Litost


"He who has a why to live can bare almost any how." - Friedrick Nietzsche


Kushina licked her fingers clean. There was something about that copper after taste that subsided the anger she felt inside. It almost calmed her in a way. Almost like she had been hungry all this time and only this allowed her to finally relax a little. Lifting the sword to her mouth, she liked the rest of the blood off it and looked down at the mutilated body. What had once been a white was now red, making her pity the fabric a little. That would never come off, she thought, swinging the sword expertly in her hands. Not that it mattered, really, for the owner was dead. Burying the sword on the ground besides her, Kushina looked around hoping to see another living thing. She had just killed her aggressor and had gotten tremendous satisfaction over it, but there was something inside her that yearned for more. Having no other victim to mutilate made her angry and she took the sword with her once more. If there were no more humans near here, she would have to go and look for them. Only killing would calm this anger. Swinging the sword over her shoulder, Kushina turned on her feet and started walking toward where she felt more chakra. The east. There was another island with roughly a few hundred people on it. It would be a small kill, but a satisfying one. Feeling how her mouth turned into a grin, Kushina set on running, not even stopping when the ground turned into water.


The smell of blood woke her up. She tasted copper in her mouth and gaged. Leaning forward, she winced when her abdomen throbbed with pain. It was obviously mad that she was using it at all. She thought she was going to vomit, but nothing came out. It was only natural. She hadn't eaten anything since… when was today? She wondered, leaning forward once more to try one more time to vomit, yet nothing came out. The taste of copper was making her sick. What had she done? Why did she taste blood? All she could remember was… that white girl. The one in Mahibadoo. The one who'd killed… Go and Tomi and… who else had been there with them? She couldn't remember much except the fact that she… what had she done? How was she still alive? Where was she? At that thought, Kushina looked around her. She was inside a room. A traditional washitsu, a traditional room of a traditional house. That's how she knew she was not in Whirlpool. There were no more house in Whirlpool with the traditional design, for young people preferred the new building apartments to traditional houses. One of the few that still stood was her own. If she were back in Whirlpool she would know, but this kind of design, with bamboo floors and paper doors… she was in a strange place, which meant she there were strangers living here, which meant she was in Kirigakure.

Was she being kidnapped and held hostage by the Kirigakure government as ransom? Would it really come to that? She doubted the Mizukage would ask for money. Ever since Kirigakure had discovered those gold mines near the border with the Azore islands, they had extracted up until the last piece of gold, giving Kirigakure the money they always lacked to fund their wars. Maybe they had used it all? It was no secret that the fight with Whirlpool over the Azore archipelago was about money. And well other things like pride and heritage. Could the Mizukage be so desperate that he needed to kidnap Kushina to justify the invasion over the west islands of Whirlpool? Kushina doubted it. If she were really inside Kirigakure she would either be dead or held in a cell. Those Kiri shinobi weren't exactly known for their mercy.

Forcing herself to sit up, Kushina suppressed another cough that tried to expel the liquids of her stomach and looked around. It was a nice room. It was big, with bamboo floors and a paper doors. A spacious room, with nothing on it. Besides the bed she was laying in, there was nothing to help her identify the owner of the house. Should she leave? She wondered, looking down at herself. Whomever had found her had take the liberty of healing her wounds. Cuts that had been afflicted on her by that white spirit were bandaged up. A sweet smell emanating from her body informed her of healing powder. She had even been provided some water and pain pills that lay besides her. Whomever it was that had found her clearly didn't want her dead. Taking the pills Kushina swallowed the water thirstily. Maybe this would help with the taste of blood.

The paper door opened and Kushina's eyes instantly traveled toward the figure entering the room. An old man stood at the door carrying a tray of food. He was really old. Older than most of the elders at her village and that said a lot. Her village wasn't known for the village of longevity for nothing. Wrinkles framed his face and eyebrows that covered his eyes made Kushina wonder who was it that this old man saw where he was going. But what really caught her attention was the steaming food on top of the tray. She hadn't realized how hungry she really was.

"You're awake." The old man said, closing the paper door behind him. Kushina had missed a precious opportunity to really know where she was. "You've been asleep for over a week. I honestly thought you'd wake up sooner but then I saw the seal on your wrist."

