"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Seven teams set ought on the sixth leg of a race around the world!"
"Teams met their match in a detour choice which involved cooking a complex curry!"
"What's this meat?" said the judge angrily, "…turkey? It's a chicken curry for cripe's sake!"
"…with many teams being turned down!"
"There's no radishes in this recipe!" said the judge angrily, "Why did you put it in? Take it back!"
…
"What's this red stuff?" said the judge angrily.
"Blood," said Snake, frothing manically at the mouth, staring the judge in the eye.
"But Bowser and Ness came up with the right combination of skill and teamwork…"
"We've thought up of a system where we both make our own dish and not intrude on each other's personal space," said Ness, "That way… ….we'll have two tries at the judge's table!"
"…and finished the task first!"
The judge reached into his backpack. "Here's your clue!"
"Yess!" cheered Ness, opening the clue.
"All of the other teams finished, but Fox and Samus lagged behind!"
"This is going to be the end of us!" said Fox angrily.
"We're currently in last place… and at this point… I think we're going to get eliminated…" said Samus.
"Everything we do… we simply can't make this curry…" said Fox angrily.
"At the Yield, Sonic made a controversial decision…"
"We choose to yield..." said Sonic, "Peach and Knuckle Joe!"
"…much to the disliking of the other teams!"
"We don't agree with Kirby and Sonic's decision to Yield Peach and Knuckle Joe," said Jigglypuff.
"At a taxi-driving Road Block, teams struggled!"
"Oh my gosh, I can't even drive a stupid stick shift…" said Ness angrily.
…
A crocodile broke through the window and swam in.
"Oh my… this is the end! THIS IS THE END!" screamed Pikachu hysterically.
"But upon the eventual arrival of Fox and Samus…"
"Come on!" said Fox excitedly, "We can still catch up!"
"Hurry, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, running, "We can do this!"
"Move! Losers!" screamed Falco, hopping over Jigglypuff and Pikachu in one step.
"Run! Run!" screamed Yoshi manically to Snake, who was lagging behind.
"…five teams finished at the same time, leading to a footrace to the pit stop!"
"Run, Dad!" said Ness, jogging up the stairs, "Endurance training! Endurance training!"
"Fox and Samus outran everyone else, finishing first!"
"Fox and Samus, you're team number one!"
"Yes!" cheered Fox and Samus heartily.
"…while the other teams plotted their demise!"
"We're always up there at the top of the pack and all that's needed is one tiny Yield… and Fox and Samus will be gone!" said Yoshi.
"Peach and Knuckle Joe, battered, and six hours behind, walked onto the pit stop thinking they were out…"
"Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are the seventh and last team to arrive," said Master Hand.
"We know," said Peach.
"…but because of another team's failure…"
"However," said Master Hand, "As Kirby and Sonic were forced to quit the detour, Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are team number six."
"Peach and Knuckle Joe remained in the race!"
"Yes!" cheered Knuckle Joe and Peach screamed cheerfully.
"Can Fox and Samus, now a potential target to most of the other teams, stay in first place? And can Peach and Knuckle Joe, more than six hours behind the other teams, stay in the race? Six teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?"
The Teams:
Bowser and Ness (Father and Son)
Falco and Mewtwo (Martial Arts Experts)
Jigglypuff and Pikachu (Dating Pokemon)
Snake and Yoshi (Accountancy Students)
Peach and Knuckle Joe (Lawyers)
Fox and Samus (Entrepreneurs)
"Fox and Samus, who were the first to arrive at 10:06 AM, will depart at 10:06 PM!"
Fox and Samus
1st to depart: 10:06 PM
"You must now make your way to the Overworld in Sky World, by taking one of three charter rainbow boats!" read Fox, "Once here, you must find the 'Blissful Fruit Store' to receive your next clue!"
"Teams must now find this local travel agent and sign up for a Rainbow Boat, which will transport them up into the sky and into Angel Land!" said Master Hand, "The departing times are: 2:00 PM, 3:00 PM and 5:00 PM! Only four teams are allowed per boat!"
"Once teams arrive here, they must make their way to this fruit vendor, where they will receive their next clue!"
"Rainbow Boat?!" said Samus sceptically.
Master Hand
"Rainbow Boats are the only way to get into heaven…" said Master Hand angrily. "Okay?"
Fox and Samus
"What about dying?" laughed Fox. "You can get into heaven from dying!"
Fox, Samus and Master Hand chuckled.
"Wait… I can't get into heaven!" cried Fox, "I sinned in Grade 2, stealing Peppy's sharpener! Oh God!"
Fox cried.
"Wait! I just sinned again!" cried Fox, hyperventilating.
"Uh… there, there," said Samus, "You'll be in hell with me too…"
"Why would you say that, Samus?" said Fox, smiling, "You're an angel!"
"Yeah… sure…" said Samus, wiping the fresh blood off her zero suit.
…
A decapitated skull as a result of one of Samus's numerous murders fell out of her Zero Suit, bouncing on the ground several times.
Samus picked up the skull and stuffed it back in her chest area.
"Stop staring at me!" screamed Samus to Fox angrily.
Snake and Yoshi
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Bowser and Ness
Mewtwo and Falco
2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th to depart: 10:07 PM
"You must now make your way to the Overworld in Sky World, by taking one of three charter rainbow boats!" read Yoshi, Pikachu, Ness and Falco in unison, "Once here, you must find the 'Blissful Fruit Store' to receive your next clue!"
"Let's go!" said Snake, Jigglypuff, Bowser and Mewtwo excitedly.
"Hold on!" laughed Yoshi, Pikachu, Ness and Falco, "Wait! Rainbow boat?!"
"If you heard Master Hand before," said Snake, Jigglypuff, Bowser and Mewtwo in their dull, droning unison, "Rainbow Boats are the only way to get into heaven… geez, idiot!"
"What about dying?" laughed Yoshi, Pikachu, Ness and Falco. "You can get into heaven from dying!"
"Stop stealing material from Fox, idiot!" said Snake, Jigglypuff, Bowser and Mewtwo angrily.
Yoshi, Pikachu and Ness frowned.
"Why does everyone have to put me in the shadow of Fox, huh?" sobbed Falco angrily, "It's always, Falco! You're not good enough to be Fox! You're almost good as Fox! Well guess what? That's bullocks, I tell you! THAT'S BULLOCKS!"
Everyone stared at Falco.
"THAT'S BULLOCKS!" cried Falco, nearing Snake as he sobbed.
"THAT'S BULLOCKS!" screamed Falco, thumping his fists on Snake's chest.
"BULLOCKS!" screamed Falco, rubbing on Snake's chest.
"Bullocks…" said Falco slyly, rubbing Snake's nipples tenderly.
"Oh… bullocks," said Falco, grinning uncontrollably massaging Snake's chest.
"Bullocks…" said Falco, closing his eyes sweetly, massaging Snake's shoulders affectionately.
"Oh… bullocks…" said Falco, massaging Snake's shoulders harder.
Everyone stared at Falco.
Falco looked up.
"…I'm not gay!" cried Falco.
"Wait… is that bird thing a dude?" said Snake, shocked.
Yoshi nodded nervously.
"Oh God! Oh God!" screamed Snake, "Oh, I thought he was a chick! Ah! Erase the fantasies from those your head Snake, erase those fantasies! It's a dude! He has dude parts!"
…
"Or does he?" said Snake slyly.
Snake examined Falco.
"Oh God! Oh God!" screamed Snake.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Where's Diamond City Rainbow Boat tours?" asked Samus to a local.
The local pointed up the street, "Uh, it's about one block that way…"
"Thanks!" said Samus.
"We gotta get there quick…" said Fox, reading the clue, "There's only four to a boat so someone behind us is going to miss out…"
Bowser and Ness
Currently in 2nd Place
"Everyone's kinda…" said Bowser, jogging along, "Following us…"
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 3rd Place
"Hey, wait a second," said Falco, reading the rest of the clue as he jogged down the sidewalk of the main road, "It's four to a boat! Someone's going to get left behind!"
"Shut up, we don't want anyone to hear!" said Mewtwo, "We gotta take a taxi then…"
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 4th Place
"Hey… where's Mewtwo going?" said Snake, pointing to Mewtwo, who was cutting through a nearby nature reserve to another main road.
"I think he's trying to get a taxi…" said Yoshi, "Should we get one too?"
"Yeah…" said Snake.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 5th Place
"Who do we follow, Pikie?" said Jigglypuff, pointing to the division of the two groups in front of them.
"Follow the dad and son, we're together with them and we can outpace them if we need to…" said Pikachu.
Fox and Samus
"Look, it's the Pokemon," said Fox, jogging along, pointing behind, "…we gotta beat them…"
"The place is straight ahead… look," said Samus, pointing across the pedestrian crossing, "The shopping strip's right there!"
Mewtwo and Falco
"Take us to Diamond City Rainbow Boat Tours…" said Falco, hopping into a parked taxi.
"Just wait…" called Mewtwo, several metres away, "I'm paying this taxi to go away!"
Snake and Yoshi
"What's Mewtwo doing in that taxi? Falco's in that other one!" said Snake, shocked.
"I think there's something up!" said Yoshi, sprinting towards the two taxis.
Mewtwo and Falco
"We just paid the guy to leave…" said Mewtwo, as their taxi took off, "I just hope he follows the orders…"
Snake and Yoshi
"Wait! Wait!" screamed Yoshi, waving his arms as the taxi drove away.
The taxi pulled up on the other side of the road.
"Good job, he's waiting…" said Snake.
Fox and Samus
"This traffic light is taking forever!" said Samus, frustrated, an endless barrage of cars zooming through the section of road in front of them, "There's no way we can walk through this street!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Hi guys!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, catching up to Fox and Samus.
Bowser and Ness
"Howdy," said Bowser, running up and leaning on a lamp post.
Fox and Samus
"Oh my gosh, I can see it, the sign's right there…" said Fox, pointing to a 'Boat Tours' sign about fifty metres in front of them.
"We're just going to have to take off when the pedestrian light goes green…" said Samus.
Mewtwo and Falco
"It's just around the corner," said the taxi driver as Mewtwo paid.
