My head hurts. Such is life...
Waking up after a night of drinking. Not exactly the best feeling in the world. I didn't want to be awake right now. Give me a few more hours.
I was having trouble finding a comfortable position.
It took me a little while before I finally realized that something was amiss. I was laying in my bed. Man, that's... great. But... why? Celestia was the one that slept in my bed. Guess she can't persuade drunks.
Something else wasn't right. I was having a lot of trouble moving my arm. I felt sweaty. Did I forget to turn the fan on? It gets hot in here sometimes.
I finally opened my eyes, blinking a few times. Something bright was in front of me. I didn't know what it was. I still couldn't move my arm. I think it was caught in my blankets. It felt really warm.
Something bright... Wait... This was... Hair. Her hair. Celestia's hair. Princess Celestia's hair... I blinked a few more times.
From where I laid, I could see her multicolored hair and part of her back. Unlike any time I had seen her before, her back was entirely bare. The rest of her was covered with a blanket. The same blanket that covered me...
As I pieced together what might have happened, or what might not have happened, I could only come to one conclusion.
As soon as I thought about it, my body jumped away from her. The bed disappeared from beneath me and I fell to the floor, slamming my head against the nightstand as I did.
"Oww-ww..." I groaned in pain as I clutched the back of my head, rolling around on the floor. It made my headache even worse. I checked my hand for blood before returning it to the back of my head.
After a little while, I saw her look down at me. Her eyes poked over the side of the bed. She stared for a few moments, then yawned. She stared again. Her eyes flicked down my body for a brief moment before she returned her gaze to my face, followed by an unenthusiastic, "Good morning..."
I looked up at her and gave her a simple, "Hey." I resumed my rolling on the floor in pain.
"Should we talk about this?" she asked.
"Should we?"
"You don't remember, huh? Maybe not after that knock on your head you just got."
"I remember drinking a lot, but that's about it."
"Phil?"
"Hmm?"
"Can you do..." Her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Can you do something for me?"
"Yeah, sure. What's up?" I sat up on the floor. My head was at about her level.
"I just... need you to say something."
"Say something? Alright."
"It's... important to me. I just really... really need to hear you say it." Her voice was shaking. I didn't understand.
"What is it? Is something wrong?"
"Say that... Say that you love me."
"What..." I was taken back by her request. It certainly wasn't something that was normal to say. This was something special. Special to her and special to me.
"I kept thinking back to the time that we spent together at the picnic we had. You said that you were attracted to me, but..." She was looking away from my eyes.
"Celestia..."
"I don't care if you have to lie to me..." she said, her voice cracking again, "I need to hear you say it."
"Celestia, I wouldn't... I don't lie about that. I don't."
"Then say it... Say it like you did last night..."
"I love you." I said to her.
Her eyes widened. She looked at me again, eyes narrowing again. "That was too easy." she stated quietly, "Was that... really how you... Was that only because I asked?"
I could only think of doing one thing. I barely gave it a second thought before I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. She briefly recoiled, but returned the kiss.
It only lasted a few seconds before I pulled away from her. My lips were tingling. My stomach felt so weird. It may have just been a side effect of the hangover, but I liked this feeling.
We stared at each other.
"I don't... have a way to convince you that I'm not lying to make you feel better, so... that means that I can't... prove it." I said to her.
She was just staring at me, petrified with a shocked look on her face.
"I don't know if we've spent enough time together for me to really know it, and I know that this is a lot more complex than what you're asking, but... I don't care. I don't say things like that if I don't mean it."
She blinked a few times, but kept silent.
"So, that was important to you, Celestia? Does that mean that you..."
Her eyes briefly widened. She looked away again. "I don't know. I don't know how I feel. I've been in love before, but this feels different. It always feels different. I needed... I wanted to hear you say that after... what happened last night."
"So, we really did have sex?"
She gave a small nod. "What you said before... When we went on our little picnic... That I was beautiful, that I was..." She paused. "The more I thought about it, the more doubtful I became that you weren't just using me. Even if you were drunk. Maybe I was just using you... It was hard to tell."
"I don't do that kinda thing. I'd never want that. It makes me feel awful when I even think about it."
"Do you really mean that?"
"Of course I do."
She took a deep breath. "I... Th-thank you."
"What now, Celestia?"
"I don't know. Does this... Does this mean that we're... together... now? That we're... a couple?"
"Do you want it to mean that, Celestia?"
She nodded at me.
I smiled at her. "Then yeah, I think it does. How does it feel?"
"It feels... normal." Her expression changed. Her smile came back.
