932 Dragon, Verimensis 1st
With the coming of the new year has also come additional initiates. Knight Commander Meredith issued an order for the Templar to sweep the city over the New Year celebrations. They returned from the sweep this morning with eleven children almost all of whom were above the age of eleven.
The older of these children came in with bruises and wounds. I cared for them and helped them settle in. None have been placed in Bethany's classes. In fact I have found out that a number of initiates are now being overseen by Templars instead of enchanters. When I asked why I found out that eight of our 56 enchanters had escaped over the last few months and none of the mages in residence were interested in becoming Enchanters.
932 Dragon, Verimensis 2nd
We gained two in initiates in the Class Group that learns practical magic from Bethany. They are an elven boy of 14 named Ranneth Simeo and a human girl of 14 named Lenora Kirkson. Both were bruised and did not speak much in class.
Much later in the evening Fialla was speaking with me, "Bethany still pines for you did you know?"
"Yes I am aware, but cannot return her feelings."
"So you've said and you cannot do magic either, excepting circumstances when a young elven girl runs away and the city is invaded by Qunari?"
I give her a light smile, "Yes, excepting those circumstances."
"She loves you."
I look at the girl and shrug helplessly, "I do not know what to do with that information."
"If you were Niam and Bertha you'd run off and hope to find a happy ending together, although if you were Peter and Candith you'd have a big fight and start seeing someone else."
"Well it seems we are like neither couple. May I ask about the other students they have not been speaking to me as much as of late."
She sighs softly, "Four years and then I'll have to choose. All of us will death or Tranquility . . . what a choice."
"I see you believe Mage Quinn's assessment." She nods, "Yes and I saw the report you gave to Orsino we all have. It's gone around to every Initiate 13 and older and honestly it scares me. You already know that Bethany is teaching us how we might survive in the fade even with less mana."
"It is a reasonable precaution that you should certainly use."
932 Dragon, Verimensis 16th
Today all classes were cancelled and everyone was required to come to the Gallows. We came and watched as twenty escaped mages were hung. For a brief moment I felt deep anger while watching the proceedings, the power swirled up and I pushed down as best I could, even so the sky above dropped snow in powerful flurries.
I knew I could have stopped this, freed these mages and helped them to escape again, but there was no logical reason to do so. In fact, all my knowledge suggested that freeing them would simply cause more problems especially since it would reveal that a Tranquil mage could use magic. A revelation like that would shatter institutions and change the entire world in ways I couldn't even begin to know or understand.
So, I kept the power contained as best I could and Kirkwall had the heaviest snowfall it had ever seen in a hundred years.
932 Dragon, Verimensis 17th
It took me most of the day to push my power down and then I realized that without it I could not end the snow storm. I had to delve back into the power and bear the brunt of a powerful rage and then calm it. It took time, effort and every bit of my concentration, but I finally succeeded and the snow storm ended.
After Bethany's Class ended the Enchanter came over to me, "You okay Elsa? You haven't exactly been with us today."
"I am well now Bethany. I just needed to concentrate." She smirked, "On ending the storm, I can see how that might be important."
I had no reason to lie to her so I just nodded. "The hangings too much for you? Angry I would guess."
"Also sad, but yes Angry as well. This is why it is better to be tranquil no feelings means no danger." She shook her head, "I think you could work with it learn to control it."
"You may possibly be right, but it must stay a secret and so we are where we have always been."
"Friendly disagreement?" Her smile was wide and bright. A small bit of emotion rose from below and it felt like my heart had been stabbed. I pushed it away though. "Indeed Bethany, now if you will please excuse me I am going to the Healing Center."
"How long have you been off meal preparation duty?"
"A few months now, my services are more needed in the Healing Center since few other mages are willing and some of the Templar prefer not to be seen by Healer Nymeria or Allaste."
"Fools." Those were the last words I heard from her that day.
932 Dragon, Verimensis 19th
The city seems to be back to normal now. It clearly took some time to dig out from the snow. I wonder if I should have embraced the power a bit longer to send it away and then decide, once again, that the risk would not be worth it.
932 Dragon, Pluitanis 1st
I dropped in to see Mikkel Morrinson at the smithy today after class. I presented him with some silverite ore for his 15th birthday. "Now that's an odd present, but certainly appreciated. Thanks Elsa, you've been great to all of us."