Kushina perked up at that. The seal on her wrist? Did he mean the Seikatsu seal? How did he even know about it? It was a forbidden jutsu after all. It says so on the book. The only reasons she knew about it, was because she had been instructed to clean the storage room at the back of her house in Konoha. It was clear, when dust leaped out of it, that no one had used or opened it in years. She doubted even her father really knew about it. But then again her brother had known… could this seal really be that secret?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, but you were badly hurt," he said, kneeling down to set the tray of food before her. She eyed it greedily but didn't dare take a bite. He might have saved her, but there was no telling whether he wanted her dead or alive. "You appeared at the beach one morning. Badly wounded. I had to do something."

Kushina blushed embarrassed. Wasn't she supposed to be thanking this old man about now?

"My wife would be mad if I didn't treat guest with kidness." The old man said, taking the bowling soup and taking a bite. He nodded in approval and took a bite from the rice next to it. He nodded again and offered her the chopsticks. It was clear that the food wasn't poisoned, other wise he wouldn't have taken a bite, unless…

The sound of her stomach complaining forced Kushina to accept the chopsticks and take the bowl of rice carefully. Her muscles hurt when she tensed them but she forced herself to withstand the pain. She was far too hungry to complain. Carefully tasting the piece of rice on her mouth, Kushina moaned softly. She was either far too hungry or the food taste amazing. Maybe both.

"You're a jinchuuriki, aren't you?" the old man asked, making Kushina spit out the food she had just put in her mouth.

How did he-

"That's why you were able to kill Shiro." The old man watched her carefully, but Kushina didn't answer.

Jinchuuriki. She had only heard that term used once before. Ever since Mito-sama had given up her life to seal the beast inside her, the Hokage had made it extremely clear that it was secret better kept between them. Jinchuuriki had turned into a forbidden word; once she couldn't whisper without being severely reprimanded. For this old man to know so much… well she really didn't know what to think other than he was not a regular old man.

Before Kushina could even consider addressing the word, she watched as the old man bowed down, putting his forehead on the floor. "I must thank you for that. Shiro was my creation. A creation that took life on its own. The fact that she's dead means that I can move on without regrets now."

His creation? What did he mean by that? Had that white spirit… not been human? But Kushina had killed her apparently, therefore… she didn't know what to think. It was all too confusing for her. Plus, she didn't even remember half of it.

The old man stood from his bowing position and swiftly left the room, leaving Kushina perplexed. What was she supposed to think about this? What was she supposed to say? She didn't even remember killing the girl, now that she was conscious enough to actually think about it. Had she… had she killed without knowing once more? This was the second time this happened since she'd left Konoha. The first time had been when she had killed some teenage ANBU Root shinobi who had been following her; Danzo's orders she bet, she had been overtaken by anger when one of them had threatened to kill Satoru. The only difference was she'd been conscious then. Why couldn't she remember what had happened at Mahibadoo? She remember that the white spirit, Shiro she now knew her name was, had wounded her badly. She had tried to escape but had stumbled and then… and then… what? Her mind went blank after that. Almost as if she had been knocked out. Had she… had she been possessed by the Kyuubi once more?

The sound of waves knocked her out of her trance as she looked up from her clenched hands. The old man in his rush to wherever had left the paper door open, revealing what Kushina missed most of all since she had moved to Konoha: the sea. How she wished Konoha was near the ocean. Feeling nostalgic Kushina used what little strenght she had left to walk toward the edge of the corridor and stopped at the frame of the door. This sea was like unlike anything that she'd seen ever. It wasn't blue or green or aquamarine like the one in Whirlpool. It wasn't even a blue so dark that it almost looked black, like the one bordering the Land of Demons. This sea was a the color of blood.

"Majestic, isn't it?" the old man said, making Kushina jump onto the pink sand that bordered the house. A wave crept itself over to her feet leaving a pink stain as it retreated back. A chill ran down her spine when the water touched her. "Kokai they call it. For all the blood that was spilled."

That was human blood? How many people had to die to radiate such a sick feeling?

"When?" Kushina whispered, suddenly feeling very cold. She didn't know how she had missed it. Maybe it had something to do with being this close to the water, but Kushina felt sick to her stomach the closer the waves go to her feet.

