AN- Thanks for the feedback! I think this chapter will answer some (not all of course) of your questions.
Chapter Seven-Summa Cum Laude in the Springtime
May 2006
Willow continued to watch. From her hidden post on her roof she watched Buffy's house at night. She watched Dawn as she came and went about her daily activities. She watched Buffy on patrol. She watched Tara and Isobel with keen interest. As mother and daughter they were a beautiful sight. Tara shined in Isobel's presence and Isobel clearly adored her mother. She watched The Magic Box on a few occasions during the day until she ascertained that Anya was still running the business, but with no sign of Xander. She watched Tara work for Anya a few hours a week between classes.
Everyone seemed to be alright. But it seemed everyone was lacking real joy in their lives, except for Isobel. Whenever she was around the adults, they all sparkled. She wanted to get closer to the little girl, to really see her up close, to see her smile, to hear her voice. But she had promised Buffy she would keep her distance. A daughter. Tara's daughter. Isobel.
She looked to be about the right age, and Buffy had made no denials in their brief conversation. The implications were emotionally overwhelming. If Isobel was Tara's daughter as a result of that terrible night, then she was also Willow's daughter too. Rack could not have produced a girl with his magick, which meant Willow's last second decision to stop him and take over with her own magick had been effective. I might have a daughter, Willow thought, a daughter to protect. A daughter who can never become what I became.
Weeks went by and she realized it was May and Tara was graduating. It had taken a couple extra years, but she had completed a Master's degree in Social Work with honors, with the support of her friends. The ceremony was on a crisp clear spring day. Buffy and Dawn hung a "Congratulations Graduate" banner from the porch and took pictures of Tara in her cap and gown then headed off for the campus auditorium.
Willow debated staying home and waiting for their return, but in the end couldn't stop herself from finding her way to the campus as well. She found an obscured location at the back of the auditorium and watched the proceedings.
For the old Willow Rosenberg, this day would have represented one of life's major accomplishments. Academics, with clearly defined standards of achievement, had given her existence definition when nothing else did.
She might live on a Hellmouth and have been a high school and college student at risk nightly from vampires, demons and world-ending apocalypses, but dammit she could still get straight A's. She would be a top student and graduate with honors. She never imagined she would end up at 26 without an undergraduate degree.
That was how she had approached magick as well, as another goal to be achieved at any cost. Power to help her friends, spells to protect and defend the ones she loved. Another subject to graduate, to be mastered. Boy had she learned the fallacy of that thinking.
Her drifting thoughts were snapped to attention when she heard Tara's name called. She walked across the stage to the cheers of her fan club in the audience. Willow looked down to see Buffy holding up Isobel, with Dawn, Anya, Xander and a few friends she didn't recognize yelling and whistling support for Tara. She was glad to see Xander, he looked good from a distance.
I should have been Tara's biggest fan, Willow thought to herself as regret shot through her yet again. I was once, during a blackout when an extra-flamey candle was involved.
That night, so long ago, everything had finally become clear. Tara had been there for me through so many near disasters. She had been supportive, kind, and never given the slightest hint that she had any expectations. In fact, just the opposite. She seemed sure that she was destined for loneliness and heartbreak, and still told me to do what would make me happy. She still told me that Oz was in danger even when it could have meant me going back to him.
When it all came together in my mind it was more than an extra-flamey candle, it was nuclear fusion. All the molecules blasting together to create even more energy. She was everything I could have ever wanted, wrapped up in a beautiful package.
Even though I had never been with a woman, that night I was confident that I could be with Tara and I was determined to show her how wonderful she was. We had kissed and cuddled before in her bed at night, but I had always feared going any further.
That blackout night, after I told her I loved her and she blew out the candle, I had kissed her and walked her back until her knees hit the bed and she sat. I knelt between her knees at the side of the bed and wrapped my arms around her waist. She looked down at me with this mixture of wonder and disbelief and I found myself asking her if this was alright.
She tried to respond, but just ended up nodding her head and leaning down to renew our kiss. I ran my hands up and down her back, and then her sides, until I was brushing up against her breasts. She broke this kiss with a gasp and we both froze, until she smiled at me, reached down and pulled her top off in one smooth motion.
