Judy Hopps had to admit that what she was doing was bordering on obsessive. In fact, it was pretty crazy. She had come to terms with how she wasn't as well 'put together' these last few weeks as she had been a few months ago, but to hell with it. She was on a mission, and she supposed that her sometimes obsessive tendencies had gotten her out of Bunnyburrows and into the police academy; even helped her save the city.
Squatting behind a bush a short way into the park that was situated across from Coffee Junction, Binoculars in hand, she scanned the sidewalk again for her targets.
Why was she so adamant about finding Nicholas Wilde his perfect mate? She had been asking herself this question late into the night for weeks now. The answer was simple; because she owed him everything, and because she had hurt him, probably more than any other mammal in the world. Most of all, because she lied to him, and would continue to lie to him.
What was this terrible truth from which she hid her every waking moment? She knew it well - why, fear itself. And, in her case it was no ordinary fear. This fear was irrational, deep-seated, instinctual, ingrained and aggressive. She had tried to fight it, yet, it had proven insurmountable; among the few battles Judy Hopps had ever lost; her one ultimate concession. The fear was to her, like being buried alive would be to a claustrophobe - intolerable beyond even the greatest strength of will. So, over this one exception she had resigned herself.
She was attracted to predators, always had been. When she was old enough to try, she got close to a few, nearly intimate, only for her subconscious mind to rebel and overthrow her senses. It was a sad state, of that there was little doubt. Judy had even given it a name, calling it her, 'Goldilocks Syndrome'. Perpetually she orbited that which she most desired. Never getting too close for fear of destruction, and never drifting too far away for fear of the cold loneliness that she'd known most of her life; a loneliness that only compounded during her months of self-imposed exile back in the burrows – a fear of losing that which she'd come to love.
Resignation – she was resigned to the fact that she could never love Nick the way he deserved. She would marry her work and make the world a better place. She would be the best friend that ever lived.
The decision she finally made was that the least she could do was serve a penance. Nick Wilde deserved to be happy, to have a wonderful life. Judy was going to do whatever it took to make sure he had it, even knowing she couldn't be an intimate part of that life. She had sworn an oath to herself. The day she broke his heart for the second time. After seeing the pain she caused him, she swore that never, not ever, would she hurt him like that again. Even if it meant losing her job, or her reputation, or her life - even if it meant breaking the law; never again.
This magnificent clusterfuck of emotional scarring, crossed wires and mental anguish was ultimately what led her to this moment; hunker down, waiting to spy on her best friend and probably the love of her life.
By the time Judy spotted Daisy (the sandy blond vixen) arriving at the café, the rabbits calves were already starting to cramp. Judy chose this location for the park as well as the fact that the indoor seating was limited. That meant the date was probably going to have to be held outside which suited Judy just fine.
Moments after arriving, the pretty, petite fox was led to a table under a red awning. She sat, holding her tail to the side daintily. It was then that things started to go to shit.
From inside the shop a black-furred, male rabbit, dressed in a tailored baby-blue shirt and cream colored vest, walked up to the table. Daisy's expression was one of confusion for a moment as the two began to converse. Unexpectedly, Nick Wilde himself appeared moments later from inside the shop, holding a couple of coffees and a platter full of pastries. Seeing him caused Judy to nearly drop her binoculars in shock. The fox was dressed to impress.
Nick was decked out in a three-piece suit made of brown wool, wearing a bright purple tie with a matching pocket square. His tie clip might have been pure gold while his elegant wristwatch looked ridiculously expensive. The whole ensemble could have easily cost several grand, although Judy couldn't really be sure, seeing as her taste in clothing was fairly pedestrian to say the least.
Transfixed by him, the rabbit gawped, he was gorgeous (for lack of a better word) probably the sexiest mammal she had ever laid eyes on. And gods, she wanted him …
"Get a hold of yourself!"