"I appreciate the sentiment Initiate Mikkel." Even as I wonder how true his words really are. I have helped heal Initiates and mages, I have healed Templars. I have sat with the sick and I even helped to save the city during the Qunari attack. Yet, so many mages have escaped that there are only 23 in residence and only 48 Enchanters a total of seventy three. Compared to the 78 that were here when I began keeping track this might seem an increase, however when the Starkhaven Circle burnt down we doubled our numbers. Considering how many mages have escaped and how many have died I find that Mikkel's statement cannot possibly be accurate.
I have not been 'great' to all the mages or even all the initiates. I didn't bother telling Mikkel this, instead I simply said I had to go to the Healing Center. There I began to wonder if there was in fact some way to be 'great' to everyone. As of this writing I have not found a way.
In fact it seems that such a thing would be utterly impossible. Even so I do think my presence helps the Initiates and for everyone who ends up in the Healing Center. That may be the best I can possibly do.
932 Dragon, Pluitanis 10th
I have been reading a great deal from the Chant of Light, however it does not seem to assist in any way in determining if there is a better course of action available to me. Andraste fought the Tevinter Imperium for freedom from the magisters and in turn her teachings ended up imprisoning mages in the circles. As a Tranquil I have no power or capability to change what is now set from history. If I were to use the power I have I could change things, but in order to do so people would die. I say that because any direct application of my powers would mean a fight a battle with the entirety of the Andrastian faith and then would I impose my rules with power? Doing so seems little different from the Tevinter imperium.
It still seems best to work from where I am at what I can. Healing and teaching the next generation of mages. Perhaps someday I will see a reason to change, but so far I have not found one.
In reading through the chant of light I have found a passage that calls to me though:
Shadows fall and hope has fled
Steel your heart, the dawn will come
The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky for one day soon
The dawn will come
932 Dragon, Nubulis 7th
I think of Initiate Bertha Thomson today on her 16th birthday. Is she well? How are she and Initiate Niam M'thenn faring together. I think these thoughts even as we bury Peter Soren. The young man was returned here to the circle when he was found dead in the gutters of Kirkwall. Sadness touches at me, but I push it away, I have no need for the emotion or the tears it brings. Let alone the connection to the vast well of power inside me.
Tranquility engulfs me like a cloak and I put the thoughts away. I prepare Initiate Peter Soren's body and he is buried. A holy sister of Andraste provides the sermon. At the very end of the day I dropped by Lucy Interswin's room and gave her some cake and a small staff. She is 14 today and I hope she is not thinking of running off.
932 Dragon, Nubulis 14th
Initiate Ranneth Simeo died in a fall from the tower today. The official word is that he was climbing up for a lark and missed his grip. Amberlee Hanaras has a different story though as the students were departing class she was saying that she saw a Templar push him.
I think most of the students believed her. In fact I cannot say that her words do not have merit. The Templar continue to treat the mages here very poorly as evidenced by numerous cases of bruises and broken bones I have seen in the Healing Center.
First Enchanter Orsino complains, but as of yet there have been no inquests.
932 Dragon, Eluviesta 3rd
Bethany's class size increased by five today. I greeted the new initiates and gathered the important details about them. They were sent to this class because one of the other Enchanters teaching practical spell use has escaped.
The Students are:
Kevin East a male human of 14 with blond hair and brown eyes
Ella Hnarash a female Dalish elf of 12 with brown hair and brown eyes
Lee Jones a male human of 13 with colored blue hair and brown eyes
Mariah Connors a female human of 14 with red hair and green eyes
Peter Iason a male City elf of 14 with brown hair and brown eyes
932 Dragon, Eluviesta 6th
Candith Reynolds became 15 today. The silver haired woman was very desirous of some hair combs and I was more than capable of fashioning some. I dropped them off with baked goods this evening. After eating we spent some time helping her put the combs in her hair in different styles.
932 Dragon, Eluviesta 18th
'Abomination' that is the word going around the Circle today. A mage taken over by a demon, in this case a Rage Demon, went through the Templar here killing at least thirty and wounding more. The ones sent to the Healing Center required the aid of every healer we had and some volunteers such as Bethany.
