Remembering Forever

One Tree Hill Season 6 A.U.

Chapter Six

"Sawyer, honey, come here for a minute. Please?"

"Coming!"

Today was a special day. No, it wasn't Sawyer's fifth birthday and it wasn't 'Anty Brookie' who was trying to get Sawyer's eyes out of a book so she wouldn't be late for school. She'd never told anyone about the dream-no, nightmare-she'd had while she was in the hospital. She enjoyed everyday to the fullest and she loved her children and her husband.

Today was the day Peyton shared something very special with her fifteen-year-old daughter. She'd secretely sent all the other members of the household out for the day, claiming the need for a mother-daughter bonding session.

"What's up, Mom?" Sawyer poked her head in the room, raising her eyebrow.

"I want to show you something," Peyton simply said. "Come and sit down next to me." She patted the cushion next to her. All around the room was pictures of their family. All eight of them, plus one canine.

"Can't this wait? I'm almost done with this song," Sawyer sighed, sitting down.

"Trust me, this will be somuch better than your music," Peyton said.

"Is it one of Dad's books again? Because I've read all of them already," Sawyer rolled her eyes.

"No, it's not," Peyton reached under the couch, pulling out a floral-printed round box. "This is something that meant a lot to me at one time and . . . I think it's time you see it. But first, we'll watch something." Peyton reached under the lid of the box and pulled out a clear disc case with the words 'Love, Mom' written on them. Sawyer watched with intrigue as her mother put the disc in the dvd player and pressed play.

A younger and bigger-bellied version of Peyton appeared on the screen wearing a green dress and a white sweater. Hey . . . that dress looked familiar. Sawyer was pretty sure she'd seen it in a picture. Her hands held her stomach. Sawyer recognized the room around from pictures . . . it was her nursery when she was a baby. She looked to her mother but she just shook her head and pointed to the screen.

"The Honarary Title, Matthew Ryan, The Cure, Audioslave, Haley James-Scott . . ." The younger-Peyton held up an mp3 player. "They're all on here. It's music to set your life too, and, music always helps no matter what you're going through. So . . . if you flunk a big test or . . . you have a really bad breakup . . . or you just miss someone so bad it hurts . . ." Younger Peyton held up the mp3 player again. "Then listen to my playlist. 100 songs to save your life. And . . . it should help." Younger Peyton put the mp3 player in the box . . . the same one Sawyer's mom was holding now. Older-Peyton nodded and Sawyer took the box, pulling out that same mp3 player.

"Oh, and there is this new artist that is really special and her second album is just about to come out so . . . you should check her out. Her name's Mia Catalano." Younger Peyton sat back in the rocking chair, sighing. "Best friend. Okay, this one is so important: Choose wisely, okay? I got really lucky with mine. My best friend is . . . funny, intelligent, creative, beautiful and . . . successful. And very kind.

"And she's also . . . impulsive, frustrating, um . . . complicated, childish, but—I would not have her any other way. And the best part about Brooke Davis is she always puts her friends first. So . . . if you are ever in any kind of trouble now you know who to call. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have watching over you.

"Being a kid without a mom really sucks and I know this because I've been there—twice. And if you're watching this then it means that you're in that place too."

Sawyer looked over, seeing that her mom was crying, obviously lost in the day she recorded this.

"And I am so sorry for that," The video continued. "But if you ever need a mom and dad fix you have Nathan and Haley for that. I really hope that we get to share these things together. But . . . just in case it's all right here." Younger Peyton patted the box and Sawyer looked to her mother for confirmation, who nodded. "Now there is just one thing that I need from you. Please . . . take very special care of your father. Because if I'm not around he's gonna need you to take care of him just like my dad needed me. So love him and take care of him and be kind to him. Just please do that for me."

In the video, younger Peyton's eyes shifted away from the camera. From the backround Sawyer heard a familiar voice. "Peyton, what is this?" It was her dad's voice.

Younger-Peyton put the box out of range of the camera, wiping the tears from her eyes, "I just thought I should."

"N-no. No. You said everything was going to be okay. You said that," Younger-Lucas said.

Younger-Peyton stood up, walking out of range of the camera. "Okay but Luke if it isn't I want our child to be able to remember me. It's just in case."

"Our child's not going to have to remember you. Our child's going to know you, We're not doing this, Peyton." Younger Lucas said.

"Lucas," Younger Peyton said. They were both still out of the camera.

"A death video?" Younger Lucas said. "A sad box of stuff? I'm not having any of this, Peyton. I mean what's next?"

"I wanna get married," Younger Peyton said. "Now."

"Absolutely not," Younger Lucas said. "You're supposed to be taking it easy. Look, after you have this baby and you're all better then we'll get married."

"I wanna get married," Younger Peyton repeated.