Judy had to look away for a moment, close her eyes and just breath. "He isn't mine. He can never be mine."
Exhaling as she put a lock on her emotions, Judy went back to her binoculars. Across the road, the three mammals seemed to be enjoying themselves. Daisy was looking far less nervous, Nick was smiling and laughing; at his most charming. The other bunny sat quietly, adding a comment here and there, seeming relaxed and care-free.
It again raised the question, who was this black-furred buck and what was he doing with Nick? He had no business butting in on this date which she had worked so hard to set up. Whoever he was, Judy was going to find out. Nick had better be ready for a serious interrogation on Monday.
Out of nowhere, Judy's whole world seemed to stop and tip sideways as, she watched in total shock and without warning, Nick leaning down to the mysterious rabbit and kissed him fully on the mouth. The kiss wasn't chaste either. It was returned with passion and it lasted for several long moments - included… an uncivilized amount of tongue, and left no room for doubt that Nick and this rabbit were in some way involved.
In contrast to Judy, Daisy seemed quite delighted. The movement of her mouth suggesting that she was saying something along the lines of, "Wow! That's so cute!"
Judy though … Judy was seeing red. It was taking all her self control not to charge across the street and utterly lose her marbles. For the first time in her life she was feeling a twisting, writhing anger burning in her gut. She took a few moments to put a name to the feeling, but when she did it only became worse: raw jealousy. The realization cooled her temper slightly. But that didn't change the fact that Nick was locking lips with some unknown, male! She had never seen a rabbit kiss any predator before, it was impossible as far as she knew. Perhaps it was a trick… or made possible by some new medication?
Judy's thoughts were spiralling out of control. "Is he gay now? And a rabbit? A rabbit! How is that possible? Rabbit's can't… How can he… That slimy, no-good fox! How dare he- didn't he say he loved me? What happened to that!? How could he!"
Judy had to shake herself. She was being irrational, teetering close to a meltdown, and she needed to distance herself from this before she did something she'd regret.
Quietly and carefully, Judy slipped out of the park and (because walking made her feel like she might explode) started to run. She sprinted several miles back to her apartment where she charged into her room and slammed the door. For the first time since she left the park she realized that tears were running down her face. She dabbed at them in confusion for a moment before a rage flared within her and she hurled her binoculars across the room. They shattered against the wall as she slid slowly down her door.
Laying against the floor, a shattered mess of conflicting emotions, in a hissing whisper Judy uttered three words.
"I'm so dumb."
Fear.
Attraction.
She loved predators and yet she feared them. Her mind had created a closed loop from which there was no escape.
She had tried to fight it on both fronts for years only to fail again and again. In this struggle lay her greatest shame. This irrational, unwelcome fear ruled her life, preventing her from having what she wanted.
Unfortunately in response to this, Judy had constructed a fantasy. 'Prey and predator could never be truly intimate' the smooth, consoling reasoning had occurred to her in the late hours of the night. It wasn't that prey were cowards and predators were violent. It was just simple biology. Instinctually, there was a subconscious rejection of deeper intimacy. For that reason, a predator and prey mammal could never truly be together; not really. In the microcosm of Bunnyburrows this theory had remained uncontested, even substantiated by several local rabbit doctors and therapists who consoled her to her face and shook their heads when she was gone.
In moving to Zootopia and witnessing first hand relationships between predator and prey, Judy had been forced to edit her views. Now, she decided, the instinctual-biological rejection was something that not all prey suffered from. For rabbits though, it was an inescapable fact. After all, when had she ever seen or heard of a rabbit in a relationship with a predator? Never. Had she ever gone to any great lengths to verify this belief beyond the circumstantial and narrow understanding one gets from living in a bunny dominated backwater? Definitely not. Why? Well, prehaps some deeper part of herself suspected the truth. All mammals it seems, even the great Judy Hopps, could somtimes be guilty to avoiding those things that might hurt them the most. In a way, she was a bit like Don Quixote himself, choosing to see the world in a way that protected her from the truth. Giving in to double-think without ever truly realizing it - until today.
