Author's Note: I got some AMAZING reviews, thank you all so much. I worked pretty hard on this chapter; I hope you all like it. So I still don't own High School Musical, but I hope you like, and review please.

six.

Confrontation.

Wow, nice place you've got, Ryan wrote in the blue-covered notebook as he looked around Troy's spacious house.

Troy flushed in appreciation. "Not really."

Are you kidding me? Ryan smiled softly, pulling up the scarf around his neck. So where am I going to stay?

"Your parents are ok with this, aren't they?" Troy asked once more, flicking his head to move a strand of his chocolate hair from his eyes.

Ryan looked sadly at Troy and his fingers trembled as he formed out words. They don't care where I go. I don't think they'd notice if I didn't show up one day. It doesn't really matter, Troy, I'm sure. But if you don't want to do this, you really don't have to… There was question in his words. A question that Troy had to answer.

"I want to," butted in Troy stubbornly. Ryan gave Troy a small smile.

Thank you.

Troy used his fingers to quickly flash out a message to Ryan. You're welcome.

"You can stay here," Troy pointed out a bed in a room larger than it needed to be. "I mean, I just moved another bed into here—it used to be the guest bed but it doesn't look like we're going to have guests over because of M-" his voice broke in pain and he looked silently at the floor.

God, you have another kid over, don't break down, he willed himself. Don't break down now, don't break down…

He felt tears at the edges of his eyes. So much for not breaking down.

He ran the back of his hand over his eyes, hoping that Ryan wouldn't say anything and embarrass him any further or ask him what had happened to his mom.

That seemed to be what Ryan was thinking as a silence set over the room. An incredible silence, like the one in the hospital. Troy closed his eyes and tried not to think of anything, his mother, the silence…

The beeping of the monitor filled his head and he suddenly felt claustrophobic. He struggled to breathe, his throat heaving with effort, his body trembling violently. He grabbed the banister and tried to keep his body steady, feeling himself shake with the effort.

He felt a soft touch against his arm, a delicate one, and subconsciously he realized it must be Ryan. But he wasn't there in that moment, he wasn't there in the room with Ryan in his house, he wasn't there. He was in the hospital, staring at his mother, his hands drifting vaguely over hers, so cold and so needing of touch. He was there, listening to the beep of the monitor, trying to keep his sobs to himself. He was there, choking out whispers of how much he wished she'd come back. He was in the place he last wanted to be but somehow he couldn't draw himself out of the moment, out of that unbearable silence.

And at that time he broke again, using all his force and will to pull himself away from that scene, away from his mother's limp body, away from the musty feel of the room closing around him, killing him softly.

And he realized Ryan's hand was still on his shoulder.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Troy screamed, jerking violently away from the other boy. Ryan fell back, shocked, his eyes full of fear.

Troy had no idea what he was doing, where he was going, but he wanted to shake off that feeling. That feeling that didn't make any sense, that feeling of humidity yet pure iciness, that feeling that dragged him down as he waited for his mother to get better though inside he knew the truth…

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS!" Troy felt his throat becoming raw in his efforts to drown the beeping of the monitor, to rid the noise of haunting him, torturing him, dragging him down. His voice arched onto a higher note of pain. What happened to his life? What happened to the one that he'd known? What happened to that perfection? What had happened to who he had been? "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AND I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, OK?"

His knees crumpled from under him and soon he was on the ground, his legs pulled against his chest as he rocked himself, whimpering softly, tears freely coursing down his cheeks. "I'm so scared…"

He felt the light touch again, and looked up wearily, his vision blurred. Ryan's face appeared close to his, and the other boy held him close, running his hands over Troy's back in an attempt to calm him, to free him of this hidden monster. It's ok. Don't be scared. I'm here.

