Welcome back to the show. You know I'm not good with sticking to deadlines. Just know that if I've already done a chapter it could be anywhere from two days to two weeks for a new chapter to come out. I'll try to fall into a pattern of some sort. There are going to be AT LEAST three more chapters before the Christmas chapter. If you (the readers) still enjoy this story near the end and you want more then it'll become a trilogy.

Here at the discreet funeral morgue we have al lot of patience for our patients, which is probably just as well because they aren't going anywhere. You know for stiffs they're pretty loose. At least they don't sue you when your knife slips. Anyways let's go to the...


REVIEW KORNER


#1 Zim'sMostLoyalServant

I thought it would be interesting and I'm glad to hear that I was correct. I thank you for considering the other readers by not taking up review space but I'd love to hear your feedback on my mistakes. I need a little humble pie every now and then or else my head stops fitting through the door.

#2 Memmek10k

I'm glad you're enjoying it. What's your favorite part so far?

#3 shade empire

Well it's here. For future reference I don't like LOLs *laughs* are alright but please no text chat. No offense to those of you who use it I'm just not a fan


Well lay back on your autopsy tables and focus on the story, it'll keep your mind off of the scalpels and bone saws.


Chapter 7: Making contacts...and weapons of mass destruction


Absently Zim rubbed his side, where the night before he'd been attacked and mauled by a vicious Doberman. The alarms had gone off and Zim had to bolt before the fat owner came downstairs with a shotgun. Zim had been stealing from low end jewelry stores and high end neighborhoods for weeks and was starting to wonder if there wasn't an easier way to make money. The outcast was currently shopping for gifts and not having a lot of luck. The exiles' household was being supported by whatever Zim could hock at the crooked pawn broker's shop and the amounts of cash that Gir brought home randomly. They were just barely making ends meet and Zim had busted more than a few ribs in previous break-ins. Burglary was a simple enough business but Zim needed something a little more conventional.

Zim stopped in front of a store window and stared up at a squeaky toy that he knew Gir would love if He could afford it. Zim sighed dejectedly before something in the store window caught his eye. It was a sign that stated in bold black letters: Holiday cheer is all fine and good but mind your wallet or you'll lose it to a two bit hood. Stay safe, watch for pickpockets.

"Noticed the sign have you?" A voice with a cool soothing quality to it whispered just over Zim's shoulder.

Zim jumped in surprise as he turned to find the owner of the voice. Zim came face to face with a well dressed earth male. The man had brown hair and a beard that bordered his face but did not seem to cross it. His black suit seemed to scream business trip and his voice could con bees out of their honey.

"I can see that you're a bit short for words so I'll cut right to the chase. I know that you recently moved to the city from seemingly nowhere. I know that you're a successful burglar with a fair amount of dexterity in the fingers. I know that you're extremely inventive and I know that you're in a lot of trouble with the local color. This last part is something that you probably didn't know. Is that correct?"

Zim nodded his head in confirmation.

"Well I'm in need of a little assistance and I can already tell that you're running a little light in the pocket so I'll tell you what. Run this little errand for me and I'll vouch for you with the lower downs. And I can promise you that the cut you'll receive will be well worth the effort."

The Irken blinked a few times before saying anything. "Zim is listening."

"Alright well here's the deal, normally I'd have you run the distraction whilst I went to work. But I'm curious to see how much skill you have. I'll create a distraction and while a crowd forms you slip into the crowd and get any wallets you can without being pinched. Try to get at least one."

"How do you propose Zim does this?"

"Remember two basic rules of human psychology. First of all human beings can only give their full attention to one thing at a time. And secondly a little bump can't be felt as well when a larger bump is present. Good luck."

The man ran towards a nearby display and leapt onto a small bench. He then began ranting.

"Brothers and sisters gather round, gather round. Com, come don't be shy." A crowd of roughly forty people built up around the bench as the man continued. "We are the righteous and we are beset upon by the wicked. Snakes lie in wait hoping that you might drop you're guard if only for a moment. Pickpockets." he hissed this last word as if it were a curse. "Who among you is righteous?" he cried out. Nearly everyone in the crowd raised their hands.

This continued for a time but eventually the people grew bored of the man's preaching and slowly the crowd thinned until there was only Zim. The man approached him in a hurried manner. "Zim has done as you have asked."

"And how much did our little dip yield?"

"There are at least twelve leather earth moniez holders here."

The man took the wallets from the extraterrestrials waiting hands and began emptying them. After he had completed the task of cleaning out the wallets he would place them in a leather briefcase. Once all of the billfolds were empty he took the money and split it in half before handing Zim his half. "You've proven to me that you can be counted upon to skillfully carry out any task laid before you. If you work for me I can teach you the tricks of the trade."

