Every time Dean sees Cas with Balthazar, a sickly chill runs down his spine. He tries to keep his cool but it's hard. He just knows that he has a thing for Cas. Every time he sees them together, he's either touching him or sitting too close for Dean's comfort. Cas is his, no one is allowed to touch him. Dean wonders if Cas condones that sort of behaviour or if it makes him uncomfortable. He hopes that he doesn't secretly enjoy it.
"I've been most impressed with your progress, Mr Winchester," Cas grins down at Dean.
Dean sits with his back leaning against the bed's headboard and Cas straddling his hips. Dean smiles, "Well when you wear your glasses in bed, how can I not learn?" Dean loves those glasses. He's happy for Cas to believe that Dean may have some kind of kinky fetish with the whole nerd-teacher thing but that's not the reason he loves them – though it may play some part. No, what Dean loves is how they magnify those beautiful, blue eyes. If it's true what they say, that eyes are the windows to the soul, then looking into Cas' soul is like staring at light reflecting off a crystal clear, blue ocean making it seem like the water is embedded with diamonds – so beautiful that it almost hurts your eyes but more inviting than the smell of freshly baked apple pie or his mother's warm embrace.
Cas smiles. That smile. It lights up his face and everything around him like the way lightning strikes and sets fire to the sky. Cas runs his fingers through Dean's hair and collides their lips together in a deep, intimate kiss. As their lips entwine, everything between them that always goes unsaid is said. What Dean refuses to say aloud is spoken when he kisses Cas, when he holds him and the gentle, rare moments when Dean's wall comes down, one brick at a time.
"Hmm," Cas hums against Dean's mouth.
"Let's do it on your desk," Dean suggests between kisses, he can't bring himself to say what he truly wants to say. The words 'make love' do not belong on Dean Winchester's lips.
Cas smiles but shakes his head, "I can't, I have to go," he says before sliding off Dean and off the bed to search for some clothes.
Dean frowns and checks his phone, it's already ten at night, where does Cas have to go? More to the point, why does Cas have to leave him?
"Where are you going?" Dean asks and it makes Cas feel as if he's leaving his new born puppy at home.
He smiles, "Out," he says, "remember? Balthazar asked me to go to that club."
Dean groans, "Great," he says sarcastically, "I didn't need to sleep tonight," he mutters under his breath.
Cas frowns, "What does that mean?"
Dean shakes his head, "Do you really have to go out with that dick-hole?"
"I'm his friend," Cas repeats, even though he's quite sick of saying this, "I told him I would… I'm gonna help him pick up," Cas grins but Dean looks horrified. Cas rolls his eyes, "Other people Dean," he clarifies.
"I don't like it," Dean responds.
Cas sighs, "I know… your jealousy knows no bounds."
Dean resents the truth, "I'm not jealous."
"Sure you're not." Cas grins. Actually, something about Dean being jealous makes him almost giddy.
Dean swings his legs over the bed, "Cas… you'll get eaten alive… I want to…"
"Protect me?" Cas asks as he pulls his jeans on.
Dean looks down and purses his lips thoughtfully, "Yes," he answers begrudgingly.
Cas chuckles, "It's a gay bar Dean, I'll be fine."
"Even worse!" Dean yells, "Have guys swarming all over you."
"Dean, if you're that worried, by all means, come with me," Cas wanders over to cup Dean's chin and bring him in for a tender kiss.
Dean frowns, "Is that a genuine invite?" He asks hopefully.
Cas smiles, "Of course… I might actually get to show you off for once."
Dean grins widely, Cas' eyes look hopeful. He sighs, "I can't…" he says.
Cas looks disappointed but he hides it, "I know," he says before he kisses Dean and continues getting dressed.
Dean stands and wraps his arms around Cas' waist, hugs him from behind and kisses his shoulder, "Just call me when you're finished and I'll come get you."
"Dean, that's not necessary…" Cas begins.