"Normal?"
"I think so. I feel better."
"Good."
We stared at each other for a while, not knowing what to say. I slowly lifted my hand and placed it onto her face, caressing her cheek. She leaned into it, laying her head on my hand.
I lifted myself up, getting close to her face with my own. She stared into my eyes as I stared into hers. I pushed my lips against hers once more.
This kiss was much longer. The two of us kissed each other passionately.
After a while, I pulled away from her, a tiny smacking sound completing our connection. I caressed her face again.
I slowly lifted my second hand to her body and started to stand up, lifting her as I did. She moved with me, seemingly without knowing. She was curious about what would happen. I was a little curious myself...
She sat up in the bed. I wrapped my arms around her bare back. She wrapped her arms around mine. I was standing on the edge of the bed, hugging her kneeling form.
We were both... noticeably naked. But that wasn't my focus. I just wanted to hold her. The longer I held on, the less I wanted to let go.
She sniffed. I held her tighter.
"I never... expected you to take me as your girlfriend..." She let out a small laugh.
"I never expected you to accept me as your boyfriend..." I replied.
"Last night... you told me that what we did wasn't about love, but about fun. I believed you then and I still believe you now. I know that some people have meaningless sex and some people are only together for a single night. Even in Equestria, we ponies are the same. I'm guilty of both, myself... But... I don't like the connection between two beings becoming meaningless. Even then..."
"Even if it was, it's not like that anymore." I said to her.
She laid her head against me. "Yeah..."
This is getting... sensual. I did not know where my underwear was.
Celestia giggled. "Well, I have some things to say now, if you don't mind."
"What kind of... things?"
"Oh, just some things I noticed while we were... busy."
"I do mind a little, then."
"I learned more than I thought I would about humans last night."
"Can't this wait 'til later?"
"A pony's penis is a lot different than a human's is."
"Oh, shut up." I complained to her.
"And I didn't know that this new body was so sensitive in some places."
"C'mon, Celestia..."
"So how much exactly do you remember?"
"Not a lot. Certainly nothing that happened here."
"Oh, but that was my favorite part. If that's what happens when you get drunk, then maybe you should do it more often."
"I'm not really in the mood for jokes right now."
"Oh... sorry. It was just... fun, is all."
"Fun, huh?"
She reached her hand towards me, setting it on the side of my face.
"You really took me by surprise. I haven't done anything like that with someone I had these kinds of feelings for in a very long time."
I'm pretty sure she noticed me blankly staring at her in disbelief. I just wanted to get drunk. I didn't think anything like this would happen for a while.
She kissed me again.
"Do you remember?" she asked me, "After we had gotten back here, when you kissed me?"
"I don't."
"It was so sudden and out of nowhere. I didn't expect it. It was... powerful. Breathtaking..."
"Ok..."
"Well, now that I think about it, some of the feelings could've been more in my head. You're not a very good kisser."
"Hey."
"Well, you're not. Everything after that went by so fast. The next thing I knew, we were on the bed, and you were on me."
I let go of her body and stepped back. She smiled at me, flicking her eyes down my body once more.
My clothes were at the end of the bed, which told a story on its own. I put on my old underwear and pants. She stayed where she was, gazing at me.
"I don't need a detailed list of events." I said to her, "I get the point, I don't really care what we did."
"It's a big list. I didn't think we'd ever stop."
"I'm hungry. Gonna make me some breakfast."
"Make me some pancakes."
I groaned. "Make them yourself."
"I'd rather not get up. I still feel sore. My butt hurts... In a good way."
"A good..." My mind wandered back to before. "Pancakes."
"Oh, and don't forget the syrup!"
I blankly left the room. My first stop was the bathroom. My head was still hurting. I took some ibuprofen. As I opened the cupboard, I saw some bite marks on my neck and shoulder area. I turned around. My back was covered in scratches. Deep scratches, actually. Still kinda stung...
Soulfire was probably downstairs, because Shining was on the couch. His eyes were open, but he didn't react much to me. My own shirtlessness led to me being curious about what he looked like under his shirt. I was already jealous without even seeing it.
Pancakes... How do I make pancakes, again? Flour, water, milk, and eggs, right? Do I even have any flour?
The container I usually kept it in was empty, so I looked around for a bag I hadn't opened.
In my hunt, I managed to find some old candy that Celestia hadn't gotten to yet. Maybe she did find it and didn't eat it because she knew that it was like eleven months old. Old Halloween candy.
I managed to find an older bag of flour in one of my cupboards.
