Mitsuki looked at himself in the mirror, for the first time in what seemed to be ages. It had only been a couple days. He looked just like he imagined himself: tired, worried, and most of all, like he hadn't really paid attention to what he even looked like to other people in a couple days. That wasn't professional, he'd say if he channelled his internal Iori.
Today was a new day, though, and he couldn't allow himself to sink so down when they had a unit to maintain and fans to please. Iori would hate to see him so down, right? He had to be cheerful, he had to be happy, he had to make the mood.
Geez… He really was thinking like Iori when the latter wasn't there to do so, wasn't he?
Honestly, he hated seeing himself like that. Deep in his heart, he just wanted to be carefree. Just do what he loved: being an idol, make people happy just like Zero made him happy, and enjoy a good time with his friends. It was probably selfish of him to wish such a thing though, when he was the second eldest of I7 and the older brother of an injured boy. Why couldn't he cheer himself up, for goodness's sake?!
But he had responsibilities to take care of, like a show he hadn't attended in what seemed like a while when he had just missed two evenings. Maybe three, and even then, evenings were the show had just gone on a short hiatus. Nobody had managed to convince him to let go of Iori's hand whenever it was time to go to the studio to shoot it.
Tonight, he was attending the show like everyone else did. Well, everyone but Iori, for… obvious reasons. He hadn't read any social media of his in the last three days and knowing there was an "ask us anything" section to the night show, he couldn't help but be nervous about it. He didn't know what the fans could be wondering about at this precise moment. And perhaps it was the worst: he'd have to improvise.
It could be fun, though, he then thought as he tried to fix his face from looking tired to looking happy and satisfied. Better cover up everything until there was a public statement by the agency about everything. It was made even stronger of an obligation someone had slipped under his door: if ever asked about Iori, reply it's a hiatus which will be explained later. Thanks. No signature he could identify.
They were now on stage, live, sitting in their usual spots in front of an energic Mr Shimooka who was still as dynamic as ever. Near them, an audience made out of fans, who were rather quiet for once. That was… weird, to be honest. Everything was weird about this show, from the meek audience to the empty seventh seat. He hated that. He hated that feeling of wrongness rising in his chest.
It started as normal, though. Their gap had gone unnoticed, or at least, didn't get mentioned. It was all about their incoming stuff, and current news: Nagi getting more modelling jobs, Yamato enjoying some of that drama fame, questions about said modelling jobs and fame, and some silly facts about how Riku's fans saw him. More MEZZO" being in a secret relationship jokes. Usual business, except he was rather quiet. Too quiet, to his taste, but he never knew what to say to anything.
Then the questions from the fans came in, and it was when everything went south.
The first question was about MEZZO" and their future plans, sure enough, but as soon as the second one rolled around, it was when it all went down. Went in the direction he didn't want it to go. But of course it wouldn't be avoidable. He couldn't dodge the situation forever.
"So… Would you mind telling your fans why you had to cancel the show for the last days? They deserve to know!" Mr Shimooka's voice screamed cheerfully in the room, contrasting with the sudden drop in mood everyone was experiencing.
Mitsuki decided to go forward anyway.
"Well… We had some technical issues! It's unfortunate, haha. We're very sorry for that, everyone!"
And with that, he turned to the audience and bowed to them in apology. To his relief, everyone followed through with his half-lies half-truths.
"I see, I see!" Mr Shimooka reacted in lieu of the audience. "Let's hope these issues don't happen again!"
He pulled out another question next, and this time, it was even worse to dodge.
"This question seems to be mainly targeted at Mitsuki-kun," the showrunner stated as he read through, "but I think everyone could reply to it. A lot of fans want to know why Iori-kun isn't here with you tonight."
A short silence ensued, before he resumed talking.
"That's right, Iori-kun isn't with you tonight… I think everyone in the audience is curious as to why, guys, don't you think?"
They all looked at each other awkwardly, trying their best to hide the fact that they, in fact, had no idea what to reply to that because the truth was much darker than what they could say in the open by themselves like that.
"Huh…" Mitsuki trailed off as an answer, focused on making the bill he had received as close to the truth as possible. "Iori's on hiatus for now. He'd probably mad at us if we told you why exactly!"
He heard a sigh of relief from some of them. If he hadn't faked a laugh, he'd have sighed too.
