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Chapter 7: Hold me, part 2

Lizzie went back to her office after lunch in a daze; her mind was in such an uproar that she knew she will not be productive at work anymore. She wanted to go William and ask him why he didn't tell her anything. But she knew better, this was William Darcy, if anything he did not know he was pushing Lizzie away.

She decided to head back home and not come in the paths of people who were actually being productive. She was gathering her stuff when he phone rang and the ringtone made it clear that it was Darcy. For the first time in over a year her stomach did the same flip it did when he called in the beginning of their relationship, though for an entirely different reason. She was worried that somehow he knew that she knew about the death anniversary and he will be difficult about it.

"Hello." Her voice trembled despite her efforts to sooth herself before picking up.

"Are you alright?" he caught it immediately.

"Yes, I am absolutely fine."

"Are you sure? You don't sound fine to me."

"No really I am okay."

"If you say." There was a second of silence when they both did not know what to say, this was happening for the very first time and Lizzie was not comfortable with it.

"Did you call for something?"

"Ah, yes.… I just felt like I should call you. Just wanted to hear your voice I guess."

Lizzie smiled, "Oh so you miss me."

"I always miss you, and I know I have been negligent the past few days, there is just a lot of work."

'I am sure you are making a lot of work for yourself.' She thought.

"It's ok, I know what a hard working man my boyfriend is." They both chuckled.

"So what are you doing?" he asked with that lilt in his voice that she always loved.

"I am heading back home actually." She said grabbing her purse.

"What? Why? Are you okay?" Will sound alarmed.

"Yes, yes I am fine. I just thought I can do the rest of the work at home. I am gonna cook something nice for dinner, call Gigi."

"Okay, as you wish. It has been a few days since I last saw Gigi."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"I'll see you soon. Let me try and get out of here a little early."

"If you could, that'd be great."

"Bye. Drive safe."

"Bye."

She let out a breath of relief as soon as she hung up. She needed to talk to someone about this and soon.

At home she made his favourite chicken and salad hoping that talking to him would be somehow easier, she knew it was wishful thinking. William was not comfortable talking about feelings, but he had to spill. So she was going to do everything to make him comfortable and not shirk away from his feelings. This year he had Lizzie and she was determined to make it easier for him.

She was setting up the table when Gigi and William came back home.

"Hi Lizzie, it's been so long since I've seen you." She pulled her into a tight hug.

"Actually it's only been three days." She chuckled.

"I don't bother with specifics."

"Good. Dinner's ready. Why don't you both relax a little while I finish setting this up. William would you pour us a glass of wine? It's in the chiller."

"Sure." He went to the kitchen to get wine.

Lizzie turned around and looked Gigi in the eyes. Her expression worried.

"What?" Gigi questioned.

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"About your parent's death anniversary." Lizzie whispered.

"Oh." Gigi's face fell, "I thought you'd call me when you'd know."

"Gigi…" she went closer to the girl and held her hands, "You said you took me for a sister, what's with the formality then? Plus your brother told me nothing. I asked Fitz when I noticed a shift in his mood."

"Wait, he did not tell you?" Gigi had her eyes wide open. And Lizzie shook her head in reply.

"I can't believe him. Why didn't he tell you?"

"You know how your brother is. He thinks all the burden of the world is his alone to carry. And you and I should never be bothered, if he can prevent it. That's why."

"Yes, I know. But talk to him Lizzie, he needs to talk to you about this, or else he will shut you out like he shuts everyone out for days."

"Don't worry, I won't let him." Lizzie rubbed her back. William returned then juggling three glasses of wine and the girls left their conversation there.

They ate a hearty dinner with conversation flowing easily, a few glasses of wine later William was laughing at the silliest jokes, his dour mood apparently leaving him for the evening. When they all had had dessert, Gigi went back home but not before Lizzie asked her to come for a visit coming Sunday. Gigi simply nodded her consent and went.

William was sitting propped up against the head board of the bed reading a book when Lizzie came out of the bathroom with a very short silk nightwear. He looked up, his dark eyes turning darker. She went to lay down next to him.

"I know what you are doing Lizzie."

"And what are you accusing me of this time, Mr. Darcy?"

"I know you inside out Lizzie, you want something. That's what the chicken and this nightwear is for. You are trying to convince me about something."