I looked up a recipe on my phone, which was already in my pocket. I'd definitely mess it up if I tried to freestyle it.
I started eating the batter as I got the pan ready. Pancake batter was awesome.
I briefly questioned why I didn't have any pre-made pancake mix. Would've made it a lot easier.
I cooked Celestia's a lot longer than mine. By that, I mean that mine was so undercooked that it still had batter inside it.
I tried to make a smiley-face like some of the guys on the internet, but it turned out horrifying, so I ended his misery by eating him. I burned my tongue a little in doing so.
When I was somewhat satisfied with what I had made, I cleaned up a little and brought everything we needed back into the room.
She was sitting up as I entered the room. Her lower half was still covered, but as for the top, all she had on was one of her bras. Presumably her old one. She didn't have it on before, so at least she had some common decency. Not a lot, apparently... I just spotted her underwear on the floor.
"Pancakes are awesome." I said, sitting down next to her.
She took a bite of one. "Um..."
"What? Don't like?" I asked behind a mouth full of food.
"No, it's not that. I was just... Thinking of something..."
"I'm sure you are." There was a lot for her to think about right now.
"I... enjoyed myself last night. I enjoyed myself a lot. We... had sex... for... a very long time. It was... A-anyways..." She started to blush. "You didn't... use a condom. I was thinking about whether or not I would... get... pregnant."
That line of thinking was way too sudden for me. I started to choke on some of the food I was chewing on, but managed to cough it up before it did any damage. Afterwards, I just re-ate it and swallowed correctly this time.
"Holy fuck..." I said with a string of coughs.
"Are you alright?"
"I think I... Don't do that to me. Geez."
"Well, you're the one that did it to me."
I glared at her.
"Sorry, it was just a concern of mine."
"Well, it wouldn't just be your concern, now would it? That would probably affect me, too."
"No, I... It's just that, back in Equestria, I couldn't get pregnant. Um... Not... Not normally, at least. It... wasn't something that could just happen from one night. The... The inner workings of my body were... different than the other ponies. I wasn't infertile, I was just... different."
"Great, now I'm gonna start freaking out." I said, calmly taking another bite of my food. I could freak out later. It was not what I wanted to hear, but it raised some questions.
"Uh... S-sorry..."
"Whatever. Yeah, I don't have any condoms here. Shoulda got some earlier, now that I think about it."
"It's not... That wasn't my main concern... You... made no effort to... pull... out... when you... um... finished..."
Her face was red right now. Understandable, I think.
"In fact, it almost seemed like you... wanted me to... get... pregnant..."
I smiled at her, then patted her back. "Stop talking before I do it again."
Her eyes widened. "You can't threaten me with a good time..." she said with a smile, "Although... n-not now... Give a lady some time to recover..."
"You're weird." I smiled at her. "So... have you ever wanted children, Princess?"
"Of course I have. I've wanted children on more than one occasion in my life, but I just couldn't... I... I don't... I-I can't... This is so hard to... explain."
"I understand." Her confusion at her own thoughts seemed genuine enough. I was just curious.
"So... What about you?" she asked me, "Do you want kids?"
"Nah. Not for a long time, at least. I don't like kids too much. My brother and sister both have kids and... I'm just not responsible enough."
"Wait, you have a brother and sister?" she said, completely ignoring anything else I had just said.
"I have two brothers and two sisters."
"Why haven't you told me this, yet?" Her demeanor changed again. Back to cheerful. Today was just an emotional roller-coaster for her.
"Well, it didn't come up."
"I was under the impression that you were an only child."
"Well, I'm not."
"So, are you younger or older than them?"
"I'm in the middle. Got a brother and sister on each side."
"How was it? Being a younger brother, I mean. Was it fun?"
"Well, it was alright. My older brother was usually nice, but sometimes he picked on me. That was normal. Of course, he wouldn't do that now. He's tiny compared to me. And my sister was really nice to us."
She sighed. "I don't know what Luna thinks of me. The time we've shared... The time we've spent apart... It's all so much."
"Take it from me, she thinks the world of you."
"You really think so?"
"That's how little brothers and sisters are. At least, that's how I feel."
"It's always awkward whenever one of us touches on the subject of our relationship. I think she doesn't want to tell me the truth."
"Well, the truth is simple. She loves you, same as she always has."
"It's more complicated than that."
"Trust me, it really isn't."
We didn't speak for a little while, but she broke the silence.
"So, if you did have a child, would you prefer a boy or a girl?"
"I think boy. Girls are so complicated. Boys are simple. Toss them outside and make sure they're not eating the dirt they're playing in. Easy. What about you?"
