Chapter 7- Legacy of the Lost

Riley-

After everything we've been through, after months of wondering what went wrong, of agonizing over how to fix things between us... it's come to this.

As of today? I'm done.

Done trying to figure out how to make you and I an us again.

Done trying to figure out how to tiptoe around the situation to avoid hurting anyone.

I talked to my mom today... she's the one who told me that the best thing I could do is stop.

She told me that since I never made it clear that my more than friendship feelings are for you and you alone...it looks like I'm undecided.

I explained how a decision was never needed, I know how I feel and I know who I feel it for.

She told me that the only thing I can do at this point is to just be friends with you both.

To give up on the idea of you and I ever being more.

I'm not quite ready to give up on that idea but I am willing to table it until such a time that you are ready to talk to me

I am so afraid of coming between the 2 of you and you hating me for it, that I'm hesitant to do anything.

I'm heading to your house now... I'm going to put a stop to it all.

Now if I could just get my heart to listen

I love you, Riley even if I have to pretend that I don't

Riley-

Just walked in from your house.

I'm beyond exhausted.

That was, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I wanted nothing more to just tell you how I feel but I don't want anything to happen to you two and I don't want this to be the end of us.

I'm sure I looked quite foolish reading from those cards but I knew that if I just spoke my mind, I wouldn't have been able to go through with it.

Do you have any idea how fast my heart was racing when you could predict what I was going to say?

Do you know how rare that is? You know me so well and until Texas? I thought I knew you too.

Could you hear my heart pounding when you said that you have felt the same since you fell into my lap on the subway? I just wanted to grab your hand in mine and pull you into my lap. I need to be close to you again.

I love you Riley Matthews, Always

Riley-

We just left your rooftop after surprising your dad with the news that he was going to be following us to HS.

I meant what I said we're not good at being just friends. I want to be so much more than just friends but I know that's not possible right now.

I stood on that rooftop tonight and watched you as you talked to your dad. I wanted to shout my feelings out in front of everyone and I had to bite my lip to contain myself. As I walked over to you and your dad, I thought about grabbing you by the hand and pulling you into my arms. The only thing that kept running through my mind was Farkle announcing "Riley still loves Lucas". How I hoped that meant that we would finally be together.

That not only would I get my best friend back but that we would finally move forward. I had no idea how flawed that thinking was….no idea that not only would we not move forward but that we wouldn't move AT ALL. As much as I want us to be together, the thought of not getting my best friend back guts me to the core. One of the things I want the most? I want to talk like we used to. My heart aches at the thought of never talking to you like that again.

I love you Riley…just wish I could tell you.

Riley-

My mom and I decided that it would be best for me to go spend the summer in Texas. That a break from the uncertainty of our situation could only help.

I'm leaving in the morning and tonight I had to stop myself from climbing up the fire escape to your window. I wanted to see you one last time before I left. One last time to see if you were ready to talk to me. For us to finally straighten things out, to talk about the nightmare that was Texas, the heartbreaking inaction after Farkle's NYE announcement or for me to clarify my decision to put a stop to it all. I stood on that sidewalk, completely paralyzed…when I realized that I couldn't do it. I couldn't face you because I wasn't sure I would be able to remain "unaffected" if you still weren't ready to talk.

I hope you have a great summer and selfishly? I hope you miss me as much as I miss you.

All my love,

Lucas

Riley-

I trust that your summer went well. I never heard from you other than the "Tell Pappy Joe I said Hi" message you sent the day I left NY. I stayed in contact with Farkle and Zay but neither would tell me anything about you outside of how you were. I'll be honest, I didn't ask for much more than that because if they told me that you were just fine without me, I think it would've been too much for me to take.

Monday is our first day of High School. I'm hoping to start this school year with things the way they used to be, before that awful trip to Texas. I need you back. I need us back.

I had hoped to start HS with you & I as something more, but at minimum I would love to start it with my best friend at my side.

Crossing my fingers that I will soon be able to tell you and show you that…

I love you Riley Matthews. Always

Lucas