"Awesome," said Mewtwo, hopping out of the taxi.
Fox and Samus
"Oh my gosh," said Fox, pointing to the other side of the road, "That's Mewtwo and Falco right there…"
Snake and Yoshi
"It's Mewtwo and Falco!" said Snake happily, their taxi stopping behind Falco's.
Fox and Samus
"They're all here…" said Samus.
"Wait… they're taking out their bags slowly… we still have a chance…" said Fox.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"I think they're sprinting… the place must be close…" whispered Jigglypuff to Bowser.
The pedestrian sign turned green.
"RUN!" screamed Fox.
Mewtwo and Falco
Mewtwo saw Fox, Samus, Jigglypuff, Pikachu, Ness and Bowser dashing across the crossing.
"Wait here!" screamed Falco to the taxi driver.
Mewtwo and Falco took off.
Snake and Yoshi
"Stay here! We'll be back!" said Snake, dragging Yoshi along.
"Why does it always have to be this close?" moaned Yoshi.
Diamond City Rainbow Boat Tours
Lots of dramatic camera angles.
Samus sprinted in, found the clipboard on the office desk and quickly clutched it into her hands, like a mother, curdling a baby.
Mewtwo and Falco, followed by Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi ran in.
Everyone came to a halt, as they stared at Samus, who was calmly writing her name down onto the clipboard.
Fox and Samus
1st on 2:00 PM Boat
"Done," said Samus, tapping the pen on the pad.
Samus looked up, seeing the anxious faces of the other four teams.
"Give it to me!" screamed everyone in unison.
"Oh boy, we're just so popular," laughed Fox, leaning back.
"So uh… who wants it?" said Samus.
Mewtwo attempted to use his telekinesis to take the pad out of Samus's clutch.
Samus kicked Mewtwo in the face. "Now that's not very gentlemanly!"
"Here Snake, you can have it, my sweetie pie!" said Samus.
Snake took the pad.
"You never call me sweetie pie Samus!" said Fox, teary-eyed.
"That's because I don't love you," said Samus.
"Oh," said Fox, "Well… uh… yeah… that actually makes sense…"
Snake and Yoshi
2nd on 2:00 PM Boat
"Done," said Snake, looking up.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu smiled cutely at Snake. Falco and Mewtwo smiled threateningly at Snake. Bowser and Ness smiled like… a father and son… would smile.
"Hmm… who should I give it to?" said Snake.
"I have state secrets of China!" said Jigglypuff happily, remembering her improvisational skills she learnt at Harvard.
"You went to Harvard?" said Pikachu, surprised.
"Yeah…" said Jigglypuff, "Wait! Since when did I say that? That's a secret of mine!"
"When it said, 'said Jigglypuff happily, remembering her improvisational skills she learnt at Harvard'!" said Pikachu.
"What are you talking about?" said Jigglypuff angrily.
"Just like I said, "You went to Harvard?" said Pikachu, surprised.""
Jigglypuff scratched her head. "Riiighty…"
"So, what are these state secrets?" said Snake excitedly.
Jigglypuff leaned in towards Snake's ear. "China's hosting the Olympics this year…"
"You mean the Olympics are still running?" said Snake, gasping, "Here's the clipboard, my wise associate!"
As Jigglypuff took the clipboard, Snake dialled a number into his cellphone.
The caller picked up at the other end.
"Hello?" said the voice at the other end.
"Mei Ling!" screamed Snake hysterically, "The Olympics are back!"
"…yeah…" said Mei Ling.
"And China's hosting it!" screamed Snake.
"…yeah…" said Mei Ling.
"…you're… not very excited by that, are you?" said Snake, disappointed.
"Look, are you going to come into the office or am I going to have to fire you now?" said Mei Ling angrily.
"Um… I'm in my office… right now…" said Snake.
"Your call is coming from Diamond City," said the voice at the other end angrily. "…are you taking a holiday?"
"Uh… I'm sorry…" said Snake, "I can't hear you, the sound from your end is breaking up… I guess… being at work and all and being so close to the place I want to reach… I guess I can't hear you!"
"Actually, I can hear her," said a green, suit-wearing elf. "Hi Mei Ling! I'm having a nice holiday with Snake!"
"NUUUEZ!" screamed Snake.
"Hi Tingle!" said the voice at the other end, "Oh, and Snake… you're fired!"
"TIIIIINGLE!" screamed Snake angrily.
…
"Also, this joke's getting really old," said Snake.
"I know," cried Tingle.
…
…
"Kooloo-Limpah!" said Tingle.
Everyone laughed.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
3rd on 2:00 PM Boat
"I think I'm going to hand the board to Bowser!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.
"But Jigglypuff!" pleaded Mewtwo desperately, "We've had an alliance for the entire race… doesn't our friendship mean anything to you?"
"Of course, Mewtwo! My ol' buddy pal!" said Jigglypuff, slowly turning towards Mewtwo.
"Jigglypuff! Who tried to poison you?" said Bowser angrily.
"You did!" said Jigglypuff angrily, pointing to Bowser.
"Actually, it was us," laughed Falco.
Mewtwo punched Falco in the gut.
"Oh, okay then!" cheered Jigglypuff, handing the board to Bowser.
"Damnit!" screamed Mewtwo.
Bowser and Ness
Last on 2:00 PM Boat
"I guess playing dirty doesn't always work!" taunted Ness, handing Mewtwo the clipboard.
Mewtwo and Falco
1st on 3:00 PM Boat
"Grr," said Mewtwo angrily.
Jimmy T's Disco Bar
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Last to depart: 4:21 AM
"You must now make your way to the Overworld in Sky World, by taking one of three charter rainbow boats! Once here, you must find the 'Blissful Fruit Store' to receive your next clue! You have 19 dollars for this leg of the race!" read Peach.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Lawyers
"I think you'll learn that Knuckle Joe and I are very interesting people!" said Peach happily.
…
…
"We uh… do kite flying?" said Peach.
…
…
"WHY WON'T YOU JUST ELIMINATE YOURSELVES?" cried Master Hand.
Diamond City Rainbow Boat Tours
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Last on 3:00 PM Boat
"Huh… we're on the same boat as Mewtwo and Falco!" said Peach cheerfully. "High five!"
Peach held out her hand, grinning.
"You wouldn't be… making fun of my height in your use of the word 'high', would you?" said Knuckle Joe, grinning at the camera.
"Actually, yes…" said Peach, smiling.
"Oh," said Knuckle Joe.
1st Boat
Departed at 2:03 PM
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"We're on the first boat… and we're glad that Mewtwo and Falco aren't along with us," said Jigglypuff happily.
2nd Boat
Departed at 3:01 PM
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"We're on the last boat…" sulked Mewtwo, "And we're pretty much done for… and we're stuck on here with two absolute morons!"
…
"All teams are now on one of two Rainbow Boats to Angel Land! Fox and Samus, Snake and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Bowser and Ness are on the 2:00 PM boat, which arrives at 6:00 PM local time! Mewtwo and Falco and Peach and Knuckle Joe are on the 5:00 PM boat, which lands at 8:00 PM local time!"
Overworld Boat Dock
The camera showed several shots of humans in a night market, dressed in long white robes, wearing their sandals.
1st Boat
Arrived at 5:58 PM
Bowser and Ness
Father and Son
"Come on, son! Let's beat 'em to the clue!" said Bowser happily.
Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students
"Wow… this is beautiful…" said Snake happily.
"Not as much as you are," said Yoshi affectionately.
They caught each others eyes.
"Snake… I feel…" said Yoshi.
"Don't talk," grunted Snake. "Just do."
They kissed.
Cheesy 50's movie ending music played.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"Wow, this place is great!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to several men nearby in a communal bath. "This place and its night market have such a luscious and authentic environment… it's like we're in Ancient Greece!"
"Yeah, glad you like it," said Pikachu, walking along, kissing Jigglypuff on the cheek.
Jigglypuff walked along as the camera captured men, bartering for livestock and meat in the background night, "I guess it's just a good reminder that sometimes a basic life can be so much more fulfilling than a life full of electronics, superficial material pleasures and gambling, all evil roots of the decline of modern man-"
"Ooh! Pokies!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, running into a nearby shop.
Pikachu tried to call out, but then demoted himself to grumbling incoherently to himself.
Jigglypuff came back fifteen minutes later, covered in blood. "Oh Lord!" she cried, "It was a Pork Slaughterhouse, not a Pokies venue!"
"How could you possibly misread a sign as clear as that?" said Pikachu, annoyed.
"Well, maybe I only studied the first six letters of the alphabet unlike you, educated electric Pokemon type!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
"P is the sixteenth letter of the alphabet," said Pikachu.
"Well that's okay, Pikie," said Jigglypuff angrily, "Because two can play at this game!"
Pikachu stared blankly at Jigglypuff.
"Because you can't mock my inability to recognise the alphabet when I have your passport!" said Jigglypuff, taking Pikachu's passport and poking her tongue out.
"What's that supposed to mean-" said Pikachu angrily.
Customs officers pulled Pikachu into a police van.
"See Pikie?" said Jigglypuff as the van drove off, "…I'm right."
The van sped off into the distance.
"Pikie! That was a funny joke!" laughed Jigglypuff. "You can come back now!"
…
"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.
…
"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.
…
"Pikie-boo?" said Jigglypuff happily.
…
"Fine," said Jigglypuff angrily, "I won't send you a postcard in jail!"
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"What are we finding?" said Fox.
"The 'Blissful Fruit Store'," said Samus, brushing some random angel-winged guy with a spear.
"Oh…" said Fox sexily, "Will this Blissful Fruit Store give me some… bliss with you… babe?"
Fox ran into an angelic lamppost.
Fox passed out.
"The only bliss you'll receive…" said Samus, "is post-traumatic bliss disorder!"
Some bystanders gave Samus a 'your joke really sucked' look.
Samus reached for a gun.
She had none.
"Curse you heaven!" said Samus angrily, "…taking away all of my weapons in customs!"
Some bystanders continued to give Samus that 'your joke really sucked' look.
"LAUGH! LAUGH!" screamed Samus to the bystanders, laughing manically, kicking them in the shins.
"Ow!" screamed the Ancient Greek men, falling to their knees.