Once she was calm enough, Judy sat down at her desk and opened her laptop. She immediately typed in the words, 'rabbit fox lovers sex relationship'. The query that came back changed her life. Within ten minutes of clicking through the hundreds of links that came up, Judy was sobbing hysterically, enough so that she could no longer even read the screen.
These tears were not a result of what she saw in front of her, but from the veil she had so willingly worn for so many years. The problem was in her, it had always been her. Not instinct or rabbit biology, not morals or religious doctrine; it was her - probably fixable too. And now she finally saw the cost of her ignorance. After all her self-congratulations on bettering herself and seeing past her prejudices, she looked down only to see that the foundation on which she had built so much of her recent life was nothing but mud.
She had been so wrong.
Judy didn't leave her apartment again that weekend. Hell, she barely managed to leave her bed. It wasn't until Sunday afternoon that she finally collected herself into a reasonably functional mammal.
After receiving a veggie pizza from a delivery mammal who actually asked if she was 'alright' after seeing the horrendous state she was in. Judy sat, ate and assessed - speaking aloud in order to better reorganize her so recently shattered self.
"Okay. So, I've been lying to myself without exactly meaning to for most of my life... because of this I have badly hurt and probably lost the mammal I love…"
Judy had to stop for a moment and fight once again for composure. She ground her teeth and sniffed. Swallowing, she shook herself - she could wallow in self pity until the end of time if she allowed it; it wasn't going to get her anywhere. She needed to move towards a goal. To do that, she had to figure out where she was, and what she wanted.
"Hard-truth time Judy – I knew Nick was attracted primarily to prey and deep down I also knew that he would never settle for some vixen. I fixated on setting him up with one because I knew it would never work. So, number one. From now on I will respect what he wants and I'm going to apologize first thing tomorrow. Thing number two; I have a problem. This fear is not a fact of life but an affliction. I am going to overcome it and I'm going to find someone to help me. Three; once I've figured this out, I'm going to tell Nick everything. He deserves to know the truth, and if I've lost my chance to be with him... I'll live with it."
Throwing the crust of her recently devoured pizza slice in the box, Judy headed to the washroom. Surveying her tearstained, bedraggled fur, she couldn't help but smile a little. She looked herself in the eyes and decided then to make a promise, going so far as to put her hand over her heart as she'd done when swearing her oaths at the academy,
"I am going to do better. I can't change what I've done. But I swear to make the world a better place, starting with me."
For the first time in days Judy's eyes were dry and her mind was clear. She needed to get cleaned up, her uniform had to be pressed and she was lacking adequate rest, so an early night was in order. She knew that she would need it, because tomorrow she intended to begin dragging the skeletons out of her closet. She was going to face her demons.
The next day Judy all but marched into the bullpen. She had steeled herself and resolutely prepared for what was to come. Crawling up into her usual seat she checked her phone and found that she had arrived nearly thirty minutes early. It was then she noticed a small blinking envelope in the corner of her screen. Opening the message, she saw immediately it was from Nick:
Nick: Hey Carrots! Hope you had a great week. I missed you.
Sorry for sending this message so late but something came up
and now I'm taking the week off on holiday. I didn't expect
buffalo-butt to give it to me, seeing as I called him pretty early this
morning, but it since it's so slow around the station I think he decided
to have mercy. Sometimes I think he might actually have a heart
underneath that cranky muscle-bound exterior. Anyway, was thinking
maybe this Friday we could have dinner at my place. There is
someone I'd like you to meet. Don't ask who it is, that would
just spoil the surprise ;)
Ps. Had a GREAT time with Jack. He really knows his stuff.
You should give the training a shot, although there is no way you're
going to top my performance last week, so don't even try.
