I wanna swim away but don't know how
sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
let the waves up... take me down
let the hurricane set in motion
let the rain of what I feel right now come down
let the rain come down
Blue October, "Into the Ocean"
Ed is awoken by the sunlight pouring into the room like sand in an hourglass. She is still tired and her head is aching but her eyes slam open when she sees Mustang in the kitchen, whipping up breakfast, looking like a bastard.
"Morning," he glances at her. "I see you're awake."
Ed tries to stretch inconspicuously and she covers a yawn with her automail hand. "Yeah, I guess that means you have good eyesight."
"So I'm not as old as you think I am," Mustang shoots back with wry amusement.
She sneers and goes to the washroom. Her clothes are dry and they are hanging off the back. She stops dead in her tracks as soon as she realizes that her bra is lying on top of everything else.
She flushes. Mustang has seen this! Oh, fuck, what did he think? Did he touch the bra? She doesn't recall doing something so stupid and irresponsible but she was pretty pissed last night so she may not have been in her right mind.
Is Mustang the one who put the bra on top of the other clothes for his own perverted viewing pleasure? Motherfucking son of a bitch!
She quickly changes her clothes. She never thought she'd say this but she's sorry to see the sweatpants go because now she has to put the miniskirt back on. She considers confronting the Colonel about this but she knows how bizarre that would sound. And he would just get a kick out it of it because he's always enjoyed putting her in awkward situations.
She comes out in the blank tank top and miniskirt, barefoot just like last night. She feels more conspicuous now in front of Mustang than she did yesterday in front of hundreds of people. It's because this is Roy Mustang, womanizing bastard whose dream it is to make all the female soldiers wear "tiny miniskirts" when he becomes Fuhrer. It's even weirder showing her automail limbs open in his presence because...it creeps her out.
She finds that her boots are dry, too and she sits on the couch to put them back on. Her miniskirt rides up a little and she quickly tugs it back down, glancing at him to see if he has seen anything.
Thankfully he is too busy setting the table to look in her direction and she breathes a sigh of relief. When she's done tying her boots, she gets to her feet and goes to the kitchen to see what's up, as her stomach is rumbling again (though thankfully, it is not as loud as it was last night).
Or maybe it is because he stops putting the glasses on the table and looks at her, eyebrow raised. She grimaces.
"Are you always hungry, Fullmetal?" he inquires offhandedly, going back to his work.
She flushes. "That's not your business," she rejoins defensively, shoulders tensing.
"Hmm," he concedes without looking at her. "So it isn't."
Ed can't help feeling discomfited insulting a man who gave her shelter from the rain for the night (why does that sound so cheesy?) but she doesn't know else to interact with him. She's too used to dealing with him in the office that being in his apartment makes her feel as though she's been dropped in the ocean without a life vest and there are sharks circling her, getting ready to attack any minute.
Mustang's hair is damp, she notices. He must have taken a shower in the morning. His hair is so black, making a contrast against the pallor of his complexion and there's this way his black, arched eyebrows furrow like he's concentrating on something (setting the table is such an odd task to concentrate on) that makes her heart skip a beat. Fuck, he almost looks gorgeous...
Ed blinks, feeling the heat rise in her face. Did she just think that Mustang looks gorgeous? Well, sure, the guy is handsome (and even Russell looks handsome sometimes, which she can't say she cares about) but thinking that he's gorgeous is something else because gorgeous is a really strong adjective and she doesn't think it's appropriate for a lower-ranking officer to think that his or her superior officer is gorgeous.
Crap, her throat feels dry. And it isn't even hot enough to cause dehydration.
"You know," she starts nervously, "I think I should just go..."
He looks at her, black eyes boring into golden ones. "Without breakfast? I'm sure my ears didn't deceive me when I heard your stomach rumble."
She twitches but bites back a retort. She takes a deep breath, struggling to keep her calm. Why does he have to make her feel as though everything is a scuffle with him? "Fine," she bites out. "I will stay for breakfast." And as an afterthought, she awkwardly adds, "Thank you."
He bestows upon her a small, enigmatic smile. "You're welcome."
Al calls right then. He says he'll meet her back at the dorms. Because Winry has the keys. Ed feels relieved.
There's bacon and toast for breakfast. It tastes delicious. They don't talk as much as they did last night. It's because Ed isn't much of a morning person. She tends to be grumpy and cranky and seeing Mustang first in the morning doesn't make her any more agreeable. They glance at each other at intervals and it just feels so weird because on the outside, she supposes that they look like a...couple.
She nearly chokes as the thought hits her and he looks at her in concern and pushes a glass of water towards her. "Here," he says quietly.
"Thanks," she mumbles, hoping that the glass hides her blush.