"Today. Yesterday… always." The old man said, contemplating the waters with remorse. "Every body that dies at sea ends up here. Their blood tainting the once blue waters red. Their souls never resting."

Their souls never resting. Was that what she was feeling now? The souls of those who'd fallen? The sick feeling only intensified making her desperate to wipe the blood off her feet. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to hold herself from vomiting.

Stepping into the house once more Kushina summoned some water with chakra and wiped off the blood that stained her feet. It didn't make her feel much better, but at least she wouldn't be tainted by other people's blood anymore.

The old man extended a cloth for her to clean herself. "How can you use chakra in that state?" he asked her, sitting besides her to contemplate the red sea.

Kushina looked up to the old man but didn't answer. She wasn't sure. She was never sure. Even in her most exhausted state had always been able to use her chakra to her liking, never feeling like she would run out. Could this too be a side effect of being a jinchurriki?

"How long?" the old man asked, motioning to her stomach. It took Kushina a moment to understand that what he was really referring to was her seal, the one that kept the nine tails inside her.

She put a hand on her bandaged abdomen and whispered. "Nearly ten years."

The old man turned his attention back toward the red water. "And you've survived this long." He whispered, following the waves with his eyes. "Most die after a year. Those who survive turn crazy after half a decade and those who aren't brave enough to kill themselves are killed by their village." Kushina narrowed her eyes at the old man. Was he trying to scare her? "The fact that you are safe and sane means that you have a strong will." The old man turned to her, a weird expression on his face. Almost like he was remembering something from his past. "Or something to live for. They say that he who has a why to live can bare almost any how. I'd always found that a little too idealistic, but everyone's has different priorities."

Kushina perked up when she heard that. Did she have something to live for? As she looked down at her hands she saw the seal she had placed on herself and on Satoru. Satoru had been bleeding. His leaving him slowly. She had tried to heal him with some of the medical seal she knew but a wound so close to the heart didn't heal with first aid. Then she remembered what she had read on that sealing jutsu book. A seal that would bound two lives together. A seal that would be able to save Satoru from dying by binding his life to hers. As far a she knew, that had been the only way to save him. And till this day she didn't regret it.

"Seikatsu means life in old kanji." Her brother Naota had said when he'd seen the seal. "That means, that your chakra, is being leaked into the body that you rescued. You might have more chakra than the average shinobi, but even you have a limit. When you reach that limit you will die."

'I'll die,' Kushina thought, stroking the two inter-wined circles. She had known that from the beginning. Sort off. The book had been a little too vague about the price to pay for such a convenient seal. All that really mattered to her was the fact that Satoru would live in. As far as Kushina knew that's all that really mattered to her. That was her why.

The old man followed her gaze, a sad look on his face. "My wife," he said, suddenly stroking a place similarly to hers but on his right wrist. "My wife gave her life up for me. She… she allowed me to live on by dying herself. She… was an Uzumaki, just like you."

An Uzuamki? This far south? That was news to Kushina. Who was this old man?

"So…" Kushina whispered, not really knowing how to voice her concerns. "So… the seikatsu seal… it truly does work. That person… they do live on?"

The old man looked at her, a perplexed look on his face. "By killing you." He explained, thinking that maybe Kushina hadn't really understood what he tried to say before. "The seikatsu seal leaks your chakra into the body that it's sealed to until it comes back to life, but in the process it will kill you. Sooner or later your chakra will reach zero."

Her brother had said something along those lines. She understood that. She was willing to pay the price. Why was everyone treating this like they thought she hadn't known what she getting herself into?

"Kushina," the old man said, making her look at him square in the eye. He knew her? How? "The seal you have on your stomach, the seal that keeps the nine tails inside of you, it's key source is your chakra." Every child knew that. What was this old man getting at.

"Yes," Kushina coughed, annoyed that he thought her so ignorant. "I know that."

The old man shook his head. "Every day that you leak your chakra into the dead body you brought back to life, the tailed beast seal weakens, awakening the beast. The less chakra you have, the more powerful the nine tails becomes."

A confused look on her face. What was he saying?

"That means that once the seal is weak enough, the tailed beast, the nine tails will try and escape, killing you in the process."

Kushina blinked a few times, not really understanding where was he getting at. She was bound to die either way.