She told me once later that was the scariest thing she had ever done, demon attacks included. I realized just how amazingly sexy she could be.
I found myself eye level with her beautiful cleavage and my hands moved to cover her breasts as if possessed. The feeling was one I had never experienced. Her breasts were full with a firmness and softness all at once. As I massaged them, her nipples stiffened into my palms and my fingertips were drawn to roll them with a slight tug.
Tara found her voice as I heard "Oh Willow" as she exhaled and arched her back, thrusting her breasts more into my hands. I kissed along the top of her bra and found my hands at her back, undoing the clasp. I looked into her eyes and waited until she moved her arms to let the straps slide down and then returned my gaze to her now exposed chest.
In a moment of hesitation, I sensed in her shyness she was going to cover herself, so I did the only thing I could. I nuzzled my whole face between her breasts and started placing soft kisses all over.
I kept my hands running up and down the sides of her body and kissed her beautiful breasts closer and closer before taking a nipple into my mouth. I didn't close my lips at first, just ran my tongue around in tight circles, and then across the tip.
I felt one of her hands find the back of my head and she subtly pulled me towards her. Now I engulfed her nipple and sucked lightly and then switched to the other to repeat the process.
I realized she was holding herself up on the bed with one shaking arm and I was still on my knees. I broke away to her groan of displeasure, but I smiled at her as I took off her boots, stood and quickly shed my clothes.
I told her to lie back on the bed and climbed up next to her. I reached for the button on her pants and asked again if this was Ok.
This time she answered me with a question, "Willow, are you sure?"
I responded, as I divested her of the cargo pants, that I had never been so sure of anything, and then proceeded to show her by lying completely on top of her, letting the fullness of our skin touch for the first time.
Now we both moaned. Our more chaste contact had always been exciting, but this was electricity amplified. We moved together, testing all the points of exposure, to find we fit everywhere. Our lips together, tongues exploring every part of our mouths, breasts molded together, hips slotted into place, my leg found its way between her thighs and up against the hot dampness of her panties.
I wanted no separation between us, I needed to touch her. I brushed the back of my fingers down her cheek to her perfectly formed lips, then down her neck and across her collarbone, watching her shiver beneath my touch. Then I simply held her breast in my hand until my lips could retrace the path of my fingers and I could take her nipple again between my lips.
Now my hand was free to continue its journey down and across her pale, soft belly until I reached her panties. I cheated and reached down, cupping her mound through the cloth and squeezing. Tara rose up, her hips chasing my hand as I pulled it away.
"Last chance" I breathed out nervously as I sat up to grasp the panties at her hips and tugged down.
"I love you Willow," was all she said as she looked at me with stormy blue eyes and I was lost.
I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything, even if I wasn't completely sure what that entailed. I laid back half on my side so my hand was free to caress from her neck to breast, breast to hip, hip to thigh.
As I brought my hand up her inner thigh she turned toward me, opening her legs slightly. I could tell she was still as nervous as I was so I stopped the movement of my hand just holding her inner thigh and kissed her again.
A few minutes later I felt her reach down and touch the back of my wrist and we moved upward together. As soon as my fingers touched wetness I moaned into Tara's mouth. She released my hand and opened herself to me completely.
I traced my way around feeling her moist curls, then moved in touching her soft inner lips. My fingers followed her curves and folds forward until I brushed against her clit causing her to jolt.
I dipped back to the source of her wetness coating my fingers and stroked up again, circling her nerve bundle with soft brushes over the top which I discovered resulted in multiple glorious sounds reaching my ears from Tara's mouth.
I firmed my strokes as she became visibly more aroused, grasping my neck, my hair, kissing whatever presented to her. I moved my hand back to her opening and circled with one finger and looked up at her. "Tara? Do you want this?" I asked, finding I couldn't actually say the words. I knew she was a virgin, and I also knew some women didn't really want penetration. "I only want you to feel good." I said as clarification.
She touched my face and bit her lip at little, "Y-yes Willow. I w-want to feel you inside me." She clung to me as I slowly entered her with one finger. We both stilled, adjusting for a moment, and then I moved out and back in again, marveling at the amazing softness and warmth of being enveloped by her.