"Please Cas… I'll feel better when I've gotten you home safe." He buries his face behind Cas' shoulder so he doesn't have to look into his eyes during his confession. Cas pulls away and turns and places a kiss on Dean's cheek. How strange is it that Dean is concerned? He's never really had that before. He's had unconcerned boyfriends, overbearing boyfriends but never like this. Dean's so reluctant to express any matter of feeling and yet, here he is, wanting to keep him safe. Strange.
"Gabriel will be there," Cas explains.
Dean half-heartedly smiles, "That's oddly comforting."
Cas smiles, "I'll call you later," he promises.
_-|||oooO~Oooo|||-_
Dean passes the time studying up on his textbook for Cas' next quiz. It's almost twelve and he would consider sleeping if he wasn't so stressed over Cas being out. He suddenly feels like a fifties housewife, waiting for her husband to return after a night of drinking. Dean's never been on this end of a relationship. Relationship?! Dean thinks. Fuck, he's really got it bad.
_-|||oooO~Oooo|||-_
Cas feels uncomfortable in the – the only way to describe it would be – seedy den. He would've considered Balthazar's taste in nightclubs to be a little more… refined. Gabe seems to be enjoying himself, though, as he scopes out the vicinity for women.
Gabe disappears quickly and Cas and Balthazar head straight to the bar to grab drinks. They have a few and start reminiscing about old times. Cas would be uncomfortable but Balthazar doesn't bring up anything intimate and Cas is thankful. Before Cas can stop him, Balthazar buys him shots and then he feels obligated to choke them down. After the third one, Cas has to refuse more. He sticks to whiskey and coke. He's never been a whiskey drinker but the smell reminds him of the first few times he and Dean got together.
A dark haired man asks if he can buy Cas a drink but he has to respectfully decline. He notices Balthazar watching the interaction.
"So, Cas," Balthazar begins, "anyone catching your eye?"
Cas smiles bashfully, "No, not really."
Balthazar forces a concerned frown, "Are you seeing someone?"
Cas bites his lip, "I, uhh…" How does he answer this? Yes, I am sleeping with someone but I can't tell you who and, even though we're not together, there's no chance in hell I'm touching another person. Not because I feel obligated but because no one else compares… No, that won't do. "Sort of," he responds, "but it's not official… he lives out of town." Cas usually doesn't let himself think that way about Dean. He only allows it because he can blame it on the drink for now. Usually, it's too painful to dive deeper into his true feelings; not when Cas has such high doubts about their… relationship. He can't let himself have feelings… not when they'll surely be trampled on when Dean decides he's over it.
Balthazar just nods, "Is it serious?"
I want it to be, Cas thinks and then internally curses at himself. "Not really… well, it's early days."
Balthazar just nods, "Do you want to dance?" He asks.
Cas looks to the dance floor and makes a face, the grinding and sweating heaps of men don't exactly make his nether regions quiver. It looks extremely claustrophobic.
"I don't think so… I'm not the dancing type," Cas says.
Balthazar just smiles, "You need more shots," he decides and requests a few more from the bartender. Cas rolls his eyes but lets it happen. It only takes two more this time before he's officially done. It doesn't take much convincing for Balthazar to get him on the dance floor after that.
_-|||oooO~Oooo|||-_
More time passes and Dean grows edgier and edgier about Cas' safety. When it hits two and he hasn't heard from Cas, Dean decides to take action. He grabs his keys and heads out. After all, he was, technically, invited.
Dean makes it to the club and, as soon as he's inside, his heart sinks. How the hell is he going to find Cas in this crowd? He scopes out the bar and tables but he doesn't see him. He decides to weave himself through the sea of people on the dance floor.
_-|||oooO~Oooo|||-_
Cas shuffles around the dance floor awkwardly. It's hard to move in such tight vicinities but at least no one is really going to notice his dancing. Balthazar jumps around like he's having the time of his life. His enthusiasm is kind of contagious.
