Just seconds after Kate stepped out of the shower there was a knock on her door. She put on her bath robe and went to let her friend in.
She had called Lanie right after she got home from the precinct. She didn't really want to explain why she couldn't go out for drinks but Lanie being Lanie just didn't let go and invited herself over. Kate rolled her eyes. It wasn't like she wanted to keep secrets from her best friend, she just wanted to know herself what was going on before sharing it with Lanie.
"Spill" the young ME demanded as soon as Kate opened the door.
"Woah, Lanie, cool down" Kate said, holding her hands up to slow down Lanie's eagerness. "I'm not even dressed"
"I don't care if you are dressed, girlfriend. Nothing I don't have myself" she wouldn't accept this reason to postpone the conversation.
"Spill" she ordered again.
Kate sighed "What do you want to know?"
"Well, my first question is: are you still with Josh?"
"No" Kate kept her reply short to annoy Lanie a little.
"Care to elaborate, girl?"
"I forgot about our date yesterday, he called, we broke up" Kate explained. At this point of the conversation they were both in Kate's bedroom, so she could decide what to wear while they talked.
"He broke up because you forgot one date?" Lanie asked. There had to be more. She didn't figure Josh for the kind of guy who broke up with his girlfriend because of one mistake.
"Hedidn't broke up. Webroke up. We broke up because as it turned out I spent my whole day thinking about Castle and Josh didn't even cross my mind" Kate explained and waited for Lanie to obsess about her and Castle. Secretly she couldn't wait to share her excitement and nervousness about going over for dinner. It wasn't a date. His whole family would be there but she was nervous nonetheless.
Lanie's eyes started to shine with joy.
"Girl, this is amazing"
"What?" Kate asked confused. Breaking up with Josh was amazing?
"You, admitting that you spent all day thinking about Castle" Lanie said, proud of her friend.
Kate smiled softly to herself without even noticing it. Yeah, thinking about Castle really wasn't that bad. Her cheeks flushed deep red when she saw Lanie staring at her, eyes shining mischievously.
"And I assume you are going over to his loft tonight? That's why you canceled on me and glanced at him when I asked you at the morgue about going out for drinks"
"Sorry Lanie" Kate shot her an apologetic look over her shoulder while she was still searching through her closet. She knew Lanie wouldn't mind. She had kept her mouth shut while Kate was with Josh but Kate knew she was voting for Castle.
"Not that" Lanie said as Kate absentmindedly pulled her favorite turtleneck out of her closet. She took it from her hands and tossed it on Kate's bed. It landed right next to the three shopping bags.
Lanie got curious and before Kate noticed what she was about to do Lanie had already picked up the bag of the familiar underwear brand.
"You went underwear-shopping without me?" Lanie asked mock hurt while she pulled the bras and matching panties out. The red one was hot. A lot more juicy than what Kate normally bought. Lanie grinned, knowing she had thought of Castle while she tried this on.
"You should wear this" she held the garment up and waved it around suggestively.
Kate blushed at the thought of standing in front of Castle with thaton but quickly dismissed it.
"I don't need to wear fancy underwear. I'm not going to get undressed"
Lanie raised her eyebrows skeptically "Are you sure about that? You've got three years of unreleased tension between the two of you. Better be prepared" She let the bra swing back and forth on her finger.
Kate rolled her eyes.
"Yes Lanie, I'm one hundred and ten per cent sure because Sophie is staying in his bed so he can be there for her when she wakes up with a nightmare" Kate explained and felt warmth running down her skin just at the thought of how attentive he is to the little girl's needs. She admired him for it and couldn't get enough of seeing him like this.
"Well, you can always invite him into this guest room you stayed in last night" Lanie suggested.
"Are you insane?" Kate asked "Alexis' room is next door"
"You should wear it anyway" Lanie said but laid it aside. Kate eyed the garment. She could wear it nonetheless. Castle wouldn't have to know and she wouldfeel good going to this not-really-date with nice underwear.
"What's this?" While Kate had lost herself in thoughts about Castle, Lanie had discovered the blue dress shirt she had bought this morning.
Kate looked up and blushed furiously. She would never hear the end of it once she told Lanie why she had bought it.
"Nothing"
Lanie raised her eyebrows at her friend, clearly not believing her.
"It's a gift for my dad" she lied.
Lanie furrowed her brows at her. She didn't think she believed that, did she?
"Your dad and you aren't doing gifts on Christmas and your father's birthday isn't until July. Besides it's too big to fit your dad andwe both know someone whose eye color it would match much better."