If Mustang has noticed something, he doesn't show it. She looks down at her plate but she watches the way his jaw moves as he chews his food and the brief movement of his windpipe as he swallows. Until this moment, she has never thought that eating could be remotely sexual.
Her forehead creases. Of course. Only Mustang could make something totally ordinary this sexy. Only Mustang could make her want to lean over and run her tongue down his –
No, no, she thinks to herself fiercely. Just concentrate on Russell. Think of his neck, his lips, his hands, his caresses, his kisses. She forces herself to remember all the time when they would make out in her dorm room; she envisions him leaning over her (fuck, if only she wasn't so...not tall), his golden stands falling over his eyes, and she begins to relax a little.
But then, in her imagination, Russell's face turns into Mustang's, and the older man is looking down at her with the same look he had in her dream, and his kisses are much more ardent and –
She whimpers.
Mustang pauses and looks at her again. He frowns, confused. "Is something wrong, Fullmetal?"
"No, no!" she squeals, surprising them both. He flinches and stares at her for a long moment. She tries not to cringe under that penetrating, dark gaze and her cheeks turn bright red. She feels like an idiot. She knows that she makes a fool of herself in front of him enough at the office; she doesn't need to do this at his home now. She prays to whatever Powers That Be that she does not have to come here again.
Breakfast is over soon and this time, she rushes out of the kitchen. She doesn't have to look back to find that he is confused again. He comes out a moment later.
"Not helping me do the dishes?" he says.
"I have to go," she blurts out, hoping that her discomfort doesn't show.
He regards her carefully. "Of course," he nods. "Just let me get dressed."
She turns white. "What?" she demands breathlessly.
"You don't expect me to go to work like this, do you?" he explains, gesturing towards himself with a small smile.
"Yeah, but what does it have to do with me leaving?" Ed cries. She helplessly watches his retreating back.
"I'll drop you off at the dorms," he calls from inside the bedroom.
"You don't need to do that!" she says, raising her voice, glowering. "I can get there myself."
"I have to go to HQ anyway, Ed," he replies. "Your dorms are on the way."
He emerges in his uniform about fifteen minutes later (bastard must've been admiring himself in the mirror all this time because she's never met a guy who takes fifteen minutes to get dressed), looking spiffy as usual (why the hell is she admiring his looks all of a sudden?). Just as they are about to leave, he hands her his coat from last night.
"I think you should take this with you," he explains. It's just a simple statement but Ed is grateful because she comprehends the understanding in his voice.
"Thanks," she mumbles awkwardly, accepting this offer of kindness and he nods again. She puts it on. It feels warm and more comfortable, now that it's completely dry. She carefully draws it around herself to cover her legs. She is pleased when she notices that it covers her automail leg. It's something she didn't notice last night since they were both busy trying to get out of the rain.
"You can return it when you come back to HQ," he says, earning her displeasure again. Why does he have to make her so mad?
Mustang is locking the door after they step out of the apartment when another door in the hallway opens and an elderly woman comes out, wearing a worn-out apron and smoking a cigarette. She reminds Ed of Aunt Pinako...except that Aunt Pinako has a kinder look.
"Ah, good morning, Colonel," the woman drawls, exhaling smoke. It's like she's trying to look sexy and twenty-five years younger but it really isn't working. She just manages to look comic. Ed hides a smile.
Mustang finishes locking the door and looks at the woman with a polite smile. "Ah, good morning, Mrs. Carpenter," he bows a little and Ed makes a face when she sees the woman color. The bastard sure has a way with the ladies. So far, Ed has only heard about this but today, she gets to see for herself.
"So you've had a woman here last night, I see," Mrs. Carpenter observes, lightly tapping on her cigarette and ashes fall on the floor.
It is Ed's turn to flush and she opens her mouth to explain that it isn't like that, that the only reason he brought her back to his place is that it was raining hard and not because he wanted to seduce her.
But Mustang smiles again and he smoothly explains, "Well, a healthy, young man does have needs."
Mrs. Carpenter chuckles. "Yes, I suppose he does. I was wondering last night where those sounds were coming from." She winks.
Sounds? Last night? Absolutely horrified, Ed opens her mouth again to ask the woman what the fuck she's talking about, and that she shouldn't talk like Ed isn't here but Mustang raises a hand to stop her.
He nods politely at the woman. "I'll have to get going now, ma'am. I'm due at work in twenty minutes."
"Of course, of course," she says.
He takes his leave and they go down the stairs. It isn't until they are out of the apartment building that Ed roughly stops him and demands furiously, "What the hell was that about? How dare you? How fucking dare you...why didn't you just tell her that I was your subordinate?"
"Relax, Fullmetal," he shrugs her off, making her angrier. "My landlady wouldn't believe me if I told her the truth. It's much easier to pass you off as a date."
"What the – " Now she is speechless with shock and anger, her amber eyes elliptical.