The Abomination went through some of the older Initiate's classes and killed ten of the Initiates before it was finally taken down. It is very rare for a mage that has passed their Harrowing to become an Abomination, yet it does happen.
First Enchanter Orsino has gone to Knight Commander Meredith to request more leniency in our treatment here. His argument is that the current treatment is what led to this incident. Having seen the history of this Circle I am inclined to agree with his assessment.
932 Dragon, Eluviesta 21st
Templar patrols have been slightly reduced and the curfew has been lifted. However, Mages may still not gather in large groups and the current rules are temporary only. I am told that High Cleric Elthina is responsible for the changes.
I did seek an Audience with First Enchanter Orsino to suggest that he show my research to the Grand Cleric, but he did not have time to see 'Some Tranquil' and so I left with research in hand and none to share it with.
932 Dragon, Molioris 1st
Four Initiates died at their Harrowing today. Two more begged off for another day and four others asked to become Tranquil.
932 Dragon, Molioris 2nd
The rite of tranquility was performed for the four mages who did not wish to undergo the Harrowing. When the rite was over they were sent to the Healing Center. We helped care for them while they were unconscious.
932 Dragon, Molioris 3rd
The four Tranquil in the Healing Center have gone to live in Tranquil Quarters. Testing suggests that they cannot read or write. They will not be useful for many tasks around the Circle except perhaps cleaning.
I wonder what it is that makes some Tranquil able to do more, not just what makes me different, but what makes some of the others different as well.
932 Dragon, Molioris 10th
The group of Tranquil who, along with me, assist in the classrooms is currently at 15. It took some time to arrange a meeting between us all and the event is rather quiet. No one is talking to their neighbor and everyone sits quietly looking at me.
We re-discussed the method of applying orders from differing sources even though my own standards had changed the group still felt that their understanding was that First Enchanter Orsino's orders came first since we were mages, even though tranquil, then Knight Commander Meredith Stannard and the Templar order under her as ranked by their hierarchy, then Enchanters in the Circle, then mages and that Initiates came last if they even needed to be obeyed. There was some disagreement on the last with an even split between Tranquil who felt Initiates should be obeyed and Tranquil who did not. Though, from what I could tell the disagreement was somewhat on age lines with the Tranquil in charge of older Initiates being more willing to follow orders than the ones in charge of younger classes.
In any case this group of Tranquil all had some amount of initiative. They all could follow orders and adapt to changing circumstances, although some better than others. They also, all of them, could not feel emotions excepting a moderate concern.
It was interesting, but did not help me understand how and why they were different from the other sixty four percent of Tranquil here at the Circle.
932 Dragon, Molioris 17th
I haven't wanted to put anything here in my diary until I was finished speaking with each of the other Tranquil in what I am now considering Tranquil+ the plus is for extra something more than most Tranquil have. What I have found so far is that each of these people were strong willed and even powerful mages before the rite of Tranquility. This compares to other Tranquil I spoke with in that the others all had very little or weak magic, that nearly everyone felt the weak mage would be a danger. In the case of the Tranquil+ it seems to be something they chose after careful consideration and often enough after another mage before them died in their Harrowing.
In essence I believe that the Tranquil+ would have passed their Harrowing barring any unforeseen smites from nearby Templars beforehand. Upon learning all of this I find myself reading through the Chant of Light. I find the verse that I have heard used to explain the Circles:
Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.
Foul and corrupt are they
Who have taken His gift
And turned it against His children.
They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones.
They shall find no rest in this world
Or beyond.
However I also see the verse right after it:
All men are the Work of our Maker's Hands,
From the lowest slaves
To the highest kings.
Those who bring harm
Without provocation to the least of His children
Are hated and accursed by the Maker.
I wonder how those in power are unable to see the harm they are bringing on mages with their system of Circles. Harm that is so clearly brought upon them without provocation. My power rumbles inside me and I push it away. This is not a problem that can be solved with a snow storm or freezing, it is a problem that touches nations and the very bedrock of people's faith.
There is nothing I can do to solve it, or at least nothing that I can think of, but I promise myself that I will continue my research.
