Memories of a forgotten past
Before we knew what was happening the school was alive with activity and laughter. Students were returning back to the school for a new year of learning, giggling and laughing with friends, saying teary goodbyes with parents and empty promises to call them every day. Students; running in every direction as they moved their luggage to their dormitories. Teachers and staff including me having to comfort crying parents, telling them their children would be safe, and we would take care of them.
However watching as the students flung back through the doors, watching as students dragged their parents to talk to me I couldn't help but notice how happy some of the families looked. Even though they knew it was tough for our kind, even though some of the students were born to human parents, there family made an effort to help them, to encourage them, to do whatever it took to still be a family.
Looking at them made my heart sink in my chest and my hands flung to the metal tags that hung around my neck. Once upon a time I had a dream of getting married and starting a family. I had been on my way of accomplishing that dream twice, and twice it was taken away from me. The first time with Rhoul, being kidnapped and created into a monster and then with Scott, getting engaged, finding love after so long before he was killed and taken away from me.
I could feel my heart filled with such loss and brokenness I had to shake my head and sniff away the enormous amounts of emotion that had filled my being in such a short amount of time as watching the scene unfold caused memories of Scott to fill my mind. Watching as he would call my name and come sprinting down the corridors. How his hair would fly around in the wind and his smile becoming infectious causing my own smile to form. My heart fluttering in my chest as his long arms wrapped around me, a feeling of home and safety being portrayed to me. The way my mind my thoughts would change into ones from a school girl when his lips pressed to mine or when his hands clasped around mine. I had never felt more at home, more happy than I had when the pair of us went to talk to parents, showing them that even being what we were, being in the disposition we found ourselves in never once did we give up hope on having a normal life. Showing parents that people with gifts could also fall in love and attempt to have a family.
Again I shook my head to fall from my thoughts and clung onto Scott's dog tags even harder when I moved from the memories. But something just didn't shift. I had been feeling this way for the last couple of weeks and it was starting to bother me. I told the Professor and I told my brother and the pair of them tried to help me as much as possible but I knew they thought it had something to do with the upcoming of Scott's anniversary. But I knew differently. I felt differently. I felt like something was going to happen. Something big and bad and I had no idea what it was.
But I was pulled from my conversation from a student's parents when I heard my name being called. A frown moved over my features as I took in the urgent and flustered look of Jasper knowing he was never careless of his emotions due to being an empath. I was just glad he felt more at ease here considering him and his family couldn't really smell our blood. I apologised and excused myself from the conversation and moved myself towards Jasper.
"What's wrong?" I asked him with confusion and a sense of urgency written over my features and embedded in my tone as I took in Jasper's topaz eyes. He slowed down his jogging and came to a complete stop in front of me, his breathing even due to his vampire traits and face me a small smile spreading over his features
"We've found him" he replied and with those three words realization spread over my features, my heart started to beat even faster and I continued to look at him as he could see the understanding wash over me. I smiled at him before the pair of us bolted down the corridors, ignoring the concerned expressions from students and parents as we headed towards the Blackbird and the X-Men suits.
Less than an hour later I was dressed in my uniform and my gloves were placed gently to the side, my bare hands flinging over the console, the scabs and wounds on my knuckles starting to heal and disappear meaning my ability had managed to repair and heal the several layers of skin and tissue in my hands and knuckles.
I was so lost in thought, so lost in my own feelings of unease I didn't hear Edward walk into the cockpit and fall into the chair next to me. Not realising he was watching me work as he walked over to me.
"Bella are you alright?" Edward asked me concerned as he took in my distant expression and posture, knowing that I would have heard him walk into the jet if I was paying attention. I just looked up at him and nodded with a small smile on my lips, taking a fleeting glance towards him before going back to the controls in front of me. "Bella I've known you for a while and I've known you well to know when you're not ok" Edward said again and when I made no attempt to talk to him he pressed his cold hard hand over the top of mine and made him look at him "You can tell me" He said with a comforting smile pressed to his features, his topaz eyes shining and boring right through me. I just stopped what I was doing and looked down before I angled my body to face him and looked up towards him.
"I just can't help feeling like something bad is going to happen" I stated as I spoke towards him, my hands now pressed to my lap
"What do you mean?" He asked me again with a frown pressed to his features; I just looked away slightly with a small smile on my lips at his question.
"For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling a little on edge, my instincts on alert, more jumpy and anxious than normal. You've probably noticed" I started and smiled and nodded my head when I saw him nodding towards me with his own smile on his lips "I guess it's because I can feel something brewing, something's going to happen. I don't know when, I don't know what, but I know it's going to happen and I know it's either going to make us or break us" I finished, moving my eyes to face him "Something's coming" I said quietly, moving my eyes to him, concern and worry written all over them and my own emotions were flickering in his. I was just thankful when he pressed his cold hands over mine and squeezed them in comfort, telling me without words that he was going to stand with me. I knew then that I needed Edward in my life just as much as the others.