Balthazar leans in to whisper – or, rather, shout – in Cas' ear.
"Remember when I took you to a place like this when we were dating?" He asks.
The memory comes back to him and Cas nods, "Yeah," he shouts back, "we got kicked out and ended up at that lake by my school."
Balthazar beams at Cas. What Cas had left out was that Balthazar had gotten a little too affectionate and Cas had to say no… that he wasn't ready. He remembers distinctly because Balthazar had driven him straight home after that and was grumpy for the next few days. Cas remembers feeling so guilty about it.
"I'm sorry I was a dick!" Balthazar says and Cas smiles at him.
"It's water under the bridge!" He yells back.
"Maybe if I stopped thinking with my dick… we would have lasted more than a few months!"
This makes Cas uncomfortable. He knows the answer is no. It wasn't Balthazar being too pushy that made him walk away… It was that Balthazar clearly had more feelings for him than he did for Balthazar.
Cas just smiles but doesn't answer because he doesn't want to lie.
"I'm glad we can still be friends!" Balthazar yells.
"Me too!" Cas retorts.
Balthazar smiles and grazes his hand over Cas' hip until it rests on the small on his back possessively. Cas doesn't realise because there's already a million people touching him.
Dean finds Cas and his eyes fall to the hand resting on his back. He can't control himself. He heads straight for him. He latches his hand onto Cas' shoulder and yanks him away from Balthazar.
"Dean?!" He hears Cas question but Dean isn't listening. In one quick, agile movement, Dean throws his elbow into Balthazar's face. He hears a crunch and Balthazar stumbles to the ground, falling into the crowd. He moves towards Balthazar with the intention to hurt him further but something is holding him back. He hears Cas' voice calling his name and he's vaguely aware that he's being pulled back. It's only when Cas' hand slides into his and starts dragging him away that he stops resisting. The last thing he sees is Balthazar smiling through the blood pouring from his nose before he's swallowed by the crowd.
Cas drags him through the sea of people, gripping his hand tight in his own. Cas can't find the front exit, it's too far and he needs to get Dean out now. He drags him towards the back exit. When he reaches the door, he yanks Dean through, throwing him into the alley forcefully.
Cas lets the door close behind him, "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Cas barks fiercely.
"What?!" Dean cries, outrage clear on his face.
Cas gives him an infuriated look, "What the hell was that?"
"Are you kidding?" Dean asks, "Did you miss that he had his hand on your ass!"
Cas grinds his teeth and resists the urge to roll his eyes, "He was barely touching me, Dean!"
"Bullshit! He's been all over you since he showed up!"
Cas rolls his eyes, "He's my fri-,"
"Your friend? Does he know that? Maybe you haven't told him that you're-,"
"That I'm what, Dean?" Cas snaps, "Screwing you? No I haven't… I was under the impression that you wanted to keep us a secret."
"Yeah, it seems like you do too!"
"Dean!" Cas yells, "I. Don't. Want. Balthazar!" He growls through his clenched teeth.
"Really? Because sometimes, it's hard to tell."
"For fuck's sake, Dean!" Cas yells, "I want you, I'm with you… I don't care about anyone else!"
Cas' words stop Dean short and the silence hangs in the air for a long time, "Is that true?" Dean demands, his voice still gruff in fury.
Cas exhales, "Yes," he admits begrudgingly.
"I just…" Dean begins but he stops himself, "I just don't like the thought of him touching you…" He admits, "even if it's innocent."
"Dean," Cas begins seriously, "Balthazar is my friend… Are you going to attack him every time we hang out?"
"I'd like to," Dean mutters under his breath and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Dean, this is serious, Balthazar is in there with a broken nose!"
Dean snaps, "Yeah?" He asks, "Well, then, why aren't you nursing his wounds instead of standing in the alley fighting with me?!"