As we developed a rhythm Tara relaxed her grasp on me enough to run her hands over my back and whisper in my ear, "more." I slipped a second finger inside of her as our pace increased and I pressed my thumb into her clit. Soon Tara's hands slipped from my back to her sides, clutching handfuls of the bed sheets.
When her orgasm hit, her eyes opened wide, her back arched and I realized I was the one saying 'yes', and' oh goddess' and 'don't stop', because she was so amazingly beautiful in that moment I wanted to see her like that forever.
Tara didn't make a sound as her body came down and I felt her pulsating against my hand as wetness poured out of her. She simply surrounded me with her body and held me tight and for the first time in my life I felt truly loved.
Willow was broken from her reverie by a group near her cheering loudly for their graduate and she realized Tara had left the stage and returned to her seat for the end of the ceremony. She slipped out of the auditorium and headed home thinking of how hard Tara must have worked to achieve her degrees while raising a young child for the last four years. Years she had spent in another dimension. Years she should have been here taking care of her family. She had some serious time to make up for, and she was determined to do just that.
"It's been a couple weeks Buffy." Willow announced her presence near the same crypt in the cemetery. "Have you thought about my request?"
Buffy turned to appraise Willow for a long moment. She had only seen the witch at night. She looked older, more serious, but didn't they all? She was still slender, darker red hair cut bluntly at shoulder length. Her clothing was drab and covered by a long cloak, even on this early summer evening.
"So you're still here." Buffy stated plainly. "Forgive me if I had my doubts that you would stick around."
"I told you before, I have nowhere else to go. The people I care about are here. I don't expect you to understand, but my absence wasn't entirely voluntary. Now that I am back, I can help. I can help you. I'll tell you as much or as little about what happened to me over the last few years as you want to know."
"You know I don't want or need your help. We've actually been doing just fine. Your 'help' has always ended with a high price for the people closest to you. You brought darkness into our lives, witch. We don't need that now. It took a long time for each of us to come to terms with what happened and your involvement. Your disappearance might be the only thing that saved you from me. I never, for one minute thought you would have been capable of doing what you did."
Willow's head snapped up at Buffy's last sentence, spoken with seething anger. "What do you know?" she asked.
"Everything." Buffy lashed out. "Tara told me everything that happened Willow. That's why you have to know I would do anything to protect her, especially from you. She was already a broken woman when she found out she was pregnant. Have you forgotten how agonizing it was for her when you were doing dark magick? Then that night with Rack. It caused her terrible physical pain. She didn't understand what had happened, how you could have become entangled with something so evil and hurtful. She didn't know what was going to happen, whether the pregnancy would be normal, even human. Giles came and we did every spell he and Tara could find. They couldn't detect anything but a healthy female baby, created through some kind of magick. And you were gone. We didn't know where, or how to even start to look for you. And no one was completely sure that we should try. We had a pregnant woman to care for, with all that entailed."
Now the Slayer was pacing back and forth in front of the quiet witch. "Tara was devastated, but she healed, we all did, together. Isobel was born and it was obvious from the first minute that Tara was going to be an incredible mother. And Isobel is an amazing little girl." Buffy paused, her anger fading into deep sadness. "How could you Willow?"
Willow looked at Buffy and found guilt dragging her vision down to the ground. "I have no excuses Buffy. What happened was entirely my fault. I've spent every day and night for the last eight years with regret, wishing I could change what happened."
"Eight years? Willow you've been gone like four." Buffy interjected.
"For me it's been eight. That is one of the many things I would like to explain. But I need to tell Tara first. I owe her that."
"Buffy, I don't expect anything. Certainly not forgiveness. I just want her to know how sorry I am and to answer any questions she has. I'm sure there are still parts of what transpired that she doesn't understand, and I want to give her that knowledge. I'll never lie to her again Buffy. No matter how badly the answers portray me."
Willow took the opportunity as Buffy seemed to grant a small opening and pulled an envelope from her cloak, "I wrote this, for Tara. If she is willing to talk to me, she can set any conditions. Anytime, anyplace, I will be there. Please Buffy," she finished and held out the letter.
"No promises," was what the Slayer said, but she took the envelope from Willow's hand as she walked away.