"BOO!" Emmet sounded loudly right into our ears causing the pair of us to jump, me physically as we were pulled from our thoughts. I managed to control my breathing and the pair of us pulled away again as we noticed Emmet leaning over our chairs. "Oh you're a bit jumpy today ain't you Bella" Emmet stated with a laugh, I just rolled my eyes as I pulled myself back to the controls while I felt Edward's concerned eyes pressed to me.
"That's not immature at all" Edward smiled as he got to his feet smiling and joking with his brother, moving his arm around his shoulders to get him in a head lock and I smiled inwardly as I heard the pair of them tussling. What I would give for a family like that.
Just at that moment Storm collapsed in the chair next to me, a smile on her face as she pulled herself closer to the controls like me
"You ready?"
"Oh yeah" I smiled excitedly, pushing my insecurities and emotions deeper inside me, knowing that the rest of my family didn't believe me. I smiled at her, pressed my hand to her shoulder before the pair of us working together prepared the jet, preparing our friends and crew as we felt the jet lift from the ground and into the air as we travelled towards the place we believed Magneto to be.
After a few hours of chatter, and laughter in the back of the jet I instructed storm to start the landing cycle as I lowered the jet through a clearing in the forest we believed Magneto to me. We moved from the Jet and out towards the forest.
"Where do you think we need to be going?" Logan asked me as he came to stand behind me. I just frowned and held up my finger towards him and he nodded, knowing what I was doing. My eyebrows furrowed in concentration and I lifted my face into the air, my eyes closed as I concentrated my other senses. I could hear the Cullen's asking questions out of confusion while my brother quietly answered them. I just smiled at his thoughtfulness. However I was pulled from that conversation when I felt something lifting to my nose from the north. I could smell the smells of a forest; hear the thundering footfalls of rabbit and deer's. I could hear the wind in the tree's and the smells of the pine cones and wet ground lift to my nostrils but something caught my attention. The smell of charred wood, and smoke fell into my senses. This was the direction we needed to go.
"We need to go this way" I said before walking a little to my left. Everyone just nodded, and the Cullen's were still holding confused facial expressions as we started our long journey
"You sure?" Carlisle asked
"Sure. I can smell it" I said with a smile again, still moving forward
"You can smell it" Rosalie said sceptically
"Enhanced senses remember" I said with a smile and she simply returned it, comforted and confident that I was leading them in the right direction.
Less than an hour later we found something which clouded our good mood almost instantly. Several fires were littering the forest floor, smoking with the wood turning white with ask, the embers barely flickering. Rubbish, other objects and things left behind were also on the ground showing they had left in a hurry. I moved a few steps closer to one of the fires and pressed my hand to the wood, snapping it back quickly at the heat.
"Fire's still hot. Left about an hour or so ago" I stated from my crouch on the ground, rubbing my fingers and palm together as the damaged skin began to repair itself.
"Looks like they left in a hurry" Rouge voiced as she moved her face to look at me, travelling with me as I got to my feet.
"Could have done a better job at tidying up anyway" Alice started, my face moving to look at her as I tried to control my emotions. We had come so close to finding them to come up a tiny bit short. My frustration and anger bubbling to the surface as I looked at the vacant 'camp'
"Do you think we should look around the neighbouring area to determine or find out if we can pick up tracks to see where they went?" Storm asked me with a small voice. I nodded my head over to her agreeing with her
"Good idea. Ok, split of in pairs, one of the Cullen's with an X-men, we need your tracking skills for this guys. Of you pick up on anything signal Edward who can signal the lot of us" I ordered and we all split off heading in different direction. Both me and Edward in conversation as we looked around the forest. No one said anything to Edward the whole time we were searching. More than three hours later after the lot of us had given up we congregated back in the same place.
"Did we find anything?" I asked, looking hopeful at my friends and the people who were under my command. They all just looked down at the ground, shaking their heads a little, trying to get out of my firing line
"Sorry Bella" Jasper said gently, having picked up on my emotions.
"Nothing!" I shouted frustrated, my hands flying in the air as I turned away from them "Absolutely nothing!" I shouted again, this time kicking something metal on the ground and falling to the ground in anger and frustration.
"Did that help?" My brother asked as he came to sit down next to me, his wrists resting on his knees as he looked at me.
"Yes" I stated curtly
"Did that hurt?" Logan said again with a smile playing on his lips as he looked over at me, already knowing my answer
"Yes" I breathed and pulled up my foot to my hands and began to massage my toes as they repaired themselves, my big toe snapping back into place.