Blissful Fruit Store
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Here it is!" said Yoshi, pointing to a fruit vendor.
Snake and Yoshi ran in.
"Hey look… it's Pit!" said Yoshi excitedly, pointing to a boy angel sitting behind a counter.
"Hey…" said Pit sexily, his big biceps and pecs ripping through his modest, undersized tunic, "Even though I'm a thirteen year-old boy, my character in most fics is about twenty something so my use in fanfiction cannot be taboo and I can be conveniently paired with Link, Zelda and the other swordsmen in yaoi fics! Except for Meta Knight… ew… what is he… like a blob or something?"
Yoshi, Snake, several locals and the entire 16-man production crew gave Pit a 'get off the heroin' look.
"So uh…" said Pit nervously, "Uh… what can I… do you for?"
"Rawr…" said Snake sexily, "I'd… like a clue my madam… and then afterwards… we can go out the back… for a session of erotic snack-eating…"
Yoshi whispered into Snake's ear.
"A clue please, dude," said Snake, his face turning red.
Yoshi opened the clue. "Detour! Coward or Hero?"
"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks, in this detour… Coward… or Hero!"
"In Coward, teams must make their way on foot five hundred metres to this Coliseum and find one of these guards, who will blindfold them and take them to the underground dungeon! Once here, that team must make their escape by navigating through this underground maze a shortest possible distance of one kilometre to the front desk! Once they arrive here, the secretary will hand them their next clue."
"Navigating a maze seems simple… but if a team takes a wrong turn… many dungeons will only have a one-way entrance!"
"In Hero, teams must go to this same Coliseum and battle their way out of the Coliseum! If team members can escape through the end of the arena after evading or killing over 20 axe-wielding horsemen, 50 foot soldiers, 4 lions, 2 dragons, an annoying imp and 5 fencing midgets, they will be handed their next clue!"
"This task may seem hard, but teams with enough physical determination will finish the task quickly! The distance needed to be covered is about five hundred metres, and if someone does not make their way out of the arena within five minutes, they must serve a compulsory two minute time out! Only one team may be on the arena at a time!"
"Hero!" said Snake.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Detour!" read Fox, "Coward or Hero?"
"Hero," said Samus.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place
"Here we are!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, running into the fruit store.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu ran up to the angel boy. "Look! It's Pit!" said Pikachu cheerfully, taking a clue.
"Detour!" read Pikachu, "Cow-"
"Pit!" joked Jigglypuff, "It's such a Pit-y that I can't take a Pit-cure of you because cameras aren't allowed!"
"Haha, very clever," said Pit.
Jigglypuff beamed.
Pikachu cleared his throat loudly. "Detour! Coward or-"
"It's such a Pit-y as I'd Pit-entially be able to pit my pit-cure in my pit-cure album with the other Pit-cures taken with the pit-cure cameras which in turn, take pit-cures that can be put in Pit-retty Pit-cure Pit-albums Pit-with Pit-other pit-cures which in turn could…"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Pikachu, his strained voice sending the normally gleeful market into complete silence. "Can you stop making so many freaking jokes about everywhere we go? It's really annoying! …and some of them didn't even make any sense! I mean, Pit-retty? What the hell's that supposed to mean? You're a deluded old lady you!"
Jigglypuff sniffed.
Jigglypuff burst into tears. "Waaah!" she cried.
Pikachu gasped. "Jiggles! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!"
"Waah!" she cried, her tears causing a 2cm layer of water to form on the floor.
"Jigglypuff! Cheer up! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" cried Pikachu, "I really didn't mean any of it! …oh… Jigglypuff…"
"Huh, huh, huh!" cried Jigglypuff hyperventilating. "I'm leaving you forever!"
"No! Jigglypuff! No!" cried Pikachu.
"Stop following me!" said Jigglypuff angrily, looking the other way angrily.
"No! I'll make it up to you!" said Pikachu, sniffing. "I'm so sorry I ever said that!"
Jigglypuff continued to cry.
"Honey!" said Pikachu sadly, "I'm so sorry! I am so sorry! I'm desperately sorry! Don't leave me, hon!"
"I'm giving you back all your stuff now!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "This novelty straw that you gave me… it means nothing! Humph!"
Jigglypuff threw the straw at Pikachu.
"I hate you! I hate you!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "I'm never going to be with you… …ever again!"
Sobbed Pikachu, "Bu-"
"Never!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
Sobbed Pikachu, "Bu-"
"Never!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
"Not even if-"
"Never!"
"But what if-"
"IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL I EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!" screamed Jigglypuff.
"Nooo!" cried Pikachu.
…
Pikachu's cellphone rang.
"Hello?" said Pikachu into the telephone.
…
"What? Oh no? Uncle Jim's died?" said Pikachu.
…
"And what… I get a fifteen million dollar inheritance from him?" said Pikachu.
…
"Okay, thanks!" said Pikachu very loudly, "I'll be sure to spend that investment all on myself and not on Jigglypuff now that she's-"
"Honey!" said Jigglypuff, patting Pikachu on the head.
Pikachu hung up his cellphone.
"But I thought…"
"WHERE'S THE MONEY?" screamed Jigglypuff, biting Pikachu in the arm.
"Ow!" Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff angrily.
"My lovey-dovey Melvy-welvy…" said Jigglypuff sweetly.
"I'm Pikachu!" said Pikachu angrily.
"Gary, whatever…" said Jigglypuff, her eyes turning into dollar signs.
Bowser and Ness
Currently in 4th Place
"Son…" said Bowser, limping into the fruit store, "Dad's not gonna make this leg if we have to go anywhere on foot… having no public transport is going to be a burden on our team!"
Ness walked up to Pit.
"Hey!" said Pit, handing over a clue, "Welcome to Angel Land!"
"Detour!" read Ness, "Coward or Hero?"
"Coward," said Bowser, limping.
"Come on, Dad, we've got an hour ahead of two teams… we can do this together!"
Bowser and Ness
Father and son
"Due to my old age…" said Bowser, "Sometimes I feel as if it's hard to keep up with the young competition…"
"And due to my young age…" joked Ness, "Sometimes I feel I'm here to remind Dad he's… old!"
Ness and Master Hand chuckled heartily.
"Why did you have to say that?!" cried Bowser, "It's so mean! It's so mean! You're so mean! Doodie head! Doodie head! Stupid face! Stupid face!"
Bowser poked out his tongue at Ness angrily.
…
"But uh…" said Bowser, "My obvious level of maturity gives us a great edge against the competition!"
…
"Uh…" said Ness, "I think what you did before just contradicted your previous statement…"
…
"Contradict this!" screamed Bowser, murdering his own son.
"I just did!" said Ness, alive.
"Yay!" cheered the kids.
Angel Land Coliseum
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
Fox and Samus walked into the reception office.
"Hey, is this where we become warriors?" said Fox excitedly.
"Yeah," said a lady at the reception desk, "Walk through that door…"
"Let's go, Samus!" said Fox, running through a marked door.
Fox ran through the door excitedly, to meet a room full of Ancient armour.
"Hi!" said some random guy inside the room, "Before you get to become a gladiator, you're going to have to strip off and put on this armour!"
"Awesome!" said Fox excitedly.
Fox looked at Samus slyly. "Did you hear that, hun?" said Fox in an intentionally deep voice, "We both have to… sttttrrrip off… and there's only one change room, so you know… maybe something can happen between you and I…"
…
Said Fox sexily, "Of a very, very naughty nature which involves…"
"Actually… the genders are segregated for change rooms," said the man, pointing to two separate change rooms.
"Oh," said Fox, disappointed.
"And uh…" said the guy, "Sexually confused Foxes change in that corner… over there…."
The man pointed to a stool in the corner of the room.
Fox whimpered, "Do I… have to… change in front of you?"
"Yes," said the man, grinning menacingly.
Fox started to cry, taking off his shirt.
Snake and Yoshi
On Hero
"Here it is…" said Yoshi, pointing to a change room.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Coward
"I think this is the guard!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, running through the reception office.
"Okay, put these blindfolds on…" said the guard, holding up two heavy-duty pieces of thick cloth, "…we're going into the dungeon!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the man, blinking.
"Uh… because it's really scary and you'll never return!" laughed the man evilly.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at the man, blinking.
"Fine," said the guard angrily, "Don't believe me!"
The guard put the blindfolds on Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
He led them through the gift shop and into the dungeon system, every few minutes the light getting dimmer and the turns getting more sharp, rocky and confusing. Jigglypuff and Pikachu smiled dumbly as they walked through the dark dungeon system and seemed oblivious to the hungry, starving people whom for years, had never escaped.
The guard came to a stop. "You're here, guys! Good luck… getting out alive!"
The guard quickly opened a 'staff only' door, locked it behind him and took an elevator up to reception.
"Hee, hee," laughed Jigglypuff, "Did he really expect us to be scared by this stupid fake dungeon?"
"Jiggles, I think uh… this may be the real deal…" said Pikachu nervously, pointing to a room nearby labelled 'torture room', loud screams being emitted.
"Yeah sure," scoffed Jigglypuff, picking up a skull, "And what's this? The head of someone who tried to escape? Nice prop, guys!"
"Uh… maybe it's not a prop…" said Pikachu, pointing to some flesh still on the skull.
"Well… uh…" said Jigglypuff nervously.
Jigglypuff trembled.
Bowser and Ness
Currently in 4th Place
"Come on, Dad," said Ness, walking along, "A few hundred more metres… we can do this!"
"Daddy needs water;" said Bowser, tired, "Let's go into this nearby newsagency…"
Bowser took a bottle of water and sculled it down.
"I'll have two more…" said Bowser to a clerk at the counter.
Said the clerk happily, "Actually, now that you've bought three bottles of water… you get a free magazine: either this Garfield comic… …or you could take one of these men's interest mags!"
Bowser picked them up both. "This is going to be a really hard decision," sobbed Bowser.
Bowser looked at the Garfield comic.
…
"Hah, hah, hah," chuckled Bowser.
Bowser looked at the men's interest magazine.
…
"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Bowser slyly.
Bowser looked at the Garfield comic.
…
"Hah, hah, hah," chuckled Bowser.