Cas opens his mouth to retort but then he shuts it again. He doesn't have an answer. He only considers it now. That's probably what he should've done but that wasn't his first instinct. He didn't rush to Balthazar's aid like he should have. No, instead, his first reaction was to grab Dean's hand and get him out of there. Sure, he wanted to yell at him but the only thought in his head at the time was to get Dean the hell away before Balthazar retaliated or someone else stepped in.
Cas rubs his eyes wearily, "I hate you," he sighs. The words didn't come out maliciously, they came out light. It was the only thing Cas could think of to describe his infuriation. He didn't mean it, of course he didn't.
"No," Dean denies, "you don't." He could never face the thought of Cas hating him. Cas doesn't answer because both he and Dean know the truth. Cas almost despises that Dean knows it for sure. He kind of wishes Dean might get upset over his choice of phrasing, that maybe Cas possibly hating him would hurt but, Cas was wrong.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Cas asks sadly.
Dean chews his lip, "Doing what?"
"This," he says, "acting like you care so much."
Dean stares at his feet, "I can't help it," he admits, "you just… make me crazy."
"Yeah, well… you too," Cas snipes quickly.
"I, just…" Dean sighs, "don't know how to act, Cas… I've never really… felt like this before."
Cas frowns, "What? You mean… with a guy?"
"No, Cas," Dean almost snaps, "I mean, ever."
Cas bites his lip and fights the temptation to grab Dean and kiss him. Dean takes a step forward, seeing the surrender in Cas' eyes. He reaches out and brushes Cas' cheek.
Cas hates this, hates that Dean throws some pretty words at him and he falls into putty. No, Cas thinks, I'm not finished yelling.
He pushes Dean away, "You can't act like this Dean!" He cries, "You can't beat up Balthazar!"
"And why the fuck not?" Dean yells back, "He wants you, Cas! He's your ex-boyfriend for fuck's sake! Am I supposed to be okay with this?!"
"Why the fuck do you even care?" Cas cries.
"You're mine, Cas… no one else to allowed to have you."
"Dean, I'm all for you acting possessive in the bedroom but this is real life… I'm not screwing him, I'm not gonna let you decide who my friends are!"
"That's not what I'm doing Cas… It just frustrates me that he clearly wants you and I'm expected to pretend like I don't care?"
"There's a difference between caring and acting like a Neanderthal!"
"I'm sorry but when Balthazar touches your ass, I should damn well have the right to knock him out!"
"Why? What gives you that right? You're not my boyfriend!"
"Well I should be!" Dean yells without a second's hesitation. As the words come out of his mouth, he realises what he just said. He exhales to calm himself.
"What?" Cas asks, his voice now vacant of fury.
Dean bites his lip in aggravation at himself, "I, uhh," Dean begins, "should be… your boyfriend, Cas."
Cas feels his heart leap into his throat. Did Dean just… Cas shakes his head. He can't forget what happened because Dean's just told him he wants to be his boyfriend. Dean wants to be his boyfriend.
"Fuck you," Cas spits because he knows that he's given in. Dean looks up in hurt but his face lights up in pure delight as Cas launches at him. He runs to Dean and crushes their lips together. Dean's so excited by the reaction that he wraps his arms around Cas and lifts him.
It's in this moment that Dean knows that there's something so much more than he thought there could be between him and Cas. A feeling so terrifyingly strong. He refuses it so thoroughly that it never comes to him as an actual thought but he knows. His entire being knows, it's just his brain that needs to catch up. This… feeling for Cas… it's already embedded into his soul and, mostly certainly, his body, but his mind is yet to realise it because, deep down, Dean doesn't think he deserves such happiness. As soon as he realises it, it's real, and then it only gives the world yet another opportunity to take someone important away from him. It's the survival instinct – his subconscious protecting his heart.
Dean pins Cas to the wall, rests his hand on his hip and leans into him with his other hand against the wall.
"I'm taking you home," Dean whispers against Cas' lips but it's a request.
Cas just nods and lets Dean hold his hand as he walks them to his car. Even when they reach the pathway and people can see them, Dean doesn't let go, he holds Cas close to him and lets everyone see.
