Chapter Six – Reminiscing by the River

There was silence in the turbo lift. He had pressed a couple buttons instead of saying where to go...so there /was/ a way to use it like a regular elevator... She'd have to play with that another time. She cleared her throat, "So...I'm sorry for getting all uptight about the Mind Meld thing. I could list countless reasons why it would be a bad idea. I don't have anything to hide...I just..." she played with the silver spinner ring on her left ring finger. She kept all her jewelry in her suitcase for safe keeping, but mainly wore this one as a nervous habit. It was better than biting the inside of her cheek or pulling her hair, "I'm so used to people not believing me when I'm stressed, nervous, or...generally have a bad side. What do I have to be stressed about? And the usual "how can someone so cute and docile have a dark side?" or something else just a stupid."

Spock raised a brow at this, "By dark side, you are referencing the negative emotions that you experience, correct? It is not natural for your kind to have negative thoughts or emotions?" He studied her for a moment before speaking again, "I have met many different species throughout my lifetime, and many of them have shown to experience negative emotions. To assume that one does not have select emotions is illogical without the being stating the facts. Because you lived with humans for so many years, I believe that it is logical for you to have...a dark side."

"That is generally correct. However..." She hesitated. Would it...be alright to tell him? She really didn't want to be told it was 'illogical' in his terms. "Let's get one thing straight, before I keep going on that. I'm a very /illogical/ person, alright? A lot of what I do or say probably won't make sense to you, but you kinda have to...just accept it, I guess."

"You have not become acquainted with the Captain yet have you?" Spock asked, nodding his head slightly, "I shall do my best as it would be illogical to try to make you be different than who you are." She seemed...hesitant. Had she something to hide?

"My dark side goes a bit deeper than simple negative emotions. Let's see if there's a term you'd be familiar with..." Bria brought her left hand over her mouth, all but the index finger curled loosely while the index rested just below her nose, "Split Personality Disorder."

"Split personality disorder, a term used for those that hat duel personalities coexisting within one mind." Spock nodded again, "I take it that you are considered to be one such person. Who, may I ask, is the other mind within you?" It did not strike him as...upsetting as it seemed to have been a common occurrence in humans and perhaps in Fylakas were no different. Spock would not be one to deny the possibility at least."Perhaps you can explain more so that I am able to form an understanding of this 'other Bria'."

They had long since reached their destination and were standing outside the doors "I was never diagnosed with it because I 1) didn't want to seem like a hypochondriac, 2) Most people I've told besides Sarah write me off as weird or insane, or they just don't believe me." Bria sighed, "In order to understand her, you would first have to understand Kerica, the me I wish I was. You see, Spock, I'm a writer. Kerica is the person I created as my alter-ego for my stories, who has what I don't, such as special abilities, and is a lot more focused than I am. I'm a very random person, and I ramble. I'm trying really hard to stay on track for you."

"It is impossible to stay on track as we are not on one." the Vulcan pointed out, "Perhaps I am in need of learning of this Kerica. I am will if you allow me to do so. I am...curious as to this other side of you. It is a fascinating topic." Gesturing down the hallway, Spock lead Bria on while they spoke.

"Perhaps you're also in need of learning different figures of speech, too," Bria tried not to smile but the corner of her mouth turned up anyway, "Staying on track is basically staying on topic." She shook her head, "Anyway, I'm...glad you find it fascinating. Only Sarah's been interested in getting to know the sisters better." Taking a deep breath, she said, "Kerica is a martial artist, and very much a cat person. I'm only the latter...I have no idea where all the tricks I used against Uhura or you came from. I guess it's from the chip in my chest...Damn it, I did it anyway. Sorry...Kerica's got really good eyesight, and basically a lot of her other senses are enhanced as well. Only thing I have going for me is my hearing."

"Do humans of your time use such...colorful metaphors this much?" Over the little time that had passed since their first meeting, Spock had heard several curses from the woman, and even some from her sister. He nodded to himself, "So your Kerica is a fighter, a strong personality created for someone in need of control and power of one's self. It is common to wish to be stronger."

"Yes! Basically," Bria beamed, nodding, "My life is anything but controlled and the only power I've had over something is keeping Sarah and I alive. Also, yes, yes we did. Especially since there was a bloody /war/ going on, we swore a lot. If it bothers you I can monitor my speech, though I tend to say damn it more often than the rest. Fuck enters the picture if I'm really angry."

"It is...acceptable if you wish to continue using those metaphors as you are accustom to them." Spock stated as he stopped at the halo deck doorway. "You do not need to worry about power here, Bria. You have all the power and control that we can offer you." He hesitantly reached out and touched her shoulder for a moment before gesturing to the doors. "This is the room I was talking about. It is a specialized halo deck used for recreational purposes as the very mission of the Enterprise is to be away from Earth for years. The crew is in need of entertainment and relaxation areas. This is one of many halo decks the ship has."