"Maybe... a girl. I think it'd be easier to relate to a girl than a boy."
"I suppose. I guess it doesn't matter, though."
"Not really."
"So... do you like the thought of being my girlfriend, Celestia?" I asked her.
She smiled, then leaned against my shoulder. "Yeah, I think I do..."
"Good..."
I held onto her around her waist. She just continued to eat.
I could even feel it right now on her body. "Celestia, why don't you have underwear on right now?" I asked her.
"Oh... lots of reasons." This didn't actually seem like one of her jokes.
"Can I have one?"
"I didn't see them when I looked for my old clothes."
That's an awful reason. Whatever.
Suddenly, she chuckled. I looked at her. She smiled awkwardly.
"Not... experiencing an orgasm for decades at a time does funny things to a lady's head." she said.
"Time to stop counting, right?" Right? Hopefully...
She smiled at me, then snuggled up against me. "Oh, you have absolutely no idea..."
Was that a yes or a no?
A small while later, something else occurred to me. "Hey, I didn't drive home, did I?" I asked her.
"One of your less inebriated friends took us home. You were completely out of it."
Less inebriated? They usually drink more than me. Alright, so I know where my car is...
"Hey Celestia... I have a question. Would you have... done that with me if you didn't have any alcohol in you?" I asked her.
"I think I would have. I wasn't very drunk, anyways."
"Well, it's not like I remembered how much you had."
"I liked you. You're fun to be with, and... you're my friend. Were my friend. Well, I guess you still are...
I stared at her for a few moments before saying, "I love you."
"You don't have to say it again." she said with a smile.
"I'll say it as many times as I want. As many times as you want me to, Celestia. That sound good?"
She nodded, her smile still on her face. A smile full of happiness.
After this point, we ate in silence. It didn't take long for the pancakes to disappear. When they were gone, we sat in silence. After a while, I gathered everything up and brought them into the kitchen for a rinsing.
Shining was sitting up and staring straight at me. He seemed unhappy. Probably angry about what happened with me and Celestia. Shining Armor's probably gonna have to choke a bitch. The bitch, in this case, being me. Thought that might've needed some clearing up.
I hope we didn't keep these guys awake... That would've been the epitome of awkwardness. I bet Celestia was screaming her little head off. Decades since her last time...
After rinsing our dishes, I stared at the dishes that were already in the sink. More than normal, but not enough to go through the effort of cleaning. Tomorrow, maybe.
The pancake batter bowl was still dirty. I started to clean it out with a spoon. It tasted great.
I should probably get a shirt on. What else happened last night? I'll figure it out. I doubt anything else important happened. Couldn't have been a lot else that went on. Probably.
I went back into my room and found my old shirt. "I'm gonna go get my car." I told Celestia, putting it on, "I'll be back in... I don't know. Twenty, thirty minutes, maybe." I picked up my old socks.
"Alright. I'll just stay here." she replied, "I don't even know if I'll be able to walk."
I looked at her. She was just smiling at me. I really didn't know if she was joking or not.
"Yeah, alright. See ya."
"Come back soon... lover." She giggled. "Sorry, that sounded weird."
I left the room.
I leaned against the wall near the front door and put my socks on. As I started putting my shoes on, Shining Armor stood up.
"Where are you going?" he asked me.
"Just... gonna get my car." I sleepily replied.
"I think I'll come with."
I wasn't very fond of this idea, but it'd probably be better if he smacked me around outside where I wouldn't have to pay for the property damages. "Alright. Ready when you are."
He put on his shoes and we took off. He didn't tell his Princess he was going. I doubt it mattered.
It was already warm out. The sun was out and there were few clouds in the sky.
"So..." Shining started, "You and the Princess..."
I looked to him, but didn't reply.
"I could hear you talking behind your door."
That's not your business... I couldn't say it for fear of the bitch-choking that would likely follow.
"What happened to not doing anything stupid?" he asked, "Was all last night just building up to that, or what?" He was speaking calmly, but was obviously furious at me.
"I wasn't planning for this to happen. I just wanted to relax. You three are really putting me through a lot of stress. If anything, I didn't think anything like this would happen so soon."
"That doesn't make it right."
"You don't get to say what's right or wrong in this kind of situation. You can't make that call. Only she can make that call."
"Don't tell me what I can or can't do. Especially if it involves my Princess."
No getting angry. Keep it nice and steady, buddy. You might be able to avoid being choked like a bitch. "Look, I don't know what to say. I can't give you an excuse and I'm not gonna try to justify it to you. What happened, happened. Plain and simple. If you're gonna do something, then get it over with and move on." Oh crap, I just gave him a reason.