"Guilty as charged. I want a little time of yours." She traced his chest with her fingers.

"Well I am all yours. What do you command milady?"

"First I want you to keep that book away."

"Done."

"Now, I want you to stay at home with me on Saturday."

"Why?" his eyebrows knit.

"Because you've been so busy last few days that I haven't had my fill of you, so you need to pay up. No meetings on Saturday. Stay at home with me as you should."

"Lizzie, I have a very important meeting that day."

"Got it rescheduled. I asked Mrs. Reynolds to clear saturday so you could pay some attention to your girlfriend."

"Why would you do that?" he suddenly sat up again, his voice irritated. "Why would you go behind my back and reschedule my meetings."

"Will…" Lizzie was stunned "I wasn't going behind your back, I just wanted you to relax, you've been cooped up with a lot of work. I am sorry if you feel that way."

His eyebrows knit together and he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose he said, "I am sorry Lizzie. It's just, there's been a lot of work and we're nowhere close to finishing it. I shouldn't have said that to you. And yes I'd stay with you this Saturday, but for that I need to work right now. You should sleep. I'll be done soon." He kissed her forehead and started moving towards the door.

"William, you don't have to stay this Saturday if you're feeling guilty. I don't want to guilt trip you or anything."

He smiled at her, "No Lizzie, you are the only person I wanna be with this weekend." With that he left the room to go to his office.

Lizzie sighed, she was right to not talk that evening; Saturday would be perfect to do the talking. She just had to be patient. She was scared, having never seen William this way was giving her insight to the emotional man that he was.

She slept after half an hour, without William there and woke up to find him out of bed before her yet another morning. She wondered whether he slept at all.

Two days later she woke up to find William still sleeping next to her unlike the entire week. It was Saturday and she dreaded what she'll have to put William through to confront his feelings and admit them to her. But it had to be done. She looked at his sleeping form for a long while and when the sun decided to shine brightly she decided it was time to wake him up.

She kissed his slightly open mouth. Once. Twice. Thrice. At the third attempt he finally woke up and kissed her back.

"Hmmm. Lovely morning if I'm woken this way." He kept his eyes closed and waited for a customary witty remark. When it didn't come in time he opened his eyes to see her looking at him with softness in her eyes. He stared back.

"I love you, William."

"I love you too, Lizzie." They kissed again.

"Why don't you go ahead and take a shower. I'll go get the breakfast started."

"Sure." Darcy leapt out of the bed and Lizzie out of the room.

They had breakfast in silence, Darcy was back in his grim form, a shower was apparently not a good idea. He spoke little. Nodded wherever was required but nothing more.

"Will you watch a movie with me this afternoon?"

"Sure."

"What should we watch?"

"Anything you decide on."

"Great, we'll watch something old. Or a period romance maybe."

"Hmmm."

They jumped from one topic to another, never quite reaching where Elizabeth wanted him to be. If anything he was shrinking back to himself more and more. She was about to jump straight to the heart of the matter when he suggested they should start on that movie now.

"Sure."

They sat down with popcorns and wine in the middle of the day and watched a Colin Firth movie, which neither was paying attention to.

"When are you going to tell me?" Lizzie asked softly in the middle of the movie still looking at the screen.

William looked at her in silence, "You know?"

"Of course I do, you think I wouldn't notice when you are sad and trying to avoid me and pushing yourself to more and more work when there isn't any?"

"Lizzie, I.. I didn't mean to hide."

"Then what did you mean, Will? This is a big thing and you not telling me will not change anything, plus how can you even think I wouldn't know, there would be some day when it would have come out, some day when I would have gotten over my foolishness and asked you when is your parent's death anniversary." she spoke softly, trading with caution.

"I don't know why I didn't tell you Lizzie, I guess I didn't want to bother you…"

"Bother me? William you and anything remotely related to you will never be a bother to me. I love you." She cupped his face in both her hands and touched her forehead to his. "I want the world with you Will, and I know you do too, but for that you have to let me in, especially in the darker places."

"I know. I'd like to think I would have told you tomorrow but I cannot be sure."

"You don't have to protect me from everything Will. But you need to tell me everything."

"I know. I know." They both had their eyes closed.

