Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone! I really appreciated everything you had to say. And trust me, there's a rhyme and reason to everything that happens. I think that right now we've reached a turning point in the story.
Chapter Six
Piper and Phoebe were both home and in the kitchen when Chris orbed in with Amber, dripping mud and rainwater all over the previously clean floor. They each took in the sight of the pair's soaked, ripped, and filthy clothing.
"Oh my God, what happened?" Phoebe exclaimed.
"Xypher." The curt response came from Chris. Amber's wet hair was plastered to the sides of her face from the rain. "He attacked. We went after him." she said.
"The son of a bi—" Chris was interrupted by a look of reproof from Piper. "He hired a darklighter."
Phoebe sucked in her breath. "What happened? You got hit didn't you? Oh God, Chris. What happened?"
"I'm okay." He assured them.
"How? Did Leo heal you?" Piper asked. Chris shook his head and looked at Amber questioningly. "Amber. What happened?"
Amber looked from face to curious face. Everyone was staring at her, all wanting to know what had happened. And she didn't know! She wrapped her arms around her body defensively.
"I don't know!" She blurted finally. "I didn't mean to!"
Piper's eyes went wide at the admission and Phoebe's hand went to her heart.
"Maybe Leo can figure this out. Leo?" Phoebe called. Leo orbed in. "What—?" He stopped as he took in the scene and his expression sobered. "What happened?"
"We don't know." Piper was looking at Amber with an expression bordering suspicion. "We were hoping you could help us figure it out."
Leo surveyed Chris and Amber's disheveled appearances. "Get changed into some dry clothes first. Then we'll talk about this."
In her room, Amber peeled off her drenched and muddy clothing. She reached for her towel draped over a chair. She needed a shower.
She stood under the hot spray for longer than necessary, prolonging the moment when she was going to need to explain things she didn't understand. She finally shut off the water and squeezed the water out of her hair. Standing there in her towel, she blow-dried and brushed her hair until it shone. She put on the thin cotton pajama pants and camisole that she preferred to wear to bed. She hesitated before going downstairs. How could she face them and try to explain something she couldn't even comprehend herself? She didn't know what had happened any better than anyone else.
There wasn't a choice. She scooped Jasper out of her blankets, ignoring his sleepy meow of protest. She went into the living room, where everyone else was already gathered. Every pair of eyes in the room followed her progress as she moved to a chair and sat down, settling the cat on her lap. She looked both angry and vulnerable, watching warily around the room. She shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny of everyone in the room.
"Amber, Chris." It was Leo who spoke. "Can one of you explain what happened?"
"I don't know." Amber uttered. "Chris got hit. I killed them." Her eyes darkened with the anger that the memories brought back. "I killed the rest of them."
Her tone softened. "I went back to Chris, and he was unconscious. I didn't know what to do!" Her voice cracked. "He told me once that darklighter arrows are poisonous to whitelighters. I didn't know what I could do about it." The remembered pain stabbed through her chest. She was particularly reluctant to say what happened next. Chris didn't know, and as far as she was concerned he never would. The emotional experience she'd gone through when she thought Chris might die was too intimate to share.
"So, what happened?" Paige asked quietly. She had come home in time to stand in silence and hear the story. The pain in Amber's chest increased. Phoebe covered her heart with her hand again, wincing. "Please don't make her tell it." She pleaded. "It hurts too much."
Shocked and hurt by the betrayal, Amber glared at Phoebe.
"I'm so sorry." Phoebe apologized sincerely. Amber took a moment to phrase what she wanted to say. "I was crying because I thought he was dead. I couldn't deal with the thought that it could happen again." She grimaced before clarifying, "That my whitelighter could die again. I saw a golden light start spreading over the wound. That's all. I don't know why or how it happened."
There. They didn't need to know anything else.
"You healed him?" Leo's voice was gentle but probing. She felt the shock of everyone in the room. "No!" She said sharply. "I mean, no, I can't—I don't have a healing power."
"That's healing, hon." Phoebe informed her.
"Was your hand near the wound?" Leo wanted to know. He was looking at her speculatively.
"Yes." Amber answered, remembering.
"I don't know how, but you healed him." Leo appeared deep in thought. "Are you sure you can't copy whitelighter powers?"
"Positive. I've never been able to copy a whitelighter power." Amber's response was adamant.