He took a while to respond. "Look, I don't want to have to deal with this. Princess Celestia's private life shouldn't be any of my business. I don't really know what to say about this either. I have... very mixed feelings about It. I'm a guard. It's my business to protect and serve the Princess, but... I know that this is really more of a private matter. And you... seem like a good guy. Princess Celestia is more than just a Princess to me. She's part of my family and she's my friend. This isn't something I can ignore. I'm not like you."
"Hey, I'm not ignoring it either. This affects me, too."
"But that's not why I have these mixed feelings." he continued, seemingly ignoring me, "Don't tell her I said this, but she... needed something like this."
Did he just tell me that Celestia needed to get laid?
"Celestia may be much older than the rest of us, but she can be just as normal as you or I am. She just doesn't see it that way very often. I said that I disliked your lack of respect for her, but she needed someone like you to treat her like you do. She doesn't open up that well to someone she doesn't trust."
"You really think she trusts me?"
"That's what it seems like. Sorry. My wife is better at this kind of stuff than I am. She told me that she thought Celestia and Luna seemed lonely. I was really beginning to agree with her. The Princesses are always surrounded by guards or servants, but they rarely get time to themselves to meet who they want. It must be hard to live like that."
"I'd imagine. So, what? Just... nothing?" Is he not gonna beat the stuffing outta me? Maybe not. Not out of the woods, yet.
"I'm trying hard not to see this as a big deal. Even if I wanted to, she wouldn't allow me to do anything. No matter what I think, she decides what happens in her life. It's not like I'm her father or anything. Guards can't give orders to the Princesses."
"Really?"
"Well, obviously. They're Princess. That's beside the point. I do want to make one thing clear, though. If you ever hurt her, I'm going to make you regret it."
"Loud and clear. Don't worry about that. She's not the only lonely one here. I'd never want to do anything to drive her away. Won't do me a lot of good. Just end up getting depressed."
"I'll speak with Soulfire about this when we return, but I can't promise that he'll take it well."
"Yeah... Thanks."
A little while later, he spoke again. "So, did you do anything before Soulfire and I arrived, or..."
"No, this is the first time."
"I thought so."
I saw my car in the parking lot before we got there. I inspected it when we arrived. It was the same as always. Not a pretty sight. At least the gas hadn't been siphoned, so that's a plus. Wasn't very much in there anyways.
I looked at the bar and briefly thought about getting him some food. Maybe not. I promised Celestia I'd be back soon. The two of us got into the car.
I paused for a few moments before taking off, questioning whether or not I had to do something. Maybe I have to pick up bread and milk, or... something... I couldn't think of anything. I guess I'll just take us home.
I heard something strange when I pressed on the brake pedal. It was very faint, but definitely seemed connected to the brakes. What was that?
I took a wrong turn to try to hear it again.
"Where are we going?" he asked me.
"Shush, my car's making noise."
"What? It's always making noise."
"No, when I stop. Listen."
I stopped at a corner.
"I... don't hear anything." he said.
"I think... my brakes are grinding against the wheel."
"What does that mean?"
"Means they're old. That, and someone lied to me when they said they changed them just before I bought it.
"Are they broken?"
"Nah, nah... just old. I don't think I've ever changed the brakes in this thing. Dang it... I'll need to take a look at them, buy new..." I grumbled to myself.
He was confused. He still didn't hear the noise. Then again, it's not like he's around cars that often. He didn't know what to listen for.
I took us home after this. After I got out, I gave the front tire a tap with my shoed toes.
Shining went back inside.
I crossed my arms, thinking about the price it would be to get them replaced. Not an exorbitant amount... but...
When was the last time these things were replaced? Must've been a while. I haven't done a lot for this thing. How's the oil pressure? Should probably change the oil, too. Maybe... rotate the tires... Wiper fluid... Car wash...
My little car needed a lot done to it.
I made a mental list of what I would need to pick up from the store as I walked back inside.
Celestia was sitting on the couch in her robe. She had wet hair. Looks like she took a shower. Or bath, whichever... There was a pleasant, soapy smell in the air.
"How'd it go?" she asked. Seems like she knew Shining spoke to me.
"'Bout as normal as normal goes, I guess." I said to her, "I gotta give my car a little care, though. Gotta do some more... stuff."
"Sounds fun."
I shrugged. "I guess."
She patted the couch next to where she was sitting, smiling at me as she did. I sat down next to her. She leaned against me. Her wet hair was cool to the touch. She let out a sigh.