"We're not going to see Earth for a long time, are we?" Bria's face fell for a moment, but then she shook her head and grew curious, "What's it do? How's it work?" He had offered to show her a greenhouse-like room. So could this place create that?

"The Enterprise is currently on a five year mission, and, unless ordered otherwise, it will continue to explore uncharted regions of the universe." Spock stated as he opened the doors. Inside was a vastly, black room with gold box-like patterns in the form of a network long every inch of the walls, floor, and ceiling. "You simply tell the computer what you wish to experience and it should make it. You try, tell the computer where it is you want to go, the time, the era, and whatever else you wish to be present. We have hundreds of preset stored in the data base, so some of them might be used if unspecified."

"An-Anywhere?" Bria's eyes widened as she looked around. It was /huge/, "Okay...um..." Home...before the war and decollation. "Actually...is there a computer consol or some other way where I could look up a map? I have a specific area in mind, but I was never good at directions."

Spock's brows furrowed a moment before he looked up at the ceiling, "Computer, display a map of the Earth." A couple of feet from them, a glob of the blue planet appeared, rotating as it does in reality. "You are able to use this as you would any holodisc." He gestured for her to rear the map. The Vulcan was...curious as to where she may go to need a map.

"Um..." Bria looked it over, "Computer...Change to the summer of year 2010." When the place she remembered was at it's best. She watched the world...shimmer, before settling in place again. "Parker, South Dakota, USA." The world flattened and then blew up the area she spoke of. Now she reached out, and touched it, using her fingers like a mouse to navigate the area. She went to the blue line that was the river and she found the street that ran parallel, the train tracks cutting through and going between a tree line. "Computer, create this area."

The map disappeared and suddenly the black and gold floor was no longer beneath them, instead the pink gravel of the road. She felt the wind whip by, the air grow warm, and she closed her eyes taking a deep breath, dirt and...nature, filling her lungs. "This way, try not to trip on the tracks," not worried about a train, she started right down the middle, hopping along the planks, remembering the place by heart.

Following after the Fylakas as she traveled down the strange area, Spock watched her curiously. He had seen tracks for trains before, yet these were different, using old materials long outdated. However, it seemed apparent that she wanted to show him this chosen destination. He wondered what meaning it could hold for her, but that was soon pushed aside to take in how her face was upturned to the trees. Spock, almost, amusingly thought that this must feel like a dream for someone who had lived in such a damaged time period for five years. It was a facial expression that...triggered something inside the Vulcan he never experienced. "Fascinating..." he murmured to himself.

"It's been so long since I've been here. It's my special spot...or it used to be," they reached the bridge and the rushing water from the river could be heard now. Bria smiled, feeling nostalgic, and she moved to the left, "The right side is steep. Over here there are larger rocks to use to ease your way down." she jumped onto a huge pinkish-orange rock and then down onto a grey-black one. From there she crouched and one long leg reached for another pink one lower down. The rocks slipped under her feet, but she rolled with them to two more rocks until she reached the wooden pillars that held the bridge up. Stopping there she looked up back where she came while she waited for him. "We have to follow the rock line here to the other side, if we don't want to get muddy."

Spock raised a brow, but followed never the less, quite interested at this point. "So the place you are leading me to is a hide-away of yours. I take it that you are one that enjoyed being immersed in nature." While it seemed to have taken a moment for Bria to get to where she was, the Vulcan was able to use his long legs and natural abilities to move fluently to her side. "And you are willing to show this 'special spot' to me. I am honored."

Bria blushed and nodded, "Yes...I loved this place so much. It saddens me that it's no longer like this...but it's nice, to see it as it was. I'm actually the halo deck was able to replicate it so well...the air, the water...the oil on the wood...small details that I'd forgotten. It's all here." They got to the other side of the bridge and there was a deep gouge in the earth along the right side, where there had been a mud slide, "That's why we couldn't come down that way." Shrugging she jumped across a muddy spot to the dry embankment and walked over to the river. "This stump is where I'd put all my stuff while I went exploring or sat on my rock - which is that big grey one right there," she stood by the stump which was about two feet tall, and she pointed to a boulder at least two yards away, only five feet away from the riverbank, and it had a worn nook in it's side.

Spock studied the areas she had pointed out with some fascination. He could see a teen-aged Bria tossing her items onto the stump to venture through the tree line with a determined smile and a relief of no human presence around her; Or her sat nestled contently on the rock. The Vulcan imagined she was quite serene while there. "How did you find this place?" Spock asked softly, turning his eyes onto Bria.