"We can always keep looking Bella. We've come this close we can't back down now" Logan implored as he looked at my defeated look as I gazed out into the distance. I just sighed heavily and looked down at the ground
"I know Logan. But how many students do we risk of losing in that time? We've already lost John how many students to we lose?" I asked him, looking at him with sad eyes, that feeling of unease settling in my stomach once again "I've got a bad feeling Logan. I know you don't believe me, but something's telling me that Erik will be playing a huge part of it" I argued. Logan just looked down when I said the last part before looking at me with large sad eyes again. My own eyes showing him just how I was feeling and I moved into him when I saw him lift his arm and curl it around my shoulders and I collapsed into him as the pair of us gained a sense of comfort.
So throughout September we doubled our efforts in trying to find Magneto and much to my displeasure the feeling of unease only got worst. It also didn't help that the two people I was closest too didn't believe me. During times like this made my heart yearn for Scott. If no one else believed me I knew Scott would. He would reassure me, be the one person to tell me to listen to my instincts because he knew they were right. He would be the one person I could turn to in times of trouble. But I couldn't do that. But I could do the one thing to be closest too. I found myself more and more attending Scott's grave. Sometimes not even talking to him just sitting there. Because I found a strange sense of comfort sitting there.
As the weeks past I watched as the sun left and the rain returned. I watched as people would wake up in the morning to find the ground wet from the due on the ground from the previous night. But as the temperature got colder, my mood also dropped with the weather. As October drew to an end I found myself not wanting to sleep on one evening, hoping the next day would never arrive.
I could feel unconsciousness falling from my form and the light was shining through the netted curtains and I flick my eyes open and closed before I moved my head in the direction of the ceiling. I breathed heavily before lifting my hand to my eyes and then flopped my elbow back to the pillow beside me. Today was the 27th of October. Today was the 7th year anniversary of Scott's death and there was no way in hell I wanted to get up. I just wanted to sleep and get this day out of the way.
I turned onto my right side and I had to bite back the hole in my heart when I didn't see Scott lying on the side of the bed he hadn't occupied for almost 7 years. My hand fell over to the space next to me and I smiled a very forlorn smile before I pressed my face to the pillow and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall.
When I was able to control my emotions I reluctantly pulled the sheets from my form and got out of bed. I walked around to the shower after I pulled out my clothes. After my shower I emerged from the bathroom with my tight fitted jeans and converses on my feet, a simple t-shirt but Scott's jumper was pressed on my form, and his comforting smell lifting to my nose.
I walked around my room sadly once again before I noticed the portrait taken of me and Scott in our uniforms. His glasses pressed to his face, his stubble making him more attractive than ever. I smiled a small smile pressed to my lips as I looked at the picture. I pressed my fingers to him against the glass and I felt the glass to be wet. I had no idea I was crying until I felt the tear droplet fall to the picture frame. I lifted my hand back to my cheek and whipped away the water on my cheek before placing the picture back to the counter when I heard a knock on the door. I invited them in and was grateful when I saw my brother standing in the doorway.
"Come here" he said to me comfortingly as he took in my depressed expression. I smiled a sad half smile before pressing myself to his embrace in a couple of steps and was comforted when I felt his strong arms wrapping around me. The pair of us just stood there. Logan held me in his arms and gave me everything I needed. He gave me comfort, he gave me support and most of all he gave me love. When we pulled away I smiled a sad small smile over at him and he smiled comfortingly down at me. He placed his hand to my cheek and whipped away a single tear I hadn't realised had fallen. He asked if I wanted to see him and I nodded my head. We emerged from my bedroom and slowly and solemnly made our way to the garden.
As we walked down the long corridors I clung onto Scott's dog tags as people said their apologises, as people offered their condolences and all I could do was give them a small smile in return, not trusting my voice as I tried to prevent myself from crying. Professor Xavier was waiting for me by the door of the school and when he saw me smiled a very fatherly smile which relaxed my heart considerably. He could see I was struggling and he wanted to help me as much as everyone else. However when we walked past the lounge door I could see the Cullen's looking at me, and when they took one look at my expression they were jumping to their feet. I just snapped my face from them, not wanting their sympathy. This was my pain and mine alone.
The weather was disappointing to say the lease. The sky was grey with precipitation evident in the air. Typical weather for an upsetting day. My brother was still holding me in his arms as we walked down the cobbled path towards Scott's grave, Xavier travelling down with us and I knew the rest of the school was watching from the windows. It wasn't just me suffering, it was a shared pain, a shared loss and I know the older students missed him just as much as I did.
I could feel the rain hitting my form gently as I wondered down the hill. When I arrived at Scott's grave I removed myself from Logan's arms and walked forward a few steps before sitting down in front of the stone headstone. I smiled a sad smile while I reached over and trailed my fingers over the picture of him.