"What do you think she would have thought if I told her you were my subordinate?" he challenges. "Word travels fast at times, Fullmetal. Taking a subordinate home for the night doesn't look good, no matter how you explain it. We'd still be accused of fraternization. You could lose your title, Edward."
An unspoken statement hangs in the air and he stares down at her, as self-protective as she is. And then how will you get back your brother's body?
She glares at him, anger flaring in her eyes, fists tightened. "Fine," she shoots back with clenched teeth. "Then you should've left me alone last night!"
"As tempting as that was, Fullmetal," Mustang retorts frostily, "I don't think your death would've looked good on my record."
"Oh, so this is what it's about?" she cries, stunned by his declaration. "Is that all you ever care about, Mustang? Yourself?"
He eyes her and she feels a chill down her spine. He turns away without saying anything. He looks at the streets as though he is expecting someone. It has to be Havoc; she knows that the Second Lieutenant usually drives Mustang to and from work. She is filled with rage at the way he treated her all along and before she can stop herself, the words discharge from her mouth in an incensed hiss:
"You sick bastard."
He looks at her sharply, his expression changing for a split second. He seems offended and then, he just ignores her as Havoc arrives with the official car.
The ride to Central is spent in heavy silence, occasionally broken by Havoc, who makes pathetic attempts at conversation – referring particularly to her miniskirt – to lighten the situation. It doesn't work and that is fine with Ed because she prefers to sulk rather than being merry in front of the bastard Colonel. How do women stand him? she wonders angrily. How do women stand this insufferable, arrogant, smirking, ethically insolvent megalomaniac? What did he ever do to make his staff loyal to him? Havoc did say to her when she was a new State Alchemist that there was more about Colonel Mustang, but after four years of working under him (no pun intended), she still doesn't really get it.
Okay, okay, maybe she's being really ungrateful. She knows that he puts his butt on the line for her. He's the one who indirectly arranged for her and Al to sit for the State Alchemy exam. He does try to protect her. But fuck, he makes her so...angry sometimes, (no, most of the times) that she finds him difficult to get along with. So she contends herself with not caring what he thinks or says about her.
Usually, that is the case but being treated like one of his "girls" has offended her deeply, even more so that he just stepped forward and spoke for her in front of the old woman as though her side of the story didn't matter.
She can't wait for the day she and Al restore their bodies. She's going to march right up to that jerk Mustang in his office and kick him in the groin, and then never see him again for as long as she lives. The only reason she's still in the military is Al and Al alone. Otherwise, under different circumstances, she'd kick her owner's ass a long time ago because Edward Elric most certainly does not like to be treated like anyone's dog.
Because she belongs to no one.
They arrive at the dorms fifteen minutes later. The weather is cool and pleasant after the rain and she feels glad – she's never been too fond of humid weather. She rushes to step out of the car and she turns back to face Havoc.
She smiles. "Thank you for the ride, Second Lieutenant," she says.
Havoc gawks at her. Mustang looks outraged. With a lopsided, impish little smile, Ed turns around and walks to the dormitory building, shaking her head with a sneer as she hears the car drive away.
Winry and Al are waiting right outside their room, deep in conversation about something. As Ed approaches them, she can make out words like "automail," "books" and "apple pie." They must have had apple pie at Mrs. Hughes' last night. It makes her want to tear her hair off.
They stop when they see her coming. Al seems to cringe as though he's been caught red-handed. Maybe she'll have a talk about that with him later.
"Oh, hey, Ed," Winry smiles. "Listen, we're really sorry about that last night."
"We tried looking for you," Al explains, looking a little scared as if he's waiting for her to start screaming at them any moment now. "But we couldn't find you anywhere."
"I was at in the washroom," Ed reprimands them coldly.
Winry looks embarrassed. "Well, then, you should've told us," she declares.
Ed rolls her eyes. They go inside. She goes to the bathroom to change the miniskirt, which she returns to Winry. "My bag was stolen at the fair yesterday," she complains.
"Oh, dear," Winry looks at her, expressionless. "Um...actually..." she looks sheepish as she produces a familiar, worn-out duffle bag.
Ed stares at it open-mouthed for a long time. And then she glares lividly at her friend.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me that you'd taken my bag?" she explodes, steam coming out from her ears.
Winry, as expected, loses her temper, too. "Well, I would have told if you told me that you were going to the stupid bathroom!" she cries.
"Do I have to tell you every time I want to go to the bathroom? No, I don't think so!" Ed huffs and points at her legs, which are now clad in soft blue. "And to think that all that time I was wearing your stupid skirt while you had my clothes – "
"This is not a stupid skirt!" Winry cries furiously, shoving said skirt in Ed's face. Ed recoils. "It was given to me by Tony!"