When Dean reaches the Impala, he opens the door and Cas slides in. Dean jumps into the driver's seat but stops before he starts the engine.
"If you…" Dean begins, "if you want to make sure Balthazar is okay… I'll go with you… and apologise… if you want me to."
Cas chews at his fingernail and smiles to himself, "Dean," he addresses seriously, "thank you but you need to take me home right now or I'm going to attack you right here in this car."
Dean can barely control his grin as he starts the engine and drives out of the car park. He places his hand over Cas' and keeps their fingers entwined as he drives with one hand.
Cas immediately jumps on his phone and messages both Balthazar and Gabe. He feels guilty for leaving Balthazar there with a bloody nose but he's a big boy and can take care of himself, right?
Cas chews his fingernail nervously as the night's events play over in his head. I should be your boyfriend. The words had actually come out of Dean's mouth. Cas can't help himself.
"Dean, stop the car," he starts.
Dean frowns, "What?"
"Stop the car," he demands.
Dean pulls the car over and puts her into park. Before he can question it, his lap is occupied as Cas straddles him.
Cas crushes their lips together and grinds his groin down against Dean. Cas' hands pull at Dean's shirt immediately until it's off.
Dean moans into Cas' mouth. Cas runs his hands all over Dean's chest. "Dean," Cas whispers in between kisses, "Did you really mean what you said?"
"Yes," Dean groans, "yes, Cas… I want you… I want to be with you."
Cas moans into Dean's mouth, "Say that again," he whispers.
Dean smiles against Cas' lips, "I want to be with you," he says and manoeuvres Cas so that he's lying down on the seat. Dean trails his lips down Cas' neck, "Be with me, Cas," he pleads with a smile in his voice, "let me be your boyfriend."
The words send Cas over the edge. It's everything he wants from Dean and the words he never thought he'd hear. Dean Winchester's asking him to be his boyfriend. He's never wanted that so much before. The few people he's been with, he's never felt anything close to what he feels with Dean. He knows he promised Gabe but this is worth it, even for a few seconds of complete bliss. He forces their lips together and devours Dean's mouth. Cas' hands fumble quickly over his belt buckle and then over Dean's, "Yes," Cas breathes, "Yes."
Dean rips Cas' shirt open, he doesn't even bother with the buttons. He trails his lips down the front of Cas' stomach until he reaches his hips. He leans back and tugs at Cas' jeans until they come off. Dean then leans over and wraps his lips around Cas' member and starts to move. Cas moans drunkenly.
Dean eagerly slips a finger into Cas as he runs his mouth up and down his shaft. Cas moans again.
"Dean," Cas breathes, "I need you…" He attempts to pull Dean towards him, "Kiss me," he begs. Dean moves up and crushes their bodies together as he kisses Cas.
Cas can't take it and he takes control. He hitches his legs up and wraps them around Dean's waist. Cas slides his hand down between him as a guide before he uses the force of his legs to pull Dean into him in one, quick moment. He gasps at the sudden burning sensation.
Cas rolls his hips in desperation to get Dean to move. It still hurts, he isn't ready but he needs it. Dean devours Cas' mouth as he eagerly thrusts into him. Cas' hand rests on Dean's neck as they kiss.
"Hmm," Cas moans as his body starts responding in the good way and every time Dean moves, he feels himself coming undone. His fingers lock into Dean's hair to keep their lips together. Dean's breathing becomes erratic as his pace becomes wild. He has to pull his lips away but he keeps their foreheads glued together. Cas can feel his hot breath on his lips and his rigid breathing just turns him on even more.
"God, Cas," Dean groans as he slams into his lover… His boyfriend. He loves the way Cas bucks upwards, meeting his forceful thrusts. "You feel so good," he breathes.
"So do you Dean," Cas responds, "I'll never get sick of this feeling."