"Alright" Kate gave in, feeling embarrassed. "I saw it and thought of Castle. Happy now?" She wouldn't tell her what else she had thought. She wouldn't.
"And?" Lanie prompted, seeing Kate was still hiding something from her.
"God, Lanie, sometimes I really hate you!" Kate said, not meaning it of course but feeling stupid. Lanie just raised her eyebrows and waited for her to give in. She would make a good detective.
"I thought the fabric feels good to cuddle into" she muttered it under her breath, hoping beyond hope that Lanie wouldn't hear it and let it go. No such luck, of course.
Lanie laughed and Kate threw a cushion at her, which made Lanie laugh only louder.
"You, Kate Beckett, are head over heels in love" she announced when she stopped laughing. Kate blushed again but couldn't hide her smile.
"Am not" Kate denied, knowing full well that she was lying.
Lanie gave her a look. "Of course not" she said sarcastically. "It's not like you hate cuddling with every other guy. And now you buy a shirt for Castle because you think it's cuddly. You are soin love with him"
"Maybe" Kate admitted and blushed furiously.
Lanie looked at her wide-eyed. Did she just admit instead of deny that she was in love with Richard Castle, the man she was complaining about on a daily basis?
"What?" Kate asked innocently.
And then she really wanted to change the topic.
"Are you going to help me find something to wear or what?"
o-o-o-o-o
Castle was cutting the price tags from Sophie's clothes while she slept on the couch beside him. From time to time he looked over at her and watched her sleep for a while. He still couldn't believe that he had another daughter. Out of the blue. He just hoped Alexis really was okay with it.
Sophie was absolutely cute with her blond hair. She looked like an angel, sleeping on the couch. Castle couldn't help but feel sad that he had missed the first five years of her life, but was glad that he would get to raise her now. And hopefully he could make up for not being there for her the last few years when she so clearly would have needed him.
Why was he so bad at choosing mothers for his children?
Well, in his defense he had neither Meredith nor Cornelia gotten pregnant on purpose. He sighed. He had always wished that he would have children with someone he loved and who loved him and their kids in return. But even if he would never have that he would still be glad to have Alexis and now Sophie too. Because he loved being a father. It was the part he liked most about himself.
He had thrown Sophie's new clothes in the washing machine, found a place for her toys and books in the living room until he had time to make the guest room her personal room and changed into a shirt he was pretty sure Kate liked on him. He had noticed a while ago that she was looking at him longer when he was wearing blue. Which was just perfect because it was his favorite color anyway and if it hadn't been before it would be now.
It was time to wake Sophie up now if he wanted to get her to bed at a reasonable hour. He had plans tonight. He wanted to talk to Kate, maybe kiss her or cuddle. Sophie needed to be asleep then.
Besides, she would love helping him prepare dinner and he wanted to talk to her about her being his daughter.
"Kangaroo" he whispered softly, stroking her little face with his fingers. "It's time to wake up, baby"
When she wouldn't wake up he started to tickle her lightly which caused her to squirm away from his touch. When she was fully awake he started to tickle her for real. She laughed uncontrollably and tried to get away from him.
At some point he stopped and she collapsed on the sofa beside him, her eyes shining with joy. He smiled happily at her.
"Come here, kangaroo. I want to talk to you about something" he said and patted his lap. When she sat down he turned her sideways so he could see her face. She looked at him curiously. Her blue eyes looking trustingly at him.
"Remember when Lanie took blood from you so we could find your daddy, Sophie?" he asked her. She nodded.
"We found out who your daddy is" he continued. She looked at him wide-eyed, not really knowing what it meant that they found her daddy.
"Well, kangaroo, as it turned out, I am your dad" he told her. "Do you know what that means, Sophie?"
She shook her head. She never had a daddy before. She never had met other kids that had a daddy. She didn't really know what daddies are and what they do.
"Well, it means a lot of things, actually. First of all it means that you are staying here at the loft with me, Grams and Alexis. It means that whenever you want something, you have to tell me. Or you tell Alexis, Grams or Kate and they tell me. It means that Alexis is your sister and Grams your grandmother. It means that you can start calling me 'dad' or 'daddy' if you want to. And it means that you never have to worry about me leaving you, okay?"
Then he remembered the gift Alexis had made for him at school when she was seven. The teacher had intended it to be a mother's day present. It was a little self-made book with the title "My daddy". On every new page Alexis had drawn a picture of him doing different things. For example "My daddy reads to me" with a beautiful drawing of a man with brown hair and a little red haired girl sitting in bed together and looking at a book. Altogether the book at 45 drawings and Rick loved every single one of them.