Judy read the message twice, and then read it again. Something was odd about the whole thing. For one, Nick never wrote more then he had to. This was practically a novel compared to his usual texts, and seemed suspiciously well thought out. Second, he sounded… happy, even playful, which was something that she hadn't seen from him for over a month now. Then it hit her,
"It must be this new relationship."
The realization stung. It was compounded by the fact that Nick had decided to take his vacation without giving her any warning. They had always taken time off together. Now he couldn't even be bothered to call her. A month and a half ago they had talked on the phone almost every night-
Judy had to interrupt this line of thinking as she felt herself sinking back into the gloom of her lovesick depression. Taking a moment, she tilted her face toward the ceiling and blinked a few gathering tears back into her eyes. With a deep breath, she was back on level ground. Although, she noted she needed to control her thoughts more, lest she burst into sobs at some random inopportune place or time.
Several minutes later, Judy had finished texting her response to Nick. Agreeing to meet up for dinner on Friday she lightly reprimanded him for being so distant these last few days. She chose not to mention how she had spied on his date, and therefore had a notion of who it was that she might be meeting. She would save that embarrassing revelation for a later date.
Just as Judy pressed the send button, Chief Bogo arrived with a call to attention.
"Sit!" The cape buffalo bellowed with a wave of his hoof. "Let's not waste time. It's business as usual again this week. Hopps, your partner decided to call me at home this morning to beg for time off. I was about to deny him until I realized that it meant I would get to spend another seven days without having to listen to his smart mouth. Unfortunately, that means you get to sit at front desk, go help out in records, or take on parking duty. Take your pick."
"Excuse me chief." A voice spoke from the still open doorway. The entire room collectively craned their necks to see, Jack Savage, standing with his hand up as if to ask a question. "Perhaps, seeing as officer Wilde will be gone for the week, I could have Miss Hopps for skill development training?"
The chief raised an eyebrow, looking not overly impressed at being interrupted. He shifted his gaze from one rabbit to the other, "Hopps?"
Judy quickly tried to construct a response, "Uh, yes sir. I think that would be preferable."
The buffalo huffed, "Fine, who cares. By the way Savage, what did you do to Officer Wilde that caused him to take a sudden week-long vacation?"
A smile spread across the rabbit's face that was as smug as anything even Nick had ever been able to muster. His voice almost betraying a hint of laughter. "My apologies sir, I fear I may have pushed him hard a few too many times. He seemed quite worn out by the end. Although, I'm confident that he felt the benefits of our time together."
The chief just looked at him funny for a long beat, his eyes squinting slightly.
"I need my officers back after you're done with them Savage. No more sudden vacation requests or we are going to have to revisit our agreement."
Without loosing his grin the rabbit saluted crisply, "Understood sir."
Bogo grunted again before giving the room his customary parting glare, "Dismissed!"
Once everyone had filtered out of the room, a few of whom sent Judy coy winks on their way out, Mr. Savage approached her from where he had been standing near the door. The rabbit's smile was nearly as wide as his face; his blue eyes sparkled, "Officer Hopps, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. After all the good things I've heard from Officer Wilde, I expect you'll be the one showing me a thing or two, and not the other way around."
Judy found herself somewhat awestruck. The buck before her really was just… incredibly handsome, and as much as she rarely felt anything for male rabbits, something about him caused her heart to flutter a little.
"H-Hoody Jopps… Hopps! Judy Hopps. It's, uh, amazing… too meet you."
The lithe rabbit, reached down and gently pried her hand from where she had is pressed against her abdomen, before giving it a gentle shake.
"Well, Ms. Hopps, I am flattered that you find meeting me to be amazing. I must admit though, I'm fairly ordinary once you get to know me."
Judy kind of doubted that, but just nodded her head while still holding his hand.
Jack disentangled their fingers before smiling again, "Well, the day isn't getting any longer so let's be on our way, shall we. You wouldn't believe the week that I've got planned."