"You would have thought after 7 years I wouldn't miss you as much" I started to talk, the lump in my throat staring to grow as I spoke to him, trying to stay strong instead of breaking down in front of the whole school. "You have given me another chance at life. When you found me I was broken, my life was not worth living but your love and friendship changed me. You made me want to be a better person. Your love has gotten me though even the toughest situations. Love is too weak a word for what I feel for you. The greatest thing I have learnt is not about my abilities but I have learnt to love and the greatest thing about it is you loved me in return. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't change it for the world, you are remarkable and I wish you'd never think otherwise. Your need to help others is astounding and I just wish you would be recognized by your brilliance. The Universe needs you Scott just as much as I need you. I want to live the life we have been striving for for so long. Live the life I want you to have. Because I love you. With all my heart. "I said to him passionate, my eyes shining with love and devotion, tears was falling from my eyes as I smiled at him. I couldn't control my emotions anymore and before I knew what was happening tears were flowing freely down my face, my throat was tight with emotion and I couldn't stay strong anymore. I pressed my hand to my mouth to stifle the sound of my sobs, but the heart wrenching movements were uncontrollable and I lost my composure.
My brother was immediately at my side and I could feel his arms around me. His arms moved me to him and pressed my head to his shoulder, his hand stroking my hair delicately and comfortingly as I continued to cry. I missed Scott. Missed him more than anything; nothing could heal my broken heart because he was never coming back, and I could never let go of him.
I could see the Professor looking down at the ground sadly, his hand pressed to his heart as he watched me and my brother.
"Oh Scott, you have no idea how much we need you" he whispered to himself, but with my heightened scenes I heard him and I didn't fail to notice the single tear that fell from his eye.
I had managed to calm down after a few minutes and I sat with my brother in comfortable silence as he held me close to him. My heart comforted just by sitting with someone I trusted but I slowly pulled away while I whipped away the water on my cheeks.
"I need to go somewhere" I said up to my brother as I looked at him, he just frowned at me with confusion shining in his eyes. I just pressed my hand to his cheek with a smile pressed to my lips as I saw his concern for me.
"It's alright; I need to go to the lake. The one place he loved" I said weakly. Logan nodded his head before squeezing my hand and the pair of us walked back up to the school, Xavier having left earlier to grieve in his own ways.
I pulled on a jacket from my bedroom, grasped hold of my phone and quickly and quietly, hoping no one would hear me I made my way towards the garage. I pulled out the keys for Scott's Mazda and got into the leather smelling car. I smiled when I heard the familiar purr of the engine, pressed a button to raise the garage door before speeding away from the school and towards the lake.
When I arrived the scene that was before me took my breath away. The cold night air could not take away the beauty of the place. The water was washing up to shore in small waves, the water an ice blue, the sky a grey colour which matched my mood. But the scenery was to die for. The mountains rising and falling in the distance, the mossy green grass shining in the sunlight. No wonder Scott loved this place so much. I took a few steps towards the shoreline on a large rock to look over at the scene. I had so many fond memories of this place.
I can remember the time we had spent all day here. We had shared a picnic and we were lying looking at the sky at twilight. The sky a beautiful pink and orange as the sun set. Lying gently on Scott's chest, hearing his heart beating and his chest rising and falling as he breathed. He was so happy, so over joyed and I loved him so much. He had proposed to me that day. Telling me he had asked my brother and the Professors permission to ask for my hand in marriage. He had such a huge smile on his face when I accepted. The pair of us laughing and smiling. We were the happiest we had ever been. All these things swimming around my mind, all these memories didn't help with my already heavy heart.
The time the pair of us was sitting underneath the large oak tree. Students running around to their classes or chatting to their friends. But Scott and me were sitting together, looking up at the sky, chatting about our insecurities, me talking about the life I would have had with Rhoul if Tyrone hadn't kidnapped me. Hearing Scott's comforting and encouraging words in my ear as he helped me through life.
The time Scott had been mortally wounded. He had been shot through the side and was losing blood fast. Storm was helping me but I can still remember the way Scott was squirming and crying out in agony. The way my hands danced over his form to lift him to the bed, the way I tried to help him, to lesson the pain he was feeling. I remember my eyes watering with raw emotion as I watched the man I loved go through what he had to. I managed to get him asleep before I started to repair the damage he had received. I can still remember the smile pressed to my features when I watched him trying to do the things he did everyday while he clutched his sides. God I loved him.
As I looked around at this place I couldn't help but let the tears fall. This place held so many precious memories for both me and Scott and the left over scars and forgotten memories engulfed my mind one after another. The pain and heartache I felt engulfed my heart and again I lost my resolve. The consequences of staying strong for so long were being shown to the world as I broke down. I pressed my hand to my mouth to stifle the sounds of my agony as I collapsed to the ground as the sobs and emotions raked my body as I recalled all the love and devotion I had for the man I loved. The one man I would rather die than live without had left me to a life of misery, living a life without his love, his encouragement and comfort. A life without him; a life without the one man who was more important to me than life itself.