"But that just doesn't make sense." said Phoebe. "If she can't copy whitelighter powers, how could she heal him?"
"Maybe she's half whitelighter." Paige suggested.
"No, I'm not. And wouldn't I be able to orb or something if I was by some miracle, half whitelighter?" Amber pointed out, fiercely defensive of her parents.
"She's right." Leo agreed. "She hasn't shown any ability to use any other whitelighter powers. Besides, the Elders—that is, we—know that Amber's parents are her biological ones."
Paige looked a little let down that her theory was impossible. "I managed to slip through the cracks, isn't there at least a small chance that—"
"Paige, you were adopted. It's a completely different situation—"
Phoebe held her hand out palm up, worry twisting her features. "Guys, this still doesn't help us figure out what did happen. We already know that she's not half-whitelighter. What we need to do is figure out how this happened."
Leo gave a brief nod, the lines in his face deepening, and his mouth pulling down at the corner. "Exactly. Amber, are you sure there's nothing else you can tell us?"
Amber had been quiet. "No, but I'd really like to know why you're all treating this like it's a bad thing. I don't know why Chris is alive and sitting here right now instead of lying dead in that cemetery. I'm just glad that he is. If you don't need anything else from me, like my birth records or something, I'm going to bed."
Leo accepted the harsh words. She was tired, hurt, and upset. He let it go. "Of course, go ahead."
She was exhausted, after going through so much. And the mystery of the healing, she couldn't possibly know what that meant…
They watched Amber cross the floor and climb the stairs to her room. It occurred to Phoebe that it seemed that whenever Amber was feeling awful, she escaped to her room. She wanted badly to go upstairs and talk to Amber but after sensing those feelings, she knew very well that Amber needed to be alone.
"Are we done here?" Chris looked wary and guarded, his voice betraying his tiredness.
"We're done for now." Leo told him. Chris orbed out without another word.
Chris was sitting in the tops of the Golden Gate Bridge, his arms wrapped loosely around his knees when Leo showed up. Chris continued staring out in the night, looking past the lights of the city. He didn't seem to be staring at anything in particular. Just staring.
"What're you doing here, Leo?" His voice was flat with the barest current of emotion underneath.
"Came to see how you were doing." Leo answered carefully.
"What could possibly be wrong? I was hurt and I got healed. That's it." Chris still wasn't looking at him.
"If that was all, you wouldn't have assumed that I thought something was wrong." Leo slowly approached.
"Why else would you look for me?" Chris spared him a glance before turning his eyes back to the night.
"I was worried." Leo conceded. "Amber healing you is important. She accessed power she doesn't have to save you. I don't think you need me to tell you what that means."
Even if he hadn't known, he sure as hell could have guessed. "Thanks for the concern, but it's not necessary."
Leo gave him a hard look. "I think it is. I know this aloof attitude of yours is an act. I don't know why. Maybe you're using it to protect yourself, but it isn't you that you should be protecting. You'll hurt her, and as her whitelighter it's your job to both protect her and be honest with her."
"About what?" Chris sounded frustrated. "What am I not being honest about?"
"Your feelings, Chris. Your feelings."
"What feelings?" Chris burst out in anger. "Unlike you, I'm not looking to get with my charge, okay? I'm not like you."
"I'm not saying you are." It was hard for Leo not to take offense, but he plowed on anyway. "I'm saying you need to give her some sort of closure, or this will never be over for her. She has a right to know what you're feeling, or not feeling. Be fair, Chris." His speech delivered, Leo took one last look at Chris—who was looking off into the distance again—and orbed out, hoping that he'd managed to get through to him in some way.
Amber wished she could bolt the door behind her, but locking it would have to suffice. As if that would do any good if someone really wanted to come in. She passed by the bed and curled herself into the corner. She felt like something inside her was slowly cracking open.
~~O~~
Phoebe knocked on the door for what felt like the thousandth time. "Amber, please let me in."
No answer. She tried again. "You can't stay in there forever, you know." More silence. Paige, who was passing by, stopped to ask disbelievingly, "Is she still in there? What's it been, two days? She's gotta come out sometime."
"Apparently she doesn't think so." Phoebe dropped her hand from the door and faced her sister. "I don't know what to do. She won't let anyone in, but she can't just sit in there and stew."
"I have a great solution for this." Paige offered her hand. Phoebe looked undecided. "We can't just orb in there. It's her room. It would be an invasion of privacy."