Mr Shimooka's face distorted for a moment before he stared right at Mitsuki again.
"We've just gotten another very asked question for your fans…" His voice trailed off, as if trying to build up suspense. All it built up within the six members of I7 was anxiety. "There is a rumour Iori-kun's in the hospital right now. Can you confirm it?"
Mitsuki's face lost all its colours.
How? How?! How did anyone got to know that was the case?! How did it slip…? Had someone spotted Iori's bedroom nameplate? This was terrible, terrible, terrible…
"What makes you think that?" Yamato responded back in a question trying to sound surprised, when the small trembling in his voice was betraying them all.
"Oh…" Sogo went next in an attempt to calm the wonderings down. "It seems like Iori-san has worried everyone more than we expected. We can confirm this rumour to being false, though."
"Yes!" Nagi interjected with an obviously faked excitement. "Everything is fine!
"Iorin's well…" Tamaki's voice trailed off. At least, it didn't sound out of character.
They were all covering for each other. That was no good, because they all sounded so fake and were downright lying at everyone. But what could they do more? They couldn't tell everyone Iori had gotten shot. That'd cause too much mess, right?
"According to the fans," the anxiety continued to build up, "some of them have seen Iori-kun's name on a nameplate. One of them even said they knew someone who took care of him there! Is it true, guys?"
They were busted. There was no other word than this. Busted.
"These are just rumours and allegations, right?" Sogo tried his best.
"Rumours suck," Tamaki spat in frustration. "Stop saying Iorin's not well."
"It's true."
Everyone gasped and turned to Mitsuki, face down, eyes staring at the TV host, fists clenched and teeth gritting on the inside.
"Mitsu," Yamato yelled in his direction, "what are you doing?"
"I thought Iorin didn't want it to be known!" Tamaki got upset too. "You're ruining it, Mikki!"
"Mitsuki-san…" Riku's voice was much more hesitant.
Sogo and Nagi kept quiet.
He was trying his hardest to keep his tears inside his eyes. Frustration was making his blood boil.
"It's no use lying, guys… They've got us busted. Someone must have seen his bedroom door. We're just digging our own graves here. Let's be honest for a second."
He could feel the rage radiating from his fellow members. But really, what use was there to lying about it and trying to hide what couldn't be hidden forever? Fans would always find a way to know. Their intentions were to protect Iori from troubles: it was a failure. It was time to move on, and maybe spread a small message.
"You confirm to this being true, then, Mitsuki-kun?" Mr Shimooka asked in reaction.
"Yeah."
A heavy silence followed. Everyone just stared at him. Everyone in the set, audience and stage alike, were staring at him. Who wouldn't? He had just thrown a truth bomb there. Of course they would be at least surprised by him coming so upfront with the issue at stake.
"We were waiting for Takanashi Productions to release the information themselves," Sogo explained next, "but the fans got ahead of us… We're sorry for hiding this from you all."
"We have our reasons for doing so though," Yamato continued, trying to calm down. "So don't go out of your way to make Ichi's life miserable."
"Everyone!" Riku directly spoke to the audience and camera. "Even if you know where Iori is right now, please don't disturb anyone! Hospital staff's already working very hard to make patients' life better, so don't make it harder for them, okay? Iori wouldn't like it either anyway, since it'd bother him too!"
"You guys…" Mitsuki whispered rather faintly. Man, even when he had just spilled the beans they had fought so hard to keep inside the can, they were still helping him out of the mess he had caused to them.
"Don't think about it to much, Mitsu," their leader told him.
"Yeah!" Riku added. "One of us would have slipped sooner or later anyway. Don't guilt over it too much, okay?"
Mitsuki could only wipe the tears falling off from his eyes with his arm.
"Guys, thanks, it's… I don't have words for this…"
"Don't stress it!" Riku replied. "We all want Iori to be safe and sound, right?"
"Riku-kun's right. There is no ill intent here. Arguing over there right here and now is useless," Sogo added.
On the way backstage again, it was rather silent. The reveal had been tougher on their mind than they had all expected, it seemed. Mitsuki didn't dare speaking up either: he was still unsure whether or not they were blaming him for the tense show they had just gone through. And, most of all, he was unsure if Iori was going to be upset at him or not because of that.