932 Dragon, Ferventis 3rd
Historically the Rite of Tranquility dates back to the twentieth year of the Divine Age, the fledgling Chantry convinced the Inquisition to unite under the banner of their common faith. Upon signing the Nevarran Accord, the two organizations jointly created the Circle of Magi and established the Templar Order as wardens for the Circles and guardians over magic use. They also established the Rite of Tranquility as a 'mercy' for mages who could not complete their Harrowing.
The Rite can only be given with the permission of the First Enchanter and the Knight Commander, however this can vary by circle, such as Kirkwall where the First Enchanter is advised that the Knight Commander has accepted certain mages applications to become Tranquil.
I say applications because in none of my time at the Circle has a Mage gone under the rite without an application, then again, quite a number have died in their Harrowing. The threat of potential death is high enough to make many mages pursue Tranquility I would think.
I would also note that in most books that discuss Tranquility they really only seem to discuss the Tranquil+ or basically the Tranquil who are capable of taking orders and acting with Volition. The Tranquil unable to act as such are ignored. This means that anyone outside a Mages Circle who hears of the Rite of Tranquility will only hear about the best of us and not the fate of those who cannot read or write. They will not hear about Tranquil who need assistance just to wipe their own bottom.
I have this information in mind when Bethany is speaking about, Varrick Tethras, the dwarf I met while assisting in saving the city. Apparently he sent her a letter asking how things were and Bethany replied that things could be better. "I was keeping it light, I don't think he really wants to know how bad it is here and he's rather busy with things in town."
"What sorts of things?"
"Business and writing he just finished the first book in a romance series about a guard-captain that falls in love with a Templar knight-captain."
The thoughts come to me even as I say them, "Do you think he would be interested in writing about the Kirkwall Circle and the Tranquil here?"
"He might, but wouldn't the Templars want to hear about it as well? Especially how the mages have been escaping and who knows all this information about things in the circle." She stares at me and I nod slowly. A book would be a great Idea, but it would put Varrick Tethras in danger, plus if interrogated harshly enough he could inform about the Mages Underground and me.
It was a good idea until those points were expanded upon. Bethany and I conversed more about Varrick and her sister's current adventures and then I departed for the Healing Center.
932 Dragon, Ferventis 14th
Peter Iason became 15 today. I presented him with a hand crafted staff and he was grateful although he seemed to enjoy his cake even more.
932 Dragon, Solis 1st
Bethany gained two new students in her class today, they are Ephallia M'thenn a female Dalish elf of 12 with brown hair and brown eyes and Daniel Kent a male human of 12 also with brown hair and brown eyes. This would bring our class size beyond the usual number, however Daren Marchant, Peter Iason and Candith Reynolds have decided to pursue self-study. Not that this fact has prevented them from continuing to request time in the morning to practice in the cellars with my supervision.
932 Dragon, Solis 18th
Amberlee Hanaras became 14 today. When I visited her she was sobbing. I put a hand on her shoulder and asked what was wrong. "Death or Tranquility that's what. A few more years and that will be my choice."
"Surely you can learn enough from Enchanter Bethany." My words are a potential, but even I cannot be sure they are true. None of the students learning from Bethany have undergone their Harrowing. There is nothing to suggest her teaching methods work any better than any other Enchanter's.
"Maybe . . maybe I can." She moves to me and takes the offered cake. She eats it and then opens her present. It is a copy of Varrick Tethras' new book. She smiles and says, "Oh I wanted this. Thank you!"
932 Dragon, Matrinalis 9th
Kevin East is 15 today and I wonder how so much time has passed without much in the way of entries. It is not that things have gotten better or that they are worse. No mages have escaped lately although there is a great deal of tension between Mages and Templars here. Initiates, Enchanters, Mages all have had run ins with Templars and been imprisoned with little regard to the facts in evidence.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 15th
There was another Abomination in the tower, this time in a class near ours. I heard the explosion and ran over immediately. At first I thought I would help the wounded, but as I saw the rage filled creature I knew there was only one solution. I opened myself to my power and froze it solid. A blast from Bethany's staff shattered it into tiny fragments and then I moved to help the injured.
