As his fury subsided, he lay the dead man's body carefully down and turned to Perdiccas who now sat beside him on the bed. His eyes held the deadly glint one saw on the battlefields as a growl emanated from his throat.

"He gave his love and life to me, he believed in me…suffered for me… toiled for me, for my dreams and my ambitions.. asking nothing in return but my love" a deep bitterness drenched his voice "but what did I do Perdiccas.? Again, I miserably let him down… I left his side… and I was supposed to be the one to protect him ! What comedy!" his growl had now mutated into laughter drenched in sarcasm and self-loathing that almost instantly dwindled into a whimpering.

Perdiccas sat on the bed and carefully gathered the fair-haired man into his arms. He was no king, no conqueror, no commander. This time he was nothing but the little boy he had known in Pella in the body of a man. A broken, desperate man filled with self-reproach. Alexander clung to him trying to seek comfort from his presence. There was no other sound about them save for his sobbing that seemed like waves dashing forcefully upon a rocky shore. Despite his sorrow Perdiccas sensed he somehow had to be strong for him. This left him utterly bewildered. How could one be strong for a man who until now was the source of strength itself upon which an entire empire relied upon.

"Listen Alexander… this is not of your doing, the fates have called Hephaistion to them" he spoke as the sobbing subsided "You have to let go of him. You have to live... you have an empire to rule that awaits you. An empire that is the fruit of the dreams and visions you both shared, that bound you to each other. Surely you would not want to desecrate his memory by neglecting what you both toiled and sacrificed so much for to build…to make your dream come true . Live…for this is the only way you can thank him for his unwavering support and love in your quest for greatness. Live, for that is the very essence of what he wished and wanted for you"

Alexander lifted his head but did not return his gaze. Instead he had it fixed for a seemingly interminable length of time on Hephaistion's marble bust that stood in the corner of the room. Then he rested his gaze at the dead man that had now taken on a gray pallor.

"While we still were in Pella I promised not only to love him but to care for him yet what have I done?…being his friend you know what pain and neglect I have caused him all through these years all because of my selfishness, pride and ambition. Do you think he understood me? Could he ever forgive me for not being here when…" his anguished whisper faltered as the tears came back up.

Perdiccas nodded.

"My king… you more than anybody else knows that your beloved's greatness lay in his capacity to understand both you and your daimon. That his true beauty lay in his unquestioning devotion, loyalty and love for you. Not only once has he told me he always knew what truly lay in your heart. That is what gave him the strength and wisdom to accept and understand your shortcomings not only as a king but most important as a man."

Perdiccas let out a heavy sigh but then continued "It this knowledge that beneath all, it was only him you ever held in your heart. That gave him the strength and perseverance to bear with dignity all the malice, slander and hate that was thrown his way because of what he meant to you".

"I have always sensed it was my daimon that countless of times caused him pain and anguish despite his best efforts to shield me from this knowledge."

Perdiccas nodded mutely.

"I knew it!... yet my tragedy is, I have so many times took it out on him, instead of me reining it in…I have made him suffer and carry such a heavy burden without me truly recognizing or understanding it. And now…now that I have truly realized how much of him is as myself, how much I really owe him for his love, his faith and perseverance…it is too late"

Alexander spoke as if to himself as he stroke Hephaistion's cold forehead. His tone deeply etched with guilt.

"He accepted it because while your daimon may have burdened him, he knew and understood deep in his heart that it is also a part of what makes you great,. He would not have had it any other way". Perdiccas' voice was low in his attempt in trying to soothe the man's broken spirit.

"Tell me my friend" Alexander's rasping voice broke into Perdicass thoughts breaking their mutual silence "Have the gods become so envious of me? Have they found my ambitions to better Heracles and Dionysus hubris?…Is this their way of restoring me back to the middle path Calanus has spoken about?..or perhaps some punishment Aphrodite has decided to extract from me for failing to care for Hephaistion, this gift she made to me ?…This must be my punishment…surely" his voice rose to a strangled wail.

