Barbara and John finally stumbled into his bedroom and she helped him out to his bed on which he nearly fell, breathless. His wound was still bleeding, soaking through the towel.
At this moment Barbara couldn't really say anything, her throat was too constricted as the whole truth was slowly dawning on her. She just now began to realize what John's life really meant. How much danger he was in every single day. How much he risked for Gotham and for what? There wasn't really a prize along the way. The reward was just another day of life, whereas losing meant his death. Her hands shook as she took all of that in when taking care of his forearm.
"I think I need stitches," John said, interrupting her deep thoughts.
"I… I don't think I can…" Babs started in a shaky voice. Could she really just sew him up?
"It's ok, I'll do it," John offered when trying to heave himself up. "It wouldn't be the first time."
Barbara felt so sorry for him right now. She realized how alone he'd really been all this time. How much he was risking every day. How much he must need someone by his side even if he thought it was dangerous. That must've been the reason to why he'd started dating her to just decide he didn't want her to get hurt and leave her just as fast. She finally understood it all, all the puzzles fitting perfectly together.
"No, I'll do it." She gathered up her courage, seeing how exhausted he really was. There was no way she would let him sew himself up when watching him doing it. "It's like sewing a piece of clothing, isn't it?" she asked.
John just nodded.
"Won't it hurt?" she hesitated when she finally had the needle and a thread in her shaky hands.
"If they keep shaking like this, it will," John answered, clearly trying to joke, but she wasn't in any mood to laugh.
"All right, then," she said, breathing out the air nosily. "I'll do my best…"
When she put her hand to the wound, it stop trembling as though her nerves finally listened to her brain. The last thing she wanted was to cause John more pain, so she was pretty sure that was the reason she managed to do it right.
"I need more, John," she said when she began working on his forearm. "I need the whole truth. I've already gotten too far and I think you owe me after everything you've put me through."
He didn't say anything, but he did nod.
"I don't really buy you being the real Batman," she started when she finally put all her thoughts in order. "It just doesn't add up! About nine years ago, when Batman emerged, you were too young to be him. And when he actually came back… you were still a policeman. You couldn't have been him then."
John was silent for a moment and Barbara was waiting for his answer patiently.
Finally, he started explaining," I took the reigns over the Batman who sacrificed himself for Gotham when taking the bomb out of the city." He met her green eyes and she could see the truth in his. "Once he did it, having the power to save all those people…" John stopped for a second and then continued. "I was a policeman and technically, I should have all the authority, but I couldn't save them. I couldn't save anyone. I was ready to get the kids from the orphanage out of Gotham through the one remaining bridge, but they wouldn't let me through. They were ready to shoot me. They actually blew the bridge up to prevent me from crossing over to their side," he went on, his eyes distant as though he was reliving it all over again. "I had no power. Bane had the power. A criminal. He blackmailed them… and the city would've been ashes right now it hadn't been for Br… for Batman," John corrected himself quickly, not really wanting to divulge the man's real identity. It wasn't his secret to tell anyway. "He left me his legacy," he again began after a moment, realizing that as he was so immersed into his story, finally being able to share it with someone, that he didn't even feel the pain from the job Barbara was doing on his hand. She was finished by now, bandaging it and then meeting his brown eyes. "My name isn't even John," he confessed, not really knowing why. Maybe it was the deep urge to tell her absolutely everything as he'd never before been so honest with anyone in his life. He needed to be honest with her now. He needed her to know. Someone had to.
"Really?" That piqued her interest even more. "What's your real name, then?"
"It's Robin," he found himself saying. "Robin John Blake."
"Robin," she said like she was trying to taste the sound of it. "I like it. I actually like it more. It's original. Robin," she repeated, her eyes still locked with his. She suddenly felt like she was drowning in them. They were getting closer and closer and she didn't even know how it happened, but they kissed. This time it wasn't a simple peck, or even the deep kiss they'd shared in his secret place near the river. This time it was a kiss of truth. She knew him now. She knew all of his secrets. There was no boundaries, no holding back. Electricity hit her as she met his lips. She could feel his tongue licking a path along her lower lip and then dipping in and she found herself overcame by passion and desire. She grabbed his face, pulling him closer, suddenly lit on fire, desperate to feel more of him. When her body grazed against his chest, she also heard a groan, but this time not a groan of pleasure, it was one of pain.
She pulled away, breathing heavily, her hazy eyes looking into his.
"Is that how this is gonna work from now on, Robin?" she asked with a hint of joke in her voice. "Every time things get heated, you moan in pain and I pull away."
Only he didn't laugh. He was dead serious.
"Barbara…"
"Uh oh," she articulated, "you call me by my full name, so it means you're serious. Come on, you can't honestly tell me now that…"
"How can this even work?" he asked, pointing her and then himself. "We can't be together. It's just too dangerous."