He had broken under the pressure of the situation. They weren't doing so well at lying, maybe because they knew they couldn't keep it a secret forever. Not when they had fans all across the country and not when there were so many questions about where Iori had gone. His absence was felt by everyone around him, them first, but they weren't just seven around the issue. They, maybe, had forgotten their fans cared too.
Something that Iori hadn't forgotten.
He got a small tap on the shoulder from Riku, getting him out of his thoughts. Looking up, he noticed everyone was looking at him, small smiles on their faces. He allowed himself to sigh in relief for a bit. His fellow members didn't seem to hold a grudge against him. They had understood the why behind his actions and words.
They didn't even need to speak up their thoughts anymore for the others to understand them. That was nothing short of comforting in this situation to be understood this quickly.
In frustration, he turned off the TV.
This wasn't supposed to be leaked and he thought he had made it clear enough to everyone he had spoken to. His own brother had spilled the beans, and he couldn't find himself to blame him. That just wasn't expecting.
Yet, Iori couldn't actually blame anyone for this, except for how insistent outsiders had been on his condition and hiatus. People never knew when to stay in their lane. This was nobody's business aside from his and his idol unit. Nobody else was supposed to know such inside things.
He should had expected it, though. The entertainment business was all about knowing every single detail possible about the people working in it and with a fanbase. Journalists wanted this for their newest scoop. Fans wanted to know what was up with the people they admired. Like his brother was concerned for Zero, their fans were concerned for him.
Day 4. He wished he could exit this hospital, because he felt like it had been long enough: it was the fourth day, and yet he still felt weak. It wasn't feeling like broken glass anymore: it wasn't shards, it was a disbanded unity. No, he had the exact feeling in words…
He was a broken doll.
Something which had been damaged, knocked over, fractured in some specific zones, which got broken down and built up again once. A doll who had been cut open and put back together, just so its gears could be fixed.
The feeling of soreness wouldn't go away. His right shoulder still hurt to move even a little too rowdily, his left leg was painful just to move around (anaesthetics may had played a part Saturday) and his abdomen wound made it a chore to move as he wanted. And despite the fact he was getting told it was getting better with time, his recovery was steady, it was still slow and such a time-consuming process.
In fact, he had never felt so frustrated since his brother couldn't get selected in auditions for petty reasons. Or that when he had ruined everyone's efforts at Music Festa. That was such a rare feeling, and yet, such a despicable one…
There was no use thinking about how bad it was, right? It wouldn't make his injuries heal faster. It wouldn't make anything go faster. He just had to wait. Wait and wait again. Wait until it was all done and over with. Wait until he was told so. And, well, there was no day given by anyone at any point. Just some "we'll see" or "soon, probably".
Time was very slow, all of a sudden, especially as he was being kept in the dark. He'd have to message his brother and the manager after another night of light sleep.
This incident was just screaming to Iori how his perception of self may had been biased by his certainties. He was very confident in his skills and analytical abilities… Perhaps too much so, in fact. He was able to ace most, if all not all things he was tasked to do: studies, dancing, singing, managing, helping around, making people notice issues he couldn't fix himself… And that was where it all felt apart: he was, in fact, not so good all by himself.
He couldn't really pride himself in "taking care of his condition perfectly" when he was hospitalized with three gunshot wounds, couldn't he? That wasn't like he was in any condition to do anything other than chat with people, catch back on school work he had missed, and think back on the events of Saturday, before and after.
Honestly, he was tired of the events looping in his head over and over again like a broken record spinning the same disk eternally. Yet, the events kept repeating, because he really couldn't brush them off like that.
His brother's sorrow, his parents' worry, the group's solicitude, the reveals on the set… They were all connected, and while that was obvious, it only hurt more now that he realized it was because he hadn't found a better solution. A solution which would had avoided all this unneeded ruckus and worry.
He hated getting worried for, especially when he was such a load for everyone else. When he couldn't do anything to actually be of any help to anyone. He couldn't help Nanase, or his brother, or the manager or… anyone, really.
Iori let himself fall back into a lying position as he turned off the lights. There was no need to stay up if it meant obsessing over dark clouds. There was no need to look around the almost-empty and impersonal room again and again and again.
Even if he knew he would still think about it before exhaustion finally took over.