Her eyes flicked up at Shining Armor. He left into the kitchen. I heard his voice from the other room.
"You know, there are hand prints all over my butt." said Celestia, "It's no wonder I'm still sore. You were not very kind to my bottom."
Well, this got awkward fast. I stared right at her. "How do you expect me to respond to that, Celestia?"
She giggled.
"I am not apologizing for art."
"Oh, is that what it was? I never understand you artists. What was your piece called?"
"Celestia."
"I know, let me guess! Hmm..."
"Celestia, don't be gross."
"Sorry. My mind's been in the gutter all morning. I'm just so... excited..." She giggled again. She smiled wide, then let out a loud girlish squeal. "Ahh! I finally have a boyfriend!" she cried out, snuggling against my arm.
She looked up at me, smiling her perfect, little smile. God, that's cute...
I just smiled back at her.
We just stared for a small while. Then, she laid against me, closing her eyes.
"Hey, Celestia." I said.
"Yes?"
"I gotta go to the store, today."
Her eyes lit up. "I want to come with!"
"Oh... well, alright.
She gave me a giddy smile.
"You need to put some clothes on first, though." I said.
"I know, I know. I can't go into the public without clothes. That would be... distasteful..."
"Yeah, alright. Before that though, I need to check on my car. I'm gonna be buying parts for it so I can replace something. It's a bit old, so it needs checkups like this."
She chuckled. "I hope you don't feel this was about all old things."
"Oh, you can't be a day over 2500."
She smiled. "You'd be surprised..."
"Well, you're still a cutie."
She giggled.
I leaned my head down and kissed her on the forehead. "C'mon, up. I gotta go check on it."
"So soon?"
Regardless of how she felt, she got off of me and stood up. I stood up as well. She just smiled. Her smile was infectious. The good kind of infectious.
Right now, I half expected Soulfire to rush out and toss me through the front room window, but I didn't even see him before I went back outside.
I walked to my car. This wasn't something I did everyday... Right then...
First, the simple stuff. I think. Seemed simple enough, at least. I started on the oil pressure and examined the engine as a whole. Dirty.
Battery terminals looked corroded. Cleaned them with a special wire brush and blew them off with a can of compressed air.
At this point, I heard my door open. Celestia walked outside, a new set of clothes on. Her hair still looked a bit wet.
"What are you doing?" she asked me.
"Oh, just... maintenance." I said.
"So... what exactly is the problem?" she asked me, "Seems a bit sudden, to me."
"The brakes were grinding against the... the tire. Means they're worn down. I'm gonna check underneath."
"Underneath? Won't that be a little cramped?"
"Well I gotta lift it up, first."
I went into my garage and grabbed a thick piece of wood and my carjack. I dropped the wood behind the rear tire and lifted the front with the jack. She was watching me again.
"That's an impressive device." she said, "We have something similar, but I don't think we can lift something as heavy as this, yet."
"You'll get there eventually."
I returned to the garage and retrieved a pair of safety glasses and a flashlight. I put the glasses on and crawled under the car I had raised.
Rusty and grimy, but ultimately what I expected. I rubbed my finger against a piece of metal and some rust particles dropped onto my face.
I saw Celestia looking down at me from above the engine. She waved at me.
Hmm... "Hey, Celestia."
"Hmm?"
"Do me a favor, would you?"
"Of course. What do you need?"
"Get in and push on the brake pedal for me."
"Get in? While you're still under it?"
"Don't worry, I'm sure a few extra zeros to the weight will be fine."
She gave my leg a kick. "Alright." She opened the door and got in.
"Just push the pedal, right?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah. The middle one."
She did as I asked. I listened for anything out of the ordinary, but it sounded normal to me. I honestly didn't expect anything.
"Oh hey, Celestia!"
"Yes?"
"You see stick to your right?"
"Yes?"
"Don't touch it."
"Oh..." She sounded disappointed.
"Alright, push the pedal again."
No weird noises. Whatever.
I crawled back out and stood up. I heard Celestia's cute giggling.
"You're covered in dirt." she happily let out.
I shrugged, then brushed myself off.
"Alright, then... Here." I reached into my pocket and took out my keys. "Turn it on for me."
"Turn it on?"
"Uh... Pull that lever, there." I said, pointing to the emergency brake in the center console.
"What's this?" she asked, pulling it up without hesitating.
"Emergency brake. Now the car's not going anywhere."
"Sounds like you should've had it activated before you crawled under."
"That... was a lapse in judgement." I said, admitting my mistake.