"If the tailed beast escapes before the seal can be completed… the corpse, the person you're sealed to, will die along with you."


Kushina felt tears stain her face. She didn't have the strength to wipe them off. She watched as the sky melted into the water, turning the exact same red color as the water before her. What was she supposed to do now? She wondered, looking down at the seal on her wrists. Her world had crumbled down mere hours ago. Where had her hope gone to? Where had that tenacity she had felt before gone? It was almost like she had been drained of those things by a single word: death.

She had come to terms with that a long time ago. Death was something shinobi face on an every day basis, more so than any other work force on the planet. It was only natural, their job consisted mostly of death. Inflicting it, escaping it, experiencing it. It was part of the job description. That had been most of her life as a shinobi, that was why she'd made peace with death a long time ago. She had lost her mother to the Second Shinobi World War, her brother to an invasion of Kirigakure and her mentor and only vessel to one of the most powerful creatures on earth to the sealing of said creature inside her. She had experienced it, caused and mourned it many times before. That was until Satoru died.

Kushina only remembered snippet of the night she had been forced to place the Seikatsu seal on Satoru and herself. She had understood of his death when it happened, but she was been unwilling to accept it, therefore placing a forbidden seal on a life no longer to tie back to earth.

It had all started when the Hokage had assembled a team of five people to make the trip toward the small nation of Kuzagakure to prevent the Sungakure shinobi from entering further more inland and eventually into their territory. Since it had previously been planned as a diplomatic mission and not retribution mission, the Hokage had sent scrolls to give to the Suna shinobi to take back to their Kage so they could eventually prevent open war with the two village over unauthorized break of their borders.

No one at the time understood Sunagakure's behavior back then. They had been acting uncharacteristically frantic for the past few months. Sending shinobi to invade other countries' land and attacking and killing border villages that had no connection to the shinobi village further central to the countries, even killing some Iwagakure shinobi that had been sent to their border to prevent Sungakure from further invasion. A small understanding that had lead to war with the two countries.

The Hokage wanted to prevent that, so he had sent Minato, Kushina, Satoru, Hatsune and Suzume to reckon on the state of the Sunagakure army at the small nation of Kuzakgakure. Their mission was really an intent to survey the state of the border and come up with a plan to stop a possible invasion. If they were lucky enough, they would reach the Iwagakure out post that Minato had surveyed a few hours earlier and speak directly with the commander about the political state of both nations before a misunderstanding forced them into a war that wasn't their own. Unfortunately for them, Iwakgaure had taken Konoha's presence in their territory nothing more than a violation to the clause set during the peace agreement of Shinobi World War II: no nation shall invade another without being invited.

An attack was quickly ensured by Iwagakure and Kushina's team was forced back toward the frontier with the Land of Rivers, a land Konoha controlled. They were trying to reach Konoha's training village near Amegakure, when a surprise attack forced them to embrace the Iwagakure shinobi head on. They weren't prepared for it, obvious. A group of five shinobi weren't powerful enough to fend off from a group of over a hundred well trained Iwagakure chunin. Their only hope of survival was that the noise would alert Konoha's scouts near the area over a battle with Iwagakure and send reinforcements. Unfortunately for them, when they arrived it had already been too late.

Kushina remember fighting long and hard that night. Trying to disarm people without hurting them was easier said than done, especially when said people were keen on killing her without the slightest show of mercy. They were going to make it, Kushina realized after a while. The Iwagakure shinobi were falling back, something Kushina had realized was a bad sign but in the middle of desperation, realized a little too soon that it was too late.

A second group of Iwagkaure shinobi showed with orders to capture Kushina without killing her. It took the group a little while to figure that out, but once they realized their true goal was the readheaded and not killing them, the fight turned more violent. It had been Satoru who had killed the first Iwagakure shinobi. She didn't know if it was because it had threatened her or because that was the only way to save her, either way he was quickly over taken by five Iwagakure ANBU who attacked to kill him too. She remember watching Satoru's body fall to the floor when an ANBU shinobi pierced him with his sword and then…

…her hand burned, but she didn't close her palm. She watched as the small black sphere forming in her palm grew bigger, forming a slight tornado around her. She smiled, a cruel smile that wasn't really her own. They wouldn't stand a chance against her. Humans were too pathetically weak to stop her. It was only a matter of time until they'll realize that they were as good as dead. As the sphere grew larger with each passing second, Kushina lifted her palm over her head and waited for the sphere to complete itself. She would enjoy this.