"Do you want to talk about it? Tell me what's going on in that complex head of yours."

They both parted and looked at each other straight in the eyes, and when William saw the love that was there for him, he couldn't stop the dam from breaking.

"I miss them. I miss them so much." He suddenly took her in his arms and hugged her in bone crushing hug, "I have tried Lizzie, I have tried so hard to fill in their shoes, but it's not easy. I couldn't be what Gigi wanted me to be. I wanted him to be here when I started my company but he wasn't. Every time I try to make a big decision I spend hours and days wondering what they'd say and think about it. I didn't know it would be this difficult."

"I know, I am sorry." She was rubbing his back trying to soothe him but he was far from being soothed, he was near crying.

"I just want to make them proud." And finally a sob escaped.

"You have, trust me you have. If they were here they would be very proud of you. I am sure they are very proud of you."

"But I have done so many things wrong."

"And who said making a few mistakes was wrong. William you cannot expect to always be perfect, things will go wrong and you will make mistakes. Doesn't mean they love you any less, doesn't mean I love you any less, or Gigi. If anything we only love you more."

"I don't think I could ever be the man my father was."

"And you don't have to be. I love you for you William and no two men can be same no matter how much they resemble in looks. Your father was perfect as he was for your mom, for you and Gigi, but you'd always be perfect for me and your sister and anyone else that matters, and of course your mom and dad on different term. Don't ever think they don't find you perfect, you're their boy, and of course you are perfect for them just the way you are."

"What about Gigi? I didn't protect her."

"William listen to me, you did everything you could, their decisions were not your fault. And nobody holds you accountable, Gigi loves you. If anyone wrong it was George, not you, not Gigi. So stop shouldering someone else's wrong. Please, what would Gigi think if she knows you've still not forgiven yourself when there is nothing to forgive?"

"I just want to keep everyone safe and happy. You and Gigi are my lifeline."

"And you do keep us safe and happy, but we won't be happy unless you are, people worry about you, accept that fact. You should remember your parents for all the good they've done tomorrow instead of blocking your feelings and digging up past to justify some crazy notion that you're not worthy of the love you get."

William looked up to her in shock, shock to hear her give words to what he had been feeling and doing all along.

"I know you Will, and you should know by now that nothing you'd ever do would make me love you less. Nothing."

"I am sorry." He closed his eyes and put his head in her lap, stretching out on the couch, his eyes brimming with tears that still did not fall stubbornly.

"You don't have to be. Just know that I'll always be there for you, just like I know you'd always be there for me. And it's alright to be sad and mourn for your loss but don't blame yourself for something you had no part in. Not their death specially. It was an unfortunate car accident."

"A car they were in because of me, to come and meet me."

"William you are doing it again, you were not the man who hit their car, and you were not responsible. Please understand nobody blames you but yourself. And I don't think your parents would be happy knowing you think they died because of you, put yourself in their shoes for a moment and think. You have to let go, please."

He finally cried, his tears running down his face, his breath short and shallow. He pushed his face in Lizzie stomach and held her waist by wrapping his arms around him. Lizzie had never seen him cry, and looking at him like this for the first time she couldn't stop her own tears.

"I didn't want them to die." He said with his voice raspy and muffled as he was still clinging to her torso like a kid.

"I know. Nobody did."

"I thought all this time it was because of me."

"It was not your fault, never your fault." She was crying just as hard as him, trying to be his anchor as he always was for her. She held him closer to herself rocking back and forth.

"Never leave me Lizzie. Please never leave me."

"I won't, I will never leave you. I won't go anywhere without you."

Still crying they both kept rocking back and forth for a long time, after a while Lizzie regained her composure, dried her tears and when she looked down she found him sleeping, with a blotchy face and red nose, swollen eyes and lips, tears welled up again in her eyes. He was still holding her around the waist and there was no way to escape and let him sleep a little in peace. But she didn't want to escape, she was finally seeing him sleeping peacefully, and she just knew that his parent's death won't give him anymore sleepless nights. She kissed his forehead and settled further in the couch and slept for a while with him.

A/N: So? How was that? Please do tell me as I've had very few reviews for the last chapter. To be honest I was almost to tears writing this.

Big thanks to all who did review, followed and favourite – d.

I'll be waiting for input. XOXO.