Chapter Seven
This had become the usual routine for the captain of the Enterprise ever since he had lost his old Chief Medical Officer to his old First Officer on the Titan. When he had finished work for the day, he immediately headed to Beverly's quarters. Beverly had written to him less than a day after she had left on the Titan to inform him that she had indeed forgotten something important. She had forgotten Orange, her beautiful Mandarin-fish and had tasked him with daily feeding duties.
As he gazed into the tank at the psychedelic blue, yellow and green fish, he worried that Orange was looking a little peaky. Orange did not look as lively as she had done for the past month. Again, he went over Beverly's instructions, bypassing the line that told him to talk to Orange as much as he could, in case she was lonely. He had fed Orange small micro-invertebrates as instructed once per day and had cleaned out her water once a week, remembering to replace the live rock each time. He had done everything on the list except talk to the damn fish. He decided Livingston; his own Lionfish was much easier to take care of despite Livingston being venomous.
"Hmm," he said aloud. Something tickled his brain and he remembered that Beverly had been looking up fish on the computer just before she had left. Maybe the information site had something useful on it to help him with Orange. He would never forgive himself if Orange died in his care while Beverly was away.
He sat behind Beverly's desk and tried to rack his brains for the name of the site Beverly had been looking at. For the life of him, he could not remember the name, so he called up the history of the sites Beverly had visited recently.
"Twenty Fourth Century Romance…," he read aloud with a chuckle. He clicked briefly on the page to discover it was a place for amateur writers to share their romance fiction with one another. Upon further investigation, Jean-Luc realised some of it was… erotic. He felt guilty for invading Beverly's privacy and clicked off the page.
He sat there for a while, struggling with the temptation to investigate further. He mused that he had always been an explorer… but he doubted that Beverly would accept that excuse if she ever found out he had been 'exploring' her computer usage history. He had a vision of her yelling at him and shuddered at the thought.
"Fish, look up fish," he said to the empty room. He scrolled up the page until he found the only page title containing the word fish. "Plenty of Fish!" he clicked on the page title and sat back in his chair in surprise. There were no fish on this site. Not the type of fish he had been hoping for anyway. It was a dating site. He sat there staring at the screen and felt a little sick.
The door chime rang, knocking him out of his stupor and bringing him back to the present. "Come," he called.
"I'm going out soon. You've been feeding the fish a long time," Nella said walking inside Beverly's quarters. "Is it okay? You haven't killed it have you?" she laughed.
Jean-Luc closed down the computer terminal, "I think she's looking a little peaky," he said as he got to his feet and returned to the tank. "I was looking for information about Mandarin fish."
"It's pretty," she said peering into the tank. "Any luck?" Nella asked, bending down to take a closer look at the fish.
"Not yet," he answered. "I will investigate further later."
"It looks okay to me," Nella said, stepping back.
"She was swimming around a lot faster than that recently," he answered. "Beverly will never forgive me if I kill Orange."
"Orange?"
"That's her name."
"But it's not orange…"
"She's a Mandarin fish," Jean-Luc explained.
"So?"
"Mandarin's are also a type of Orange."
"Oh," Nella said, breathing out the word. "I see. Well, I'm off to Music Club. I'll see you later?"
"To be honest Nella," he said slowly. "I'm exhausted. I am just going to head straight to bed. Come by for breakfast in the morning?"
Nella peered at him for a moment, "All right," she answered.
Jean-Luc kissed her goodnight softly on the lips. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight," she said as she disappeared through the door.
Jean-Luc headed back over to the fish tank and once again perused Beverly's instructions. Giving a little cough and a tug on his top, he glanced both ways before turning back to the fish. "Hello Orange," he said, feeling like a complete idiot. "How are you today?"
Music Club passed in a blur to Nella that night. She wasn't on top form and kept making mistakes and she lost her temper with an innocent violin player, blaming the violinist for making her lose her timing. She stopped by sickbay on the way home to get something for her headache.
Once at home, she climbed into a steaming bubble bath hoping it would help soak away some of her worries. Jean-Luc had been distant with her for a while now and it was the second time this week that he had told her he would see her for breakfast. She knew something was wrong.
As she lay in the bath, she wondered what kind of relationship Jean-Luc had with Beverly Crusher. Jean-Luc had changed after Beverly Crusher had told him she was transferring to the Titan. She knew they were good friends and had known each other for many years. However, she wondered whether they had a history between them that she wasn't privy to. Were they past lovers? Moreover, if they were, were there still residual feelings?