"Stop her!" a shinobi yelled, throwing kunai in her direction, but was deviated by the swirling air around her.

Another shinobi was pushed away from her by an unseen force as he tried to get close enough to her to attack. "She's a jinchuuriki!"

"We have to leave!" said a third, finally realizing what the menace in the air was.

"She's going to kill us all!" some yelled, backing away from her swiftly.

"Calm down," the captain yelled, posing his sword before her. "Reground and retreat!"

A few seconds later they would have made it, but it was far too late. The sphere was complete. Kushina licked her lips, never taking away the smile. That smile was not her own, but she couldn't help but cast it; it almost had a life on its own. Throwing the sphere toward the group, Kushina watched with pleasure as it expanded, eradicated everything in it's path. Those who'd been too slow to react were evaporate in the act, a few burst into flames and the last simply watched with horror and desperation how their lives left them without so much as a fight.

'This is the end,' Kushina thought, watching with pleasure how the ground was soaked with blood.

…and then she had woken up at the hospital with the seal on her wrist. Exhausting clouded over her that morning, as she realized bandaged up that a kunai had been thrown in her direction. She barely had time to jump from the hospital bed and deflect a second kunai that'd been aimed for her leg. Looking out the window, she discovered ANBU Root shinobi pilling up at the hospital's roof top, their attention focused on her. The sight confused her. Weren't ANBU supposed to protect them from external threats? Why were they attacking her? But she didn't stick around to answer her own question. Her previous suspicions that Danzo was after her were confirmed. He had never approved of her becoming a shinobi in the first place, claiming that Konoha had better control over her while she was inside the village.

"What if she looses control?" she remember Danzo asking the Hokage one day when she had bee cited and head arrived early. It was clear she wasn't meant to hear this in the first place. "We have to keep her contained. Jailed . She mustn't walk free like a mere civilian. She's a weapon, not a human being."

The Hokage had opposed. Vehemently. How was she supposed to grow up like a normal girl if she were treated like a menace to the village? She needed to forget about the fact that she was a jinchuuriki and form herself as a normal shinobi. When she came of age, they would look into a way for her to control the nine tails power. Sadly, Kushina was never given the opportunity to grow into such age for that night Danzo had betrayed the Hokage and his advisers by trying to take control of something that wasn't his to control. Kushina had no other choice but leave the village or she risked being imprisoned and enslaved by a man that knew no mercy.

That night she visited Satoru and fled the village, barely leaving the country without incident. Well almost. She had killed more than a dozen Root ANBU on her way to Whirlpool, but that was another story. The point was she had brought Satoru back from the dead by sealing their lives together. Meaning her death would cause his essentially, something she had just learned this morning by the most unlikely source she could find. A kirigakure survivor.

"If the tailed beast escapes before the seal can be completed… the corpse, the person you're sealed to, will die along with you."

Will die along with you. Will die along with you. Will die along with you. Will die along with you.

Kushina wiped her eyes. She wasn't ready to die. At least not yet. At least not until Satoru regained his life. Even if it meant killing her in the process. She had long since come to terms with that. Satoru's life at her expense. Except… she had never taken into account the nine tailed seal.

Most of the seals she had learned from her family were chakra based. There were some exceptions, like the Seikatsu seal and the Dead Demon Consuming Seal, but as a far as she knew, the seal that Mito had placed on her used her chakra to function. The less chakra she had, the weaker it became. It was simple. Until one added a seal that leaked her chakra into a dead corpse to bring it back to life, weakening the seal that kept a tailed beast inside of her.

"What do I do now?" Kushina asked herself, trailing the two circles with her fingers.

"Learn control," Namei whispered, extending a sword toward Kushina.

She jumped, not really expecting to see him so soon. Actually, she thought she was alone, for that morning when she had woken up, the house had been empty. She assumed he had left.