Bowser looked at the men's interest magazine.
…
"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Bowser slyly.
"DAD!" said Ness angrily.
"Daddy's making an important decision here!" roared Bowser, breathing out fire, a large stream of fire setting Ness's face alight.
"I need water!" screamed Ness, running backwards and forwards in a Kirby-like fashion. "I need water!"
"Sorry Son," said Bowser, buying both the magazines, "Daddy's already spent the team money so… you're going to have to wait a bit after for some water!"
"AAAAH!" screamed Ness, still alight.
"Actually…" said the clerk, "You get a free fire blanket with those two purchases!"
"Yay!" cheered Bowser, taking the fire blanket.
Bowser looked at his son, burning alive.
"I'm going to use you next time I overcook something!" said Bowser happily to the fire blanket, cradling it as if it were his own.
Angel Land Coliseum
Fox and Samus
On Hero: 5:00 Remaining
Fox and Samus, in their full warrior armour, stepped out onto the Coliseum grounds.
Trumpet fanfare played in the background, and a massive army of axe-wielding horsemen, soldiers, Minotaur, dragons, midgets and an imp charged towards Fox and Samus, screaming at the top of their lungs.
Fox, petrified, held up his little stick as a Minotaur and some axe-wielding horsemen charged towards him.
Midna latched onto Samus's face.
"AAAAH!" screamed Fox, a Minotaur impaling his back onto its horns.
"AAAAH!" screamed Samus, the little imp pushing her into the line of several dozen horses, who then proceeded to trample on her.
Fox and Samus
On Hero: Serving 1st Time Out
"Um…" sulked Fox, very, very bruised, nursing his own wounds, "That was… hard…"
"Yeah…" sulked Samus, a horse's legs impaled on her back.
Snake and Yoshi
On Hero: 4:22 Remaining
The entire army of warriors and savage beasts charged at raging speeds towards Snake and Yoshi.
Yoshi trembled nervously.
"Don't let them put you off…" said Snake, the beasts coming closer and closer. "Just focus on your first move…"
The beasts were about twenty metres away.
"TAKE HIM!" screamed Snake, throwing Yoshi towards the warriors, Snake bailing and running back to the dungeons.
Snake and Yoshi
On Hero: Serving 1st Time Out
Yoshi, covered in trample marks, axe wounds, bruises, blisters and burns, glared at Snake angrily.
…
"WHAT?" said Snake angrily.
Coliseum Dungeon
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Coward
"Omigosh… we are so lost…" muttered Pikachu. "We've been wandering in here for at least ten minutes now and I can barely see where we're going! You okay there, Jiggles?"
The Wigglytuff nodded.
Meanwhile… In Reception…
"Wow," said Jigglypuff, "that maze was incredibly easy to get out of."
She sipped on her pineapple colada.
"I wonder how long Pikachu's going to be?" she said.
…
"…very long…" said Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff chuckled heartily at her own joke for a while.
Bowser and Ness
On Coward
"Oh boy, this is going to be so exciting!" said Ness happily, the guard putting a blindfold over his head.
"You're not scared?" said Bowser, who was already blindfolded.
"No, I'm not scared, why would I be scared?" said Ness.
"Boo," said the guard.
…
"Okay…" said Ness.
Angel Land Boat Dock
2nd Boat
Landed at 6:54 PM
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 5th Place
"Wow, isn't this amazing?" said Peach excitedly, pointing to a sewer.
"…it's… …a sewer…" said Knuckle Joe.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"We have to catch up…" moaned Falco, "They got an hour on us…"
Angel Land Coliseum
Fox and Samus
On Hero: Serving 3rd Time Out
"This task sucks…" said Samus, on crutches.
"Mmm," said Fox.
…
"Hey…" said Fox, "Where did you get those crutches from?"
"Your mom!" said Samus angrily.
"Oh," said Fox.
…
"Wait… I thought she sold weight loss information products!" said Fox angrily.
"She does…" said Samus angrily.
"Then how can she sell crutches too?" cried Fox, having a nervous breakdown.
Snake and Yoshi
On Brave: 1:27 Remaining
"Snake!" said Yoshi angrily, to Snake, who was inside a box, "Do they really expect you to fall for that?"
Every single monster and warrior stared at Yoshi angrily.
Yoshi backed into a corner.
The monsters and warriors charged, mauling Yoshi to his death.
"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Snake, taking off his box, calmly walking towards the end of the arena.
Snake tripped on a rock.
"Ow!" screamed Snake, toppling over.
Coliseum Dungeon
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Coward
"Jiggles, we need to think up of a system to escape this dungeon!" said Pikachu.
"Wiggly ig wig wig!" screamed Wigglytuff, holding up a bazooka threateningly.
"Uh… yeah… whatever Jigglypuff," said Pikachu.
In Reception
"Gee," said Jigglypuff, "waiting for Pikie is pretty boring." She unfolded her newspaper.
"Hey, at least he hasn't run into our resident serial killer!" guffawed the guard.
They chuckled heartily.
Bowser and Ness
On Coward
Bowser and Ness were being led through the dungeon blindfolded.
"I wonder where we're going…" said Bowser, his hands perched on the guide's back in a Congo line fashion.
"Hey, what's that room over there?" said Ness, pointing with one hand to the torture chamber, shots and loud screams for mercy creeping out of the steel door.
"Uh… the bingo room…" said the guard awkwardly.
"AAAH!" screamed a man from inside the room, his back being lashed repeatedly.
"Yeaaah…" said the guard awkwardly.
Blissful Fruit Store
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 5th Place
"Detour!" read Mewtwo, "Coward or Brave?"
"Well…" said Falco slyly, "Seeing that you're not going to be fighting anytime soon…"
Mewtwo blinked.
"…after your exclusion from Brawl…" said Falco.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Mewtwo, clawing Falco alive, displacing his bodily organs.
Falco died.
"Heh, heh, heh," laughed Mewtwo.
Mewtwo took a claw and dipped it into Falco's blood, licking it.
"Tastes like chocolate candy milkshakes!" said Mewtwo in his child-like voice.
…
"No it doesn't!" cried Mewtwo, "…it tastes like blood!"
Mewtwo cried for the next ten minutes.
…
"Falcie?" said Mewtwo joyously.
Falco didn't respond, as he was dead.
"Falcie?" said Mewtwo happily.
…
"Falcie-boo?" said Mewtwo joyously.
…
"Fine," said Mewtwo angrily, "Be dead!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in Last Place
Knuckle Joe took a clue.
Peach stared at Falco's body.
"Looks like…" joked Peach, "…he's having a nice nap!"
"No Peach, he's dead," said Knuckle Joe.
…
"OH GOD! OH GOD!" screamed Peach, weeping.
Peach started to hyperventilate and collapsed onto the floor, having random spasms.
Angel Land Coliseum
Fox and Samus
On Hero: 4:57 Remaining
"Hey Samus, I've got an idea… let's create a diversion and make out!" said Fox.
…
"Uh…" said Samus, "…no."
They both got trampled by the beasts, monsters and warriors.
Fox and Samus
On Hero: Serving 6th Time Out
"It's all your fault, Samus!" said Fox angrily.
Snake and Yoshi
On Hero: Serving 5th Time Out
"We need to devise some sort of plan…" said Yoshi, his entire body in a cast.
"I know!" said Snake excitedly. "Let's play… colonial dress-up!"
Snake and Yoshi
On Hero: 4:21 Remaining
"Good day all," said Snake in a posh British accent, holding up his glass eye in one hand and a walking stick in the other, flaunting his Colonial Dress to the Minotaur. "I am Sir Robert Paltry… the groundskeeper!"
"And I am his loyal minion dog servant… Esther!" said Yoshi reluctantly, walking calmly towards the end of the arena.
Their British distraction paid off, once the beasts realised that the jolly British men were the people they were supposed to be fighting, Snake and Yoshi had already… bamboozled their way towards the other muffin-guffin timpani muzzle-guzzle gabuldury.
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"This is so stupid," said Yoshi angrily, "How the hell does that work?!"
Snake opened the clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"
"Teams must now take a shuttle chariot, departing every twenty minutes eight kilometres to Paletuna's Palace! The chariots are located right outside the Coliseum Entrance! Once here, they must search the palace for their next clue!" said Master Hand.
Snake and Yoshi
On 7:20 PM Shuttle
"There's about twelve minutes until the shuttle leaves…" said Yoshi, "So we just have to hope that Fox and Samus don't finish up…"
Fox and Samus
On Hero: 4:48 Remaining
"Why didn't we think of this before?" said Samus angrily, putting her seatbelt on.
"Yeah… you know… the car was just sitting here with the keys in the ignition!" said Fox, "We should have done this ages ago!"
Samus pressed the accelerator pedal. The car zoomed out from the dungeon and straight towards the army of beasts.
"Uh… Samus…" said Fox, "We're kind of going… straight for them…"
"So?" said Samus, looking straight into a lion's eyes.
"Uh… some of those Minotaur are probably about ten times as bulky as our car…" said Fox.
"Relax!" said Samus, "Basic physics! We're going at such a fast speed that when we hit them… they'll just have so much force applied to them that they'll-"
Samus's car ran into the leg of a Minotaur.
Her car crumpled, jolted and stopped.
"Nice going, Samus!" said Fox angrily.
The beasts and warriors surrounded Samus's car, glaring angrily at her.
"Quick Samus!" screamed Fox, putting it into neutral gear.
Just as the beasts and soldiers were about to pounce on the car, Fox's quick thinking caused the car to roll out of the way at the quick pace of ten kilometres an hour.
"Come on! We have fifty metres!" screamed Fox excitedly.
A dragon, several hundred metres away, spotted the rolling car.
"Forty metres!" screamed Fox excitedly.
"Come on, Fox!" cheered Peppy. "Do a barrel roll!"
The dragon charged.
"There's a minor slope ahead!" said Fox, pointing to the five degree hill they were nearing, "Thirty metres!"
The dragon roared, flying at full speed towards the back of their car.
"Twenty metres!" screamed Fox.
Fox and Samus looked behind.
The dragon was several seconds away, charging in a determined manner at the back of their car.