"Be more careful. I don't want you dying on the same day you became my boyfriend."
"Sorry. Alright, now push the brake in and the left-most pedal in and turn the key forward."
She did exactly as I said, the car turned on, same as normal.
"I did it..." she said, looking at the steering wheel with a surprised look on her face, "I turned it on."
"Now you can touch the stick." That's what she said. "It's in first gear right now. Pull it back a small bit until it... um... releases and goes into neutral."
She pulled the gear shift back.
"Great, great. Slowly let go of the clutch. The, uh... left pedal."
She did. No issues.
"Alright, you can let go of the brake, now."
She pulled her foot back, then looked at me. She was smiling wide. She was proud of what she accomplished again...
"Right..."
Sounds completely normal... Guess I expected that.
I walked in front of the hood, obscuring my line of sight with her. The engine was... normal.
"Hey, push in the right pedal. Only a little, though. That's the gas. The accelerator. It will rev up the engine so I can see it in action."
"Ok!"
She pushed down on it. The car briefly got louder, then returned to its idle level.
"Hit it again." I said to her.
It didn't seem like anything was bad at this point. That's really good.
"Alright, turn it off." I said, "There's a button near the keyhole. Push that in and turn the keys back."
"R-right!"
The car quickly became silent. I closed the hood. She was smiling, even as we couldn't see each other. She was genuinely having fun right now.
"Right. Put it back into first gear and disengage the emergency brake."
She did as I asked.
"Keys." I held out my hand to her.
She set the keys in my hand. I went to the back of the car and opened the trunk, retrieving the tire iron.
"You don't have to stay there if you don't want to, you know." I said to her.
"Oh, right." She got out and closed the door.
I sat down next to the tire and started removing the lug nuts one by one. I hit my palm against the tire iron when they didn't turn so I could loosen them up.
After the fifth one was off, I tried pulling on the tire. It didn't budge.
Well, ok. I slammed my foot against the tire until it came loose.
"Is that normal?" asked Celestia.
"Sometimes you just gotta use a little finesse." I replied, dropping the tire to the side.
"That's what you call finesse? I suppose that explains a lot of last night."
I removed the brake assembly and examined it. It was indeed very worn. It needed changing.
"Yep, I was right." I said. I showed Celestia the old brake pads. "See how small they are?"
"So this... squeezes the tires in order to stop the car?" she asked.
"Yeah, that's it. Here." I held my arms up to her. She gave it back to me.
"Doesn't that cause a lot of friction? How long have you had these on?"
"I dunno. Few years."
"How do they survive years of that kind of treatment?" she asked, surprised.
"I dunno."
I reassembled the brake around the tire, then put the tire back on the car.
"Stand back, I'm gonna lower it." I said to her.
She took a step away and I did exactly what I said I would do.
"Right... Brakes... Oh, Celestia."
"Yes?"
"Thank you for your help."
She smiled warmly. "Are we leaving now?"
"Yeah, I was planning on it. You gonna tell them?"
"I should. Don't go without me." She smiled at me once more before turning and walking back to the house.
I looked to the house, then back to the car. I needed to talk to her again, but couldn't figure out what I wanted to say.
Shining Armor came with us. Soulfire was busy eating, so he got a free pass. The trip to the store was a quick one and I easily found what I needed.
The two of them were very confused at the store. Neither of them had any idea what most of the stuff there was. Honestly, some of it confused me, as well. I just knew the simple stuff. I guess disassembling brakes wasn't exactly the simplest thing in the world, though.
One of the things I was worried about was whether or not they'd have the brakes I need for my car on hand. Luckily, they did.
When we got back home, Shining went back inside. Celestia stayed with me to watch me work.
I had to remove each tire individually. It's times like this that made me want pneumatic tools. I suppose I didn't work with cars enough to necessitate them. If I ever needed that much torque, I'd just give my dad a call. He's the car guy in this family.
The brakes were about as simple as I thought they'd be. I had Celestia climb in the car again and turn the tires as I worked on the front two. The back two did not have that luxury.
After I had changed the last brake, I walked into the garage and retrieved my stands.
"What are you doing?" she asked me.
"Switching the tires with each other helps the tires last longer." I said, "Makes the wear more even."
"Oh. Alright."
I replaced the jack with the stands as I rotated the tires. It wasn't as complicated as the brakes, but it was still a lot of work.
I changed the oil and wiped off a bunch of the parts, both above and below. The latter didn't really help in a sense of functionality, but it made me feel better.
I had no idea how long it took before I was satisfied. My hands were covered in grease. I probably should've worn gloves.