Nella knew that if this situation continued, that she would have to speak to Jean-Luc about it and that thought made her sick to her stomach. She didn't want to know that he may still have feelings for another woman. She didn't want to know that he was having second thoughts about his feelings. She had fallen in love with Jean-Luc Picard ten years before and had never stopped thinking about him in all the time they had been apart. They had met several times after she had left the Enterprise all those years before, but had gradually stopped seeing one another or writing to one another. When she had realised that her transport to her new posting at HQ was via the Enterprise, she had only meant to drop by the captain's quarters just to say hello. However, as soon as she had laid her eyes on him once again, she hadn't been able to let go. She loved him with all her heart and had decided that this time she wasn't going to let go and that she would deal with any misgivings he still had from their previous encounter.
Her persistence had paid off and Jean-Luc had accepted her into his life. He had stopped growing embarrassed if he happened to be with her and a crewmember had approached. He had relaxed and would accompany her to the mess hall for dinner. He no longer felt the need to hide away in his quarters and had come to realise his crew actually liked to see him as human rather than machine. He hadn't held her hand or done anything intimate in public, but Nella was fine with that and they had hardly spent any time apart; she had really begun to believe they had a proper future together. That had all changed and Jean-Luc hadn't been the same since Beverly had left the ship.
Jean-Luc stared at his computer screen and the logo of the Plenty of Fish dating site. Meticulously he searched the sites database to see if Beverly had created a profile. If she had, he couldn't find it. With a sigh, he closed the workstation down and leaned back in his chair. All he could seem to think about was Beverly. No matter where he was or what he was doing, Beverly was never far from his mind. He had never missed anyone like this before.
He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a small personal holo emitter and he set it carefully down on his desk. He pressed the pad on the front of the device and Beverly appeared as a holo-image smiling at him. Jean-Luc smiled in return, as if she could see him. He remembered her reaction when he had asked for permission to take the photo. He had sat in the audience and watched Beverly's two-hour portrayal of Queen Elizabeth the First and was completely memorized. Those two hours had been pure bliss. He had been able to sit there and gaze at her totally unguarded. He had drunk in her beauty and had revelled in the sound of her voice, despite the crude British accent. He knew he had to have something to remember the occasion. She was complaining about the massive pleated collar when he approached to take the photo. He remembered that she had been puzzled by his request and told him that due to the part; she wasn't wearing any make up and thought she looked awful. Jean-Luc happily, had got his way, she posed for him quickly before she got changed and now Jean-Luc had his treasured memory in a holographic image.
Jean-Luc heaved a sigh and wished Beverly would give him some sign to let him know that she loved him too. She was so guarded with her emotions that he had never really been sure that she did love him. Even back on Kesprytt, when they had shared a telepathic link, he still had been unable to tell. He knew she loved him as a friend, he was very sure of that. He just hadn't been able to tell if it was more. Then, when he had tried to find out whether she felt the same as he did, she had rebuffed him and left him even more confused than ever and then Deanna had sent his mind reeling the other day. Deanna hadn't said much regarding Beverly and what Beverly had confided in her, but she had said enough so that Jean-Luc knew that Beverly was jealous of Nella. What he didn't know was whether Beverly was hurt by the fact that he had stopped spending time with her or was it more than that.
He wondered whether he should put in a call to the Titan to ask her. He knew the only way to solve this dilemma was to ask Beverly how she felt. However, he didn't think he had the courage to do it. Especially not after the way she had left him after his last attempt at moving their relationship forward. He could still remember the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as the doors closed between them and he couldn't ever remember feeling as devastated before. Even now, nine years later, that memory still caused him pain and he never liked to think of it. He remembered hiding away in his quarters and only venturing out for work. It was a week or so later when Beverly had turned up out of the blue to have breakfast with him. She had acted as if nothing had ever happened between them and although he sat there opposite at the table feeling confused, hurt and a little angry by her behaviour, he had taken the easy way out and also pretended nothing had ever happened.
Then, during their first year on the Enterprise E, something else had happened between them. She had kissed him. Moreover, it was a kiss filled with such promise, in a turbo lift of places, that he had stood there literally stunned and once again she had walked out the door. He couldn't even remember why she had kissed him now. He had a vague recollection that they were talking of Wesley and the future. However, as soon as Beverly's lips met his, he completely lost track of everything else.
Jean-Luc heaved a sigh and wondered what Command would say if he ordered all the doors on the ship removed. At least that way his view would be different the next time Beverly walked out on him.