The dragon roared, and picked up the car with one hand, shaking Fox and Samus out.
Time Remaining: 1:07
"No!" screamed Fox, falling onto the ground next to Samus.
The soldiers and beasts stared at Fox and Samus angrily.
"Crawl!" screamed Fox, the finish line about ten metres in front of him.
"Come on!" screamed Samus, dashing over the line. "Hurry Fox!"
"Aaah!" screamed Fox, crawling towards the line, the midgets piercing his skin, the evil imp biting him in the neck.
"Five metres Fox! Five metres!" screamed Samus, "Don't die!"
The dragons and horses started to trample on Fox's body, the axe-wielding swordsmen raising their axes.
"You're almost there!" screamed Samus, Fox crawling towards the line at an excruciatingly slow speed as his back took a mauling.
"I can't do it!" screamed Fox, the finish line a ruler-length away.
"I'll give you a kiss if you do!" said Samus.
"Really?" said Fox happily, a halo appearing over his head.
"NO!" screamed Samus.
Midna bit Fox in the ass, causing him to scream in pain and topple over the line.
…
"Woo," said Samus, taking the clue.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!" read Samus, "The chariots are near the entrance."
"Let's go!" said Samus.
"A little help here?" moaned Fox's rotting corpse.
Coliseum Dungeon
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On Coward
"We have a lead…" whispered Pikachu to the camera, "We're following who we think is a member of staff back to reception!"
"Wiggly wiggly wig wig," said Wigglytuff, "Iggly wiggly wig wiggly VIVO EN LA CALLE CERVANTES."
Pikachu stared at Wigglytuff angrily. "Are you back on the drugs again? And you need to shave! You're looking like a… Wigglytuff… Jigglypuff…"
In Reception
"Yahtzee!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly.
"Damn it!" screamed a Psyduck, violently thrashing the board off the table.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place
Pikachu walked into the reception office.
"Hi Pikie!" said Jigglypuff, relieved, "I followed a Psyduck thinking it was you and got here! I'm so sorry I deserted you! It was an accident!"
Pikachu stared at Jigglypuff, astonished, "Wait, WTF? I thought I was with you the whole time… I mean…"
Pikachu looked behind him. "I was following a Wigglytuff?!" said Pikachu angrily.
The Wigglytuff waved happily.
"OH MY GOSH!" screamed a lady at the reception desk, "THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED! THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED!"
Everyone ran out, screaming as the Wigglytuff started to slit everyone's throats.
"Weird…" said Pikachu, opening the clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"
Pikachu had his throat slit.
"Weird… come on hun!" said Jigglypuff happily, dragging along Pikachu's corpse.
Bowser and Ness
On Coward
"We're acing this task…" said Bowser, following his son through the dungeon.
"It's a good thing I was smart enough to realise that there's a map in reception!" said Ness.
Mewtwo and Falco
On Coward
"Looks like we're all clumped together as a group…" said Falco, tailing Ness.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
On Coward
"It's a good thing Bowser and Ness aren't smart enough to realise we're following them!" giggled Peach. "We really are the most manipulative team in this race!"
Peach realised she was following a group of anorexic blind dementia-suffering three year-olds.
"DAMN IT!" screamed Peach angrily.
1st Chariot
Departed at 7:20 PM
"On the first chariot to Paletuna's palace is: Snake and Yoshi, Fox and Samus and Jigglypuff and Pikachu!" said Master Hand.
Coliseum Dungeon
Bowser and Ness
Father and Son
"Darn it!" said Ness angrily, "They've outsmarted us! The map that we have leads to nowhere! It was a fake!"
"Drat," said Bowser angrily.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Lawyers
"You hear that?" said Peach, whispering really loudly. "Bowser and Ness aren't as intelligent as they're cracked up to be! They don't even know a fake map from a real one! We should stop following them! They're a bunch of idiots!"
Bowser and Ness stared angrily at Peach.
Knuckle Joe blinked.
"…but don't talk too loudly," whispered Peach really loudly, "…because they're not very bright so they won't suspect that we think they're completely stupid if we whisper and walk away quietly…"
Bowser and Ness stared angrily at Peach.
"Knuckle Joe thinks you're stupid!" said Peach desperately, shoving Knuckle Joe in front of herself.
"Lady…" said Bowser angrily, walking up to Peach angrily, "We need to have a talk!"
"Oh!" said Peach happily, "Is it a talk about how our teams are on such good terms?"
Some triumphant 'congratulations, you clicked on the red door like we instructed you to' music played in the background.
"…actually… I was kinda… implying I'm about to beat you up…" said Bowser.
"Oh," said Peach.
…
"Well," said Peach cheerfully, "…if you're going to beat me up… don't beat me up too painfully! After all…"
Bowser shoved a razor in Peach's eye.
"Ow!" screamed Peach.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Okay… there's a diversion…" said Falco, "We gotta make a move…"
"Quickly… sprint to that light there!" said Mewtwo, pointing to a door on the other side of the long corridor.
"Come on… we don't want to be seen…" said Falco.
Bowser and Ness
Bowser repeatedly punched Peach in the face.
"Dad…" said Ness, watching Bowser punch Peach in the face.
"Yeah?" said Bowser, punching Peach in the face.
"Do you have to be…" said Ness, witnessing Peach getting her face punched in by Bowser, "…so… mean to her?"
"Yes!" roared Bowser angrily, punching Peach in the face.
Rofl Pony
"…ho, ho, ho, what a… punchline… ho, ho, ho."
…
"ho, ho, ho."
Mewtwo and Falco
"I think we're going well…" said Falco, running along, "It's getting lighter!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Come on," said Peach angrily, heading off in the opposite direction, "Let's beat these doodie heads…"
Bowser and Ness
"What a horrible woman…" said Bowser angrily, walking up a flight of stairs.
Reception
Mewtwo and Falco emerged from a flight of stairs and walked into reception.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 4th Place
"We did it…" said Mewtwo happily, taking a clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"
"Let's hustle…" said Falco.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Bowser and Ness…" said Peach angrily, opening a door, "What a load of morons…"
Bowser and Ness
"I swear," said Bowser angrily, "If that stupid lady says one more thing to me I'm going to eat her alive!"
Bowser and Ness continued to walk up a flight of stairs.
"And boy…" said Bowser angrily, "I only eat people that I really, really hate…"
"But… but you just ate me then!" whimpered Ness.
"That's because daddy doesn't love you," said Bowser, smiling.
"Waah!" cried Ness.
"Boys these days," scoffed Bowser, "…so sensitive."
Mewtwo and Falco
1st on 7:40 Shuttle
"I think there's some tension going on between the other two teams with us…" said Mewtwo, taking out a pen and a scroll, "…so we're going to try and cause some more tension!"
Mewtwo and Falco cackled evilly.
"Who uses a pen and scroll these days?" said Falco.
"I do…" said Mewtwo angrily.
"…you have no ink…" said Falco.
"Oh," said Mewtwo.
…
"Well… there's always blood," said Mewtwo, grinning menacingly, "Your fresh blood…"
Mewtwo started to lick his lips, staring manically into Falco's eyes.
"Uh…" said Falco uncertainly, pointing behind him, "Fairy floss… want some fairy floss?"
Mewtwo licked his lips, staring manically into Falco's eyes.
"I'm getting fairy floss… getting fairy floss!" screamed Falco hysterically, running off.
"He'll be back…" said Mewtwo, grinning menacingly.
Falco didn't come back.
Mewtwo frowned.
Bowser and Ness
"Dad… we've stuffed up…" said Ness, shocked, the narrow corridor they were in leading to a dead end, "They went the right way!"
"Come on, son!" said Bowser, "We have to run!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Knuckle Joe, we're doing good!" said Peach angrily, "We have to beat those idiots!"
2nd Shuttle
Departed at 7:41 PM
"I'm sure Peach and Knuckle Joe will like the letter that Bowser and Ness sent them," snickered Falco.
Mewtwo and Falco laughed in a frat boy manner.
Paletuna's Palace
1st Chariot
Arrived at 7:43 PM
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
Fox ran up to a clue box and took a clue. "Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?"
"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one team member may perform! In this Road Block, that team member must take a bow and three arrows and transport one on foot five hundred metres to this nearby archery range! Once here, that person must queue up for one of two lanes and using their bow and arrow, shoot a bullseye on a target 30 yards away! Once they have done this, they will receive their next clue!"
"If teams use all three arrows and miss the bullseye, they must run back and transport another three arrows back to the archery centre! Participants may only carry a maximum of three arrows at a time!"
"I'll do it," said Samus.
"You sure?" said Fox suavely, "…because lady, I have good aim!"
Fox took his blaster out of his belt and shot three times at a can several metres away. His aim missed wildly and the bullets hit random bystanders in the eye, causing them to fall to the ground in pain.
"No you don't!" said Samus angrily.
"I know!" cried Fox.
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place
"I'll do it," said Yoshi.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place
"I'll do it…" said Jigglypuff happily.
Coliseum Dungeon
Peach and Knuckle Joe
On Coward
"Here it is!" said Peach, excitedly, pointing to a large staircase that led to the reception office. "We did it! We did it!"
Bowser and Ness
On Coward
"Come on, Dad…" said Ness, exhausted, "We can get out of this…"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 5th Place
"Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!" read Peach.
"Come on, Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach.
Bowser and Ness
On Coward
"However badly we come…" said Bowser, exhausted, "Just know that I'll always be proud of you, son."
"Thanks, Dad…" said Ness, puffing.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
1st on 8:00 PM Shuttle
"I just hope that stupid fool Bowser doesn't get here…" said Bowser angrily.
Downtown Sky World
Yoshi
On Road Block
"Come on, Yoshi!" cheered Snake, as Yoshi led the field, lugging along the bow and arrow on his back.
Samus
On Road Block
"Don't lose to freaking Jigglypuff in a footrace…" said Samus, jogging along, the bow and arrow placed in her backpack.
Jigglypuff
On Road Block
"That's right, Samus! Run faster! Run faster!" cackled Jigglypuff smugly on roller skates, holding onto the back of Samus's thigh so she could get pulled along with no effort on her own part, "Don't get overtaken by the evil Jigglypuff! Who is really fast! And scary!"