All the other kids made a book about their mothers but Alexis had always switched the presents for fathers' and mothers' day because she thought her dad deserved the cooler gifts that where normally intended for the moms.
He got the book and showed it to Sophie.
"Can you do all these things with me too?" Sophie asked shyly when they closed the book.
"Of course" Castle said, having to fight back tears. Looking through this book always moved him to tears.
"Why are you sad?" Sophie asked, noticing his wet eyes.
"I'm not sad, kangaroo. It's happy tears. I just love this book so much that I sometimes have to cry when I read it" he explained while he carefully put the book down on the coffee table. He considered the book sacred and stored it in the fireproof safe in his office.
He looked at his watch. It was getting late.
"I need to start cooking dinner now, so it will be ready when the others arrive. Do you want to help me, Sophie?"
"Yes" the little girl replied happily, taking his hand and walking towards the kitchen together.
"Can we eat spaghetti again?"
Castle laughed. "Sorry kangaroo. We can't eat spaghetti every day but I think you'll like what we are cooking now too"
o-o-o-o-o
Kate inhaled deeply before knocking on Castle's door. She was carrying her overnight bag. The butterflies in her stomach were dancing around like they were going crazy.
Relax Kate, it's just Castle. That thought didn't help anything. This was Castle and he was soimportant to her. She couldn't mess this up.
She knocked and waited for Castle to open. When he did he gave her his most beautiful smile. The one he reserved just for her. It spoke of love, trust and promises. She smiled back, sure she had the same love-sick glint in her eyes.
"Hey" they said at the same time and started to laugh lightly. He couldn't wait until he was finally allowed to greet her with a kiss. And he was sure that that day would come. Soon.
"Come in" he said, holding the door wide open. "I'm not finished cooking yet. But you can join Mother, Alexis and Sophie in the living room if you want to"
"Sure" she said, wanting to kiss him. She would be content watching him cook too but was also glad to talk to his family. She had liked them long before she had realized that she was in love with Castle (which had been just yesterday, wow).
"Hey guys" Kate greeted them.
"Katherine!" Martha exclaimed. "How wonderful to have you here"
Kate instantly felt welcome. It was like Castle had said. She was really a part of his family. She loved it. She hugged Martha.
"Hi detective Beckett" said Alexis politely.
"Oh please, Alexis, drop the detective stuff" Kate said. It felt wrong to let her call her that when she was about to start a relationship with her father. Alexis smiled at her and nodded.
"Kate!" Sophie called, ran towards her and hugged her legs. She was perplex for a moment before kneeling down and hugging her back.
"Look, daddy showed me his favorite book" Sophie said excitedly and pulled Kate to the couch. "But we need to be very careful with it. He said he is going to cry if we break it."
Kate sat down beside Alexis while Sophie picked something from the coffee table that looked like a self-made book. She then climbed into the small gap between Kate and Alexis, careful to protect the book.
The book title was written in the handwriting of a child. It said 'My daddy'. Below was a drawing of Rick. It was very good and Kate knew Alexis must have done this when she was a kid.
"Are you sure you are allowed to show me this? Maybe you should ask your daddy first" Kate said, suddenly unsure. This seemed to be very personal and clearly meant a lot to Rick if he had freely admitted that the loss of it would make him cry.
"Nonsense, darling. He won't mind" Martha cut in.
"Yeah Kate, let Sophie show you" Alexis joined in.
When they were halfway through the book Kate asked Sophie to make a pause.
"Wow Alexis, this is beautiful. When did you do this and how long did it take you?"
Alexis smiled. She had been so proud of this present.
"We were meant to do it at school for mothers' day and like everybody else I started to make a 'My mommy'- book but after the third page I had no more ideas and I started crying in class because all the other kids could fill the whole book with things their moms did for or with them.
My teacher suggested I made a 'My daddy'- book instead. That's what I did. I worked on it the whole day in school and continued at home. Dad kept wondering why I had to do so much homework suddenly and wanted to call the teacher to tell her he thought it was too much for someone who just started school. I begged him not to because I feared she would tell him about the book and I wanted it to be a surprise.
In the end I was the kid with the most pages and all my friends wanted to have a dad like I have. Then, on mothers' day I gave it to him. I could have waited until fathers' day but I was just too excited to wait longer than my friends did. First I thought he didn't like it because he started to cry after just a few pages."
Alexis said laughing and Kate smiled, falling in love with him deeper with every word.
Castle stood in the doorway, watching his favorite girls looking through his favorite book.
"He really cried?" Kate asked Alexis.
Until now nobody had noticed him watching and listening in. "Like a baby" he confirmed before Alexis could reply.