"Alright... done." I said.
"You're done?" asked Celestia, "That was... interesting."
"It was alright."
"Is this normal? Is this... something you do often?"
I walked to the door where she sat. "Every once in a while, yeah. Every few months, you're supposed to do some fixing on these things. Especially if they're older like this guy." I patted the top of my car. "I haven't done this since I got it, which was like a year ago. Incidentally, I moved into this place a year ago." I gestured with my thumb towards my house.
"Interesting..."
I cleaned up all my tools from my driveway. "I'll be back in a few minutes." I told her, "You can stay out here, if you want. I'm gonna take this thing to a car wash."
She smiled at me. "I'll wait here, then. Make sure my guards know. They get so grumpy when they don't know where I am."
"Well yeah, I wonder why..." I sarcastically let out.
She let out a cheerful laugh.
I headed back inside so I could clean the grease off my hands. I had this special, fruity smelling soap I kept under the sink for just such an occasion. It's nice.
I saw Soulfire standing at the doorway, which meant that it was his turn to talk to me. He said Shining had already spoken to him, but I felt like he wasn't as ok with it as he led on. Of course, if I pursued it, he'd probably skin me and turn my skull into a hat, already knowing that it wouldn't fit as he hollowed it out.
I heard a car horn from outside the house.
"What was that?" asked Soulfire, surprised.
I laughed. "I think Celestia's playing around in the car." I answered, "She must've pressed the horn. Anyways..."
I told him where I was going, and that I was taking the Princess, which of course meant that he was coming with. Or he was, until Shining stepped in for him. Soulfire seemed happy that he didn't have to spend any more time with me than he had to. I don't think he liked me very much.
Shining and I walked back outside. Celestia was still sitting in the driver's seat.
"Sorry!" she called, "That was me."
"Don't worry about it." I replied, "Scoot over, you don't know how to drive."
She gave me a brief, exaggerated disappointed look before climbing over the center console into the passenger seat.
The two of us got into the car.
"So is a car wash exactly what it sounds like?" she asked.
"Not even close." I replied, "You know, other than the car getting washed. You'll like it, you'll see."
I drove my little party to a nearby car wash. It was near Woodman's, so Celestia recognized the area.
I parked the car in the empty queue line to the automatic wash. There was a car inside right now though, so we had to wait on him. I paid for it using the terminal next to me and swiping my card.
"Is waiting normal?" she asked me.
"Yeah, it's normal."
"Alright. What exactly does a 'car wash' entail?"
"Don't worry, you'll like it."
"How do you know?" she asked.
"You like everything." I said.
She giggled. "I suppose that's true."
It was a little awkward for me with Shining in the car, but I guess that's a tad unavoidable.
The door opened. We watched the other car pull out. I drove inside.
"Seems a bit drab." said Celestia. She looked up. "What's that?"
"That's what dries the car when you pull out." I said.
"Huh..."
I do not think she knows what's coming.
I stopped the car.
The machines started moving. Celestia's eyes widened in shock as she watched the machine above us move to the back of my car.
"This is what you meant..." she said, a surprised tone in her voice. She smiled, then started to laugh.
I glanced back at Shining. He seemed just as surprised as his Princess.
This was what I was hoping for... Their complete bewilderment. More so with Celestia. Shining was just a bonus. It was just hilarious. I was just getting my car cleaned and Celestia was just giggling and giggling as she watched the machine move back and forth.
Even I was entertained by the car wash, but right now, watching Celestia giggle like a little child was more entertaining. What made her think this was funny? I mean, I expected a surprised reaction from her, but not laughter. Either way, I liked the sound of her laugh.
This was straight out of an anime, I swear. Which one though, was the question...
It didn't last especially long, as car washes usually don't
Celestia took a deep breath and smiled widely. "Oh, that was fun." she said as I pulled the car out.
"Yeah, you looked like you were having fun." I said.
"It was certainly something." said Shining.
"Something is definitely a word I would use."
"Ready to head home?" I asked her.
"Can we do it again?"
"Celestia."
"Sorry." She laughed again.
I took us home. What an eventful and enlightening trip. We all headed inside and settled down for the day. It was a tad late right now.
I took a shower to get rid of the rest of the dirt on my body from messing with the car. It was nice and relaxing. Just what the day called for, really. I made sure to bring clothes into the bathroom so I could dress myself before I got out due to my guests.
That night, the Princess and I slept in separate areas, like before. What was normal and what was not had changed very rapidly for me.
Confound these ponies, they drive me to drink.