Samus turned around.
Samus glared at Jigglypuff angrily. "You're trying to outsmart me?" said Samus angrily.
"Uh… yeah…" said Jigglypuff happily, nodding.
"Well here's what I think of your stupid roller skates!" said Samus angrily.
Samus took Jigglypuff's roller stakes off and then held them up about seventy centimetres above the ground, just out of Jigglypuff's reach.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" cried Jigglypuff, jumping up in an attempt to reach the skates, "Give it back! Give it back!"
Samus started to toss the skates to Snake, who then started taunting Jigglypuff by holding the skates out of her reach.
"No! No!" cried Jigglypuff, "You're bullies! You're all bullies! I'm telling Mrs. Palmerston on you!"
Snake and Samus gasped. "Mrs. Palmerston?!" they screamed in unison.
Mrs. Palmerston's Office
"…and then they started tossing my skates back and fourth without my permission!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, puffing up in anger.
Mrs. Palmerston turned around. "AAAAH! WHAT THE HELL?! A TALKING PINK ALIEN?!" she screamed.
"So uh…" said Jigglypuff.
Mrs. Palmerston started throwing books at Jigglypuff in an effort to subdue her.
"…what punishment are you…" said Jigglypuff happily.
Mrs. Palmerston took out her shotgun.
"…going to lay on Snake and Samus?" said Jigglypuff happily.
"Die you demon of sin!" screamed the woman manically, repeatedly shooting at Jigglypuff. "You are the root of all evil in this world!"
"…like… are you gonna phone their parents?" said Jigglypuff. "Or maybe send them to the principal's-"
Mrs. Palmerston shot Jigglypuff.
"Ow!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
Archery Range
Yoshi
1st Attempt
Yoshi reached the firing range first, setting up his bow and arrow and looking in the target in front of him.
Jigglypuff
1st Attempt
Jigglypuff quickly shuffled in front of Samus and reserved her lane, beaming gleefully at Samus as she took her own sweet time, setting up her bow and arrow.
Samus
On Road Block
"Damn," said Samus angrily, sitting off on the side.
Yoshi
1st Attempt
Yoshi shot his first arrow, missing the target by about four metres.
Yoshi sighed and shot his second arrow, missing the target by an even wider amount.
"Eggh," groaned Yoshi.
Yoshi blindly fired his third arrow, causing it to fly past the target.
"Great…" said Yoshi angrily.
Jigglypuff
1st Attempt
"Humm… humm… humm…" hummed Jigglypuff, knitting, painting her bow into a colourful pattern.
"Jiggles…" said Pikachu, "…are you gonna like… start the task soon enough?"
"I'M WARMING UP!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.
"How is that warming up, Jiggles?" said Pikachu, annoyed, "I mean-"
"DIE!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily, running over to Pikachu and hitting him over the head with the bow.
"GAAH!" screamed Pikachu, tumbling over and dying.
…
"Drama Queen," said Jigglypuff angrily to Pikachu's body.
…
"Pikie?" said Jigglypuff happily.
Samus
On 1st Archery Range
"Concentrate Samus…" said Samus to herself, focusing on the bullseye.
Samus released her first arrow, hitting the target but missing the bullseye by an inch.
"Hmm…" said Samus.
Samus released the second arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch again.
"Errg," said Samus angrily.
"Go Samus! Go Samus!" cheered Fox from the sideline.
Samus shot an arrow at Fox's head, causing him to topple over and die.
"That counts as your third shot," said a judge.
"Damn it!" screamed Samus angrily.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
1st on 8:00 PM Shuttle
"Gee…" said Peach, "Knuckle Joe… I hope that stupid Bowser doesn't make it and I hope they get eliminated!"
…
"Knuckle Joe, you don't like Bowser and Ness, right?" said Peach.
…
"Knuckle Joe?" said Peach.
In the dungeons…
"AAAAH!" screamed Knuckle Joe, being mauled alive by bears.
…
"AAAAH!" screamed Knuckle Joe, being mauled alive by bears.
…
Bowser and Ness
Father and son
"I think this is it!" said Bowser, pointing to the light at the top of the flight of stairs they were on.
Archery Range
Jigglypuff
On 1st Attempt
Jigglypuff continued to aim her bow and arrow, having not shot an arrow yet.
"Hurry up, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily.
"Aiming, sweetie!" sung Jigglypuff happily, focusing on the target.
"Well at least hurry up!" said Pikachu angrily.
"Ai-ming!" sung Jigglypuff happily.
Samus
On Road Block
"Come on!" cheered Fox, running alongside Samus, "You can do it, Samus!"
Yoshi
On Road Block
"Go Yoshi, go…" said Yoshi to himself, running as fast as he could.
…
Yoshi passed some hot chicks.
…
Jigglypuff
On 1st Attempt
"Hurry, Jigglypuff!" said Pikachu angrily, "Samus is coming!"
"I'm aiming!" said Jigglypuff angrily, aiming at the target.
"You've been aiming for the last ten minutes!" said Pikachu angrily.
"I'm trying to hit the bullseye!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.
Samus
2nd Attempt
Samus reached the lane and began to set up.
Jigglypuff
On 1st Attempt
"Hurry up!" screamed Pikachu angrily, "Samus is here!"
"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily, letting go, "I'll just randomly shoot these arrows randomly!"
Samus
2nd Attempt
Samus shot her first arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch.
Jigglypuff
1st Attempt
"Uh! Huh! Huh!" cried Jigglypuff hysterically, making involuntary spasm-like horse neighing noises.
Jigglypuff missed the target by several metres.
"See what you've made me do?" cried Jigglypuff, tears flowing down her cheeks, setting up the next bow. "I hate you, Pikachu!"
Samus
2nd Attempt
Samus shot her second arrow, missing the bullseye by an inch, again.
"Damn it!" screamed Samus.
"Go Samus!" cheered Fox happily.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Samus, running up and choking Fox.
Yoshi
2nd Attempt
Yoshi sat patiently behind Samus and Jigglypuff.
"…yeah…" said Yoshi.
A cheerleading squad walked past in their bikinis.
Jigglypuff
1st Attempt
"How can this be so stressful?" said Pikachu angrily, "Just shoot the damn arrows!"
"FINE!" screamed Jigglypuff frantically, picking up her bow and arrow with her shaky hands.
Samus
2nd Attempt
"Aim…" said Samus to herself, setting up her last arrow.
Jigglypuff
1st Attempt
"Look at me!" mocked Jigglypuff angrily, turning her back to the target, "I'm freaking Pikachu! I freaking think that aiming randomly will give me results!"
Jigglypuff let go of the arrow.
"I just randomly hit the bullseye!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Lah dee dah dee dah!"
Jigglypuff's arrow hit the bullseye.
Pikachu stared, astonished.
Jigglypuff turned around to see her arrow, on the bullseye.
"I mean…" said Jigglypuff happily blushing, "How quaint! Just like I aimed it! Ha, ha!"
Pikachu opened the clue.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!" read Pikachu.
"Teams must now make their way on foot two hundred metres to Pit's House! This abode, Pit's childhood home is the seventh pit stop in a race around the world!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to check in… may be eliminated."
"Oh, what a hearty team we are!" laughed Jigglypuff heartily, waddling towards the pit stop. "We get along so well!"
Muttered Pikachu lightly, "But I thought that you were angry at me…"
"I'm not angry at you!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.
Samus
2nd Attempt
Samus hit the bullseye.
"I knew you could do it!" said Fox happily, "And it was all up to my moral support… no skill on your part at all!"
Fox grinned at Samus.
Samus stabbed Fox in the eye, and opened the clue. "Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House! The last team to check in may be eliminated."
…
"Fox?" said Samus.
Fox was on the ground, cowering in pain.
"Huh," said Samus.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"Come on, Pikie! Run!" said Jigglypuff.
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"Come on, we can beat them!" said Samus, sprinting along.
"But I can't see!" moaned Fox, "You just stabbed me in the eye!"
"You can see!" said Samus angrily.
"No I can't! No I can't!" cried Fox.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Come on, we can beat them…" said Jigglypuff, waddling along slowly along the marked path.
"Can you pick up your pace a bit?" said Pikachu angrily.
"I'm sorry!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "It's not my fault that I have the slowest dash speed!"
Script Format
Sakurai: (cackles evilly)
Fox and Samus
"We've got this, hon!" said Fox happily.
Samus stared at Fox angrily.
"My lady friend?" said Fox.
Samus stared at Fox angrily.
"Friend?" whimpered Fox.
Samus stared at Fox angrily.
"No one loves me!" cried Fox.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Jigglypuff, I see them behind us!" said Pikachu, gasping.
Fox and Samus
"Come on, sprint!" said Samus, pointing to the Pokemon in front of them.
Pit Stop
Lots of dramatic zooming camera angles.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu, spotting the pit stop in Pit's backyard, shuffled through the side gate of the property and shuffled towards the pit stop, thirty metres in front of them.
Fox and Samus sprinted from behind, gaining on the puffballs even further and dashing into the property.
Pikachu scampered onto the mat. Jigglypuff, several yards away, continued to shuffle slowly onto the mat.
Samus made a quick dash with ten metres to go and tumbled onto the mat.
Fox dashed for the mat but Jigglypuff calmly touched her toe on the mat just before Fox reached the pit stop.
"Yay!" said Jigglypuff.
"Jigglypuff and Pikachu," said Master Hand, "You're team number one!"
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
"And I have some good news for you…" said Master Hand happily, "You've both won… another bag of candy!"
Pikachu and Jigglypuff stared at Master Hand angrily.
"Okay… um…" said Master Hand, ad lib, "You guys have won a trip to… uh… a five star hotel in… uh… the alps…"
"Not like we actually give out these prizes anyway," said Master Hand under his breath.
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
"Fox and Samus, you're team number two!" said Master Hand.
Fox and Samus stood there, silent.
"…so uh…" said Master Hand, "Jigglypuff and Pikachu, I hear you guys have had a bit of a stumble in your relationship today…"
"Yeah," said Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
…
…
"…good work…" said Master Hand, "…Fox and Samus, you've been at the top of the pack for this whole race… we're more than halfway through now… do you think that you can keep at the front and win this race?"