"Bullshit!" she exclaimed. "It is my choice, not yours! Do you hear me? Mine! If I want to date you, if I want to be with you, I fucking will! Unless you look me in the eye and tell me you don't like me that way! Then it's fine, it'll hurt a lot, but I'll deal, I'll move on... Come on! Say it right into my face!" she challenged him and he just couldn't.
She knew he wouldn't be able to do it. He thought he actually could, but once he met her gaze again, determined to play it right, he just couldn't tell her that he didn't care and didn't want her. If he did, she would obviously discover his lie.
"That's what I thought," she said with satisfaction in her voice. "I care about you, John," she added in a much softer voice. "I care about you and God help me, but I care way too much. I don't know how it happened, but you've got to me and I can't let you go. Don't even try playing the sacrificing hero with me! I'm staying!"
John closed his eyes when muffling another groan, this time it indicated trouble. How came he'd made such a mess?
"Do you have any idea what happened to the woman the previous Batman loved?" he asked her then.
"No, but I guess you'll tell me right away."
"He loved a girl, a girl he'd known all his life and she died because of him. Because she knew his secret. I can't let that happen to you," John confessed. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt. I wouldn't be able to look into your father's eyes."
"Robin, I don't care," she finally said. "I made my decision and it feels like it was never really a decision. It's like something made the choice for me. I want this. Once I found out, I can't possibly stay away."
"You do realize that your father will kill me, don't you?"
"Well, you're not dating my father, you're dating me. And I want this. I want you." She kissed him again, this time much gentler, but she could still feel the overwhelming flames.
John wanted to protest, but he couldn't. He was too weak, too drained and too much in pain to argue anymore. Most importantly, for the first time in his life he truly felt like he wasn't alone. He needed Barbara and she needed him. The fight he was having with himself was clearly lost.
"I'll leave you now so you can get some sleep and rest. I'll be back, though, I promise," she said her goodbye and kissed him again, then she left the room.
He just shook his head, but there was a smile on his face that he couldn't get rid of. Then his head hit the pillow and he was asleep.
Jim Gordon wasn't sleeping when Barbara finally came back home. It was nearly three in the morning and he was worried sick.
"Not so fast, young lady," she heard his warning voice once she took off her shoes and tried to sneak into her room unnoticed.
She came to a sudden stop and looked into the dark living room.
"Dad? You've scared the hell out of me!" She got angry with him. She had enough of creeping in the darkness for one night.
"Where have you been?" Jim asked when standing up and making his way to her. "Barbara, this is serious. This city is dangerous, especially at night. Where have you been?" he repeated is question, agitating her even more.
"You knew the whole time and you didn't tell me," she accused him. "I thought I could trust you, dad. Why would you keep this secret from me?"
"What are you talking about?" Jim asked when taken aback.
"I'm talking about Robin moonlighting as the new Batman," she hissed at him.
"Robin?" Jim got even more confused. "Don't you mean… John?" he finally said, giving up. He could tell it was too late and that his daughter already knew the truth.
"His real name is Robin. I thought you knew that," she hesitated. "Anyway, you should've told me!"
"I told you to stay away from him! That should be enough! His secret wasn't mine to tell!"
Barbara knew her father wanted the best for her, but she was still mad at him.
"You know, after so many years of absence, I don't think you have the right to tell me what to do," she told him, seeing the effect of her words immediately in his hurt expression. "I'm a grown-up woman and if you wanted to raise a teenager, you should've appeared in my life earlier!"
"I didn't know you even existed!" he raised his voice. "If I'd known… sweetie, I promise you, I would've found you! I would've been the father you deserved to have!"
Barbara's face softened. She could tell she hurt him deeply. She closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts and taking a deep, much needed breath.
"I know! I fucking know that!" she screamed again. "But right now you have no right to tell me what to do! You have no right to tell me whom I should date or not! I want him, dad! There, I said it! Despite everything, I can feel myself falling for Robin! I can't help it!" She threw her hands into the air helplessly. Jim could see her glassy eyes as though she was about to cry. "I know the danger," she added in a much quieter voice now. "I know it all! But still, my heart doesn't listen when I think of it. It only wants to be happy. With him. I've always wanted to live my own adventure and now… now I finally got it! I'm no longer reading a book, dad, I am living it."
"The difference is, sweetheart," Jim suddenly said, too emotional for his own sake, "that this is the real world. And in the real world good doesn't always win and everyone lives happily ever after."
"I know that," she said once again, her voice bitter and shaky. "But this is the path I choose." She was too emotionally drained and tried to say anything more, so she made her way up the stairs and closed the door to her room.
Jim could just stand there in the darkness, terrified as all of his worst nightmares were coming true.