Perdiccas was at loss not knowing what to say that may relieve the man's regrets. The only certainty he had was this; the state of self-reproach that Alexander was currently in was reaching dangerous heights. Something they never experienced with their king - not with Phillip's or Cleitus deaths.

As he turned and held Hephaistion's cold face in his hands Alexander muttered in a voice akin to that of a small child "Am I too late to ask him to look kindly on me and accept my contrition for all my shortcomings…my faults…for leaving him alone when he needed me most?"

"In his eyes you have done no wrong. He did not want you to trouble yourself with his being. His caring and love for you was unto his death. It was the singular mission in his life….and you know it" Perdiccas replied as his voice began to falter at his own pain.

"Now I am not so sure…if only I had done enough" Alexander replied as he sobbed anew, pressing his cheek against Hephaistion's forehead. Perdiccas gazed at Hephaistion's lifeless body .

I cannot promise you that I can be that strong for him as you have been dear friend for yours was something that never could be equalled…but I promise to do my best….I shall try .

Then gazing at his King, he thought what he dared not put in words.

Yes Alexander, for you… I am afraid it is too late …and for you I grieve too for I fear never shall you be whole again.

Suddenly,Perdiccas was hit by his own remorse. He should have intervened. Told Alexander about the times he shared Hephaistion's pains, sorrows, doubts and frustrations over the King's careless or imprudent actions. Made his fair-haired friend aware of the hurt he was causing his beloved. He should not have promised the dead man his silence so as not to worry Alexander -not at the expense of Hephaistion's misery. He should not have shielded Alexander from the unpalatable truths he seemed too blind to see.

Had he done that, then perhaps Alexander would not now be doubly burdened with grief and guilt. But it was to late. Things could no longer be undone. This was past the time for recriminations towards himself or his friend's beloved. There was not much more he could do other than try and ease Alexander's suffering and prevent him from succumbing into the realm of irrevocable madness.

He lay his hand on the king's shoulder and muttered in a tear- choked voice "Blame not yourself my friend for whatever shortcomings you might have done him … for he truly would have understood"

Alexander's heart rending cry for Hephaistion carried through the chambers as a cold gust of evening wind swirled around the room.

--o0o--

The muffled voices did not escape his ears, though Alexander seemed not to notice. He lay next to his beloved's lifeless body eyes fixed at the ornate ceiling unmoving, unseeing and silent. As Perdiccas opened the door, several dozen pairs of eyes turned upon him and directly before him, Ptolemy and Roxane whose countenance was draped with a thin veil.

"My Lord, I desire to talk to my husband" Her voice sounded weary but retained an edge that would not brook opposition. Perdiccas let his gaze roam from the queen's to the general's who nodded discreetly. He gazed thoughtfully at the Queen before turning his back on them.

He called out Alexander's name as he neared the bed but there was no response. Ptolemy repeated the call but was cut by Roxane's resolute voice as she called out his name "Alexander...my king".

There was no reverence in the way she addressed his title. The initial shock and pity she felt for the physical state the king was when her eyes first chanced upon him was immediately replaced with a seething resentment.

He still has him in his power . Not even in death does he release his hold she thought but not for long now my dear Chiliarch for now you are no more. Now I can claim what by right belongs to me. Now my time begins the thought pleased her, enabling her to regain her emotional equilibrium.

She repeated his name as she made her way to the bed lifting the veil from her face . Her call seemed to rouse Alexander from his sorrowful stupor. Despite his condition, the sight of her seem to lend him a dangerous strength. He sat up on the bed as Roxane attempted to touch him.

"You murdered him…you wanted him dead". Alexander hissed. "You detested him, though he has not wronged you" he growled in a voice filled with contempt as he dove towards her and lunged at her throat -catching her totally unaware. Suddenly, her haughty demeanor was gone. She was just fighting for her life trying to release her husband's vise-like grip on her calling his name as she gasped for air. At an instant Ptolemy and Perdiccas were prying Alexander's arms and hands from her.