to twitch.
"I blame myself," She said surprising herself that she was holding it together.
"Why do you blame yourself? You know it was an accident."
"I am so clumsy all the time," she said tearing the tissue in her hands to bits.
"I should have waited until Derek got home, or asked Edwin to help me with that basket. I know I can't trust my body to have control over itself."
"Casey, people trip, people have accidents."
"I seem to be a walking disaster! If I wasn't constantly falling all over myself I would have my baby today!" She said pounding her fist on her leg.
"Casey, you would have to lock yourself in a plastic bubble if you wanted to prevent every little accident that you might possibly have, I know you want to blame yourself, and I'm positive that the years of teasing Derek did is the cause of this. But you cannot listen to the voice that says you are at fault for your baby dying."
Casey starts sobbing. Why did it sound so logical coming from him? Everyone has been telling her the same thing for months but she just couldn't believe them.
"Why does it make so much since coming from you?" Casey asked cleaning her face up with a new tissue.
"Because I'm not your family. It's my job to listen to you and try and help you with your problems, but I don't get paid any extra to make you feel better." Casey thought that sounded odd, of course he should want to make someone feel better, but Casey understood at the same time. When she left here he had many other people to deal with. He didn't have the time to dwell on her problems. He wanted her to get well and move on.
Casey sniffled and nodded her in understanding.
Time's up.
Casey sits in her car and finished crying, if she keeps this in the dam will burst at home. She doesn't feel the despair she felt an hour ago. She just needs this release.
She turns her phone one and sees that she has a new voice mail. Putting in her code she puts the phone to her ear.
'Case, it's me.' Derek's voice said coming through the speaker. 'I know you aren't ready to see me or speak to me yet, but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you today. I love you.' End of message.
Casey can feel her well-constructed wall start to crumble.
I miss him so much. Why couldn't he just forget about today? Why do I still love him so much?
Casey pressed the button that would save the message to her phone and drove home.
Next chapter is going to have a flashback of why Casey decides to start distancing herself from Derek after their nights together. Please review and tell me what you think!
Hey guys- Am I trying to post the next chapter but I'm getting an error message. I'll try later tonight