"Oh, come on. You said it yourself, she can't stay in there forever and if someone doesn't do something, she'll never come out."
Paige reached for her hand. Phoebe hesitated. "Come on," Paige insisted. Phoebe gave in and they orbed into the room, unsure of what to anticipate. Amber was standing at the window, looking out toward the sun, unblinking.
"Hey kiddo. How are you feeling?" Phoebe's voice was deliberately upbeat. It didn't help.
"No offense Phoebe, but if I'd wanted to talk, I would have opened the door."
Phoebe's false cheerfulness died. She sat on the end of the bed. "I'm sorry. I was just so worried about you." She could sense the turbulence of Amber's emotions and knew to step carefully with her.
"Why?" Amber feigned ignorance. She knew there wasn't a point, but she'd rather try to play dumb then talk about her feelings right now. She knew that's why Phoebe wanted to talk to her. Paige moved forward. "Why? You lock yourself in your room for days and wonder why we're concerned? It seems pretty obvious that you're going through some serious turmoil. You need to talk."
"It was two days. I needed time. I'm dealing with a lot right now, okay?"
"Yeah, I get that, but—" Phoebe interrupted Paige before Amber got upset. "Paige, we're up here to help her feel better, not worse."
"Sorry." Paige said under her breath. Phoebe took up the conversation where Paige left off. "Paige is right, though. We're all worried about you. This healing situation, it's a really big thing. You healed Chris and that's a great thing, but you shouldn't be able to use that kind of magic." Even when Amber opened her mouth to protest, Phoebe plowed on, "What I think you should know is that the, um, trigger-thingy for the healing power is—"
"Wait, she doesn't need to know that." Paige objected.
"Yes, she does." Phoebe argued. "She has a right." Again she plowed on. "It's love, Amber."
Amber's eyes opened wide, and she inhaled sharply. "I don't…"
Phoebe nodded. "On some level you do. Honey, it might be painful, but you have to feel that. Trust me, in our world, suppressing emotions tends to have consequences."
"Yeah, that's for sure." Paige affirmed.
"I'm not suppressing anything." But arguments were futile. She knew they were right. Bottling up emotions was bad for normal people. It must be lethal for someone like her.
"Just give me some time to myself. I'm not ready to go out there yet. I need more time to think. By myself." She eyed them meaningfully.
"Okay, okay. We're leaving." Phoebe already had a plan in mind. As she walked out of the room, she felt hope bubble up beneath the surface, and she wasn't sure whether it was Amber's or her own. She just knew that she wanted a word with her favorite time-traveling nephew.
~~O~~
Chris had finally come to a conclusion. A temporary one, but that's all he needed until he figured things out. He was hardly expecting his aunt to be waiting in the sunroom to pounce on him before the orbs faded. "Where have you been?"
"Thinking. Why does it matter?"
"Why would you do this?" Phoebe demanded. "She's a person, Chris. I don't know what you're going through, but it can't be as anywhere near as bad as what she's going through. You have the answers that she needs.
He snorted incredulously. "I have the answers?"
"In case you didn't notice, her feelings are out on the table and you're just off doing your own thing." Phoebe accused.
He gave a startled laugh. "Wait, what? I'm off doing my own thing? You don't know where I've been, or why."
Phoebe's voice was quieter this time. "I just know that she's hurting, and you're the only one who can help. You owe her that much, don't you think?"
Phoebe paused. "You need to tell her how you feel so that she can move on with her life. She hasn't left her room since this happened."
This was infuriating. Couldn't he have some semblance of privacy without the whole damn family interfering? "I don't—I can't answer that! I'm just trying to do a job I didn't ask for! That's it. I don't want my family interfering in my personal life. My charge is my business, so if you guys would all just butt out, I'd be a lot happier."
Phoebe stood her ground. "No offense, Chris, but it's not really your happiness I'm concerned about right now. Do your thinking. But when you come up with an answer, you'd better be back here and giving that girl an explanation."
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Fine. I need you, Paige, and Piper to trade off helping her with her training until I get back. I need to think about this."
"You can't expect us to—" He was already gone.
Phoebe gritted her teeth in frustration. He'd better think hard about it. She took herself off to go mutter over a cup of tea and her half finished column.