All heads shot up. Sophie ran over to him and jumped into his arms. Martha smiled at him, enjoying how happy he looked. Alexis walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. But Kate looked like she felt guilty.
"Dinner is ready" he announced and let Sophie, Alexis and Martha go ahead before he turned to Kate, holding his hand out to pull her from the couch.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, Castle" she apologized. She should have asked him first, no matter what Martha and Alexis had said.
"You didn't pry, Kate" he told her seriously. "I'm happy to share, okay?"
"Are you sure?" she asked insecurely.
"Yes, but let's talk about this later and have dinner first"
o-o-o-o-o
After dinner they were looking at the book together. Sophie sat in Castle's lap who was seated between Kate and Alexis. Martha was in her room, doing who knows what.
"That's my favorite page" Sophie said when they were at the 'My daddy reads to me whenever I want'-page.
They turned the pages and sometimes commented on the pictures. At one page the picture caught Kate's eyes before she read the text. 'My daddy steals police horses in Central Park and rides them naked when he feels sad and drank too much alcohol'
Kate couldn't stop laughing for the better half of ten minutes. Alexis had even drawn a picture of a nude Rick on a horse.
"That's my favorite page" Kate announced after she was able to stop laughing. Castle had watched her laugh absolutely carefree. He thought he had never seen anything more beautiful than Kate Beckett laughing full heartedly with his family. She was absolutely, stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful.
He was staring and for once Kate didn't notice it because she was still laughing at the picture. But Alexis noticed. She looked at her dad. He had a look plastered on his face she had never seen before. He was in love with her. It was written all over his face, in the expression of complete awe. Alexis nudged him in the side so he would come out of his awestruck state.
He looked a little embarrassed to be caught staring at his partner by his daughter but composed himself pretty fast.
When they turned a few more pages he was only glancing at her occasionally, smiling lovingly when their eyes met.
At the last page Rick said "And this is my favorite." It said 'My daddy loves me very much'.
The picture showed Rick and Alexis hugging. Around them was a red heart. Kate watched him look at the page. He looked at it with so much love, eyes suspiciously wet and she just loved to see him like this. Carefree in his own home, showing his emotions.
He turned to his right and pulled Alexis into his side, kissing the top of her head.
"I love you so much, baby girl" he whispered against her hair.
"I love you too, dad" Alexis replied, turning to kiss his cheek.
"What does 'I love you' mean?" asked Sophie, looking at them curiously, waiting for an explanation.
Alexis saw the smile drop from her dad's face, his eyes suddenly clouded with sorrow and sadness for Sophie and the life she had had before yesterday. He seemed to be too shocked and upset to speak. Alexis too was shocked. She already liked the little girl so much and couldn't imagine what it had to be like to never be told that you are loved. Even her mother said it occasionally. In her own way. Somehow.
Kate who had watched the scene a little from the sidelines wanted nothing more than to hug her partner and sooth his sorrows away. The wetness in his eyes wasn't from the adorable book now.
"You say it to someone when you really, really like them and can't imagine your life without them in it" she explained to Sophie when she saw that Rick and Alexis where to dumbfounded to answer her question.
Sophie smiled at Kate. She turned around in Castle's lap and hugged him.
"Then I love you too, daddy." He hugged her back. Tight. Hoping she would feel loved now. He was just about to reply that he loved her too when she broke loose from his arms and crawled over to Alexis.
"And I love you too, Lexi" she said, hugging her briefly before crawling back into Castle's lap before going to Kate hugging her too.
"And Kate, I love you too" Kate didn't know what to do when the little girl hugged her but she was gone as fast as she came, smiling proudly to have made use of her new knowledge.
Castle smiled at her, relieved that she didn't seem to be too damaged from the last five loveless years with her mother.
"Come on, kangaroo, it's bedtime" he said while he picked her up.
"Reading-time?" she asked.
"Of course." He grinned at her, absolutely delighted that she loved books.
Before he carried her towards his bedroom he turned to look at Kate and Alexis who were both studying him.
"Will you be okay?" he asked Kate. "I'm sorry that I have to…"
"Dad, I think detec…um… Kate will be okay, right?" Alexis asked and the other woman nodded. "I'll keep her company until Sophie is asleep" she assured her dad.
When he thanked her and turned around to walk to the bedroom Alexis watched Kate watching her dad. She had the same look she had seen on her dad's face earlier. She thought about it for a while, before allowing herself for the first time to get attached with her dad's choice of woman, hoping Kate wasn't going to break her heart along with her dad's one day.