Those blue eyes seemed to know so much suffering, so much, and Troy focused on those as he cried openly into Ryan's shoulder. Ryan didn't make any gesture of pulling away, he just continued rubbing Troy's back and ignoring the awkwardness of the situation. He ran his hands through Troy's lengthy brown hair, rubbed his tears from his eyes, and all the while Troy continued sobbing, his tears dampening Ryan's clothes, his voice a broken cry to escape reality. He wanted to escape all the pain and go back to that time where he had had everything, where everything had been perfect, where he hadn't known the definition of fear, of waiting, of wanting.

And all the while, Ryan didn't move. He stayed consistent, helping Troy, and Troy couldn't imagine what strength the blonde had possessed in him to keep going. He faced so much more than Troy did everyday, yet he could still reach out and help…

With a final sniff, Troy finally placed his hands behind him, looking straight at the other boy. He positioned himself on the ground, and Ryan's worried eyes looked straight at his. There was stillness, and more silence, but this time it was peaceful and Troy wanted to stay in that moment forever.

Without truly knowing what he was doing, he placed his hands around the back of Ryan's head, loving the soft feel of the blonde's hair between his fingers. Getting up on his knees, he brought his face closer to Ryan's, not truly feeling anything but Ryan's smooth skin. Ignoring the racing of his heart, he brought his lips to Ryan's and kissed him.

Ryan froze, not believing these feelings run over him. What was going on? My God, he'd wanted to do this forever but something felt so wrong and he couldn't find what it was. He deepened the kiss into Troy's full lips, lost and belonging in that moment, the passion running through his body. And right then, he felt more complete than he had ever felt in his entire life.

What are you doing? This is a guy, Troy was thinking in his mind. He couldn't believe he was doing this, what was he doing? But somehow it felt so right, so passionate, so beautiful, so amazingly perfect with Ryan's hair tangled in his fingers, his lips pressed against Ryan's soft ones. He wanted to stay in this safe haven forever, this quintessence of complete elegance, and for once, he felt confident, somehow believing that life wasn't that hard after all.

It was Ryan who pulled away. In one flash he jerked away from the jock, breathing heavily and feeling the panic that caused his head to pound.

There was too much feeling, too much passion, and he felt as though he was drowning in the heat, the emotion being too much for him. He suddenly felt so claustrophobic, afraid of being, afraid of living here in this moment, in this cell that refused to release him. He knew he'd always wanted it; he'd loved Troy for three years straight now, but now that he was suddenly faced with this, confronted with the possibility that Troy might like him back, he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

He felt fear rise in his throat; this couldn't be true. Why would Troy love him? Troy had Gabriella, Troy had a life, Troy had friends, why would Troy love him? He was nobody, a shadow of a nobody. He'd been worthless all his life, and more so, now that Sharpay was gone. Troy was playing with him, wasn't he? It must be fun to play with somebody, a mute teenager who couldn't say anything back, who couldn't protest. Like a toy. A cheap doll. A teen who could only allow silent tears to fall as a larger boy thrust into him and make him feel dirty, just like Chad and Zeke had done.

Troy just wanted him. All those statements, all those promises, they were all just lies, all lies surmounting to this. What would he want next? Would he want more? One kiss could turn into worse things than Ryan could imagine.

All the sudden he was scared, his heart was pounding in his chest as he breathed hard, trying to control his body's shivers. Why did you do that? Are you trying to use me, just like everybody else? He had never felt the need to speak more than in this moment; he wanted to yell, he wanted to scream, to tell Troy that he was not a toy, not something to be played with and used. But he couldn't.

"I…" Troy attempted to talk and stared hard at Ryan.

Ryan shot a look into Troy's dark blue eyes, turned, and fled.

Troy didn't even try to stop him.

Ryan didn't know where he was running. He was stumbling, blindly. He vaguely remembered shoving open Troy's front door and now he was aimlessly running with no particular destination in mind. He just needed to get away, get away from that tainted memory of a kiss, Troy's breakdown, and most of all, just Troy himself.

He stopped and looked at his surroundings. Realizing this was near the hospital, he decided to head over there. He needed somewhere to hide, and it killed him, because even now, even when nothing was haunting him, he was still so weak.