"Yeah," said Fox and Samus.
…
…
"…well that's… just great…" said Master Hand, "It's been a pleasure interviewing you guys… your responses are so detailed and in-depth…"
Fox, Samus, Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at Master Hand.
…
"Bleeuch!" screamed Fox, vomiting on Master Hand's toes.
"I hate this job," said Master Hand angrily.
Angel Land
8:00 Shuttle
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 5th Place
"Knuckle Joe and I are the only ones on this shuttle," said Peach.
…
"…and she left me to die in the bear cave!" screamed Knuckle Joe angrily, "Stupid woman!"
"That's nice," said Peach.
"I can't believe I was nice to you this entire time!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.
"Oh… that's because I've been constantly sedating you for the last 24 hours!" said Peach happily, "You've been incredibly nice and subservient ever since!"
"Why you evil-"
Peach sedated Knuckle Joe.
Knuckle Joe collapsed. "I love you…" he said happily.
"Yes, yes you do…" said Peach evilly.
2nd Shuttle
Arrived at 8:07 PM
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 4th Place
"Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?" read Mewtwo.
"Oh! I'll do it! I'll do it!" said Mewtwo excitedly.
"Yeah, pfft, whatever…" said Falco.
"I've just trying to make this stupid race seem fun…" said Mewtwo angrily.
"Yeah… sure… go Mewtwo… go Mewtwo…" said Falco unenthusiastically.
A packet fell out of Falco's trench coat.
…
"…that's not… weed…" said Falco suspiciously.
…
…
Bowser and Ness
1st on 8:20 Shuttle
"Son… I think we're done for…" said Bowser, "Peach and Knuckle Joe are surely long gone…"
Archery Range
Mewtwo
On Road Block
"Run, Mewtwo!" said Falco.
"I'm trying!" said Mewtwo, carrying his bow and arrow in one hand as he ran along.
"Keep on going! Yoshi's running back!" said Falco.
Yoshi
On Road Block
"Great… we have company…" said Yoshi, brushing past Falco.
Mewtwo
On Road Block
"Come on, Mewtwo!" said Falco angrily, Yoshi passing Mewtwo, "Run! Run!"
Yoshi
5th Attempt
Yoshi ran into the view of the camera, several dozen yards in front of Mewtwo and ran to his lane. He set up his bow and arrow.
Mewtwo
2nd Attempt
"Come on, hurry!" said Falco.
Luigi
9th Attempt
"Hurry up, slob!" screamed Wario angrily.
Yoshi
5th Attempt
"Concentrate…" said Yoshi, lining up his first arrow with the target.
Yoshi released, causing it to hit the bullseye.
"Yes!" cheered Yoshi, taking a clue.
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place
"Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!" read Snake.
"Let's run!" said Yoshi.
Mewtwo
2nd Attempt
"They've got it already!" said Falco angrily, "Abuse your powers!"
Mewtwo abused his telekinesis to hit the target.
"Woo!" said Falco.
Some guy handed a clue to Mewtwo.
"Run while we're reading it!" said Mewtwo, taking off.
Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place
"Come on, Snake! Run! Run!" said Yoshi, sprinting along.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 4th Place
"Make your way on foot…" read Mewtwo, sprinting along.
Snake and Yoshi
"You sure we're going the right way?" said Yoshi, jogging.
"Ask a local…" said Snake.
"Ma'am, are we going on the right way to Pit's House?" said Yoshi to a bystander.
"No," replied a woman, pointing in the opposite direction, "It's that way!"
"Darn it!" said Yoshi angrily, "This always happens to us!"
"I know," said some hot chick, stripping angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
"There it is!" said Falco, pointing to a rather angelic-looking house.
Snake and Yoshi
"There's Mewtwo and Falco!" said Snake manically, pointing to a rather sexy-looking house.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Oh no…" whimpered Falco, watching Snake gain on him, the human accountant just several metres behind him.
Snake and Yoshi
"Falco!" laughed Snake manically, throwing a grenade at Falco, "More like… Falc-blow… Falcblowup!"
Snake cackled evilly as the grenade exploded, missing Falco's feet by inches.
Mewtwo and Falco
"I feel intimidated!" whimpered Falco, grenades exploding just before his feet.
"Stop being a wuss," said Mewtwo angrily, in front of Falco, "It's not that bad-"
A grenade exploded, severing Falco's leg.
"Ow!" screamed Falco.
"You'll be fine!" said Mewtwo, opening the side gate to Pit's house.
"Ow!" screamed Falco, moaning on the ground, bleeding.
Pit Stop
Mewtwo ran onto the mat, punching Yoshi in the jaw just before he stepped on the mat.
Yoshi tumbled to the side.
Snake ran onto the mat. "Yoshi!" he screamed.
Falco sprinted onto the mat.
"Yes!" cheered Falco.
"Mewtwo and Falco, you are… team number three!" said Master Hand.
"Huh," said Mewtwo.
"Snake and Yoshi, you're team number four!" said Master Hand.
"That's still good," said Yoshi, smiling, exhausted.
"Now Mewtwo and Falco," said Master Hand, "I heard that some other teams prevented you from catching the first rainbow boat out…"
"Yeah," said Mewtwo and Falco angrily.
…
…
"They did," added Falco angrily.
…
"…thanks for the insight into the race there, guys…" said Master Hand. "It's always so nice to have such exciting mat banter."
"Really?" said Falco happily.
"No," said Master Hand angrily.
"Are you a toilet?" asked Fox, leaning on Master Hand drunkenly, belt undone.
"Yes," said Master Hand sexily.
4th Shuttle
Departed at 8:22 PM
"Dad and I are the last team on a shuttle," said Ness, "And our only hope is that it's a non-elimination or someone stuffs up really bad…"
3rd Shuttle
Arrived at 8:25 PM
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 5th Place
"Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?" read Peach.
"I do!" said Peach excitedly, "Any objections?"
"Actually…" said Knuckle Joe, "This task sounds exciting and I think that I'll benefit from-"
"Sure you will!" said Peach happily, sedating Knuckle Joe.
"Any objections now?" cackled Peach evilly.
Knuckle Joe, in his submissive state, did not detest.
"Yay!" cheered Peach.
Bowser and Ness
Currently in Last Place: On 5th Shuttle
"But Ness," said Bowser supportively, "If we ever get the chance… we're going to beat that stupid old lady and get her out of the race…"
Peach
On Road Block
"Running is hard…" moaned Peach, slowly lugging along her archery equipment. "Knuckle Joe, mind giving some moral support here?"
Knuckle Joe didn't give any moral support as he was dead, probably from Peach's constant drugging of Knuckle Joe.
"He'll be fine!" said Peach happily.
No Peach, you actually drugged him so much he died.
Bowser and Ness
"This is actually horrendously nerve-wracking…" said Ness anxiously, "Some part of me still believes that we're in this race…"
Peach
1st Attempt
Peach threw the arrow at the archery target.
Bowser and Ness
"We're just healing my wounds right now…" said Bowser, wrapping his ankle in bandages, "I think it's going to be one big sprint from hereon."
Peach
Failed 1st Attempt
"Aww!" moaned Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"Is that it?!" said Bowser, pointing to a marked flag in front of them.
Peach
Failed 2nd Attempt
"Darn it!" said Peach angrily.
Bowser and Ness
Currently in Last Place
"Road Block! Who wants to become an elite athlete?" read Bowser.
"I'll do it!" said Ness.
"Okay…" said Bowser, opening the rest of the clue, "Take three arrows and a bow and run to a near archery range! Hit the bullseye for your next clue! Run son, run!"
Peach
3rd Attempt
"Oh no!" said Peach, seeing Ness running towards her in the distance, "Hurry up, Peach, hurry up!"
Ness
On Road Block
"Oh my gosh… that's Peach!" said Ness, shocked.
Peach
3rd Attempt
Peach aimed her bow. She released it, sending it shuttling into the bullseye.
"Yes!" cheered Peach.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 5th Place
"Yes!" cheered Peach, opening the clue, "Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!"
Peach ran past Ness, "See you! Wouldn't wanna be you! You stupid doodie head!"
Ness
1st Attempt
"Whatever," said Ness angrily, aiming his bow, "I'll beat you, you stupid moron…"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 5th Place
"Come on, Knuckle Joe! Run!" screamed Peach to Knuckle Joe's rotting carcass.
The local police stood next to Knuckle Joe's body, staring at Peach angrily.
"Ooh! Are you here to arrest Knuckle Joe for being a midget?" laughed Peach, stomping on Knuckle Joe's corpse.
In a police van…
"What did I do?!" cried Peach.
Ness
1st Attempt
"Come on, son!" cheered Bowser, catching up to his son, "You're doing well!"
"Peach and Knuckle Joe were just here!" said Ness, shocked.
"Come on, then, son! We can beat them!" cheered Bowser.
Angel Land Police Station
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"According to this autopsy…" said a policeman, looking on a file, "…he was-"
"Did you do the autopsy really quickly because he's short so there's less body area to cover?" joked Peach.
Ness
1st Attempt
Ness released his first arrow, hitting the target but missing the bullseye by half a foot or so.
"Come on, son!" cheered Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"According to this autopsy," said the policeman, "He was poisoned to death by an overdose on a sedative. He then had his body stomped on several times, the sole marks on his face matching your shoes."
…
"Does this mean that I get let go?" said Peach, grinning.
Ness
1st Attempt
Ness released his second arrow, barely hitting the target.
"Come on, son! You're doing good!" cheered Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"We're going to have to take a statement…" said the policeman.
"Oh boy!" said Peach happily, "Is this where I lie about killing Knuckle Joe?"
The policeman stared at Peach.
"Because I killed Knuckle Joe," said Peach.
The policeman stared at Peach.
Ness
1st Attempt
Ness released his last arrow, missing the target.
"You did good, son! Try again! Sprint! Sprint!" said Bowser desperately.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"That's strange…" laughed the policeman, "…it appears that I don't have any pen or paper on me… it seems this place is too blissful for crime… let me just… slip out of the front door and leave it wide open for you for a few minutes, okay?"