As I worked I couldn't help but notice that half of the class was dead. Five children killed by their own teacher. I doubt it was what he wanted to do and yet clearly he had been working with powers beyond his control. Thankfully I was able to help the other five students and the other teacher.
Templar helped carry them to the Healing Center and Bethany explained that when she heard the commotion she came over and used her magic to stop the Abomination. It was the last thing on my mind, but it kept the secret safe.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 17th
Rhialla Whist became 16 today and requested to undergo her Harrowing. It is allowed for mages of 16 and older to do so, but it is rare that it happens when they reach 16. Most mages choose to wait a bit longer in order to prepare themselves. Here in Kirkwall they often wait until they are 20 which is basically the oldest they can be before an Inquest into whether or not they should be made Tranquil begins.
I spoke to her this evening before curfew she was eating her cake and examining the staff I had helped to fashion for her. "You know you could take back your request, it not too late. The preparations will take a few days."
She shakes her head, "No, I'd rather face it now waiting another four years would just make me more nervous. I figure I would face it now and then I wouldn't have to worry."
"You think you can do it even with reduced mana from a smite?"
She shrugs, "Maybe not, but I don't think another few years will change that either. Are you really concerned for me?"
"You are one of the Initiates in my care, it is my duty to care for you. Even if I do not have the emotions I can understand the social contract implied." She chuckles and shakes her head. "All of us in class think you have emotions in there somewhere."
"I have been told the same from others, however there are many Tranquil who care for Initiates and they all act in a similar manner to me." I did not mention to her that I had suggested certain things to our group like celebrating birthdays and stopping to ask how an Initiate was feeling. Such things were 'logical' in the care of Initiates, but not always considered.
I paused then spoke again saying, "The point about me detracts from the main thrust of my intentions coming here though. It was my intention to encourage you to reconsider your choice to undergo a Harrowing."
She smiled and shook her head, "I've thought about it Elsa, but my mind is made up. I'm doing this.
I nodded, "I understand your decision and respect your wishes. Have a good evening and a happy birthday."
She hugged me and I departed.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 18th
Rhialla Whist was not in Bethany's class today she was instead preparing for her Harrowing which will be tomorrow. After class I spoke with Bethany, "I have attempted to get Initiate Rhialla Whist to reconsider her Harrowing, but my words did not sway her."
"I tried too Elsa, I worry about her. I'm not sure she's ready. If I could I'd go to the fade and help her I would, but only the First Enchanter and a Templar are allowed at a Harrowing and entering the fade like that takes a large amount of power and Lyrium. Besides, she has to face it on her own you know that."
I nod, "Yes, mages are beacons for Demons as they grow in power they become brighter and brighter. They must face them and learn how to turn them away. Otherwise they will become Abominations."
"Exactly so there's really not much we can do except train them and hope. I'd like to prevent the Templars from smiting them as they go to their Harrowing, but we have no evidence that it has happened and since they don't do it in front of the First Enchanter he can't stop the Harrowing. After all it isn't like we can tell just how much mana any mage currently has available to them." Her voice was bit louder by this time and then she sighed with frustration. "We're stuck, that's all there is to it. The First Enchanter has little power leaving us at the mercy of a woman who has none."
I had no words to say after that, there were none that would be of use. Everything she had said was basically true and although I could use my power there was nothing for me to use it on. Perhaps if I was more inclined towards violence I would have an answer, but even so there was no guarantee that violence would solve this problem and this problem was not just one Initiates Harrowing. The problem goes all the way back to the way Circles functioned and the relationship between Mages and Templars. It even stretched further back from that and into the teachings of the Chantry and possibly even Andraste' s rebellion against the Tevinter empire.
Of course it is impossible to work at a problem from such a large perspective. We must break it down into smaller parts and the ultimate smallest parts. The part here was Rhialla Whist and her Harrowing. The main stumbling block would be a Templar, unseen by the First Enchanter, who used a smite on her. The solution was clear in my mind, this action must be stopped.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 19th
Mages are not allowed near the Harrowing unless they are the First Enchanter, the group administering the Harrowing, or the Initiate. Tranquil, on the other hand, are ignored. I was able to make my way into the main hall where Initiate Rhialla Whist would go through to start her Harrowing. I could stand quietly and watch her from the point she came down the hall all the way to the point when she entered the Harrowing Chamber.