Dean can't help the smile that creeps into his lips as he kisses Cas. Cas feels it and smiles back. Dean's mood changes and so do his movements. It's as if Cas' words somehow make things more intimate and he feels the need to slow down. He rolls his hips slowly and sensually, pushing himself deep within Cas. Cas practically whimpers. Dean doesn't kiss him but his lips brush against his. Dean keeps his eyes on Cas, they never waver.
"Dean," Cas breathes, "harder," he begs.
Dean eagerly obeys and begins slamming into Cas as hard as he can. Cas cries out. His hands reach above his head and push against the car door, pushing himself further against Dean, "Faster," he whispers and Dean obeys. Dean devours Cas' neck as he repeatedly slams into him. Cas' sounds are going to send him over the edge.
Cas' hands find Dean's hair and he grips him tight. His other rests between Dean's shoulder and bicep. His rigid, hot breath is on Dean's neck as he uninhibitedly moans.
"Oh God, Dean," Cas groans, "harder." Dean moans at Cas begging and bucks into him even harder. "Oh, yes, Dean… just like that… ah," Cas continues to mutter.
"Oh, God Cas, I love it when you moan," Dean groans. Dean can tell that Cas is on the edge because his grip on Dean tightens. He pulls his hair so hard that it hurts but Dean only welcomes the feeling. His nails dig into Dean's shoulder so hard that Dean will surely scar. His breathing quickens to an unbelievable pace and, suddenly, Cas cries out. Dean plunges himself deeper into Cas as he feels his lover contract and erupt against his member and his own stomach. Cas' breath calms as he comes down and Dean slows his movements. Cas grasps Dean's face and sloppily meshes their lips together. Dean stops all together. He moves his lips down Cas' chin, across his jawline and down his neck. He softly kisses Cas' chest and nibbles at his nipples. Cas softly whimpers. Dean continues down to Cas' stomach. He looks up through his lashes and Cas is watching him carefully. Dean half-smiles before licking Cas' stomach, cleaning him.
Cas stutters a gasp, "Fuck, Dean," he whispers. When Dean is finished, he crawls back up Cas and crushes their lips together.
Cas doesn't let Dean continue. He manoeuvres Dean and himself so that he's straddling him and grinding up and down on Dean. Dean groans, "Fuck, Cas… you look so good like this."
Cas pulls at Dean's hair and devours his mouth. Dean groans every time Cas slams down against him. He feels himself build, every movement of Cas' bringing himself closer and closer to the edge. "You're so fucking hot, Cas," Dean moans against his lover's mouth.
Cas moves to kiss Dean's neck, "After what you just did, are you kidding me?" He muffles against Dean's skin. Dean chuckles and leans his head back to touch their lips together again.
"You taste good, Cas," Dean muses and Cas groans against his lips. He grinds himself harder and faster against Dean. Dean feels himself tittering on the edge, "Cas," Dean whispers, "I'm… I'm… Oh, God, yes... ride me."
Cas' responding groans sends Dean over the edge and he erupts into Cas. As he comes down and his breathing slows, Cas crawls off him and pulls his clothes back on. He reaches over to gingerly touch Dean's shoulder.
"Oh, no, Dean," he begins, "I'm sorry."
Dean looks to his shoulder to see five, distinct scratches on his shoulder. Cas drew blood, "Don't worry," Dean says as he puts his hand over Cas', "I kind of like that you've left your mark on me," he grins.
Cas smiles back as Dean pulls his shirt back on. He holds Cas' hand for the entire ride home and, every so often, he brings it to his lips and kisses the back of his hand. He starts to feel the mark on his shoulder sting but it only makes him smile, like the phantom touch of Cas.
Sorry this took so long, University has been hectic and destroying my soul :)
I left you guys with a cliff-hanger last time and it's still up in the air and I'm sorry but the next chapter is coming soon – within days, promise… It's just hard to find appropriate places to stop chapters but I've stopped it at a good place this time... well, hopefully in your opinion… Anyway, Enjoy