It took her a moment to identify why the sword looked familiar. It had been that white spirit's, Shiro was her name. Her latest kill. Last she remember she had left if next to that girls corpse. In the island. Hundreds of miles away. Why did this old man had it? "You want your loved one to live? Then learn a way to control the beast within. Use his chakra too keep yourself alive longer and bring your loved one back from the dead."

Kushina traced the sword with her eyes toward the old man, a skeptical look on her face. "No one has ever had the power to control the tailed beast since the Rikudo Sennin." Kushina cut her finger as she pushed the tip of the sword away from her, only to feel it at her throat. Was this old man going to kill her after all?

"Learn control," Namei said once more, throwing the sword in the air and catching in expertly with two fingers as it fell down. He extended grip toward her.

Kushina stood up from her sitting position, a frown on her face. "You say it like it's so easy!" she threw her arm over her head in a circular motion, anger clouding her eyes. "Didn't you say that most jinchuuriki either kill themselves or are killed by their loved ones? What makes me so different from them?"

Namei seized her up in a swift look from head to toe. "For one you've survived for nearly ten years," he said, turning his back toward her to look at the red sea. "And you have a reason why. What more do you want?"

The question took her back. What did he mean?

"A way," Kushina said, burying the sword in the sand below her. Her anger subsiding. "A way to get myself out of this mess. A way to allow Sato to live. A way to not die before the seal is completed."

"You are the only obstacle to yourself." Namei inter-wine his fingers behind his back in a way that reminded her of the Hokage. He would do that whenever he was serious about something. "What's stopping you now?"

"Honestly?" Kushina asked, exasperated. She threw her arms over her head. "Haven't you been listening? There hasn't bee a shinobi alive that has been able to control the tailed beast. The Rikudo Sennin came close but I still doubt he even lived. That was more than three hundred years ago and history can be stretched to fit someone's perspective on something. What is there to document that this man really exists? Besides, how many more jinchuuriki have more before me? It's impossible to think that no one has tried to learn control, yet all of them have fail. What makes me so different?"

Namei looked over his shoulder. "Are you sure about that?"

Kushina blinked. What was she talking about?

"What are you saying?" Kushina asked, walking over to him and stepping herself in front of him. If he was going to tell her something he better look at her in the eye and say it. Otherwise, she didn't know if she'd be able to control herself.

Namei looked at her straight in the eye. "How do you think a kid like Yagura become the Mizukage to one of the bloodiest villages on earth?"

The question confused her. How was she supposed to know? She would never understand Kirigakure law. They seem to thrive over killing themselves.

"Yagura was a sickly kid. A frail kid, really, with no hope for a long life. Yet he became Mizukage at the mere age of thirteen. Don't you find that odd?" Namei asked, hinting at something Kushina couldn't grasp. What did that have to do with anything?

Kushina opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by Namei. "When the Land of Water found and took control of the three tails he was forced into becoming a jinchuuriki, just like you. He was named Mizukage to keep him from revolting against the village." He looked at her over his shoulder, a sad look on his face. "No one took into account his insanity and what he would later do to this land."

Kushina closed her mouth in shock. The Mizukage was a jinchuuriki too? Why didn't Whirlpool know about this?

"He trained to learn control. Killed more people than the Mist cared to count. It was all for the name of power." Namei motioned to the red sea before them. "This sea, this part of the world and all the people once living here, they all died helping him achieve that goal. Their blood forever a reminder of what he is." Namei looked down as the waves tainted his feet. "Killing his opposition was only the beginning. Later anyone and everyone would become his victims."

Kushina cringed, backing away from the water. It wouldn't weird her to learn that Mizukage dumped their bodies here. Souls never to find peace. No wonder she felt so sick when she touched it. That kind of hatred died with the body.

"It can be done," Namei repeated, turning back to her. "You just have to find the way."

"But how?" Kushina asked, desperate now. If Namei knew the way…

"I don't know." Namei said, shacking his head. "I'm a mere survivor of the people who once lived on this island. Yagura was sent here to test his newly found control. More people died that day than I've seen on my life time." Namei looked down once more, that sad look crossing his face again. He turned back to Kushina a determined look on his eyes. "Find it." Namei, put his hands on her shoulder. "Find a way to control the tailed beast and avenge the souls that fell here."


Author's Note: What I imagined Shiro would look like, link on BIO.