"This is a small town, and the school's nearby," Bria smiled as she took off her boots. Since coming here she had had her old, worn, favorite pair of boots replaced with these, and Kirk had assigned her the red tactic's uniform. She refused to wear the dress, so right now she rolled up the uniform pants past her knees, and she was immediately heading to their right, "There's a rock path over here that leads all the way across the river, and then at the half way point there rock path branches off towards the small island you see. Beside the island, the river angles downwards so it creates a waterfall affect."

Spock raised a brow, but followed after the woman along the path, not bothering to take off his shoes. Her steps, though occasionally awkward from a wrong step, were knowledgeable and the rocks high enough to the extent that she led him effortlessly down to the island. He paused once they reached the destination to tilt his head slightly. "You never did explain to me about...Kerica's sister? The other mind within yours."

The water had been cold, but not enough to be unpleasant. She walked through the sand to one edge of the island and looked at the flowing water, glittering in the sunlight. The dirt cliff rose up ahead of them, hundreds of years plus of erosion creating it. "Since you seem to understand Kerica, which I'm kinda grateful for...I guess...the simplest way to explain Nerieta is she's a murderer." She said it so...non-chalantly, like it didn't even bother her anymore...which it did, in all actuality.

"A murderer?" Spock blinked. Such an...odd term to use for part of one's own mind. "That indicated that she is not...friendly. Has she caused things to happen perhaps? Or is it she is the personality for the pent up rage you must have felt from all of that lack of control?"

"All of the above?" Bria laughed dryly, "The whole story with them is that Nerieta murdered their father because she was not the favored child, and attempted to kill Kerica, giving her the scar on her arm from her katana. Kerica manages to escape, though, and finds somebody to help her. A couple years pass, things happen, and...I've never reached the end of a story where Kerica's managed to defeat her. Things are always changing which create new stories. Same beginning...unknown ending."

"That is a rather...dark story." Spock nodded in agreement, his arms folded behind his back in thought, "Perhaps the reason why you never reach that point is because to defeat her would mean defeating yourself as she is apart of you. I heard a human once tell a child, when prompted as to why there are 'bad people' in the world, that each person has a bit of good and a bit of bad in them. Sometimes the bad is stronger than the good because that person hasn't been shown enough good by others." The Vulcan carefully watched Bria as he moved to where he was closer to her. "Humans, and Fylakas it would seem, are...complex, emotional beings. However...the Captain has taught me that you must be who you are, embrace your differences and darkness-es because they are as much apart of you as are your lights. Do not change who you are, Bria, because you are an honorable, strong woman."

"You and Sarah both think so," Bria sighed, "But I'm not. I'm a wreck. I killed so many people, did so many things...I know it was either fight or die situations but damn it...I never wanted to be like that. I just wanted to marry Max, have kids, grow old with him...then all that crap happened...and I'm well over the time to /have/ kids...like, there's a family history of the females in my family having to have a hysterectomy before they're 25. I didn't want to have some random guy's child like my mom, I could barely keep myself alive let alone my sister, and adding a third to that would've been suicide." She was just lucky neither of them had gotten raped, either, keeping to the hills and forests in South Dakota, filtering their water the way Max had taught her.

Spock studied the woman for a moment before reaching out and gently brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. The physical touch, of course, allowed him feel her emotions under the surface, but he never said anything. "You mean in your human family, Bria. You are not a human. You are Fylakas. Sarah and yourself will understand what all applies with this. As for killing...it was logical in the need for survival to do what one must, especially to protect ones' family. Life is hard, and often will not go as you would want it. What matters is how one deals with the hardships before them, and Bria, you have the best that you have. It is illogical to dwell in the past over mistakes that one has made..." As he said this, the Vulcan could not help but to think of his human mother's death...how if he been there faster, or pulled her away from the edge...she might still be alive... "You are not a wreck as you are still in one piece, even sound mentally. Do not belittle yourself, Bria, because you are here, living today. That is what matters."

That was true...she had forgotten about that. "You're...right. In my defense, I just found out that wasn't really my family...which honestly I'm glad. I...never got along with them. My grandfather was the only person I was close to. I also...never felt like I belonged there. Or anywhere. I feel...comfortable, content here. Like I'm /needed/. Sarah's the only one who's ever /needed/ me." She had felt so distraught before he touched her. Just a soft brush of his fingers, but she had felt a small flood of comfort. "Spock...may I ask some personal questions of my own, since I've told you a lot about me?" It was only fair.