"Okay," said Peach.
The policeman walked off.
Ness
On Road Block
"Run, son! Run!" cheered Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Peach sat in an empty police station, the front door wide open.
Ness
On Road Block
"I'm running as fast as I can for my dad…" said Ness, running along.
"Aww…" said the audience sweetly.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Hmm…" said Peach.
Ness
On Road Block
"Got it!" said Ness, taking a second set of arrows.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"If only there were some way for me to escape and go to the pit stop…" said Peach, looking at the open door which was inviting her to escape.
Ness
2nd Attempt
"Come on, son!" cheered Bowser as Ness ran up to the lane with his new arrows, "You can do this!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Peach continued to stare at the open door.
"Hmm…" said Peach.
A light bulb appeared above Peach. "I know!" she said, "I can use my skull to create a hole in the window to escape!"
Peach started doing what she… previously described…
Ness
2nd Attempt
Ness shot his first arrow, several inches away from the bullseye.
"Come on, son, you're getting close!" cheered Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Peach continued to bash her bleeding skull against the window.
Ness
2nd Attempt
Ness shot his second arrow, hitting the bullseye.
"Yes!" cheered Bowser, pumping his fist into the air.
Bowser and Ness
Currently in Last Place
"Make your way on foot to the pit stop, Pit's House!" read Bowser.
"Come on, son… we're still in this…" said Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
Peach gasped.
"The door was open the whole time?!" screamed Peach.
…
"…which can only mean…" said Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"Come on, Dad! Push through!" cried Ness, walking along.
"I'm trying, son!" cried Bowser, pushing through the pain, jogging at the pace of a stroll through the streets of Angel Land.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"…which can only mean…" said Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"You're doing great, dad!" said Ness hysterically, "Come on, Dad, push through it! Push through it!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"I can ESCAPE?!" screamed Peach, getting up and running through the door.
Bowser and Ness
"Where's Pit's House?" said Bowser to a local.
"Oh… go through the archery range and it's about two blocks once you go out that back gate…" said some random guy.
"Oh no, Dad!" screamed Ness, "We're going the wrong way!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Where's Pit's House?!" screamed Peach.
"Right there!" said a local.
"Got it!" cheered Peach, running through the front door.
Bowser and Ness
"This is where we just were, son!" whimpered Bowser.
"It's only two blocks, Dad!" said Ness, "We're still in it! Peach got taken away! We might still have a chance!"
Pit Stop
Peach ran onto the mat.
"Peach and Knuckle J-" said Master Hand, "Where's your partner?" he said angrily.
"Uh… here…" said Peach, pointing to nothing.
"Get your partner!" said Master Hand angrily.
Bowser and Ness
"We've made it, Dad! Two hundred metres to go!" said Ness, pointing to a sign.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Knuckle Joe! Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach hysterically.
"…that's right… I killed him…" said Peach.
"I need to get his corpse!" screamed Peach hysterically.
Bowser and Ness
"Is that Peach?!" said Ness, shocked, pointing to the princess, running through the road in front of them.
"Son, Knuckle Joe's here!" said Bowser.
"Beat Knuckle Joe in a footrace!" screamed Ness.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Knuckle Joe! Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach hysterically, "You can come back now! Joke's over! Ha! Ha!"
Nothing happened.
"IFURWSHIGROGEINREIOGN!" screamed Fox, vomiting on Peach's shoes.
Bowser and Ness
"Run, son!" said Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"I need a replacement Knuckle Joe! Where do I get a replacement Knuckle Joe?!" screamed Peach hysterically.
Peach looked at a nearby shop.
"DeDeDe Kingdom?!" said Peach excitedly, "Angel Land's number one place for Kirby-related merchandise?!"
Bowser and Ness
"I think Peach went onto the pit stop but there's no sign of Knuckle Joe!" said Ness, jogging along, "Let's do this, Dad!"
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"How much for this Knuckle Joe lifesize plush toy?" said Peach to a man at the counter.
"Three bucks," said the man.
"Oh yeah?" said Peach angrily, "For this ridiculous price, I'll only pay you in pennies!"
"One…" said Peach, putting a penny on the counter.
Bowser and Ness
"One hundred metres to go!" cheered Ness.
"I can't hold out much longer…" moaned Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Seventy-eight…" said Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"Dad… come on!" begged Ness, "It's a hundred metres! You know how much the race means to us… as a father and son pair? It means the world!"
"Aww," said the audience.
"You're right, son!" said Bowser, teary-eyed, "I'm going to run as fast as I can to the pit stop! I'm going to give it my all!"
"Yeah!" cheered Ness, motivated.
"I'm going to run the hardest I ever have!" said Bowser happily.
"Yeah!" cheered Ness.
"I'm going to sprint full out!" said Bowser.
"Yeah!" cheered Ness.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Two hundred and fifty-five…" said Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"I'm going to be the world's best dad!" cheered Bowser.
"Yeah!" cheered Ness.
"I'm gonna make everyone proud!" cheered Bowser.
"Yeah!" cheered Ness.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Two hundred and sixty-five…" said Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"I'm gonna be a super turtle!" cheered Bowser.
"Uh… yeah…" said Ness.
"I'm gonna fully be a professional athlete and beat everyone!" cheered Bowser.
"Dad… maybe we should uh… go…" said Ness.
"I'm gonna be-" cheered Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Two hundred and ninety…" said Peach.
Bowser and Ness
"Dad…" said Ness uncertainly, "Maybe we should like… go now…"
"I'm trying to be inspirational!" roared Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Two hundred and ninety-nine…" said Peach.
…
"Three hundred!" cheered Peach.
Peach took the Knuckle Joe soft toy.
Bowser and Ness
"Come on, Dad!" screamed Ness angrily, dragging his father.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"Run! Run!" screamed Peach to the soft toy, running out of the shop and onto the street.
Bowser and Ness
Bowser and Ness saw Peach sprinting towards them from their right. They looked left and saw Pit's house, less than a hundred metres away.
"RUN!" screamed Ness and Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"There's that stupid idiot, Knuckle Joe!" said Peach angrily, gaining on Bowser.
Bowser and Ness
"Come on, Dad!" said Ness anxiously, clearing the short fences of Pit's House.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"I'm coming to get you!" screamed Peach angrily, several metres behind Bowser.
Bowser and Ness
"Come on, Dad! The final stretch!" cried Ness.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
"We're gonna beat you!" said Peach angrily.
Pit Stop
Lots of dramatic camera angles.
Peach and Knuckle Joe, an inch in front of Bowser spotted the mat in their final stretch. Peach, pumping her arms quickly in an attempt to increase speed, gained a foot on the father and son team.
The mat neared the hopelessly desperate two teams of two, Peach and Knuckle Joe still marginally ahead.
Noting the mat was just metres away, Bowser attempted to latch on to Peach in an attempt to stop her.
He failed, and ripped off a segment of her dress.
Peach tripped and tumbled onto the mat, Knuckle Joe flying out of her arms.
Knuckle Joe landed half an inch off the pit stop.
Ness ran onto the mat.
"Knuckle Joe!" screamed Peach desperately.
Bowser ran onto the mat.
"Yes!" cheered Ness.
"Good work, son…" said Bowser, exhausted.
"Bowser and Ness, you are… team number five!" said Master Hand.
"Yeah!" cheered Bowser.
"Peach and Knuckle Joe…" said Master Hand.
Master Hand noticed Peach was holding a Knuckle Joe soft toy.
"…do you think I'm an idiot!" said Master Hand angrily.
"…yeah…" said Peach.
"Peach," said Master Hand angrily, "You cannot check in with a replica of your teammate."
"…um…" said Peach.
"As this is an elimination leg and a check-in with that item would be illegal…" said Master Hand, "For the second time in the history of The Smashy Amazing Race, we have a team at the pit stop which has one member missing."
Peach smiled hopefully at Master Hand.
"Therefore, Peach and Knuckle Joe, you are the last team to arrive…" said Master Hand, "…and you have been eliminated from the race."
"WHAT?!" cried Peach, "How could this possibly be?!"
"You're a moron," said Master Hand.
"I thought we were still in!" cried Peach. "I thought we were still in!"
"You're a moron," said Master Hand.
"This is so horrible… this sucks!" cried Peach.
The End.
Um… and now to cheer you guys up… here's a…
Deleted Scene!
"OH MY GOSH!" screamed a lady at the reception desk, "THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED! THE WIGGLYTUFF SERIAL KILLER HAS ESCAPED!"
Everyone ran out, screaming as the Wigglytuff started to slit everyone's throats.
"Weird…" said Pikachu, opening the clue. "Take a chariot to Paletuna's Palace!"
Pikachu had his throat slit.
"Weird…" said Jigglypuff, picking up the clue.
The Wigglytuff attempted to slit Jigglypuff's throat.
"Take a chariot to Paletuna's…" read Jigglypuff.
The Wigglytuff took out a second knife and kept cutting.
"…haha, more like Pit-etuna's Palace!" joked Jigglypuff.
"Hey, that's pretty funny!" said Wigglytuff, laughing.
"Hey, thanks Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff happily, "Let's go!"
Wigglytuff and Jigglypuff hopped off into the sunset.
Six hours of duty-free shopping later…
"Wait!" screamed Jigglypuff.
"What, hun?" said Wigglytuff.
"I left my wallet!" screamed Jigglypuff, "…at Macy's!"
"Guuuh…" said Pikachu's zombie corpse.
Jigglypuff woke up.
"It was all just a dream!" she said happily.
"Guuuh…" said Pikachu's zombie corpse.
"TIN-GLE!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.
Finish Times:
Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 7:56 PM
Fox and Samus: 7:57 PM
Mewtwo and Falco: 8:19 PM
Snake and Yoshi: 8:20 PM
Bowser and Ness: 9:02 PM
Peach and Knuckle Joe: Did Not Check In – Eliminated
Sorry for the ending of this chapter being… so weird. Review, and tell us: who your favourite team is, who your least favourite team is, who you think will win, who you think will be out next, who you think will win the Democratic Nomination?! All errors in reviews, please!
And thanks for all of your reviews… all of them are appreciated, although I tend not to reply! Everything's taken… into account?!
Bye?!