What just happened? Troy ran his tongue over his lips, disbelieving. I just kissed Ryan Evans, I just kissed a boy. And I liked it.

What had he done? Attacked someone already so vulnerable, so hurt. Ryan just got raped and he still hasn't gotten over it and look what you've done. "What did I do?"

He stated it out loud. "What did I do? Of course I shouldn't have hurt him like that, I should have known better… I should have known better."

But why did he kiss back?

Ryan entered the hospital, his body shaking with sobs. Hannah looked up in horror when she heard him come in and ran to his side, catching him before he fell. "Oh God. Dear, what happened?"

Ryan trembled in her arms, wishing this was his home, wishing there was someone he could come home to and love. Wishing Sharpay was there to hold him and comfort him and tell him everything was going to be alright.

But Hannah wasn't his mother, and he knew that. Hannah wasn't his confidant, but right now he was desperate enough to "talk" to anyone.

As if she knew what he was thinking, Hannah handed him a paper and pen, and Ryan realized he'd left his notebook at Troy's house.

"What happened with Troy, dear? Weren't you over there?"

Ryan's fingers gripped the pen tightly, about to reveal everything but somehow he was restrained, almost subconsciously, not quite wanting to tell her about the kiss. We got into a fight.

"How did that happen?"

Ryan became increasingly guarded, I don't want to talk about it.

Hannah was silent for a moment. "Oh…"

You think I could stay here for awhile though? I don't want to go home to my parents. Ryan scribbled out the words in desperation.

"That will be fine, dear. Here, let me show you a room."

"It breaks my heart to watch this, Hannah."

"I know, Mrs. Graham."

"I told you, Hannah, call me Melissa."

"Yes ma'am."

"Poor, beautiful kid. His parents are worthless, not knowing who they have."

"Hmm…"

"So he walked out on Troy?"

"Seems to be the case."

"I think there's something more to the story, Hannah."

"Me too, Mrs. Graham. Me too."

Troy saw the dark blue notebook laying scattered on the ground. Reaching over, he picked it up lightly between his skilled fingers. Feeling as though he was invading the other boy's privacy, he set it down on the floor, its cover closed on top, hiding all the secrets.

He almost left the room right then, heading out the door to find Ryan.

Almost.

Instead he took the notebook, and after thinking, his curiosity got the better of him and he opened it. He had seen Ryan writing in it so diligently, so repetitively, and he had to know what the other boy was writing.

What he found, to say the very least, surprised him.

Dear Sharpay. When Troy first read these, a sudden splinter of feeling began to infect him and he shook, tears forming in his eyes. So he'd thought Ryan had let go of his sister, but he was wrong, as he usually was. Ryan was unable to let go so easily, he clung on, clung on to the past because it seemed to be all that he had left.

As he read through Ryan's hidden thoughts, he began to realize and actually know the introverted intellectual in front of him. The beautiful mirror of the person who Ryan had once been and how that mirror had been cracked when the more flawless and confident side had broken. The boy who was so strong was actually so weak, so afraid to be beautiful, so afraid to walk without the constant reminder that he was there.

Troy saw Ryan as someone who was confident, walking, dignified, but now he saw that Ryan had his own emotions. He hurt as much as anybody else, and Troy began to see this as his vision blurred and his tears matted his eyelashes together. A tear fell, splotching the paper in front of him, mixing the words together.

And how Ryan now saw himself as a damaged piece of dignity, a shadow, a mere reflection. How he didn't realize his own beauty, how he saw himself as ugly, fat even, Troy realized as he read about how the other boy hadn't been eating.

And then, as he continued flipping through the cheap paper in its spiral binding, that's when he found it.

I love Troy Bolton.

His lips formed the words over and over again, silently. I love Troy Bolton.

And he finally believed what his heart had been telling him all along. He loved the other boy too, but he'd already blown his chances and now the regret was burning a hole in him. A hole that would take more than love to fix.

Author's Note: Not something to cliché I hope? Like it? Review and tell me, please. I love to hear from you, and remember, long reviews.

-Falling With Grace