"Certainly," Spock nodded, his head tilted slightly. He could see the some tension leave her shoulders, and contemplated reaching out to touch her again. That, however, would be inappropriate as they had not known each other more than a few days.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but...may I know...who it was you lost?" It had been bugging her since he mentioned it, since it seemed to torment him as much as Max's death hurt her.

The question surprised him more than it should have. He turned his eyes down to look at the ground as he silently fought over his choice. Finally, Spock looked up slowly, "I lost my mother, and my home planet of Vulcan." He...trusted her, the one who shared his pain.

Whoa. Her eyes widened and her mouth gaped open. An entire /planet/? His /home planet/ for that matter?! Her entire situation seemed dull and stupid compared to /that/. Earth had changed, but it wasn't /gone/. It would still be there after this five year mission. Then...his mom. He sounded more heartbroken over her death than his planet, so...she was going to take a wild guess and assume she was the human half of his genetics. The one who accepted him for who he was, no matter what. Being a hybrid and a freak among /races/ was always a hot topic in stories, most common she read was between werewolves and vampires.

Studying his face, she knew he was expecting to hear what everyone else had said. Instead, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, laying her head on his chest, "She would be happy you're okay."

Spock stiffened instantly, freezing all over the Fylakas pressed against him. The half-Vulcan closed his eyes as his arms slid around her small frame to hold her to him with controlled tightness. He did not wish to harm her, but he...he felt as if he let her go, she would be gone...just like his mother. What Bria said...He.../felt/ that that was true. All his life his mother was there by his side to support him when he needed her, without being asked. Even when he was battling over whether or not he should purge his emotions, she just smiled and told him that she would be proud either way. His mother /would/ be happy that he was unharmed...

Feeling a wetness on his cheeks, Spock pulled away confused. He reached up and brushed the wetness on his fingers to take a look as to what it was. "I...do not understand...Vulcans do not...cry..." he murmured, looking to Bria as he felt more slide down his face. This had happened before when Jim died, but...he did not understand why this woman was able to bring out his emotions.

Sympathy crossed her face and she reached up, caressing his cheek and using her thumb to brush away the tears there, "You're human as well, though, aren't you? Kirk told me..." she explained, "Think of it this way - it's natural and logical to mourn, no matter what race you are. You haven't mourned her, have you?" The pain she felt...it was a two-way street as she had guessed, but she hadn't expected it. He was so controlled...but that's just it, isn't it? "You're not an emotionless robot. You care and you miss her. It's not a bad thing to show that."

"Vulcans do not show emotion..." Spock protested halfheartedly as he reached up to gently capture her hand to his face. His eyes closed against at the comfort he felt from her, the understanding of loss, and this odd...need to ease his pain. "...I should have saved her. She had been inches from me...I should have reached out farther to save her...It was my fault that she died..."

"So it's your fault the crumbling planet gave way beneath her feet? Gravity is a bitch," Bria was startled by her own words, and the images that had flashed through her head. It was by accident, he was flashbacking, and she softened her tone, "Spock...that's no more your fault then Max's death was mine. Perhaps you need to take your own advice," she had felt her eyes stinging and she sniffed a bit, her throat constricting as she held back the tears, "And...stop it with the Vulcan bullshit." She felt...frustrated. She wanted to help him, like he had been helping her, "I can see right though you, Spock, and it's not because of the touch-telepathy. You're using your heritage in order to deny what you are feeling. Do you really hate your human half that much that you're going to deny you feel /anything/ at all?"

Spock's eyes snapped open immediately, "I do not hate my human half, Bria. My mother was human. I...loved her, and therefore I cannot hate my human side..." There...was a sort of...attraction between the two of them for a moment, like magnates pulling at another. He leaned closer as she rose up slightly. At the last second before he closed the space, Spock pulled completely away, his breathing slightly irregular. This...he could not do this, not when he and Uhura had relations. It would be wrong to cheat on her.

He swallowed thickly before turning away. "I...should leave now, Bria...When you are done with the halo-deck, simply tell the computer to end the simulation...I hope that you enjoy this room. You are allowed a two hour use per day, unless reserved for longer in advance, or for training purposes issued by or approved by myself or the Captain."

Bria's cheeks were flushed and her breathing was also irregular. "R-Right, thank you. I'm going to tell Sarah about it, too." She linked her hands together by her stomach and looked down and away, and felt him brush past her to go back the way they had come. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she put her hands to her face, feeling the dampness on her fingers. The last time she fell this hard was when she first met Max...he would be happy she found someone and wasn't grieving over him anymore. He had told her over and over that he didn't want her to, that he wanted her to move on...but she hadn't been able to. Now she was...and...she was happy. Uhura was going to rip her guts out, but it...felt good, to be wanted again, even if she couldn't have him.