"Zim agrees to your proposition. I will work hard to earn your respect and master this craft."

The man smiled "That's what I like to hear, now let's talk about watches..."


Meanwhile at school...


"Where the hell is Zim?" Tak muttered angrily as the five remaining outcasts sat on their usual floor space.

"Oh, that moron?" Zeke said with a skeptical look. "I dunno I haven't seen him since the bus dropped all off here. Knowing his IQ level though I'd have to guess that he saw a squirrel and whilst chasing it found himself lost."

Skoodge glared flatly at his snarky SIR. "That sounds more like something Gir would do."

"Curse the pug waffles they always steal my taquito squirrels. WHY? WHY DO THEY STEAL MY TAQUITO SQUIRRELS?"

The entire cafeteria went silent and stared at the platinum haired spaz. Then they all came out of this stalled state and returned to their utterly pointless lives.

"He shouldn't be playing hooky he should be studying. Final exams are next week." Mimi said from behind her biology textbook.

"Mimi don't hold the book so close to your face or you'll burn out your optical sensors. And vision aids take time to procure."

"Sorry sis." Mimi said looking down at her lap sadly over having been scolded, even if it wasn't all that harshly said.

Gaz walked up to the group from the table that Dib and she shared. "You guys know you can sit with us any time right?"

This seemed to brighten the off planet visitors' moods. "Thanks." Skoodge said happily before walking towards the aforementioned table.

Gaz noticed that Zim was missing and tried to casually slip the question to Tak, who being the most responsible and organized of the six was bound to know the answer. "So where's tall, green, and obnoxious."

Tak smirked with delight as she made her next statement, "Why you got a thing for him?"

Gaz blushed a deep tomato red before answering. "What? No! God no, I was just... curious that's all."

"Whatever you say queen of darkness. But seriously none of us actually knows where he is today. I think he ditched school."

"Why do you think he'd do a thing like that?" Gaz asked in mock confusion.

"Ha ha, look I know the usual reason most people skip classes and this is different. I've been thinking of following him to work to see what it is he does. Whatever it is it puts food on the table and bruises on his body."

"My money's on prize fighter for some lame half assed wrestling show."

"You're on. I bet he's working out of a deli."

"I thought you guys were allergic to meat."

"Naw just the processing that it goes through."

"Hmm, interesting."

Dib and the rest of the Nekri household walked up to the two girls. And inevitably it was Dib, the nosy brother who asked the question. "What're you two talking about?"

"We're making a bet on what Zim's mysterious job is."

"How much?" Dib queried.

The two girls looked at each other before responding at the same exact moment. "Twenty bucks."

Dib keenly handed the girls a twenty. "I'm in, what're the clues?"

"Late nights and bruises but he's making enough to support our dietary consumption."

"He's taking pictures of cheating spouses, no question."

"It's not right to bet on what Zim does for a living." Skoodge whined.

Zeke shook his head in disappointment at his so called master. " I'm bettin on professional prostitute."

"ZEKE!" Skoodge cried incredulously.

"What, it could happen."

Skoodge fished around in one of his many pockets and pulled out a crumpled ten and two wadded up fives. "Well I bet he doesn't actually have a job at all he just begs for the money."

Gaz gasped "Ooo, I wanna change my bet to street performer in the subway."

Tak rolled her eyes with a tiny smile "Why do I get the feeling that that's a personal fantasy rather than an actual educated guess."

Before Gaz could retort Gir bounded dangerously close to the short tempered females. He had a twenty dollar bill in his outstretched arm. "I'll take a peice o' dat action. I want fifty on water fresca to win and forty on frisky tree to lose. And I'll take an ounce of magic dust and three nicks and make it snappy afore the five-oh shows my nigga*." Everyone just gawked at the little robot boy as he just stood there smiling like a moron. Suddenly Gir gasped "SQUIRREL!" He yelled before racing off in a fit of insane laughter.

The group made plans to follow Zim and figure out exactly how he earned his wages. They'd follow him the next time he left for work.


*Warning Nigga is a registered trademark of African Americans. Any person or persons with fair skin who are caught using this terminology will be hunted down and castrated.


Well that concludes another exciting chapter of Zim the Exile. Tune in next time to see the gang observe Zim in his new 'job'.

Stay awesome, keep reading, God bless. If any government affiliated parties happen to read this, pull your head out of your butt and see the world as a big empty rock in a sea of big empty rocks. Why you wanna fight over just a little piece of that big empty rock?