They fell into an easy conversation about school and stuff like that until Martha joined them and they practiced her text for her current play with her.
O-o-o-o-o
Half an hour later Castle emerged from his office to find his mother and Kate talking on the couch with a glass of wine.
He lost himself a little in observing Kate. She looked totally at ease with his family. His heart wanted to do summersaults.
But where was Alexis? He was still worried how she took the whole Sophie-thing despite her repeated reassurance that she was okay. It had been only the two of them for so long.
"Hey" he said when Kate looked up and caught him watching them.
"Hey" she replied smiling. The air was filled with both their desire to be alone and make progress in their relationship.
Martha looked between her son and their guest, smiling to herself when she saw them looking at each other like they were completely alone.
"Well, kiddos, I'm off to bed" she said and they both looked up, their expressions slightly embarrassed for forgetting about her presence.
"Here, Richard, take my wine glass. I'll get another one from the kitchen to take upstairs with me" she handed him her glass and were gone before one of them could say something.
"Subtle, mother" Rick mumbled.
Kate smiled at him. "Sophie was asleep fast?"
"Yeah, Just after I started to read the second book" Castle said while he sat down next to her. His gaze fell on the book Alexis had made him. It was still on the coffee table. He would have liked to see her before she went to sleep.
Normally he would just go upstairs, check on her, say goodnight but he really didn't want to keep Kate waiting any longer. On the other side he wouldn't be able to relax if he was constantly thinking about if Alexis was really okay.
Kate sensed that something was bothering him and decided to just ask.
"What's wrong? Are you worried about her having another nightmare?"
He looked at her. Of course she would know that something was bothering him. He shook his head.
"Was Alexis okay when she went upstairs?" he asked, trying to hide his worries. He was almost sure he was being ridiculous. Alexis had a big heart and she was most likely as much determined to make Sophie's life better as he was. But he just wasn't entirely sure.
"You want to go upstairs, say goodnight?" Kate asked softly, somehow sensing he needed to have a little talk with his daughter.
"You wouldn't mind?" he asked unsure. "I've already kept you waiting when I put Soph…"
"Of course I don't mind." Kate interrupted him. "Go check on your daughter. I always wanted to look through your book collection anyway."
He beamed at her, thanked her and promised to be back in a few minutes. She watched him run up the stairs before she turned towards his bookshelf.
o-o-o-o-o
Castle knocked before entering. Alexis was sitting at her desk, turning in her chair when her dad came in.
"What are you doing up here? Shouldn't you be downstairs …um… talking to Kate?" Alexis would have thought that by now her dad was at least drinking some wine with the detective. He clearly was in love with her and Alexis was pretty sure that she reciprocated his feelings.
So why weren't they downstairs together?
"I wanted to see if you are okay?" Castle asked, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
"Yes, dad" she said, sitting down beside him. Then neither of them said anything, both of them thinking about different things.
"You are in love with her" Alexis stated.
Castle who had been thinking about Sophie, asked "What?"
"You are in love with detective Beckett" she was still not used to using her first name. "Kate, I mean"
Castle studied her. He hadn't thought this particular words yet. He hadn't allowed himself to think about her that way when she had been with Josh and today he had just been too busy with Sophie. But of course his smart daughter was right. He was in love with her. Had been for quite a while now.
"I might be" he admitted, looking at her. "Are you okay with that?" For so long it had been just the two of them and Martha and now he and Kate were about to start a relationship and Sophie was there. And he just didn't want that Alexis felt like he was replacing her because of course he wasn't. She would always be his little baby girl.
"Dad" Alexis said between sighing and chuckling. "Firstly you couldn't do anything about it if I weren't. It's plastered all over your face when you look at her. I've never seen you like that. Secondly I really like her, dad. She is great. I think she even gets you to grow up a little" Alexis grinned.
Castle grinned back at her.
"I just thought it might be a lot of change. With Kate and Sophie…" Castle started but Alexis interrupted him.
"Dad, we talked about this yesterday. I'm really okay with Sophie being here. I promise" she looked him into the eyes so he could see that she was really being honest.
"In fact I was a little worried before. I'm off to collage soon and I was worried what you were going to do without me. I was worried you would get bored and miss me so much that you would call all day and annoy me or start playboying around again. But now I'm not. Kate and Sophie are going to keep you grounded."
"Hey" he protested. "I wouldn't do either of those things." But thinking about it he knew she was probably right. If Kate weren't interested in persuading something with him he would probably start playboying around again.
"You know I'm right, dad" Alexis said grinning. "And now go downstairs. I have to study and you shouldn't keep Kate waiting so long"