~~O~~
Amber was walking towards the upstairs bathroom with a clean towel and fresh clothes thrown over one arm when she heard raised voices downstairs. She paused and listened. She flinched when she recognized the voices. Chris and Phoebe. She held her breath as she listened to Phoebe say, "You need to tell her how you feel so she can move on with her life. She hasn't left her room since this happened." She waited with bated breath for the response, not entirely sure she wanted to hear it. Oh, but she heard it alright. His voice rose angrily. "I don't—I can't answer that! I'm just trying to do a job I didn't ask for!" That was all she needed to hear. She walked quickly to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She put down the towel and garments and turned the hot water on and stepped in. The scalding droplets of water stung her skin and she turned the cold on just enough that the water was tolerable. When she was scrubbed clean, she got to her knees on the shower floor and closed her eyes, feeling the water pour down on her like hot rain, running down her face and dripping from her nose and chin like tears. If she cried now, no one would know. She leaned forward so that her forehead touched the shower floor, letting the water beat against her back until her skin was sore and pink from the heat and pounding of the water. She turned off the water and reached for her towel. Her movements were completely automatic. She had numbed her thoughts off so she couldn't think, didn't have to think. She dressed and toweled off her hair thoroughly, brushing out the tangles. It wasn't so easy in life. Brushing out the tangles, it never quite happened that way. Things didn't always end up straight and neat like they were supposed to. There were still waves and little knots that didn't get worked out.
In her bedroom, she simply dropped the towel to the floor, uncaring, and went back to her comfortable corner and sank down, letting her emotions overwhelm her. She let her hair fall forward to curtain her off. She hadn't expected anything. Of course she hadn't. She couldn't have—she rarely felt any form of emotion from him. He was so carefully guarded… but she'd never thought she'd be a victim of it. She hated him passionately in that moment but it fell apart. She couldn't even hate him properly. Her fist clenched and crushed together, nails biting painfully into her palm, but the pain was distant. She jerked her fist to the side, and her bedside lamp flew into the wall and shattered.
Piper was sitting in her own room, wondering if she should speak to Amber. After what Phoebe had told her, she felt like she should. She understood Amber's troubles all too well. Maybe her experience could help Amber through what was hurting her now. She took the steps to reach Amber's door. She tapped slightly then tried the handle. It was unlocked. She pushed the door open slowly. "Amber? Can I talk to you?"
Amber was curled in a tight ball in the corner, shrouded by the curtain of hair that she'd dipped her face behind. Piper moved into the room, avoiding the shattered pieces of glass from the broken lamp and sat down in front of Amber.
Amber looked up. Her face was mottled with color and her cheeks were stained with tears. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"I know. I know how you feel." There was something so honest and gentle in the way Piper spoke that instead of protesting that no, no one could possibly understand how she was feeling, Amber waited to see if Piper would say anything else.
"I married my whitelighter, you know." The faintest of smiles curved Piper's lips. "It's hard. I have to tell you, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. He was always getting called off to do something or other. I had to do so much by myself. Worry that one day they'd take him back for good. But Chris, he's not like that, he's only half. You wouldn't have to worry about him getting called away all the time."
"It doesn't matter." Amber's said sardonically. "He doesn't want me. He made that clear from the beginning that all he wanted was a professional relationship. I never expected more than that." She asserted. "I just wanted to be able to keep it to myself, but I can't even have that much. Everyone knows."
"I know. But you can't escape by staying in here all the time. During the times when Leo was taken from me… I cried. I screamed at the sky. I tried to force them to bring him back to me and when I didn't get an answer, I tried to escape any way I could." She smiled wryly at a memory that Amber could only guess at. Piper shook her head. "It won't make it any better. You know that it's against the rules for a whitelighter to have a relationship with their charge?"
Amber sucked in a sharp, painful breath. "I didn't know." Revelation. More pain. She tried not to wonder if that was why he stressed the platonic relationship so hard and if it would make her feel any better if it was. Piper got to her feet. "He's not here anymore. We're supposed to take over your training for awhile."
Amber was stunned by the onslaught of hurt. He needed to get away from her so badly that he'd turned her over to the Charmed Ones? Was it that bad? Was it so bad of a thing that he needed to run off with no warning? Just the same. She shoved the pain away so it lingered beneath the surface but she forced her face to become expressionless. Phoebe and Piper were both right. She couldn't hide in her room for the rest of her life.