"Why?!" Younger Lucas shouted quietly. "Why is it soimportant to do it now?"
"Because—" Younger Peyton was cut off

"We're not doing anything just in case. Okay?" Younger Lucas said. "I'll be in the garage. You should be in bed." Sawyer heard footsteps.

"Thank you," Younger Peyton shouted. "I love you too, by the way." She appeared back in line with the camera, fresh tears on her face. And then . . . the screen went black.

Sawyer was stunned. She didn't know what to say. All she'd ever told about her the year before her birth was happy things. "Your daddy and I got engaged and we were already so happy but then we found out about you and we were even more happy." Her mother always told her. "I loved your mommy so much so I asked her to marry me. And then when she told me we were having a baby I loved her even more, and I instantly loved you even before I met you." Her dad always told her.

To hear anything but that was just...so hard to believe.

"Sawyer?" Peyton put her hand over her daughter's. "Are you okay?"

"Um . . ." Sawyer took a deep breath. "I guess I'm just confused. You and Dad always said that everything was so happy before I was born."

"Well, we didn't know how to tell you," Peyton sighed. "Everything was happy . . . for awhile." She turned to her daughter. "We went to Las Vegas with the intention of eloping but decided we wanted to get married in front of our family instead. And so we were engaged. When we got back to Tree Hill I moved in with your dad and everything was perfect. Then I started having these pains."

Sawyer listened intently, nodding.

"I went to the doctor and they took tests and asked questions....they had me scared I had cancer like my birth mother did," Peyton said, "But then he called and said I was pregnant and the pain was normal. I told your dad and he was thrilled and that was it. We were engaged and pregnant and happy." She looked down. "I didn't tell him about the pain I'd had because I didn't think it meant anything. Then it happened again, we went to the doctor, and they told me I had a condition called placental previa. It basically meant that I could bleed a lot and if I lost enough blood I could die, and you too."

"Wow," Sawyer let out a huge breath, "I never knew."

"We didn't know how to tell you," Peyton sighed. "We just didn't know what to do. We were so scared that we could lose you or even me. It was just really hard. The doctor gave us options, but we knew what we had to do."

"What do you mean by options?" Sawyer was confused again.

Peyton took a deep breath, "He said that our best option was to terminate . . ." She winced, waiting for Sawyer's reaction.

"Terminate . . ." Sawyer whispered, "Oh, so that means . . ." She trailed off. Peyton nodded.

"Obviously we didn't though," Peyton quickly said, "We loved you so much already we couldn't do that. I knew the risks but I continued the pregnancy anyway."

"And the video . . ." Sawyer was beginning to piece it together.

"You know that picture in your baby book of me, Aunt Haley, Aunt Brooke, Aunt Mia, and your cousin Sam?" Peyton said.

"Yeah," Sawyer knew that green dress looked familiar.

"That was my baby and wedding shower," She told her daughter, who nodded. "But before everyone came over I made a video—for you—in case something happened to me. I wanted to have some way to tell you the things I wanted to tell you and show you what I wanted to show you even if I wasn't around. And, I wanted to apologize to you for not being there for you." She picked up the box, taking the cover off. "In this box is everything you need to know about me and your dad and where you come from."

Sawyer peeked in the box. "Hey that's the cd you made." She picked it up, recognizing the cover which was framed and hung in her mother's office at work next to all of the Aunt Haley and Aunt Mia's.

"That's the album I made to benefit breast cancer for Ellie," Peyton nodded.

Sawyer picked up a picture, "Sometimes I still find it weird you and Aunt Haley and Aunt Brooke were cheerleaders. Well, Brooke isn't so hard to imagine." She laughed and Peyton started laughing too. It was the picture of them at the state championship senior year with Rachel, Bevin, and the other cheerleaders.

"You were not the only one, sweetheart," Peyton remembered Lucas asking her why she was a cheerleader and that she was leasty cheery person he knew.

And so they went through the rest of the box. The picture Ellie had drawn for her of her as the angel of death. And the picture of Ellie and Peyton when she was a baby. And there was the article about Lucas and Dan and Nathan and the Scott dynasty, and the state championship. A picture of the group at the prom in Honey Grove. Wedding pictures of Lucas and Peyton at both their's and Nathan and Haley's vow renewal. There was the drawing of her and Lucas and the words "and now we can have it". And all the strips she'd done in THUD magazine and the note Lucas sent her in class that one day that got them both detention. There was the picture of Karen, Keith, and baby Lucas and the one of Keith and Lucas. There was Keith's obituary paper clipped to Lily's birth announcement. And Jamie's birth announcement...and finally Sawyer's and all her siblings and other cousins with their parents and various family members. There was a picture drawn by a child with the words 'get well soon, Aunt Peyton—love Jamie' in barely legible words.

Peyton showed her the drawings she'd done of the key moments in her and Lucas's relationship. The first was when they first talked to each other and she told Lucas he didn't know her. Then at the state championship when Lucas said "it's you". And finally of when they finally became engaged back in that hotel room in Los Angeles. On the bottom of the picture was the words "love, Mom" The rest of pictures of Sawyer and her siblings growing up, but she'd seen those already.