There were eight Templar lining the hall and if there was any truth to rumors, and circumstantial evidence suggested there was, then one of them would smite the initiate under my care. I waited concentrating on my power and sending a slick sheet of ice under each and every Templar's feet.
As I worked I felt emotions fill me. Anger, hope, sadness wrenched at my heart, but I held them at bay. This was too important so I pushed the emotions aside and focused on my power. The Dalish elf walked down the hallway and I watched her. She had her shoulders back and head straight, the staff I made for her was held confidently in her hands and I felt a rush of joy fill me along with some trepidation. I shoved the trepidation away with an iron will and focused myself on my task. No one was going to smite my Initiate today.
The Brown haired girl walked down the hall past the first two Templar and as she began to pass the second pair I saw one begin to move. Thought propelled the ice sheet under his feet into the air and he tumbled to the ground. The Dalish girl looked his direction briefly and walked faster she passed the third pair of Templar even as the first pair were moving to examine their fallen comrade. He was saying, "I'm okay, felt like something pushed up at my feet though."
I pulled the ice away and there was nothing for the Templar to see even as Initiate Rhialla passed the final pair of Templar and entered the Harrowing chamber. I stepped into the hallway and said, "I am done cleaning here, I must be on to my next duty."
Not a single Templar acknowledged me and I went to meet with the initiates I had on my schedule for practice in the cellars. It wasn't until just as Bethany's class was ending that new Mage Rhialla Whist came in and shouted, "I passed!"
The class erupted into wild celebration some asking her if she'd experienced a smite from any of the Templars. Her response was, "Maybe they tried, but I guess he missed his footing on the carpet or something and fell." Once she finished saying that the young girl looked over at me and winked.
Later in my room before bed she came to see me. "So, just what did you do Elsa?"
"I was simply cleaning the hallway."
Her brown eyes stared into my blue ones and she said, "Mhmm and you just happened to be cleaning the hallway to my Harrowing. Happened to clean the place where no mages are allowed and somehow one Templar happened to trip as I was going to my Harrowing?"
I sighed and then said, "I do not believe it will do you any good to know more details."
"Which means you did do something and won't tell me. Well whatever it was I hope you're careful. The Templar might not have noticed you today, but if another trip and fall happens and you are there someone is going to begin to suspect something."
I nodded and then she moved to hug me again, "I told you I knew you were different. Thank you for everything Elsa."
She departed and I was left to ponder her words. She was right, I couldn't be seen next time. I touched my power feeling it rise and pushing the emotions away at the same time. Maybe I was wrong about not being able to use my power to help, I'd just have to be careful and keep a tight rein on my emotions. After all Tranquil do not have any emotions.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 21st
In class I find myself looking at Bethany more than I once did. I find a sensation that makes my heart beat stronger. It is not all that different from what I feel when I am looking at the Initiates in my care and yet when I look at the black haired Enchanter something else is added. It is a desire to put my fingers on her and touch her to press my lips against hers. I push the feelings away and the power inside is pushed away as well.
I practice some in my room and it becomes clear that I need emotion to use the power. In my use in the hallway to the Harrowing chamber it was my desire to aid my Initiate. When I helped save Kirkwall it was a spinning explosion of numerous emotions. Basically I must learn to control my emotions and wield them if I ever wish to wield this power.
I have a beginning place to start from though, the blanket of Tranquility pushes all emotions away. So all I need to do is work from there.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 25th
If I focus on a single goal I can push that goal as my one desire. That desire will resonate with the power inside and make it work for me. However other emotions fill me as well. The easiest to push aside is fear since I am not afraid, the hardest to push aside is my desire for Bethany. I desperately wish to run to her and tell her how I feel. Luckily I am usually in the cellar when this happens and by the time I stand and begin to act on the desire I can push it away and cover myself in Tranquility.
932 Dragon, Parvulis 30th
With a great deal of concentration and control I have replicated my actions at Mage Rhialla Whist's Harrowing. I believe I could do the same thing again. I believe I could even do it again if I could only see the hallway.
All I need to do is figure out a way to see the hallway without actually being in it. This way I will ensure that no one suspects I am assisting the Initiates.