Al, who has been 'hiding' in the corner to avoid any misdirected alchemic reactions or thrown wrenches, starts at this new name. "Who's Tony?" he asks quietly.
Ed quiets down as she realizes what has just happened. She winces. She was hoping that Al wouldn't have to know about some guy Winry dated in Rush Valley, and she feels even worse that she wore something given to Winry by an old beau. Is that why that guy kept looking at them at the automail fair yesterday? Why are men such perverts?
"Nobody," she says quickly. She knows that Winry isn't yet aware of Al having a crush on her, and she wants to protect him, even though Winry isn't involved with anyone right now, Ed still wants to protect her little brother from thinking of Winry with another guy.
Winry scowls. "What do you mean, 'nobody'?" she demands. "I went out with him a couple of times back at Rush Valley," she says to Al, who looks more upset than ever.
She feels as though someone's stabbed her in the heart because she can stand to take Winry's wrenches and Mustang's snide remarks. But she can't stand to see her baby brother hurt.
"Oh," Al says in quiet surprise. And then he is silent again.
They look at one another uncomfortably and then Ed tries to change the subject. "Forget it about it," she mutters, hanging her – Mustang's – coat behind the door and then sitting on her bed near Al. She pats him on the shoulder, flesh hand making a thump against the steel.
Winry looks genuinely confounded at this exchange.
"So what did you guys do at Mrs. Hughes' last night?" Ed starts tautly.
"Oh, you know," Winry seems to have forgotten her anger and she is putting away the infernal skirt. "We ate a lot!"
"Yeah?" Ed prompts with a little smile, hand still patting Al's shoulder.
"Uh-huh," Winry says. "We missed you though. Al and I talked all night. It was fun." She smiles and excuses herself to go and freshen up.
As the bathroom door closes, Ed quickly turns to Al. "I'm sorry about that whole Tony thing," she says. "But...you can't blame her, Al. I mean...the way she talked about it yesterday, it didn't sound like she was too crazy about him. And she doesn't know that you like her!"
Al sighs sadly. "What's the point?" he mopes. "I'm just a hunk of metal. All she'll ever see is this." He taps lightly on his arm.
Ed is drowning in an ocean of guilt again. This is all my fault. "Well," she says with a weak smile. "At least she thinks you guys had fun last night."
Al shrugs. "I guess things could've been worse," he agrees slowly. And then he fixes those glowing eyes on her. "So you spent the night at the Colonel's place."
"Yeah," she says, lowering her gaze, hoping that she isn't blushing. Hell, she has no reason to blush! So why is she blushing?
"So how was it?" he asks. "I saw him and Second Lieutenant Havoc drop you off this morning. I was really glad that you two hadn't ended up killing each other."
"Oh, believe me, Al," Ed raises her eyebrows. "I was tempted to."
"So what did you eat there?"
"Uh...he cooked spaghetti and meat."
"The Colonel cooks?" Both Al and Ed secretly thought that Mustang has take-out food all the time.
"Seems so," she shrugs.
"Then what did you do?" he wants to know.
"We went to sleep," she answers. "Well, I went to sleep. I don't know what he did."
"Uh-huh," he nods understandingly. "So you're going back to HQ next week, right?"
"Yeah."
Winry comes out at that moment, all freshened up, brushing her hair. Al looks at her, making Ed feel glad that he doesn't seem upset anymore. One of these days, she has to persuade her brother to tell Winry how he feels.
"Ed?" Winry says suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"Whose coat is that?" Winry points at the door, brush stilled in one hand.
"Oh," Ed pales a bit. "It's Mustang's. He gave it to me to wear. Because of the rain last night. And this morning so that I didn't have to go out in a miniskirt."
"That's very nice of the Colonel," Al says and Winry agrees.
Ed makes a face. Yes, it is very nice of the Colonel but they don't know how much of an intolerable bastard he is.
"How long will you be staying, Winry?" she asks because she doesn't want to talk about Mustang.
"A while, I guess," Winry puts away the hairbrush and sits on the other bed. "I have to call Grandma and tell her the news! I'm so excited! And she'll be so happy!"
"I bet she will," Ed smiles. "I'll help you find a place before I have to go back to HQ."
"Sure," Winry says sunnily. "Thanks."
It's nice that Winry will be staying here for a long time, Ed realizes. It'll be lively to have her visit them more often and then, maybe Al might come out of his shell and tell her the truth.
They will get back their bodies, she vows. They will recover everything they've lost...and so much more.
There's a knock on the door. It's a telegram from Russell, saying that he'll come to visit her again in two days. It annoys her. It also baffles her why he cares for her so much when she can't really stand him (which brings one to the question of why she agreed to be his girlfriend in the first place).
As Al and Winry's voices fill the room, Ed's thought drift back to a raven-haired onyx-eyed man who is not very far away from her at the moment.