"So . . . that's everything," Peyton let out a deep breath. "I wanted to wait until I thought you were old enough, when you would understand."

"It's just . . . a lot to take in," Sawyer sucked in a deep breath.

"I know, Sawyer," Peyton nodded. "Just take all the time you need, okay? And if you have any questions that's okay too."

Sawyer nodded. She gulped. "I understand that you didn't tell me because you wanted me to undersand everything when you did. But . . . but if it was so risky having me . . . then why did you guys have so many more kids?"

"Well . . . I guess we loved you so much we couldn't stop," Peyton laughed, "Seriously, though, we never really had any problems after that. The doctors were worried all through my second pregnancy. I think I was on bedrest the whole nine months."

"I don't remember that," Sawyer said.

"Well, you were still little," Peyton told her, "You were only a year old when we found out I was pregnant again." Sawyer nodded. "I do remember though, you got so mad at me because I wouldn't go outside and play with you or go to the park. You got over it though. You spent a lot of time with your aunt Brooke that year."

"I do remember that," Sawyer said, "Vaguely."

"Yeah," Peyton said. "Everything was fine throught the pregnancy. Same with your other four siblings."

"I think you were pregnant my whole childhood, Mom," Sawyer laughed.

Peyton sighed, "Pretty much, yeah."

"Gee Dad must have been a wreck before I was born," Sawyer mused.

"You have no idea," Peyton mumbled. And none of their kids ever would. They didn't need to know the hell their parents went though to get them, just that they loved their children and nothing would ever change that.

"Thanks for showing me that," Sawyer said, "It was really cool."

"You're welcome," Peyton pulled her daughter in a hug. "I really like these days when its just us."

"Me too," Sawyer agreed. "Plus it's really quiet with all six of the kids gone."

"Six? Don't you mean—oh," Peyton laughed, "Are you suggesting that your father is a child as well?"

"Well . . ." Sawyer didn't know yet how her mother was reacting.

"'Cause I'd have to agree with you if you were," They both laughed. Then Peyton became serious, hugging Sawyer again. "You know I love you, right?

"Of course, Mom, and I love you too" Sawyer said. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Peyton shook her head, "Everything's fine."

"For reals, Mom, because you just told me you've been lying to me my entire childhood about how 'fine' everything was before I was born . . ." Sawyer trailed off.

"No, this is different," Peyton said. "You're old enough to understand and deal with the good and the bad now." Sawyer nodded. "Now, lets clean all of this up before everyone gets home."

The two set out to pick up all the photos and drawings and other memorabilia of their past. Not a word was spoken while they did it—none were needed. All that needed to be said was already said, all that needed to be shown had been shown.

When they were finished, Sawyer went into her room to finish her homework leaving Peyton alone in the living room. She gazed around the room at the moments of the life she and Lucas had built. All the pictures of their kids, their neices and nephews, their friends and family. She saw her favorite picture on top of the mantle and went over to it, picking it up.

It was a recent photo of all of her children lined up in order by age. First was Sawyer Brooke, of course, at 15 years old. Then came Julie Anna at 13, Cassandra Haley at 10, Brayden Keith at 7, and Aaron Nathaniel at 3. And of course the newest member of the family, Elizabeth Karen, at just 1 year old.

All of her children were vastly different in personality, interests, and talents. There was one thing they all agreed on though, that they're family and they should protect each other despite those differences. Lucas and she had taught them that, raised them well, and were-more or less-satisfied with the behaviour of their children.

When people asked her if her life was hectic at all with six kids and a full time job. The answer was always the same: "My husband and I have always been fine, and I imagine we always will. We have friends and family who help us, plus it doesn't hurt that we both are our own bosses and can work from home if need be. We manage, and we're a happy family. Hey, at least we don't have 12! Wow, I can't even imagine." At which point the person would laugh or smile going along with the joke. Sometimes people believed her, sometimes they didn't. It didn't really matter to her though because she knew what was right and what other people thought didn't interest her.

She loved her husband, she loved her children, she was happy with her life . . . what more did she need?

Sometimes at fleeting moments she would think about what would happen if something bad were to happen. Could she handle it? Could she survive? Then she remembered the dream she'd had so many years ago . . . and the worry went away. If something bad was going to happen, it was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not. The only thing she needed to do to be okay would be to make sure she enjoyed every moment of life she could hold on too before it was too late. And if she could do that, then, well whatever's coming will be a piece of cake compared to what she's been through already.

"Honey, we're home!" Lucas's voice yelled as the front door open. The sounds of laughing, shouting, playing children filled the house.

Peyton sighed, savoring the last few moments of silence she'd experienced before the door opened and her happy children filed in. "'And so', Max said, 'Let the wild rompous start'."

The End.